YEAR 2000
Hooks & Slices — 2000
Rumour has it that original PGA Tour's co-Commissioner, John Mills, will marry “Myrna The Tooth Mechanic” on August 25th…Another PGA Tour original, John’s brother Dave, may have played his last Tour event. “I’ve joined Marine Drive GC and expect to be playing there regularly,” explains Dave, who will consult with big brother John before making his decision official…Commissioner Phil Langley denied that the 82 he shot in late July at Sandpiper had anything to do with his obvious bias…When Len Slade spotted the item on the website that Bob Dunn’s claim to fame is that he has played all 29 events in the PGA Tour’s history, he challenged for the ironman honour — until it was pointed out to the Director of Ethics (reportedly by Bob Molinski) that Len abandoned the PGA in mid-round (14th hole, actually) at Belmont last year because he had an offer to play in a better tournament.
— Fall 2000
Has anybody seen Noah Croom?…Listed on the team that was favoured to win, Croom was an uncharacteristic no-show at Golden Eagle, leaving the PGA with an unprecedented field of 23, one short, for the championship round…Last-minute Calcutta deals, including one between Dave Rice andPaul Killeen just as Rice’s foursome was teeing off, led to some confusion when time came to pay off later. Both Rice, the legal counsel, and Director of Ethics Len Slade are planning to scrutinize the process in advance of the 2001 Calcutta…While he was second in the annual championship,Neil Murray was first to the prize table after finishing first on the Money Winners’ List for the year and he chose the Golf Card, a $99 prize which had enough points accumulated on it from use by PGA members to be worth about $500 in green fees…Picking second, Dick Bourbonais won a Titleist golf bag, Commissioner Phil Langley took a collection of prizes built around clothing, Doug Quinn a golf bag, Cookie Gilchrist a Yonex 7-wood and after that, who knows (or cares)?…The “surprise” gift — an envelope in a mug — was taken by Len Slade and turned to be four green fees at The Falls in Chilliwack, which he will scout for possible inclusion next year…Almost slipping by unnoticed was the 78 that Dick Burns turned in, his best round of the year — it included 13 pars and a birdie…Nine of the 23 players at Golden Eagle either bettered or matched their top rounds of the season…Apologies were extended to Blair Murdoch, who was insulted that fellow members would think he was the B.M. referred to on the website as being young and vibrant because of new hair colour. The apology included assurance that fellow members already considered Blair to be young and vibrant (?)…Previous winners of the Green Jacket, designed specifically for the PGA Tour, were the real B.M. (Bob Molinski) in 1998 and Rod Matheson in 1999…There was no Green Jacket for the PGA’s inaugural season, and nobody can remember who won it anyway.
— July 2000
Reports from Jim Lanyon: “Did anybody notice the new, young, vibrant PGA player on the first tee at Swan-e-Set who had rid himself of ‘the grey’ matter (?) under his cap? His playing partner picked up on it right away, and noticed that the ‘age change’ did nothing to improve the play of a golfer whose initials are B.M.” Does this call for a handicap adjustment?…Neil Murray was a late scratch Saturday because of a severe bacterial infection, but he plans to be at Golden Eagle this week…Commissioner Phil Langley and his one-time colleague John Mills, who just happen to be on the same team in the Calcutta on Saturday, will play a warm-up round at Redwoods on Thursday, while most of their colleagues will have to settle for driving-range workouts…The Commissioner, incidentally, shot 85 at Swan-e-Set with seven three-putt greens…Missing in action this weekend will be Dave Backie and Jim Pomeroy, with Mike Madison and Tom Carter coming off the alternate list to compete…Having successfully bid $300 to buy a team that does not include him, Paul Killeen offered to sell half of it to Bob Dunn and Cookie Gilchrist for $400…“We haven’t got a chance of being in the money!” scoffed Gilchrist, who at 14 is the team’s low handicapper. “Anybody paying for us is just making a donation to the pool!”…Gilchrist was the architect of the team, which tees off two hours early because he and Dunn are invited guests at the wedding of local broadcasterGreg Douglas.
— June 2000
Calcutta bidders please note: Noah Croom fired a blistering 38 front nine at Seymour. Two double bogeys on the back left Croom with an 83, three sh ots back of playing partner Phil Langley…Giving his former provincial colleagues a lesson from the West, Cookie Gilchrist shot an impressive 83 at the 40th annual Grey Owl Tournament at Clear Lake, Man. and held the lead in the Media Flight when the second round was washed out by heavy rains…Gilchrist didn’t win the Media Flight, but he did win $150 as the champion of the 7th flight.
— June 2000
Hats off to Bill Friesen, an old pal of several PGA members who now lives north of Kamloops. One day after his first golf lesson, ever, Bill stepped in for Darryl Gjernes, who was a late scratch, and carded respectable rounds of 123 and 112…Commissioner Phil Langley announced at Kamloops that he will join the grandfathers’ group in October…Paul Carson was part of Noah Croom’s second-place team in the Honey Pot competition at Rivershore, and he put the $5 profit towards the $173 speeding ticket…Doug Quinn had a sleepless night between rounds, worrying about how many strokes he should give Dick Bourbonais on Sunday, one per nine or two. At the urging of Mike Smith, Quinn gave Bourbonais two-a-side and won the match anyway, 83-78. “I said I wouldn’t gloat for more than five minutes,” said Quinn, noting Bourbonais’ absence from the 19th hole. “But I didn’t say I wouldn’t gloat on the website”…Commissioner Langley found himself in a no-win position for accepting responsibility for the choice of accommodation, The Sandman Inn. Some players said they could have found better accommodation for le$$, while others said the PGA should have spent more. “They’re the chronic moaners and complainers,” said Langley. “They know who they are”…New business at dinner Saturday night included a straw poll to measure interest in making Kelowna the destination for the 2001 road trip.
— June 2000
The rainout at Swan-e-Set is only the second in the PGA’s four-year history…The first was down the road from there, at Golden Eagles, where players were pulled off the course due to the threat of lightning and the event was cancelled…PGA member Dick Burns missed his first event of the year at Furry Creek to travel to Vancouver Island to participate on a weekend golf trip…A surprising decision based on his status on the money list, 4th before the Furry Creek event, and with a good shot at winning the PGA money title his absence could jeopardize his chances of topping the inaugural money list…Burns indicates that this will be the last time he will miss an event this year because the sandbagger knows from here on in the competition will be fierce…His scores of 87 (Morningstar) 81 (Crown Isle) and 82 (Morningstar) warrant consideration to have his handicap adjusted downward. Says reporter Tom Carter: “Rumour has it that his true handicap is 7 or 8…It will be interesting to see how Handicap Chairman Dave Backie reacts.” Burns' biggest fear is that Tour Commissioner Phil Langley may enforce the "Tom Rippon" Rule in his case next year and expel him from the tour…A good showing with prizes on June 3rd at Rivershore (his event for the awards) will no doubt go a long way in the eyes of tour members in regard to retaining his tour status…Tour regular Bob Dunn and spare John Baxter played hot rounds during a short visit to Palm Desert — the thermometer climbed to 118 degrees (48 for the Celsius generation). “It’s the first time our scores have ever been lower than the temperature,” said Dunn.
— May 2000
A PGA foursome played in the John Macdonald Memorial, but there has been no report on the success…Or maybe no success?…Interesting statistics dept.: In the first round at Meadow Gardens, 24 players took 2,221 strokes (average 92.5); in the second round at Redwoods, the players took 2,231 strokes (average 92.9)…The net scores totals were even closer — just one stroke difference (1,848 at Meadow Gardens and 1,849 at Redwoods)…If you didn't hear it, ask Mike Smith to repeat his Tiger Woods joke…Better yet, get him to enter it on a computer so it can be posted here…In anticipation of making his 2000 debut at Redwoods, spare Tom Carter donated a MYSTERY prize for the year-end event (at Golden Eagle, site of Carter’s lone Tour appearance)…“It’s a prize that will be appreciated and coveted by any Tour member,” says Carter. “The contents will remain a secret until it is chosen at the year-end awards dinner”…The prize was delivered at Redwoods by special bonded courier to (and guarded by) Tour Commissioner Phil Langley…Watch for John Mills to make his 2000 debut before the end of May.
— May 2000
Dave Rice poses the question about PGA Tour grandfathers. With the impending arrival of Dick Bourbonais’ first grandchild (daughter Kim) in November, Rice wants to know how many grandpas are on tour. “Doug Quinn for sure,” says Rice. “Bob Dunn? [yes]. Phil Langley…soon? Neil Murray?” Any more?…Is there no gossip to report about fellow Tour players? Since the website was designed, there has been a shortage of the kind of material for which Tour regulars have become famous. No tips on who's doing what ...no innuendo...no barbs...no jokes (but for a few from Paul Carson). Never have Tour players been so silent!…It has been learned (by Dave Backie) that Dave Pearce, while playing with the school golf team on Thursday, April 6, at Northview, shot an 83 from the blue tees. His handicap is currently under review by the tour statistician. Dave has been asked to supply urine and blood samples to the Tour’s biochemist Jim Pomeroy for immediate analysis for banned substances. Test results will be forwarded to Backie prior to the Tour opener on the 15th...The Aloha Report (from John Mills): “In the interests of the tour (..and, well, my personal interests really), I thought I had better submit that during my Hawaii tour I played three times — once in a scramble — and “chopped”, didn't get close to breaking 90. I organized a pre-season romp at Riverway with members Roger McBride, Doug Quinn and Paul Carson, and limped in with a 93, the only solace being a little good advice from Quinn, long after he head emptied my pockets. Quinn fashioned a workmanlike 45-41. Carson is striking the ball well, although unhappy with his 98. Roger must have his mind on D-cups instead of the golf cups. He drove straight and long but struggled on the moss.”…The esteemed commissioner, Phil Langley, took a foursome to Furry Creek last week to start his post-operative season and demonstrated that he is still capable of striking the ball with accuracy and authority…By the time the loonies had all changed hands from Langley to Mike Smith to Cookie Gilchrist to Bob Dunn, the only player with more than he started with was — you guessed it!…The Handicap Committee will take note.
— March-April 2000
Thanks to Shareef Abdur Raheem for doing his best to secure the longevity of PGA Tour member Noah Croom, Stu Jackson’s right-hand man with the Grizzlies...Former television sportscaster Paul Carson has turned down an offer to join ESPN, because potential future colleagues knocked his golf game and because he didn’t want to lose his spot on the Tour…Did you know that when Dick Bourbonnais marched down the aisle during the off-season, it was for the third time?…If your email is not on the list, please forward it immediately. If you don’t have email, get it…Paul Killeen was seen sporting his remodelled swing, a la Moe Norman, at the Takya range. Normally an 18, Paul’s change in swing style is certain to be reflected when new handicaps are released, since the PGA Tour does not tolerate sandbagging, and this has always been one of Paul’s strengths…Joining the list of grandfathers on the Tour is Bob Dunn, who is appealing to the executive for an increase in handicap after being told by his minister (a member at Seymour) that becoming a grandfather means you automatically lose 10 yards off the tee. The appeal is expected to go where all appeals go.
— January-February 2000
Voting On Courses
In the fall of 2000, players ranked courses for selection in 2001. PGA Tour regulars, who with a 96% return on a website survey, ranked the top 10 courses as follows (points tabulated on a 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3 basis):
1. Meadow Gardens — 182 points
2. Swan-e-set — 149 points
3. Squamish — 98 points
4. Sandpiper — 79 points
5. Redwoods — 77 points
6. Golden Eagle — 74 points
7. Shuksan — 73 points
8. North Bellingham — 72 points
9. Furry Creek — 70 points
10. Peace Portal — 62 points
— December 2000
The Mills Brothers Are Back
After a one-year enforced sabbatical, Brother Dave is being reunited with Brother John on the PGA Tour. In the true spirit of family, they are sharing one of the PGA's valued 24 roster spots, a spot which was sporadically occupied by Brother John in 1999.
Says the prodigal brother: "I believe my status on the tour is that of a shared spot with my much older and greyer brother! I trust this has been approved by the executive as I did receive a call from the commissioner advising of my status. Additionally, I am gearing up for the tour with a week in Palm Desert, followed by a four-day, 144-hole marathon at Pinehurst, North Carolina at the end of March."
In approving the reinstatement, and in being made aware of Brother Dave's "spring training", the executive is rumoured to be reviewing his handicap with the possibility that he will become a single-digit by opening day.
Now all they have to do is pay their dues...to avoid being listed next week on the PGA website, along with other delinquent members (all subject to $25 fines if dues aren't paid by March 1st).
Meanwhile, the Mills Brothers have also been pencilled in to sing at the year-end barbecue.
— February 2000
Neil’s On Tour
Long-time spare Neil Murray accepteded a spot as a PGA Tour regular, following the withdrawal of lefty Steve Garland, whose legacy to the Tour will forever be The Garland Rule (see Rules).
“My doctor has told me that finally being accepted as a regular and not having the weekly guilt trips I suffered as an alternate will greatly reduce my stress,” says Neil, “providing that I can play to a fair and honest handicap (BCAGA: 12). I really do enjoy the golf, fun and friendship associated with the PGA Tour.”
— February 2000
PGA Commissioner Aces Surgery
Following successful angioplasty surgery to correct a restricted artery in his heart, PGA Commissioner Phil Langley continues to recover at home, where he is forced to watch the Golf Channel and sundry other golf events. The commissioner has received clearance from his doctor to resume his career as soon as he feels up to it, and already there are rumours that the whole thing was a plot to give the commissioner time off work to prepare for the coming season. Former co-commissioner John Mills has filed an appeal to the handicap committee to take this into consideration when setting Phil’s index.
— March 2000
Everyone’s Paid!
All 24 PGA regulars have now paid the 2000 fees. The last two delinquent players will be assessed the $25 fines on Opening Day — Roger McBride and Dave Mills will be responsible for buying the beer for their golfing colleagues (Dave is representing the Mills Brothers, of course).
The annual fees -- $600 for the 18 Tour regulars who paid on time -- include:
- Green fees for eight rounds (increase of one)
- A $75 contribution to the year-end prize table
- Two "tickets" to the year-end barbecue
- One night (shared) accommodation in Kamloops on June 3
— March 2000
Director of Ethics Hands Down Ruling
After several lengthy discussions with the Director of Legal Affairs and the Tour Statistician, it has been determined that the “Casey Martin” foursome captained by Commissioner Phil Langley did, in fact, turn in an incorrect scorecard and as a result benefited financially by being called to the prize table ahead of the real winners.
The “Casey Martin” foursome (Langley, Darryl Gjernes, Mike Smith and Neil Murray) all selected top-of-the-line prizes that should have been available to the actual winners — the “Dunn Group.” It is the PGA executives’ belief that the scorecard was not intentionally submitted incorrectly. However, the entire group must take the responsibility for allowing a veteran teacher, who has experience teaching accounting, to make a mistake of this magnitude. The recent health problems experienced by the Commissioner were raised but ultimately did not factor into the decision as the problems that he recently experienced were with his body and not his mind.
The decision reached by the Director of Ethics and supported by the Director of Legal Affairs is outlined below:
Each member of the “Casey Martin” foursome will purchase one (1) pitcher of beer for fellow PGA members at the April 29th Tour Event at Redwoods.
Each member of the “Casey Martin” foursome is not permitted to wear the golf shirt they chose but did not win to any PGA event this year.
The four members of the “Casey Martin” foursome shall go to the prize table at the April 29th event from the 21st to the 24th spot no matter what net score or individual accomplishments they might achieve on that day.
Failure to abide by any of the above will result in further sanctions from the membership.
Appeal Process
The Casey Martin foursome can appeal the decision handed down by the Director of Ethics:
• The appeal must be presented to the members of the PGA.
• The appeal must be presented by one member of the Casey Martin foursome.
• The appeal must be made immediately after the last foursome has concluded their round of golf and before any PGA member goes to the prize table.
• The time limit for the appeal presentation is limited to two (2) minutes.
• The Director of Legal Affairs, representing the PGA, will have 60 minutes to respond to the comments made by the member representing the Casey Martin foursome in the appeal.
• The Director of Ethics will then take into consideration all the information presented, consult with any PGA members as he may deem necessary and render his decision forthwith.
Reports submitted to the Tour’s website by Director of Ethics, Len Slade.
— April 2000
Commish Responds
PGA Commissioner Phil Langley responded to the recent allegations that he submitted an incorrect scorecard for the “Casey Martin” group as incredulous:
“To think a man of my character would make a mistake like that is beyond belief.,” he said. “It is an obvious ploy by some wanabee commissioners to discredit me for their own personal gain. These individuals, who are trying to tarnish my ‘teflon’ reputation obviously knew I was going to be in Florida ‘tuning my game’ and would not be able to hold a press conference to refute the allegations. I plan to turn this over to my solicitor.”
Earlier, Tour statistician Dave Backie, adhering to his usual due diligence following a PGA event, did a spot audit on the par points competition. To his amazement and dismay, he discovered that the Casey Martin group, which was captained by the commissioner, submitted an incorrect score. This is especially appalling to the rest of the members who had to listen to the commissioner as he vociferously bragged about his group’s accomplishments.
A re-calculation showed that total par points score for the Casey Martin group (Langley, Darryl Gjernes, Mike Smith and Neil Murray) was, in fact, not 19 but 13. The corrected results showed that the commissioner’s group finished in a tie for third place and was actually 4 points behind the real winner — the Dunn group — which finished with a stellar 17 points.
It seems that the commissioner has forgotten a very important part the PGA motto (Non-Scamus). This matter has been referred to the Alternate PGA Commissioner and Director of Ethics, Len Slade, for a ruling. Mr. Slade has said that he will investigate the matter thoroughly, leave no stone unturned, consult with the Director of Legal Affairs and arrive at a decision prior to the next PGA event.
— April 2000
Masters Pool Results
Paul Killeen won the first annual Masters Pool with winnings totalling over $3 million. Killeen’s share was estimated to be approximately 3/10,000th of his team's total. Dave Backie finished second.
Following are the PGA players entered in the Masters 2000 Pool, and their 10 picks.
PAUL CARSON: Clarke, Duval, Furyk, Lehman, Love, Parnevik, Singh, Sutton, Weir, Woods.
DAVE BACKIE: Azinger, Couples, Els, Franco, O’Meara, Price, Singh, Weir, Westwood, Woods.
PAUL KILLEEN: Couples, Duval, Els, Love, Mickelson, O'Meara, Singh, Sutton, Woods, Westwood.
TOM CARTER: Appleby, Duval, Furyk, Love, Maggert, Montgomerie, Price, Sutton, Woods, Field.
BLAIR MURDOCH: Clarke, Daly, Duval, Garcia, Lehman, Leonard, Love III, Mickelson, Weir, Field.
DICK BURNS: Duval, Els, Lehman, Love, Mickelson, Montgomerie, Parnevik, Sutton, Woods, Field.
PHIL LANGLEY: Clarke, Duval, Furyk, Lehman, Love, Mickelson, Montgomerie, Parnevik, Sutton, Woods.
MIKE SMITH: Duval, Els, Lehman, Montgomerie, Mickelson, Parnevik, Price, Sutton, Westwood, Woods.
BOB DUNN: Clarke, Duval, Franco, Lehman, Love, Mickelson, Montgomerie, Sutton, Woods, Field.
DICK BOURBONAIS: Duval, Els, Lehman, Love, Mickelson, Montgomerie, Price, Sutton, Westwood, Woods.
DAVE RICE: Clarke, Couples, Duval, Els, Garcia, Lehman, Leonard, Love, Sutton, Woods.
BOB MOLINSKI: Clarke, Duval, Els, Furyk, Lehman, Mickelson, Olazabal, Parnevik, Singh, Woods.
JIM LANYON: Couples, Duval, Els, Estes, Franco, Furyk, Leonard, Mickelson, Montgomerie, Woods.
COOKIE GILCHRIST: Janzen, Lehman, Maruyama, Montgomerie, Parnevik, Singh, Sutton, Toms, Woods, Field.
LEN SLADE: Clarke, Couples, Duval, Furyk, Mickelson, Montgomerie, Olazabal, Singh, Sutton, Woods.
First prize is $90. Second prize is $37.50. Third prize is $22.50.
Standings determined by the total money winnings of each player’s 10 picks in the Masters 2000 Pool. In the event of ties, prize monies split among players tied.
— April 2000
Rice Thrilled By Mistake
Finding a mistake on the PGA website, legal counsel Dave Rice had this to say: “Delighted to see that Bourbonais' share of the prize money to date is $206,000 because this means that my share is in excess of $100,000. The anonymous donor donated only $8,000 for the year. To suggest that $8 million dollars is available is to make a mockery of the donation and will cause Tour members to think that the prize money is fictitious. I trust a correction will be posted promptly or the Tour risks being in violation of the terms of the donation and the money may be forfeited.”
Responded webmaster Bob Dunn: “I just wanted to make sure Rice was reading the website.”
The money winners list was correct in the “Scores” section of the site. The following item has been amended...
— May 2000
To All PGA Members
A somewhat critical e-mail written by Dave Backie, PGA Director of Statistics, is on the website.
As Commissioner, I would like to make Mr. Backie aware that serious PGA decisions are never taken on a whim. After arising at 7:00 a.m. and consulting with Mr. Slade (Tour Director of Ethics) and Mr. Killeen (Tour Meteorologist) it was concluded that the forecast was very discouraging.
At 9:00 a.m., Mr. Paul Niejar, Tournament Coordinator at Swan-e-Set, informed me that course conditions were, and I quote, “UGLY.” He also noted that the Central Fraser Valley weather forecast called for steady rain.
After a 9:30 a.m. Telus conference call with the three aforementioned directors, a gut-wrenching decision to postpone was made. To have the audacity to write that this decision was made from a “kitchen” in North Vancouver undermines the integrity of the Commissioner's Office.
In addition, Mr. Backie writes that he and his playing partners “dodged lightning for three holes,” which is clearly a violation of PGA safety rules. After discussing the temerity of Mr. Backie’s “second-guessing” e-mail, and his blatant disregard for the safety of a fellow PGA member (even though it was only Paul Carson), Mr. Slade (Director of Ethics) and Mr. Rice (Legal Counsel) have supported my decision to sanction Mr. Backie one pitcher of beer for wilfully bringing the Commissioner's Office into disrepute.
Your faithful servant, Phil Langley, PGA Commissioner.”
— May 2000
Fallout From A Rainout
Dave Backie, Paul Carson and sub Joe Tibble teed it up at Swan-e-Set at about 11:40 a.m. on Saturday.
“We dodged lightning and rain for three holes and then the sun came out (at about 12:15.),” says Backie. “From then on it was off with the rain gear and sweaters and a glorious afternoon on a deserted course. Sure there was some casual water and conditions were a bot soggy on the front side but the back nine was great.”
Backie shot 86, Carson 91 and Tibble 83.
“At the risk of sounding critical, I wonder how the PGA braintrusts managed to accurately assess conditions of a golf course in Pitt Meadows from their kitchens in North Vancouver,” quips Backie. “I for one am in favour of making this lost tournament up with another date. How about the rest of the guys?”
Replied PGA Commissioner Phil Langley: “We assessed the conditions by talking to the pro at Swan-e-Set.” PGA Tour officials cancelled the event, due to soggy course conditions and a bad weather forecast.
— May 2000
Gilchrist Makes A Move But…
After co-starring at Furry Creek’s event, Cookie Gilchrist has moved into second place on the Money Winners list, with $240, just $15 behind front-runner Dick Bourbonais.
Check “Scores” link for the complete list and the “Rules” link for complete details on the money leaders. the money winning list will be updated before the Squamish event.
— May 2000
Calcutta on Saturday
All PGA Tour players should be prepared for the annual Calcutta for the year’s final competition. The Calcutta will be held immediately following Saturday’s round at Swan-e-Set.
PGA executives worked diligently for two days in order to come up with the most competitive ever final tournament, on Canada Day. “We spared no expense nor left any rocks unturned,” says Dave Backie. “All pertinent data was compiled and preliminary groupings were made.”
These were distributed as follows:
Dow Conglomerate — to assess team chemistry and compatability
Price Waterhouse — to verify statistics and final handicaps
Scotia MacLeod — to determine base value per player
U Foo Dik Suk (noted Oriental restaurant) — to read a symbolic Fortune Cookie for each PGA player for Saturday, July 1st.
Consultation with all the above groups has led to the following six teams being offered for sale at Swan-e-Set on Saturday, June 24th.
Team One — Dunn (18); McBride (17); Rice (17); Gilchrist (14); Total: 66.
Team Two — Pearce (19); Murdoch (19); P. Langley (14); J. Mills (10); Total: 62.
Team Three — Killeen (19); Porter (18); Molinski (13); Burns (11); Total: 62.
Team Four — Carson (19); Slade (15); Bourbonais (13); Smith (10); Total: 57.
Team Five — Gjernes (19); Matheson (15); Pomeroy (12); Murray (11); Total: 57.
Team Six — Lanyon (19); Croom (16); T. Langley (13); Quinn (9); Total: 57.
Tour regulars who aren’t playing at Swan-e-Set — there are at least five — would be wise to contact the captain of “their” team to let the others know how high to go in the bidding.
“As you can clearly see,” says Backie, who won’t be playing in the July 1st event, “this is a complete crap shoot as to who the favourites are. Tournament format and rules will be covered at the auction on Saturday. Two words of caution: (1) remember the early teams on the block are usually sold at bargain prices. Don't go to sleep on these teams. (2) Molinski is an auctioneer with no scruples! Not only will he try to get his own team for a song, he will nail you for a bid if you so much as scratch your ass at the wrong time. Good luck to all teams.”
— June 2000
Prize Responsibilities
Following are the six prize teams for 2000, with the first player named in each group designated as that group’s prize co-ordinator, followed by the date each group is responsible for the prize table:
April 15 -- Croom, Matheson, Pearce, PomeroyApril 29 -- Carson, Gjernes, Langley, Molinski
May 13 -- Murdoch, Killeen, Porter, SladeJune 3 -- Bourbonais, Backie, Mills, Rice
June 17 -- Murray, Burns, McBride, Smith
June 24 -- Lanyon, Gilchrist, Dunn, Quinn
Note: These teams are for weekly prize distribution only.
Each group is responsible for providing what prizes it can scrounge for that week’s event. Expectations, as usual, are high. As usual there will be no prize table for the final event, which is followed by the year-end barbecue at the home of Director of Competition and Legal Affairs, Dave Rice.
— June 2000
Record Price Paid in Calcutta
It was late Saturday afternoon that a PGA Tour team was sold for $500 for the first time in the organization’s illustrious history. The record lasted 3 minutes and 19 seconds. By the time the dot-com bidding tactics had ended, there was $2,626 in the pot for Saturday’s season finale. Needless to say, this is also a record…by something like $800.
The competition (check “Schedule” for complete details, sometime this week) for the prize money will be a two-man best-ball (net) for each team. Top prize is $1313, or 50% of the pool, with 30% ($787.80) going to the 2nd-place team and 20% ($525.20) going to the 3rd-place team.
There have been rumours that stake in one team (the also-rans) has already been re-sold, but nothing has been confirmed with the Commissioner’s office. According to PGA Tour bylaws, all sales or trades must be reported to the Commissioner by 12 hours before the competition begins. So the trading deadline is 7:30 p.m. Friday, June 30th, 2000. If deals are not reported, the original owner (and his Associates) will be responsible for the sale price.
Here’s a list of the teams, how much they sold for, and who owns them (to date) — starting with the favourite, as determined by the democratic bidding process:
Number One
Owner: Doug Quinn & Associates
Cost: $625
Players (with handicaps): Lanyon (19); Croom (16); T. Langley (13); Quinn (9); Total: 57.
Number Two
Owner: Daryl Gjernes & Associates
Cost: $500
Players (with handicaps): Gjernes (19); Matheson (15); Carter (9); Murray (11); Total: 54.
Number Three
Owner: Len Slade & Associates
Cost: $401
Players (with handicaps): Carson (19); Slade (15); Bourbonais (13); Smith (10); Total: 57.
Number Four
Owner: Blair Murdoch & Associates
Cost: $400
Players (with handicaps): Killeen (19); Porter (18); Molinski (13); Burns (11); Total: 62.
Number Five
Owner: Blair Murdoch & Associates
Cost: $400
Players (with handicaps): Pearce (19); Murdoch (19); P. Langley (14); J. Mills (10); Total: 62.
Number Six
Owner: Paul Killeen & Associates
Cost: $300
Players (with handicaps): Dunn (18); McBride (17); Rice (17); Gilchrist (14); Total: 66.
All money must be paid to Director of Ethics Len Slade, who will collect, divide and distribute at barbecue.
— June 2000
Rules Of Golf To Be Strictly Enforced
Players are reminded that, with such a rich and prestigious competition…flogem non scamus non shankus. In other words, all the rules of play are to be strictly enforced. Failure to do so will disqualify the individual from the competition.
For this competition only, there is one rule change — no gimmes.
Otherwise, the regular PGA rules are in force. Especially these four, as raised by the Commissioner:
• When a ball enters a hazard (red stakes), you drop two club lengths of where it crossed into the hazard, NOT two club lengths parallel to where it rests in the hazard (Doug Quinn, please note) — penalty one stroke
• If you think your ball is lost, hit a provisional (penalty: stroke and distance); if you think your provisional is lost, hit another provisional
• Play the ball as it lies…no improvements
• No grounding clubs in traps (two-stroke penalty)
— June 2000
Money Winnings Will Determine Prize Table
While the famed Green Jacket that Rod Matheson won last year will go to the player with the lowest net for seven rounds, the list of “money winners” will be used to determine the order in which prizes are claimed from the prize table.
The List For Saturday
Following is what each PGA Tour player (listed alphabetically) attending the wind-up party at Dave Rice’s home on July 1st is expected to bring — courtesy of the master chef, Dick Bourbonais:
Bourbonais, Dick — Steaks and chicken, napkins
Burns, Dick — Dessert for 12
Carson, Paul — Sour cream, green onions, bacon bits, 1 lb. butter for baked potatoes
Carter, Tom — Appetizer for 12
Croom, Noah — Mixed green salad for 12 with dressing
Dunn, Bob — Mixed green salad for 12 with dressing
Gilchrist, Kent — Potatao salad for 12
Gjernes, Darrell — 5 dozen rolls and pound of butter
Killeen, Paul — Veggie dish for 12
Langley, Phil — Pasta salad for 12
Lanyon, Jim — Appetizer for 12
Madison, Mike — Soft drinks plus beer and wine cups
Matheson, Rod — Crab and pasta salad for 12
McBride, Roger — 1 lb. regular & decaf coffee/tea/cream
Mills, Dave — Dessert for 12
Mills, John — Steak sauce, HP sauce, garlic salt
Molinski, Bob — Beer and wine
Murray, Neil — Mixed green salad for 12 with dressing
Murdoch, Blair — Prize table
Pearce, Dave — Mixed green salad for 12 with dressing
Pomeroy, Jim — Potatao salad for 12
Porter, Vern — Pasta salad for 12
Quinn, Doug — Dessert for 12
Rice, Dave — Host/supply ice, garbage cans, cooler
Slade, Len — 20 baked potatoes
Smith, Mike — Appetizer for 12
— June 2000
*Amateur Status At Risk
Rumours are that members of the PGA Tour who wagered/collected Calcutta monies are in violation of amateur golf ethics and will lose their amateur standing, according to well-placed sources at the Royal Canadian Golf Association, which opposes calcuttas on amateur golf events. “The RCGA does not object to informal wagering among individual golfers or teams of golfers which is incidental to the game,” according to the latest issue of Golf Canada magazine. “The RCGA is opposed to the running of auction sweepstakes or calcuttas. If you participate in such events, you may forfeit your status as an amateur golfer.”
So betting's okay, as long as it's not too much money?
“No problem,” says Paul Killeen, who collected AND paid on the Calcutta. “We’ll all turn professional.”
“It doesn’t apply to us,” says PGA Director of Ethics Len Slade. “We’re pretenders.”
RCGA spies suggested PGA Tour players check out the rules on amateur status at www.rcga.org, or call the nearest golf pyschologist for comfort.
Rumour has it that original PGA Tour's co-Commissioner, John Mills, will marry “Myrna The Tooth Mechanic” on August 25th…Another PGA Tour original, John’s brother Dave, may have played his last Tour event. “I’ve joined Marine Drive GC and expect to be playing there regularly,” explains Dave, who will consult with big brother John before making his decision official…Commissioner Phil Langley denied that the 82 he shot in late July at Sandpiper had anything to do with his obvious bias…When Len Slade spotted the item on the website that Bob Dunn’s claim to fame is that he has played all 29 events in the PGA Tour’s history, he challenged for the ironman honour — until it was pointed out to the Director of Ethics (reportedly by Bob Molinski) that Len abandoned the PGA in mid-round (14th hole, actually) at Belmont last year because he had an offer to play in a better tournament.
— Fall 2000
Has anybody seen Noah Croom?…Listed on the team that was favoured to win, Croom was an uncharacteristic no-show at Golden Eagle, leaving the PGA with an unprecedented field of 23, one short, for the championship round…Last-minute Calcutta deals, including one between Dave Rice andPaul Killeen just as Rice’s foursome was teeing off, led to some confusion when time came to pay off later. Both Rice, the legal counsel, and Director of Ethics Len Slade are planning to scrutinize the process in advance of the 2001 Calcutta…While he was second in the annual championship,Neil Murray was first to the prize table after finishing first on the Money Winners’ List for the year and he chose the Golf Card, a $99 prize which had enough points accumulated on it from use by PGA members to be worth about $500 in green fees…Picking second, Dick Bourbonais won a Titleist golf bag, Commissioner Phil Langley took a collection of prizes built around clothing, Doug Quinn a golf bag, Cookie Gilchrist a Yonex 7-wood and after that, who knows (or cares)?…The “surprise” gift — an envelope in a mug — was taken by Len Slade and turned to be four green fees at The Falls in Chilliwack, which he will scout for possible inclusion next year…Almost slipping by unnoticed was the 78 that Dick Burns turned in, his best round of the year — it included 13 pars and a birdie…Nine of the 23 players at Golden Eagle either bettered or matched their top rounds of the season…Apologies were extended to Blair Murdoch, who was insulted that fellow members would think he was the B.M. referred to on the website as being young and vibrant because of new hair colour. The apology included assurance that fellow members already considered Blair to be young and vibrant (?)…Previous winners of the Green Jacket, designed specifically for the PGA Tour, were the real B.M. (Bob Molinski) in 1998 and Rod Matheson in 1999…There was no Green Jacket for the PGA’s inaugural season, and nobody can remember who won it anyway.
— July 2000
Reports from Jim Lanyon: “Did anybody notice the new, young, vibrant PGA player on the first tee at Swan-e-Set who had rid himself of ‘the grey’ matter (?) under his cap? His playing partner picked up on it right away, and noticed that the ‘age change’ did nothing to improve the play of a golfer whose initials are B.M.” Does this call for a handicap adjustment?…Neil Murray was a late scratch Saturday because of a severe bacterial infection, but he plans to be at Golden Eagle this week…Commissioner Phil Langley and his one-time colleague John Mills, who just happen to be on the same team in the Calcutta on Saturday, will play a warm-up round at Redwoods on Thursday, while most of their colleagues will have to settle for driving-range workouts…The Commissioner, incidentally, shot 85 at Swan-e-Set with seven three-putt greens…Missing in action this weekend will be Dave Backie and Jim Pomeroy, with Mike Madison and Tom Carter coming off the alternate list to compete…Having successfully bid $300 to buy a team that does not include him, Paul Killeen offered to sell half of it to Bob Dunn and Cookie Gilchrist for $400…“We haven’t got a chance of being in the money!” scoffed Gilchrist, who at 14 is the team’s low handicapper. “Anybody paying for us is just making a donation to the pool!”…Gilchrist was the architect of the team, which tees off two hours early because he and Dunn are invited guests at the wedding of local broadcasterGreg Douglas.
— June 2000
Calcutta bidders please note: Noah Croom fired a blistering 38 front nine at Seymour. Two double bogeys on the back left Croom with an 83, three sh ots back of playing partner Phil Langley…Giving his former provincial colleagues a lesson from the West, Cookie Gilchrist shot an impressive 83 at the 40th annual Grey Owl Tournament at Clear Lake, Man. and held the lead in the Media Flight when the second round was washed out by heavy rains…Gilchrist didn’t win the Media Flight, but he did win $150 as the champion of the 7th flight.
— June 2000
Hats off to Bill Friesen, an old pal of several PGA members who now lives north of Kamloops. One day after his first golf lesson, ever, Bill stepped in for Darryl Gjernes, who was a late scratch, and carded respectable rounds of 123 and 112…Commissioner Phil Langley announced at Kamloops that he will join the grandfathers’ group in October…Paul Carson was part of Noah Croom’s second-place team in the Honey Pot competition at Rivershore, and he put the $5 profit towards the $173 speeding ticket…Doug Quinn had a sleepless night between rounds, worrying about how many strokes he should give Dick Bourbonais on Sunday, one per nine or two. At the urging of Mike Smith, Quinn gave Bourbonais two-a-side and won the match anyway, 83-78. “I said I wouldn’t gloat for more than five minutes,” said Quinn, noting Bourbonais’ absence from the 19th hole. “But I didn’t say I wouldn’t gloat on the website”…Commissioner Langley found himself in a no-win position for accepting responsibility for the choice of accommodation, The Sandman Inn. Some players said they could have found better accommodation for le$$, while others said the PGA should have spent more. “They’re the chronic moaners and complainers,” said Langley. “They know who they are”…New business at dinner Saturday night included a straw poll to measure interest in making Kelowna the destination for the 2001 road trip.
— June 2000
The rainout at Swan-e-Set is only the second in the PGA’s four-year history…The first was down the road from there, at Golden Eagles, where players were pulled off the course due to the threat of lightning and the event was cancelled…PGA member Dick Burns missed his first event of the year at Furry Creek to travel to Vancouver Island to participate on a weekend golf trip…A surprising decision based on his status on the money list, 4th before the Furry Creek event, and with a good shot at winning the PGA money title his absence could jeopardize his chances of topping the inaugural money list…Burns indicates that this will be the last time he will miss an event this year because the sandbagger knows from here on in the competition will be fierce…His scores of 87 (Morningstar) 81 (Crown Isle) and 82 (Morningstar) warrant consideration to have his handicap adjusted downward. Says reporter Tom Carter: “Rumour has it that his true handicap is 7 or 8…It will be interesting to see how Handicap Chairman Dave Backie reacts.” Burns' biggest fear is that Tour Commissioner Phil Langley may enforce the "Tom Rippon" Rule in his case next year and expel him from the tour…A good showing with prizes on June 3rd at Rivershore (his event for the awards) will no doubt go a long way in the eyes of tour members in regard to retaining his tour status…Tour regular Bob Dunn and spare John Baxter played hot rounds during a short visit to Palm Desert — the thermometer climbed to 118 degrees (48 for the Celsius generation). “It’s the first time our scores have ever been lower than the temperature,” said Dunn.
— May 2000
A PGA foursome played in the John Macdonald Memorial, but there has been no report on the success…Or maybe no success?…Interesting statistics dept.: In the first round at Meadow Gardens, 24 players took 2,221 strokes (average 92.5); in the second round at Redwoods, the players took 2,231 strokes (average 92.9)…The net scores totals were even closer — just one stroke difference (1,848 at Meadow Gardens and 1,849 at Redwoods)…If you didn't hear it, ask Mike Smith to repeat his Tiger Woods joke…Better yet, get him to enter it on a computer so it can be posted here…In anticipation of making his 2000 debut at Redwoods, spare Tom Carter donated a MYSTERY prize for the year-end event (at Golden Eagle, site of Carter’s lone Tour appearance)…“It’s a prize that will be appreciated and coveted by any Tour member,” says Carter. “The contents will remain a secret until it is chosen at the year-end awards dinner”…The prize was delivered at Redwoods by special bonded courier to (and guarded by) Tour Commissioner Phil Langley…Watch for John Mills to make his 2000 debut before the end of May.
— May 2000
Dave Rice poses the question about PGA Tour grandfathers. With the impending arrival of Dick Bourbonais’ first grandchild (daughter Kim) in November, Rice wants to know how many grandpas are on tour. “Doug Quinn for sure,” says Rice. “Bob Dunn? [yes]. Phil Langley…soon? Neil Murray?” Any more?…Is there no gossip to report about fellow Tour players? Since the website was designed, there has been a shortage of the kind of material for which Tour regulars have become famous. No tips on who's doing what ...no innuendo...no barbs...no jokes (but for a few from Paul Carson). Never have Tour players been so silent!…It has been learned (by Dave Backie) that Dave Pearce, while playing with the school golf team on Thursday, April 6, at Northview, shot an 83 from the blue tees. His handicap is currently under review by the tour statistician. Dave has been asked to supply urine and blood samples to the Tour’s biochemist Jim Pomeroy for immediate analysis for banned substances. Test results will be forwarded to Backie prior to the Tour opener on the 15th...The Aloha Report (from John Mills): “In the interests of the tour (..and, well, my personal interests really), I thought I had better submit that during my Hawaii tour I played three times — once in a scramble — and “chopped”, didn't get close to breaking 90. I organized a pre-season romp at Riverway with members Roger McBride, Doug Quinn and Paul Carson, and limped in with a 93, the only solace being a little good advice from Quinn, long after he head emptied my pockets. Quinn fashioned a workmanlike 45-41. Carson is striking the ball well, although unhappy with his 98. Roger must have his mind on D-cups instead of the golf cups. He drove straight and long but struggled on the moss.”…The esteemed commissioner, Phil Langley, took a foursome to Furry Creek last week to start his post-operative season and demonstrated that he is still capable of striking the ball with accuracy and authority…By the time the loonies had all changed hands from Langley to Mike Smith to Cookie Gilchrist to Bob Dunn, the only player with more than he started with was — you guessed it!…The Handicap Committee will take note.
— March-April 2000
Thanks to Shareef Abdur Raheem for doing his best to secure the longevity of PGA Tour member Noah Croom, Stu Jackson’s right-hand man with the Grizzlies...Former television sportscaster Paul Carson has turned down an offer to join ESPN, because potential future colleagues knocked his golf game and because he didn’t want to lose his spot on the Tour…Did you know that when Dick Bourbonnais marched down the aisle during the off-season, it was for the third time?…If your email is not on the list, please forward it immediately. If you don’t have email, get it…Paul Killeen was seen sporting his remodelled swing, a la Moe Norman, at the Takya range. Normally an 18, Paul’s change in swing style is certain to be reflected when new handicaps are released, since the PGA Tour does not tolerate sandbagging, and this has always been one of Paul’s strengths…Joining the list of grandfathers on the Tour is Bob Dunn, who is appealing to the executive for an increase in handicap after being told by his minister (a member at Seymour) that becoming a grandfather means you automatically lose 10 yards off the tee. The appeal is expected to go where all appeals go.
— January-February 2000
Voting On Courses
In the fall of 2000, players ranked courses for selection in 2001. PGA Tour regulars, who with a 96% return on a website survey, ranked the top 10 courses as follows (points tabulated on a 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3 basis):
1. Meadow Gardens — 182 points
2. Swan-e-set — 149 points
3. Squamish — 98 points
4. Sandpiper — 79 points
5. Redwoods — 77 points
6. Golden Eagle — 74 points
7. Shuksan — 73 points
8. North Bellingham — 72 points
9. Furry Creek — 70 points
10. Peace Portal — 62 points
— December 2000
The Mills Brothers Are Back
After a one-year enforced sabbatical, Brother Dave is being reunited with Brother John on the PGA Tour. In the true spirit of family, they are sharing one of the PGA's valued 24 roster spots, a spot which was sporadically occupied by Brother John in 1999.
Says the prodigal brother: "I believe my status on the tour is that of a shared spot with my much older and greyer brother! I trust this has been approved by the executive as I did receive a call from the commissioner advising of my status. Additionally, I am gearing up for the tour with a week in Palm Desert, followed by a four-day, 144-hole marathon at Pinehurst, North Carolina at the end of March."
In approving the reinstatement, and in being made aware of Brother Dave's "spring training", the executive is rumoured to be reviewing his handicap with the possibility that he will become a single-digit by opening day.
Now all they have to do is pay their dues...to avoid being listed next week on the PGA website, along with other delinquent members (all subject to $25 fines if dues aren't paid by March 1st).
Meanwhile, the Mills Brothers have also been pencilled in to sing at the year-end barbecue.
— February 2000
Neil’s On Tour
Long-time spare Neil Murray accepteded a spot as a PGA Tour regular, following the withdrawal of lefty Steve Garland, whose legacy to the Tour will forever be The Garland Rule (see Rules).
“My doctor has told me that finally being accepted as a regular and not having the weekly guilt trips I suffered as an alternate will greatly reduce my stress,” says Neil, “providing that I can play to a fair and honest handicap (BCAGA: 12). I really do enjoy the golf, fun and friendship associated with the PGA Tour.”
— February 2000
PGA Commissioner Aces Surgery
Following successful angioplasty surgery to correct a restricted artery in his heart, PGA Commissioner Phil Langley continues to recover at home, where he is forced to watch the Golf Channel and sundry other golf events. The commissioner has received clearance from his doctor to resume his career as soon as he feels up to it, and already there are rumours that the whole thing was a plot to give the commissioner time off work to prepare for the coming season. Former co-commissioner John Mills has filed an appeal to the handicap committee to take this into consideration when setting Phil’s index.
— March 2000
Everyone’s Paid!
All 24 PGA regulars have now paid the 2000 fees. The last two delinquent players will be assessed the $25 fines on Opening Day — Roger McBride and Dave Mills will be responsible for buying the beer for their golfing colleagues (Dave is representing the Mills Brothers, of course).
The annual fees -- $600 for the 18 Tour regulars who paid on time -- include:
- Green fees for eight rounds (increase of one)
- A $75 contribution to the year-end prize table
- Two "tickets" to the year-end barbecue
- One night (shared) accommodation in Kamloops on June 3
— March 2000
Director of Ethics Hands Down Ruling
After several lengthy discussions with the Director of Legal Affairs and the Tour Statistician, it has been determined that the “Casey Martin” foursome captained by Commissioner Phil Langley did, in fact, turn in an incorrect scorecard and as a result benefited financially by being called to the prize table ahead of the real winners.
The “Casey Martin” foursome (Langley, Darryl Gjernes, Mike Smith and Neil Murray) all selected top-of-the-line prizes that should have been available to the actual winners — the “Dunn Group.” It is the PGA executives’ belief that the scorecard was not intentionally submitted incorrectly. However, the entire group must take the responsibility for allowing a veteran teacher, who has experience teaching accounting, to make a mistake of this magnitude. The recent health problems experienced by the Commissioner were raised but ultimately did not factor into the decision as the problems that he recently experienced were with his body and not his mind.
The decision reached by the Director of Ethics and supported by the Director of Legal Affairs is outlined below:
Each member of the “Casey Martin” foursome will purchase one (1) pitcher of beer for fellow PGA members at the April 29th Tour Event at Redwoods.
Each member of the “Casey Martin” foursome is not permitted to wear the golf shirt they chose but did not win to any PGA event this year.
The four members of the “Casey Martin” foursome shall go to the prize table at the April 29th event from the 21st to the 24th spot no matter what net score or individual accomplishments they might achieve on that day.
Failure to abide by any of the above will result in further sanctions from the membership.
Appeal Process
The Casey Martin foursome can appeal the decision handed down by the Director of Ethics:
• The appeal must be presented to the members of the PGA.
• The appeal must be presented by one member of the Casey Martin foursome.
• The appeal must be made immediately after the last foursome has concluded their round of golf and before any PGA member goes to the prize table.
• The time limit for the appeal presentation is limited to two (2) minutes.
• The Director of Legal Affairs, representing the PGA, will have 60 minutes to respond to the comments made by the member representing the Casey Martin foursome in the appeal.
• The Director of Ethics will then take into consideration all the information presented, consult with any PGA members as he may deem necessary and render his decision forthwith.
Reports submitted to the Tour’s website by Director of Ethics, Len Slade.
— April 2000
Commish Responds
PGA Commissioner Phil Langley responded to the recent allegations that he submitted an incorrect scorecard for the “Casey Martin” group as incredulous:
“To think a man of my character would make a mistake like that is beyond belief.,” he said. “It is an obvious ploy by some wanabee commissioners to discredit me for their own personal gain. These individuals, who are trying to tarnish my ‘teflon’ reputation obviously knew I was going to be in Florida ‘tuning my game’ and would not be able to hold a press conference to refute the allegations. I plan to turn this over to my solicitor.”
Earlier, Tour statistician Dave Backie, adhering to his usual due diligence following a PGA event, did a spot audit on the par points competition. To his amazement and dismay, he discovered that the Casey Martin group, which was captained by the commissioner, submitted an incorrect score. This is especially appalling to the rest of the members who had to listen to the commissioner as he vociferously bragged about his group’s accomplishments.
A re-calculation showed that total par points score for the Casey Martin group (Langley, Darryl Gjernes, Mike Smith and Neil Murray) was, in fact, not 19 but 13. The corrected results showed that the commissioner’s group finished in a tie for third place and was actually 4 points behind the real winner — the Dunn group — which finished with a stellar 17 points.
It seems that the commissioner has forgotten a very important part the PGA motto (Non-Scamus). This matter has been referred to the Alternate PGA Commissioner and Director of Ethics, Len Slade, for a ruling. Mr. Slade has said that he will investigate the matter thoroughly, leave no stone unturned, consult with the Director of Legal Affairs and arrive at a decision prior to the next PGA event.
— April 2000
Masters Pool Results
Paul Killeen won the first annual Masters Pool with winnings totalling over $3 million. Killeen’s share was estimated to be approximately 3/10,000th of his team's total. Dave Backie finished second.
Following are the PGA players entered in the Masters 2000 Pool, and their 10 picks.
PAUL CARSON: Clarke, Duval, Furyk, Lehman, Love, Parnevik, Singh, Sutton, Weir, Woods.
DAVE BACKIE: Azinger, Couples, Els, Franco, O’Meara, Price, Singh, Weir, Westwood, Woods.
PAUL KILLEEN: Couples, Duval, Els, Love, Mickelson, O'Meara, Singh, Sutton, Woods, Westwood.
TOM CARTER: Appleby, Duval, Furyk, Love, Maggert, Montgomerie, Price, Sutton, Woods, Field.
BLAIR MURDOCH: Clarke, Daly, Duval, Garcia, Lehman, Leonard, Love III, Mickelson, Weir, Field.
DICK BURNS: Duval, Els, Lehman, Love, Mickelson, Montgomerie, Parnevik, Sutton, Woods, Field.
PHIL LANGLEY: Clarke, Duval, Furyk, Lehman, Love, Mickelson, Montgomerie, Parnevik, Sutton, Woods.
MIKE SMITH: Duval, Els, Lehman, Montgomerie, Mickelson, Parnevik, Price, Sutton, Westwood, Woods.
BOB DUNN: Clarke, Duval, Franco, Lehman, Love, Mickelson, Montgomerie, Sutton, Woods, Field.
DICK BOURBONAIS: Duval, Els, Lehman, Love, Mickelson, Montgomerie, Price, Sutton, Westwood, Woods.
DAVE RICE: Clarke, Couples, Duval, Els, Garcia, Lehman, Leonard, Love, Sutton, Woods.
BOB MOLINSKI: Clarke, Duval, Els, Furyk, Lehman, Mickelson, Olazabal, Parnevik, Singh, Woods.
JIM LANYON: Couples, Duval, Els, Estes, Franco, Furyk, Leonard, Mickelson, Montgomerie, Woods.
COOKIE GILCHRIST: Janzen, Lehman, Maruyama, Montgomerie, Parnevik, Singh, Sutton, Toms, Woods, Field.
LEN SLADE: Clarke, Couples, Duval, Furyk, Mickelson, Montgomerie, Olazabal, Singh, Sutton, Woods.
First prize is $90. Second prize is $37.50. Third prize is $22.50.
Standings determined by the total money winnings of each player’s 10 picks in the Masters 2000 Pool. In the event of ties, prize monies split among players tied.
— April 2000
Rice Thrilled By Mistake
Finding a mistake on the PGA website, legal counsel Dave Rice had this to say: “Delighted to see that Bourbonais' share of the prize money to date is $206,000 because this means that my share is in excess of $100,000. The anonymous donor donated only $8,000 for the year. To suggest that $8 million dollars is available is to make a mockery of the donation and will cause Tour members to think that the prize money is fictitious. I trust a correction will be posted promptly or the Tour risks being in violation of the terms of the donation and the money may be forfeited.”
Responded webmaster Bob Dunn: “I just wanted to make sure Rice was reading the website.”
The money winners list was correct in the “Scores” section of the site. The following item has been amended...
— May 2000
To All PGA Members
A somewhat critical e-mail written by Dave Backie, PGA Director of Statistics, is on the website.
As Commissioner, I would like to make Mr. Backie aware that serious PGA decisions are never taken on a whim. After arising at 7:00 a.m. and consulting with Mr. Slade (Tour Director of Ethics) and Mr. Killeen (Tour Meteorologist) it was concluded that the forecast was very discouraging.
At 9:00 a.m., Mr. Paul Niejar, Tournament Coordinator at Swan-e-Set, informed me that course conditions were, and I quote, “UGLY.” He also noted that the Central Fraser Valley weather forecast called for steady rain.
After a 9:30 a.m. Telus conference call with the three aforementioned directors, a gut-wrenching decision to postpone was made. To have the audacity to write that this decision was made from a “kitchen” in North Vancouver undermines the integrity of the Commissioner's Office.
In addition, Mr. Backie writes that he and his playing partners “dodged lightning for three holes,” which is clearly a violation of PGA safety rules. After discussing the temerity of Mr. Backie’s “second-guessing” e-mail, and his blatant disregard for the safety of a fellow PGA member (even though it was only Paul Carson), Mr. Slade (Director of Ethics) and Mr. Rice (Legal Counsel) have supported my decision to sanction Mr. Backie one pitcher of beer for wilfully bringing the Commissioner's Office into disrepute.
Your faithful servant, Phil Langley, PGA Commissioner.”
— May 2000
Fallout From A Rainout
Dave Backie, Paul Carson and sub Joe Tibble teed it up at Swan-e-Set at about 11:40 a.m. on Saturday.
“We dodged lightning and rain for three holes and then the sun came out (at about 12:15.),” says Backie. “From then on it was off with the rain gear and sweaters and a glorious afternoon on a deserted course. Sure there was some casual water and conditions were a bot soggy on the front side but the back nine was great.”
Backie shot 86, Carson 91 and Tibble 83.
“At the risk of sounding critical, I wonder how the PGA braintrusts managed to accurately assess conditions of a golf course in Pitt Meadows from their kitchens in North Vancouver,” quips Backie. “I for one am in favour of making this lost tournament up with another date. How about the rest of the guys?”
Replied PGA Commissioner Phil Langley: “We assessed the conditions by talking to the pro at Swan-e-Set.” PGA Tour officials cancelled the event, due to soggy course conditions and a bad weather forecast.
— May 2000
Gilchrist Makes A Move But…
After co-starring at Furry Creek’s event, Cookie Gilchrist has moved into second place on the Money Winners list, with $240, just $15 behind front-runner Dick Bourbonais.
Check “Scores” link for the complete list and the “Rules” link for complete details on the money leaders. the money winning list will be updated before the Squamish event.
— May 2000
Calcutta on Saturday
All PGA Tour players should be prepared for the annual Calcutta for the year’s final competition. The Calcutta will be held immediately following Saturday’s round at Swan-e-Set.
PGA executives worked diligently for two days in order to come up with the most competitive ever final tournament, on Canada Day. “We spared no expense nor left any rocks unturned,” says Dave Backie. “All pertinent data was compiled and preliminary groupings were made.”
These were distributed as follows:
Dow Conglomerate — to assess team chemistry and compatability
Price Waterhouse — to verify statistics and final handicaps
Scotia MacLeod — to determine base value per player
U Foo Dik Suk (noted Oriental restaurant) — to read a symbolic Fortune Cookie for each PGA player for Saturday, July 1st.
Consultation with all the above groups has led to the following six teams being offered for sale at Swan-e-Set on Saturday, June 24th.
Team One — Dunn (18); McBride (17); Rice (17); Gilchrist (14); Total: 66.
Team Two — Pearce (19); Murdoch (19); P. Langley (14); J. Mills (10); Total: 62.
Team Three — Killeen (19); Porter (18); Molinski (13); Burns (11); Total: 62.
Team Four — Carson (19); Slade (15); Bourbonais (13); Smith (10); Total: 57.
Team Five — Gjernes (19); Matheson (15); Pomeroy (12); Murray (11); Total: 57.
Team Six — Lanyon (19); Croom (16); T. Langley (13); Quinn (9); Total: 57.
Tour regulars who aren’t playing at Swan-e-Set — there are at least five — would be wise to contact the captain of “their” team to let the others know how high to go in the bidding.
“As you can clearly see,” says Backie, who won’t be playing in the July 1st event, “this is a complete crap shoot as to who the favourites are. Tournament format and rules will be covered at the auction on Saturday. Two words of caution: (1) remember the early teams on the block are usually sold at bargain prices. Don't go to sleep on these teams. (2) Molinski is an auctioneer with no scruples! Not only will he try to get his own team for a song, he will nail you for a bid if you so much as scratch your ass at the wrong time. Good luck to all teams.”
— June 2000
Prize Responsibilities
Following are the six prize teams for 2000, with the first player named in each group designated as that group’s prize co-ordinator, followed by the date each group is responsible for the prize table:
April 15 -- Croom, Matheson, Pearce, PomeroyApril 29 -- Carson, Gjernes, Langley, Molinski
May 13 -- Murdoch, Killeen, Porter, SladeJune 3 -- Bourbonais, Backie, Mills, Rice
June 17 -- Murray, Burns, McBride, Smith
June 24 -- Lanyon, Gilchrist, Dunn, Quinn
Note: These teams are for weekly prize distribution only.
Each group is responsible for providing what prizes it can scrounge for that week’s event. Expectations, as usual, are high. As usual there will be no prize table for the final event, which is followed by the year-end barbecue at the home of Director of Competition and Legal Affairs, Dave Rice.
— June 2000
Record Price Paid in Calcutta
It was late Saturday afternoon that a PGA Tour team was sold for $500 for the first time in the organization’s illustrious history. The record lasted 3 minutes and 19 seconds. By the time the dot-com bidding tactics had ended, there was $2,626 in the pot for Saturday’s season finale. Needless to say, this is also a record…by something like $800.
The competition (check “Schedule” for complete details, sometime this week) for the prize money will be a two-man best-ball (net) for each team. Top prize is $1313, or 50% of the pool, with 30% ($787.80) going to the 2nd-place team and 20% ($525.20) going to the 3rd-place team.
There have been rumours that stake in one team (the also-rans) has already been re-sold, but nothing has been confirmed with the Commissioner’s office. According to PGA Tour bylaws, all sales or trades must be reported to the Commissioner by 12 hours before the competition begins. So the trading deadline is 7:30 p.m. Friday, June 30th, 2000. If deals are not reported, the original owner (and his Associates) will be responsible for the sale price.
Here’s a list of the teams, how much they sold for, and who owns them (to date) — starting with the favourite, as determined by the democratic bidding process:
Number One
Owner: Doug Quinn & Associates
Cost: $625
Players (with handicaps): Lanyon (19); Croom (16); T. Langley (13); Quinn (9); Total: 57.
Number Two
Owner: Daryl Gjernes & Associates
Cost: $500
Players (with handicaps): Gjernes (19); Matheson (15); Carter (9); Murray (11); Total: 54.
Number Three
Owner: Len Slade & Associates
Cost: $401
Players (with handicaps): Carson (19); Slade (15); Bourbonais (13); Smith (10); Total: 57.
Number Four
Owner: Blair Murdoch & Associates
Cost: $400
Players (with handicaps): Killeen (19); Porter (18); Molinski (13); Burns (11); Total: 62.
Number Five
Owner: Blair Murdoch & Associates
Cost: $400
Players (with handicaps): Pearce (19); Murdoch (19); P. Langley (14); J. Mills (10); Total: 62.
Number Six
Owner: Paul Killeen & Associates
Cost: $300
Players (with handicaps): Dunn (18); McBride (17); Rice (17); Gilchrist (14); Total: 66.
All money must be paid to Director of Ethics Len Slade, who will collect, divide and distribute at barbecue.
— June 2000
Rules Of Golf To Be Strictly Enforced
Players are reminded that, with such a rich and prestigious competition…flogem non scamus non shankus. In other words, all the rules of play are to be strictly enforced. Failure to do so will disqualify the individual from the competition.
For this competition only, there is one rule change — no gimmes.
Otherwise, the regular PGA rules are in force. Especially these four, as raised by the Commissioner:
• When a ball enters a hazard (red stakes), you drop two club lengths of where it crossed into the hazard, NOT two club lengths parallel to where it rests in the hazard (Doug Quinn, please note) — penalty one stroke
• If you think your ball is lost, hit a provisional (penalty: stroke and distance); if you think your provisional is lost, hit another provisional
• Play the ball as it lies…no improvements
• No grounding clubs in traps (two-stroke penalty)
— June 2000
Money Winnings Will Determine Prize Table
While the famed Green Jacket that Rod Matheson won last year will go to the player with the lowest net for seven rounds, the list of “money winners” will be used to determine the order in which prizes are claimed from the prize table.
The List For Saturday
Following is what each PGA Tour player (listed alphabetically) attending the wind-up party at Dave Rice’s home on July 1st is expected to bring — courtesy of the master chef, Dick Bourbonais:
Bourbonais, Dick — Steaks and chicken, napkins
Burns, Dick — Dessert for 12
Carson, Paul — Sour cream, green onions, bacon bits, 1 lb. butter for baked potatoes
Carter, Tom — Appetizer for 12
Croom, Noah — Mixed green salad for 12 with dressing
Dunn, Bob — Mixed green salad for 12 with dressing
Gilchrist, Kent — Potatao salad for 12
Gjernes, Darrell — 5 dozen rolls and pound of butter
Killeen, Paul — Veggie dish for 12
Langley, Phil — Pasta salad for 12
Lanyon, Jim — Appetizer for 12
Madison, Mike — Soft drinks plus beer and wine cups
Matheson, Rod — Crab and pasta salad for 12
McBride, Roger — 1 lb. regular & decaf coffee/tea/cream
Mills, Dave — Dessert for 12
Mills, John — Steak sauce, HP sauce, garlic salt
Molinski, Bob — Beer and wine
Murray, Neil — Mixed green salad for 12 with dressing
Murdoch, Blair — Prize table
Pearce, Dave — Mixed green salad for 12 with dressing
Pomeroy, Jim — Potatao salad for 12
Porter, Vern — Pasta salad for 12
Quinn, Doug — Dessert for 12
Rice, Dave — Host/supply ice, garbage cans, cooler
Slade, Len — 20 baked potatoes
Smith, Mike — Appetizer for 12
— June 2000
*Amateur Status At Risk
Rumours are that members of the PGA Tour who wagered/collected Calcutta monies are in violation of amateur golf ethics and will lose their amateur standing, according to well-placed sources at the Royal Canadian Golf Association, which opposes calcuttas on amateur golf events. “The RCGA does not object to informal wagering among individual golfers or teams of golfers which is incidental to the game,” according to the latest issue of Golf Canada magazine. “The RCGA is opposed to the running of auction sweepstakes or calcuttas. If you participate in such events, you may forfeit your status as an amateur golfer.”
So betting's okay, as long as it's not too much money?
“No problem,” says Paul Killeen, who collected AND paid on the Calcutta. “We’ll all turn professional.”
“It doesn’t apply to us,” says PGA Director of Ethics Len Slade. “We’re pretenders.”
RCGA spies suggested PGA Tour players check out the rules on amateur status at www.rcga.org, or call the nearest golf pyschologist for comfort.