YEAR 2005
2005
Per chance did you or anyone in your group happen to find a ping green dot 7
iron beside the 18th green at Westwood Plateau. I checked with the pro shop
but nothing was turned in.
Thanks
Bob Molinski
ProPlumbers Pilfer Calcutta
On a mostly overcast day on a Westwood Plateau track playing soft and difficult it was the Plumber portion of the ProPlumbers who managed to fix the leak and bail out their low 'cap team mates. Bob Garries and Vic Grundy withstood the challenge of having to carry the low 'cap firm of Burns & Jenkison by contributing with solid and timely golf when their low cap partner's game went south. The ProPlumbers score of 16 under just edged out CStM who managed 15 under. Candy Samples finished third at 11 under followed by the Rehabaholics at 8 under. Coyote Ugly was just that ugly, very ugly and finished last.
Brown Zeroes In
The skills portion of the Calcutta, Larry "Ace" Brown managed to win two KP's at #6 and #12. Hugh "Dawgpecker" Taylor hit it to 4 feet on # 16 to take that KP and "Docme" Dick Burns unleashed a 280 yard drive on # 18 to take the long drive.
Tuna Smells Good in Green
The year long quest for the coveted PGA green jacket award which symbolizes the tour's most prolific player was won by Charlie "Tuna" Phipps who shot the best round at Westwood (gross 77) to secure his second jacket. Dick Burns was the runner-up and popular rookie Hamburgler Maynard finished third. Please see "scores" for details.
The winner of other awards included Jon "Echo" Lloyd and Vic Grundy tying for the rookie honour and Bob Garries took most inspirational player and along with his wife Marsha, BEST hosts.
2006 Plans
With 20 solid regulars the PGA tour is hoping to expand to 24 players for next season. If anyone has someone they think will fit in and not call the police about tour indiscretions please contact the Commissioner. Next year we hope to play a couple of new courses and the Tripper Cup Matches will be voted on by the membership. We will start a week later than usual and will play 3 weeks in a row in June in a intense race for the 06 Green Jacket. Here is the TENTATIVE SCHEDULE:
April 15/06 - Point Roberts
April 29/06 - Morgan Creek
May 13/06 - UBC
May 27 & 28 - Tripper Cup Matches**
June 10/06 - Swan-e-set
June 17/06 - Lake Padden, Bellingham
June 24/06 - 9th annual Calcutta @ Westwood Plateau
For those of you pre-planning the dates are solid. We hope to secure all the above venues but substitutions may become necessary.
** Tripper Cup Location Vote
For the 2006 & 9th annual Tripper Cup Matches each regular member has one vote. Please vote via e-mail to the Commissioner ([email protected] or [email protected]) by July 10, 2005. The two locations are:
A - Osoyoos/Oliver - courses: Fairview Mountain & Osoyoos Golf Club
B. Kamloops - courses: The Dunes & Eaglepoint
Hip Hip HooRays....to Marsha Garries for an absolute terrific dinner and for allowing the PGA to use her home as our clubhouse after the Calcutta...to Dave Backie for once again doing a wonderful jobs with the stats etc - happy 39th wedding anniversary....to Bob Garries for his generosity, good humour and horse races...to Dawgdick Taylor for a great job with the web-site...Larry Brown for efforting with Westwood Plateau....Tuna Phipps likewise for his work with Whistler.....to Blair Murdoch for once again coming up with interesting weekly games...Dick "Shoe" Wardroper for having his son work at Swan-e-set and getting us an extremely good deal there.....finally to French Fry for putting up with Hamburgler.....
Parting Shots It's Mr. Dawgballs!!!
Hugh
And for all you %$#*$ers...................
Although I missed the last two outings and the presence of the 'wives' I
missed..................
........Duke Mokinkski peeing in the bushes,
........Dave Backie peeing in the bushes,
........Dick Burns................peeing on Molinski,
........Larry Bown........... peeing/
I missed Jake wishing he could pee on Larry, The Hamburlgar peeing on Dave
Alexander.........frankly I just missed seeing someone peeing on someone.
I'm jsut pissed off.
Tom, if you can get last year's 20 maginificent bastards to show up again
for 2006 I will be truly amazed! If you can find another 4 people who can
pass muster and qualify to play with this 'august' group I will be truly
stupefied. I will promise to design some stellar side games for this group
and I will do whateve I can to make sure that you don't have to play with
the same 'idiots' twice during the season. If you wind up playing with same
people - well, shit happens.
If you play with different people - shit happens.
Whatever.......................
I enjoyed most of the season and I will schedule myself to play with the
people I enjoyed. The rest of you will wind up playing with yourselves
again. But this is waaaay better than Phil Langley who just played with the
people he liked and to hell with eveybody else.
If amybody wishes to be considered to be a candidate for inclusion in the
Canmore Invitational for 2005 let me know. It will happen when I decide it
should happen and is looking at August 2005 as a real possibility. If it
doesn't happen then it will happen later maybe.
Thanks to Tom and Hugh and Dave and anybody else who did anything to make
our lives just a little bit better ove the last three months. You are all a
bunch of pecker heads and I look forward to next year when I can tell you
that in person!
Blair "The Gamemeister" Murdoch who would just like you to
know............................
Blair
Calcutta Set For WestWood Saturday's PGA finale, the 8th annual Calcutta, is set to go at the Michael Hurdzan designed masterpiece on Eagle Mtn in Coquitlam on Saturday June 25th. The weather forecast is for mostly cloudy skies with a high of 22, ideal conditions for a low scoring shootout. A shootout is expected with each team using the 2 best low net scores per hole with a provisal that each player's score be used at least six times. Last year's winning score was 20 under par and with the course in terrific condition the low team score is expected to be even lower.
$kills Competitions
Extra money will be up for grabs on Saturday. 50.00 will be rewarded to each of the winners for KP's on #6, #12 & #16. The Long Drive will be contested on #18 with the winner also receiving 50.00.
Tiki Takes Exception
Joe "Tiki" Tibble took exception to the NGC's rankings posted earlier this week on the web-site. "It's a f--king joke. Those Nevada assholes had Micheal Campbell at 250-1 to win the U$ Open so what the hell do they know??" ranted the Kiwi native. One thing is clear. Candy Samples and the Professional Plumbers do look to have an edge come Saturday. Ms. Samples led by Molinski & Phipps are cunning, experienced and lucky. Molinski has a storied past when it comes the winning the Calcutta.
Year End Awards Dinner
Thank you once again to Bob & Marsha Garries who will be hosting our annual PGA Awards dinner. Bob will have directions to distribute to all who need them on Saturday morning. Our hostess, Marsha is taking care of the food but please remember it is BYOB. Festivities will begin at 7 pm.
Chipping in........all competitors must pay their 60.00 (50 +10 for skills) to Dave Backie prior to the first tee time.....Hugh "Dawgnuts" Taylor shot his lowest ever PGA round last year.. an 81at Westwood but can he duplicate for Coyote Ugly?......kudo's to Doug Player for e-mailing the hilarious "BeerKid" video....rumour has it that the Commissioner will explain the "hoover" rule to all the wives at the awards dinner.....extra thanks again to Larry "Ace" Brown for setting everything up for us at Westwood...Mike "Jake" Jenkinson won his flight at the McLeery Men's championships shooting 83 the last day to hang on to win by one shot.....
Calcutta Rankings
The Nevada Gaming Commission (NGC) has sanctioned the upcoming PGA Calcutta at Westwood Plateau and to assist in wagering have ranked each of the five teams. Their rankings in no way includes odds on winning and should be used solely as a guide to any would be wagerer.
#1 - Candy Samples - A veteran, cagey and tourney tough crew and with the addition of DB "Doc" Cooper to address any physical ailments this squad looks tough to beat. Estimated score: 22 under
#2 - Professional Plumbers - A jing and jang team, 2 lower 'caps with 2 higher 'caps. However, Dick "Docme" Burns is the consumate golf teacher and gets the most out of his team mates. Estimated score: 20 under
#3 - Coyote Ugly - A collection of higher handicappers who must "ham & egg" their way to success. Al "Hamburgler" Maynard could be the key if his game returns. Estimated score: 15 under
#4 - Rehabaholics - A decent enough team on paper both Paul "Killer" Killeen and Ken Sherk are recovering from sickness. Healthy teammates must take up the slack. Estimated score: 14 under.
#5 - CStM - Low to middle capper all except for Jon "2 first names" Lloyd. The recent US Open win of Kiwi Micheal Campbell could spur Joe "Tiki" Tibble to great things. Estimated score: 12 under.
DB Cooper In for Calcutta
As expected our newest rookie, DB Cooper (aka: Doc) with be the 20th man at the Westwood Calcutta and play on the Candy Samples Team. As any PGA regular would do he immediately challenged his 16 handicap and demanded a 20. The ruling by the Director of Statistics, Dave Backie, was not available at posting time. DB joins a stacked team including Tuna Phipps, Ace Brown and Duke Molinski. They are expected to vie for the big Calcutta money.
Murdoch Still Injured - Slade In
The tour's Director of Games, Blair Murdoch, who was an 11th hour withdrawal from the Sandpiper event is still having problems with his elbow and will also miss the Westwood Calcutta finale. He will be sorely missed by his teammates and the entire tour. He did another excellent job this year with the game(s) and we wish him a speedy recovery. His place will be taken by Len "Fonz" Slade who will join the CStM squad and play to a 13 handicap. Slade, the one time Commissioner and seasoned PGA veteran, did not demand a higher handicap.
On the dance floor......DB Cooper will be available for free prostrate exams during the awards dinner bbq.....watch for Calcutta team rankings next week but it appears that Candy Samples and the Professional Plumbers are the two to beat......
8th Annual Calcutta - Westwood Plateau
The 8th and final event of the PGA season, our annual Calcutta, will be held Saturday June 25th at the world renown Westwood Plateau Golf Club on Coquiltam mountain. Play will be from the Plateau tees measuring 6,355 yards with a rating of 69.9 and 129 slope. We will be using summer rules except for the "PGA" rule for balls lost in any hazard (1 stroke penalty and drop at the point of entry within 2 club lengths) Our first tee time is 9:30 am however breakfast and practice balls are available starting a 8 am. Please arrive no later than 9 am. ONCE AGAIN WE WILL BE HAVING A BBQ LUNCH AFTER OUR ROUND - LUNCH SHOULD START AROUND 3PM. - breakfast, practice balls & lunch are all included.
Calcutta Teams & Times
Team Coyote (Ugly) - 9:30 am
Taylor (18) - Maynard (17) - Player (18) - Alexander (30)
The Professional Plumbers - 9:40 am
Jenkinson (13) - Burns (7) - Garries (25) - Grundy (30)
ReHabaholics - 9:50 am
Wardroper (24) - Sherk (22) - Backie (14) - Killeen (20)
Candy Samples (old stacked stripper) - 10 am
Molinksi (17) - Phipps (6) - Brown (15) - DB Cooper (16)
CStM - (cocksuckthemoose) 10:10 am
Carter (12) - Len Slade(13) - Tibble (15) - Lloyd (20)
Calcutta $$$$ Cash
This year each team will purchase itself for 200.00 (50.00 per man). The Calcutta payout is as follows:
First - 600.00
Second - 250.00
Third - 150.00
Each player will pay an additional 10.00 for the following extra skill competitions - each winner will receive 50.00.
# 6 - 175 yard - KP
#12 - 145 yard - KP
#16 - 154 yard - KP
# 18 - 407 yard - Long Drive
Annual Awards Dinner
Bob Garries, the man, the myth, the legend, will have maps at Westwood to distribute to everyone to his home in Deep Cove for the annual PGA awards dinner. Festivities will commence at 7 pm. Bob's wife Marsha, hostess extrodinaire, will be catering the affair and the tour thanks the Garries for the generosity.
Chipping in........many thanks to Larry "Ace" Brown for once again negotiating a great deal @ Westwood for us.......our own Mike "Jake" Jenkinson was leading his flight at the McLeery Mens tournament by 8 strokes with one round to play........more kudos to Bob & Marsha Garries for hosting the annual awards bbq.....bets will be taken by Bob "Duke" Molinski, stay tuned.....all fees (60.00 per man) will be paid to Mr. David Backie prior to the first tee time......keep checking the web-site for more information over the next few days.......we are hoping the Doc - DB Copper will be our 20th at the Calcutta.....
PGA Awards Dinner
Our annual PGA awards dinner this year is being hosted by Bob & Marsha Garries at their home in Deep Cove on June 25 (after the Westwood Plateau Calcutta). The function will start at 7 pm. BYOB and 20.00 per couple for the appy's & food. Please bring your 20.00 on Saturday.
Chip-ins.......a invitation to the awards dinner will be extended to all the spares who have played this year.....the newly refurbished front nine at Seymour features about 200 more yards and 9 new greens, but the 71.00 green fee is steep.....we are hoping Paul "Killer" Killeen will be back on tour at Sandpiper after missing the Whistler weekend.....one time PGA tour regular Dave Rice will make his '05 PGA debut at Sandpiper......the Calcutta teams will be announced at the 19th hole at Sandpiper.....
Wardroper Wails at Sandpiper Dick "Shoe" Wardroper shot a solid net 66 to win the 2nd last PGA event of the season under mostly cloudy skies at Sandpiper Golf Club in Harrison Mills. The warm, almost muggy day, brought out the best in Wardroper and his team (The Finers - Backie, Carter, Alexander & Wardroper) who won the team competition by five shots at 19 under.
Green Jacket Race - 2 man Race!
Charlie "Tuna" Phipps finished 2nd at Sandpiper with a net 67 and his gross 73 was the 2nd lowest score of the season putting him in the catbird's seat along with Dick Burns for the coveted green jacket. The best five scores for the season are used so there are a few others that could upset the dynamic duo such as Ken Sherk, Al "Hamburgler" Maynard and Mike "Jake" Jenkinson.
PGA TOUR EVENT #7
SANDPIPER GOLF CLUB – JUNE 11, 2005
VIENNA
Foursomes for Sandpiper Golf Club – June 11, 2005
10:50 BURNS, Player, Jenkinson, Tibble
10:58 BACKIE, Grundy, Killeen, Phipps
11:06 MOLINSKI, Lloyd, Taylor, Rice
11:14 T. CARTER, Alexander, Sherk, Wardroper
11:22 MURDOCH, Brown, Garries, Maynard
"VIENNA
A side betting game for Gentlemen of the Golf Links
Saturday, June 11, 2005
Sandpiper Golf Club
Vienna is a simple enough side game. It makes a round of golf as easy as a waltz in the park. 1-2-3, 1-2-3 and so it goes.
First hole count the best one score of the foursome and circle it for Backie’s ultimate benefit.
Second hole count the best two scores and circle them.
Third hole count the best three scores and circle them.
Repeat as necessary until the entire 18 hole dance is completed.
As always, record gross scores only (you can figure out what the nets are but don’t record them).
Winning foursome gets $60, second group gets $24 and third group gets $16.
Aaaaaand 1-2-3, 1-2-3
Green Jacket Race Heats Up!
With the Tripper Cup Matches in the rear mirror all PGA eyes are now firmly focused on the annual Green Jacket race. The coveted Green Jacket is awarded to the season's finest golfer based on their best 5 rounds. The current leaders are Dick Burns and Tuna Phipps both with a best of 5 current total of 342. Ken Sherk has only played 4 rounds but is very close to the two low handicappers. Also within hailing distance are Al "Hamburgler" Maynard, Blair Murdoch, Bob "Duke" Molinski and the stats man, Dave Backie. With two rounds left virtually anyone, if they put together two good rounds, has a shot at the title. Please see "scores" for details.
Sandpiper
Our tee times at Sandpiper start at 10:50 am. Please give yourself enough time to arrive by no later than 10:30. The game(s) and foursomes will be posted later this week.
WorldStars Capture Tripper Cup
WORLDSTARS FUCK YEAH !!!!!! NORTHVANCLAN SUCK MOOSE....
Behind the nervy play of Hugh "Dawgballs" Taylor who halfed his singles match with NorthVanClan captain Dick Burns, the WorldStars won their 2nd consecutive Tripper Cup by one point over the NorthVanClan on a simply perfect weekend at the Whistler Golf Club. Taylor's up & down for par from the greenside bunker at 18 was the winning difference. Taylor was awarded this year's MVP award for his heroics. The one point margin was the slimmest victory in the brief history of the Tripper Cup matches which the WorldStars lead 2 to 1.
Burns - Phipps - Jenkinson - Go Low
Some of the weekend high-lights were Burns and Tuna Phipps shooting 75's. Burns achieved his feat on Saturday and Phipps followed on Sunday. Perhaps the most hard fought match was between Mike "Jake" Jenkinson and Dave Backie. Jake won the match shooting a 79 with a 39 back nine but lost the back nine point when Backie fashioned a sterling 38. Other noteable feats were Jim Pomeroy's 36 front nine on Saturday consisting of nine straight 4's and Blair Murdoch eagling the 16th on Sunday.
Next UP - Sandpiper
The next PGA event will be held at the Russ Olson designed Sandpiper in Harrison Mills (near Mission). The course is constructed on part of the old Pretty estate and features an excellent combination holes combined with easy walking. Our first tee time is 10:50 am. The team game will be posted on the web-site next week.
Chipping In!.....the tour welcomes Dr. DB Cooper who will join the PGA as a full timer next spring.....Al "Hamburgler" Maynard continued his recent hot play over the weekend including a 3 - 0 win over the Tuna who lost despite shooting 75.....Joe "Tiki" Tibble performed the "Haka", the traditional Mauri war dance prior to the day one matches and the dance seemed to work given the WorldStars 9 - 6 lead after the team matches....
Hybrid Tees for Tripper Cup
The PGA rules committee has announced that the PGA will play the white tees (3,063 yds) on the front 9 and the blue tees (3,270 yds) on the back 9 for the Tripper Cup matches. The hybrid course measures 6,333 yards with an approximate slope of 126 and a rating of 70.3.
The PGA lateral hazard (red stakes) rule will be in effect. Any time a ball goes into trouble please search for two minutes only. Once the ball is determined lost please drop within two club lengths of the point of entry and play away - one shot penalty. Other than that exception we will play summer rules unless course management dictate otherwise.
Jake Defends Tripper Singles
Mike "Jake" Jenkinson whose final round 65 defeated his soon to be father in law Larry Brown last year, defends his Tripper Cup net singles crown at Whistler. Jake's two day net total last year was 133 and is the current Tripper Cup net singles standard. Both rounds count toward the coveted green jacket, emblematic of the year's finest linkster.
Burns Grabs (a) Player
Due to other commitments both Doug Player (missing Saturday) and Vic Grundy (missing Sunday) are unable to play both days. NorthVanClan team captain approached the commissioner with a request to have both the veteran Player and rookie Grundy play one day each for the Clansmen. His request was granted. Hugh Walker of Whistler has been added to the WorldStars.
Cup notes........Al Maynard aka: the Hamburgler & Dick Burns both have had their 'caps drop by three strokes...Gamesmeister Murdoch had his 'cap reduced by 2.....hmmm......Jake went up 2 shots.....perhaps statsman Backie has been "taken care off" by the WorldStars?.....kudos to the Tuna for organizing Whistler and dinner on Saturday......
Dateline: Whistler, BC
Tripper Cup Matches set for Saturday
The much anticipated Tripper Cup Matches begin Saturday at the Arnold Palmer designed Whistler course with the WorldStars defending their championship against the NorthVanClan. The controversy started for this year's matches with the handicaps adjustments of the two sides. The NorthVanClan received repeated blows with downward adjustments to at least three of their members while the defending WorldStars had no such bad news. In fact last year's singles net winner, Mike "Jake" Jenkinson of the WorldStars, saw his 'cap raised by two shots. Every thing seems to be going the WorldStars' way. It appears the lobbying (read: bitching) of the WorldStars has paid off but it remains to be seen how the matches will play out on the course. Our intrepid reporter has solicited the opinion of many of the game's elite on their Tripper Cup thoughts:
Tiger Woods - My money is on the WorldStars....Tiki rules!
Mike Weir - I like Al "Hamburgler" Maynard's game...also Burns hits it a ton and is a born leader. Losing Killeen hurts but they shall overcome.
Pam Anderson (.) (.) - I'm pulling for the WorldStars...those guys have big slongs!!!
Arnold Palmer - I designed the Whistler course specifically for match play. Looking at the two teams it will be close but I think the addition of Doug "BeerHead" Player to the NorthVanClan team will make the difference come Sunday's singles matches.
Boy George =) NorthVanClan all the way....those guys have huge slongs!!!
Saturday dinner at Whistler: Please pay Charlie the tuna $55.00 before the round on Saturday.
This includes Buffet dinner with steak or chicken, tax, tip, and prizes. (some beer, no hookers)
Director of Statistics Dave Backie sets handicaps for the Tripper Cup
See Handicap page
Tripper Cup Captains Face Off
With the upcoming Tripper Cup matches in Whistler on the collective minds of the PGA our roving reporter cornered both Captains after a recent practice round and asked each the same questions. Here are the results.
Q. Shooting 71 at the Links last week, what's up with that?
Burns - Well first off, rather that go for the super hoover I elected to go with the "pick a hole" option but seriously I feel blessed and thank god for allowing me such a special day.
Carter - Burns sucks...and I think he might be a homer. I have to admit to being more than a little jealous. It (Burns' score) does put Bakes (statsman & team mate) in a tough position with calibrating the new 'caps for the Tripper Cup matches given he is also leading the green jacket race.
Q. How would you rate your team's chances at the Tripper Cup this year?
Burns- We lost badly last year but the squad has changed and I'm sure everyone will do their best and we'll come out on top.
Carter - Did he say come out on top?? I told you he was a homer. The WorldStars rules....NorthVanClan drools.
Q. Finally, do either of you enjoy Broadway musicals??
Burns - Yes, most definately.
Carter - NO!
Team North Vancouver members seen warming up for the Tripper Cup
Try this golf quiz. The web master was 12 under.
http://www.cincinnati.com/golf/golfquiz/html/brand.htm
Copy and paste in your browser if link doesn't work.
Burns Blasts The Links
Dick Burns, inspired by a brief kibitzing session prior to the round with Ray Stewart the former Canada/World Cup winner and PGA touring pro, blasted the Links @ Boundary Shores to blow away the rest of the field with a one under par 71. His net 61 is the BEST EVER net score recorded on the PGA tour. The NorthVanClan captain for the upcoming Tripper Cup matches played a superb round that included a super Hoover (5 tweeters) and only 4 bogies. Burns, the current runaway leader for the coveted green jacket, awaits the fate of his PGA handicap for the Tripper Cup matches and the rest of the season.
Al Maynard, another NorthVanClan member recorded his second straight net 65 to finish 2nd. Spare and Boundary Shores host Graham "Hammer" Smith shot 67 to finish 3rd.
Bob Molinski's group, Bob and the Hackers, won the Gayboy team game for not losing their pinkie until the 12th hole.
Please see "scores" for details.
3rd Annual Tripper Cup - Day One Matches Set
Captains Dick Burns and Tom Carter assigned teams and drew the team matches for day one of the Tripper Cup. Here are the day one team matches:
WorldStars vs NorthVanClan
2:15 Jenkinson/Phipps vs Brown/Pomeroy
2:25 Garries/Wardroper vs Grundy/Alexander
2:35 Tibble/Killeen vs Backie/Molinski
2:45 Lloyd /Player vs Maynard/Cooper
2:55 Carter/Taylor vs Burns/Murdoch
There are 45 points to be won during the Tripper Cup matches. The winning side will amass at least 23 points to be declared the Tripper Cup Champion. Each match is decided into 3 parts (front 9, back 9 and overall) with one point being awarded for each portion winner.
The singles matches will be drawn at dinner after the day one team matches are complete. Last year the WorldStars won the 2nd annual Tripper Cup matches in convincing fashion highlighted by Jake's big win over Larry "Ace" Brown that sealed the deal.
Tap ins..........gamesmeister Blair Murdoch posted his second straight 68 along with spare Bob Carter......gayboys (those losing the pinkie) were Ken Sherk, Vic Grundy, Smith, Mike Jenkison & Dave Alexander.....Ken Sherk will miss the Tripper Cup matches and will be replaced by another of the Tuna's brothers in law, Don "D.B." Cooper.......Doug Player of the WorldStars will miss the day one team matches but a plan to have his team match played on Friday afternoon is under way........
Murdoch Hopes for Dresses
This week's game of GAYBOY has the gamesmeister Blair Murdoch questioning if this might be the event that someone decides to play in a DRESS and reveals their true sexuality. According to rule 69.69-69 "any member wearing a woman's dress may play from the red or women's tees without malice or penalty". No names were mentioned but he did indicate his man/woman probables by disclosing the following initials - BM, KS, DB, DW, and BG.
PGA TOUR EVENT #4
BOUNDARY SHORES, MAY 14, 2005
GAY BOY
Foursomes for Boundary Shores, May 14, 2005
10:00 MURDOCH, Taylor, Killeen, Grundy
10:10 CARTER T., Carter B., Sherk, Brown
10:20 BURNS, Alexander, Maynard, Lloyd
11:30 MOLINSKI, Phipps, Jenkinson, Pow
Capitalized players are responsible for collecting the $10.00 from everyone. Give it to Murdoch with your scorecard when you have finished. Total prize monies anticipated on April 30, 2005 are $160 - $80 for regular pot, $80 for Gay Boy
GAY BOY
Gay Boy, is a game that should be understood by most of us. It uses a pink ball.
Each foursome has a gaily coloured, unique, bright PINK ball that is traded throughout the players. The first player uses it on the first hole, second player on the second and so forth.
The twist? The foursome is disqualified if they lose the PINK ball. This could be harsh, but after all so is life. Please keep track of when you lose it! Whichever golfer loses it will bear the distinction, GAY BOY, for the duration of the day and will be required to purchase a pitcher of beer for the rest of the foursome. Each GAY BOY will be required to drink some appropriate libation – pink lemonade, spritzer or coolers come to mind.
Here’s another not so damaging twist. Keep the overall net score for the PINK ball separately as that is what we are scoring here.
If there is a tie? Not a chance in hell! But if there is, we will count backwards from 18 to determine the winner! If you turn in a pink ball that isn’t your own (Dick Burns please note)? Severe sanctions for that.
Prize money? As there are only 4 foursomes; $48 to the winners, $20 to second place and $12 to third place.
Murdoch Gets His Due
The PGA apologizes to Blair Murdoch for our error in posting the Redwoods results. Gamesmeister Blair won the Wolf game with 26 points edging out Joe Tibble's 24. Blair had an engagement soon after the round and strangely no one can remember what happened to his prize money. Blair's 68 also gave him a share of third place and that prize also has not been located. An inquiry has been launched.
Tripper Cup Teams
The two Tripper Cup teams will be announced at the 19th hole after the round. The Captains will then form their two man teams and the day one team matches will be drawn. The day two singles matches will be drawn at dinner in Whistler on Saturday evening.
The Links - Directions
There are two ways to get to the Links @ Boundary Shores. The course is located just south of the Boundary Bay Airport on 72nd Street in Delta.
Option A
- through Deas Tunnel 0n HWY 99 - take 60th St/Hwy 17 exit - follow 60th/Hwy 17 and turn LEFT on LADNER TRUNK - follow LADNER TRUNK turn RIGHT on 72nd - go past airport - course is on the left at the end of the street
Option B
- take the Alex Fraser bridge to Hwy 91 - take 64th st exit (you will see the Sunshine Hills golf course) - stay right on 64th which veers left and becomes 104 st - stay on 104 - turn right on LADNER TRUNK(HWY 10) - continue west on LADNER TRUNK (over hwy 99) and turn left on to 72nd street.
Maynard & Tibble Rock Redwoods
Rookie Alan Maynard and long time tour spare Joe Tibble both shot excellent 65's to share the title at the PGA's 3rd event of the season at the tight and challenging Redwoods golf club. Tibble also won the "Wolf" side game with 26 points. Hugh Taylor was two shots back shooting 67 while Dick Burns managed 68.
Tiki Signs as Regular
Joe "Tiki" Tibble has signed on as our 19th PGA regular. He made the decision after sharing the medallist honors with Al Maynard at Redwoods. We look forward to having Joe compete at all the rest of our 2005 fixtures.
Next UP - The Links @ Boundary Shores
The 4th event of the season will be held May 14th at the Links @ Boundary Shores, the controversial Bob Ahoy links course next the Boundary Bay airport. Due to systemic problems with the municipal government the finished course lay mostly unused for three years until a business license was finally secured. The result is a real links course that is much more mature than most people realize. Our first tee time is 10:10 am. The foursomes and side games will be posted on the web-site next week.
Tripper Cup News
Tuna Phipps has confirmed our booking with the Whistler Golf Club for the Tripper Cup matches on May 28 & 29. Once again Team World will face Team North Van with Tom Carter captaining Team World and Dick Burns heading up Team North Van. Teams and team matches will be drawn at the 19th hole at The Links on the 14th. Last year Team World took the Cup in convincing fashion. The all-time series stands at 1 - 1. Our Saturday tee time at Whistler will be 2 pm and Sunday's start will be 10 am. FOR THOSE GOING UP EARLY......IF YOU WISH TO PLAY AT THE PEMBERTON GOLF CLUB PLEASE LET TUNA KNOW ASAP.
Dinner @ Whistler
Thanks again to Tuna for arranging a fab dinner right at the club after Saturday's team matches. After dinner the captains will draw for Sunday's singles matches. If you are not having dinner once again please let Tuna know so he can let the club know our numbers.
On The Dancefloor..........Team North Van captain Dick Burns is busy trying to find suitable dresses for his squad so they can play from the red tees at the Tripper Cup......superspare and ex-commish Len Slade has sold his palatial home in North Van and will be moving to a new townhome soon so he will miss the Tripper Cup weekend.....Duke Molinski has asked captain Burns that the team dresses not be too short as to make it embarrassing when reprieving a holed putt.......things that make you say hmmm? - Backie, Garries, Wardroper and Player will all miss the Links events......
PGA Event #3 @ The Redwoods
The third PGA event is set for this Saturday, April 30th at The Redwoods in Langley. Our first time is 10:20 am. Please check the foursomes and games. Please arrive at the course no later than 10 am. The weather forecast is for sunny with cloudy periods and a high of 17.
Brown AWOL
Tour veteran Larry "Ace" Brown will miss the Redwoods event to attend a combination hockey/golf trip with his oldgoats hockey team. Since the commissioner did not receive Mr. Brown's written application to play on another circuit a fine will be forthcoming.
Regulars??
We still have room for 2 more regulars. If anyone knows someone interested in joining please contact the commissioner.
PGA TOUR EVENT #3
REDWOODS - APRIL 30, 2005
WOLF
Foursomes for Redwoods – April 30, 2005
10:20 BACKIE, Murdoch, Pomeroy, Alexander
10:28 BURNS, Maddison, Molinski, Maynard
10:36 PHIPPS, Sherk, Garries, Taylor
10:44 CARTER, Grundy, Lloyd, Jenkinson
10:52 KILLEEN, Wardroper, Player, Tiki
Capitalized players are responsible for collecting the $10.00 from everyone. Give it to Backie with your scorecard when you have finished. Total prize monies anticipated on April 30, 2005 are $200 - $100 for regular pot, $100 for Wolf
WOLF
As it is played in the PGA
Wolf is a game where an individual in a foursome has the ability to team up with someone or ‘go it alone’. Possible scenarios are as follows;
It remains to be seen if anyone is capable of deciphering these rules. As usual, foursomes who screw up will be sanctioned the usual amount of beer at the conclusion of the day’s festivities.
Prizing will be $50 to the golfer with the most wolf points, $30 to the second most points and $20 to the third most points. Prize winners won’t have to answer a skill testing question but will be required to demonstrate their howling capabilities in the clubhouse prior to receiving their money.
It should be noted in the side game, Wolf, that if there is not a foursome and it is only a threesome then the rules vary somewhat such that if someone calls Wolf and succeeds he gets 3 points whereas if he doesn't succeed the other two golfers get 1 point each. If he chooses a partner and succeed they each get 1 point. If they don't succeed and the other player beats them that player gets 2 points.
I hope people can figure this out. It is actually really simple but we'll have to wait to see what happens.
See you all Saturday.
This Just in.
An anonymous source has revealed a very well known PGA member, ex-commissioner and current spare was so hot on the front nine at Northlands the other day he had to take a swim in the pond in front of the tenth green. Up to his armpits. Again.
Guess who!!!!!!
WEEK # 2
Swan-e-set
1st LOW NET Molinski 69 5TH LOW NET Wardroper 73
2ND LOW NET Backie 71 6TH LOW NET Maynard 73
3RD LOW NET Slade 71 7TH LOW NET Sherk 73
4TH LOW NET Phipps 71
Olympic Point Winners
First: (60)Brown/Phipps 27
Second: (25)Killeen/Player 20
Third: (15)Jenkinson/Slade 20
Last Saturday's washout at Swan-e-set has been RESCHEDULED for next Saturday, April 23 AT SWANNY. OUR FIRST TEE TIME IS 10:39 AM. Practice balls are included so if you wish to beat balls prior to teeing off come early. The Olympic putting game will remain as per last Saturday. The cost for spares remains at 40.00. The weather forecast for next Saturday? Mostly sunny with a high of 17.
Player to Debut - Commissioner on Vacation
Doug Player will make his '05 debut on Saturday and the Commissioner will miss his very first PGA event leaving April 19 for Savannah Georgia to play in the Senior PGA tour's Liberty Mutual Legends of Golf event. Here are the revamped foursomes cobbled together quickly. If your name appears and you can not play please contact Hugh Taylor at [email protected] who will then attempt to get other spares.
10:39 - Backie - Brown - Grundy - Player
10:49 - Slade (Carter) - Killeen - Molinski - Lloyd
10:59 - Phipps -Jay Merilees (Garries) - Pomeroy - Andre
11:09 - Taylor - Maynard - Alexander - Wardroper
11:19 - Burns - Jenkinson - Sherk - Leigh (Murdoch)
Killeen Set to FINE
Paul Killeen, the associate Commissioner, will be in charge on Saturday and have full powers including fining members for any discrepancy. Dick Wardroper will be the money man and take care of the green fees and collect $$ from spares. Killeen has fined the Commissioner 1 pitcher of beer for lying about playing in the Legends of Golf event on the Senior (other) PGA tour in Savannah already.
April 30th @ Redwoods
Our third event of the season will be Saturday April 30th at Redwoods in Langley. Our first time is 10:20 am so please arrive at the course by 10 am at the latest. Foursomes and games will be posted on the web-site the week of April 25th.
Pomeroy Back
Jim Pomeroy will be making his first appearance on the PGA tour since 2003 at Swan-e-set. The big man and former green jacket winner has recently retired and is looking forward to playing and seeing all the old regulars. Stats man Dave Backie will assign Jim a handicap prior to the round.
Swanny Rules
Here are the rules for Swanny (aside from Olympic) given the condition of the course.
- winter rules, 6 inch improvement everywhere but on the green
- play will be from the WHITE tees (6,350 yards)
- PGA bush rule - should you hit your ball in the woods etc. and can't find it (to speed up play look for only 2 minutes) please take a drop 2 club lengths from the point of entry (no closer the hole) - one stroke penalty applied
PGA TOUR EVENT #2
SWAN-E-SET BAY - APRIL 16, 2005
OLYMPIC
Foursomes for Swan-E-Set Bay – April 16, 2005
8:04 BACKIE, Brown, Grundy, Slade
8:12 CARTER, Killeen, Molinski, Lloyd
8:20 PHIPPS, Garries, Overgaard, Pomeroy
8:28 TAYLOR, Maynard, Alexander, Wardroper
8:36 BURNS, Jenkinson, Sherk, Leigh
Capitalized players are responsible for collecting the $10.00 from everyone. Give it to Backie with your scorecard when you have finished. Total prize monies anticipated on April 16, 2005 are $200 - $100 for regular pot, $100 for Olympic
OLYMPIC
PGA TOUR EVENT #2
SWAN-E-SET BAY
APRIL 16, 2005
"OLYMPIC"
Overview: This is a putting "game". It rewards golfers who can hole their shots in one putt once getting on the green, i.e., one putts are good, two or more putts aren’t. This game allows us to work on our concentration and, for some of us, our swearing.
Rules: 1. Once all members of the foursome are on the green the putts are
measured and the one that is the furthest from the hole (i.e., the person who would ordinarily putt first) scores four (4) points if sunk in one putt. If that person misses sinking on the first putt then they are out of the competition for this hole. The second furthest putt then has an opportunity to score three (3) points if sunk in one putt. Similarly, the second closest (third furthest) would score two (2) points and the shortest putt could score one (1) point again, if sunk in one attempt.
b) Second place $25
c) Third place $15
It is suggested that a separate scorecard be utilized to maintain the Olympic scoring. Please turn in Olympic cards to Dave Backie when finished your round.
Sherk Perks at the Point
Ken Sherk only two months removed from heart surgery toured a well tuned Pt. Roberts course with a nifty 65 to win the PGA's season opener under sunny skies. Sherk's heroics did not translate into team success as the team of Slade, Carter, Garries and Alexander shot a 5 under 139 to win the rookie 2 ball. "Rookie" Len Slade and Bob Garries played superbly to lead their squad.
Runners up in the individual were Tuna Phipps and Dick Burns both managing 68's. Bob Garries 69 took third place money. For all scores & stats please click "scores".
Need 2 More Regulars
The PGA is currently operating with only 18 regulars. If anyone knows anyone who wants to play regularly please have them contact the Commissioner.
Event # 2 - Swan-e-set
The second event of the season is next Saturday April 16th at Swan-e-set Bay. Our first tee time is 8 am. Our deal includes practice balls for those so inclined. Please make sure to arrive at the golf course no later than 7:45 am regardless. The team game and foursomes will be posted on the web-site later this week.
PGA = Augusta National
What does the PGA tour Augusta National have in common? Aside from great golf and incredible drama each week, Martha Burke. Ms. Burke contacted the Commissioner on Sunday while he was enjoying the Masters telecast to complain that, like Augusta National, no woman has ever played on tour. She threatened to personally call our sponsors and to bring all "my power" to bear to disrupt the remaining PGA tour events. When learning that once again, like Augusta, that the PGA operates with no sponsors Ms. Burke then threatened to attend the Swan-e-set event herself in a bikini to protest our reluctance to allow at least one woman to play. Despite the threat and the likely consequences of some tour members going blind and the sight of Ms. Burke in a bikini the Commissioner did not acquiesce to the demands releasing this statement: " Our new tour policy is not to comment on tour operations".
On the dancefloor.........Dick Burns received the first fine of the new season for "sloppy dress unbecoming a tour regular".......Tuna Phipps' net 68 came after driving up from Oregon prior to teeing off........stats guru Dave Backie will be spending the next few days in Mesquite working on his game prior to Swan-e-set.......kudos to Jay Merilees and Joe Tibble for subbing at Pt. Roberts......the 3 rookies, Maynard, Grundy and Lloyd, felt the pressure on their first tour experience but seemed to enjoy the proceedings......
Mr. Backie sets Caps for Point Bob
See Handicaps page
PGA TOUR EVENT #1
POINT ROBERTS - APRIL 9, 2005
ROOKIE TWO BALL
Foursomes for Point Roberts Golf & Country Club – April 9, 2005
11:30 grundy, MURDOCH, Sherk, Molinski
11:40 merilees, BROWN, Wardroper, Tibble
11:50 maynard, PHIPPS, Killeen, Jenkinson
Noon lloyd, BACKIE, Burns, Taylor
12:10 slade, CARTER, Alexander, Garries
* Rookies are in bold and, as befits their status, in lower case. Capitalized players are responsible for collecting the $10.00 from everyone. Give it to Backie with your scorecard when you have finished. Total prize monies anticipated on April 9, 2005 are $200 - $100 for regular pot, $100 for Rookie Two Ball.
"ROOKIE TWO-BALL"
Overview: This is a variation of the never popular game "St. Alice". It is a two ball "team" game where two balls count. Every foursome is saddled with one "rookie". For our purposes this year, the rookies are Maynard, Grundy, Lloyd, Slade and Maddison – why Slade and Maddison? Well, Maddison was absent without leave last year and Slade? Why not Slade? Of all the people we could piss off calling them a rookie, Slade’s name continues to come to the top – so this year he’s a rookie. The rookie’s ball must be counted on every hole. You will be required, as always, to post gross scores on your scorecards. Backie will sort the net scores out later.
Rules: 1. The "rook" (as they shall now be called) will establish a playing order from his foursome and write it down.
2. On hole #1, the "the rook" will assess all the tee shots, and prior to a second shot by anyone, he will choose one member as his partner on the hole. The "rook" writes the identity of his partner down on the scorecard by circling the square. The foursome is now stuck with the scores of that chosen member plus the "the rook" for this hole.
Backie Pays EXTRA $$ - Season Opener Just Days Away!!
With our April 9th opening day just days away the PGA office finally received payment from our Director of Statistics, Dave Backie. The Statsman knowing of his 2 pitcher of beer fine for late payment included an extra 25.00 on his cheque. That leaves only Paul "Killer" Killeen as the only regular member who has not paid his dues. As per the previous ruling if Mr. Killeen's fees are not paid prior to the opening day his fine jumps from 2 to 4 pitchers of beer.
Opening Day - April 9th - Point Roberts
Again this year the 2005 PGA season will start at the well draining, most excellent Point Roberts Golf Club in Pt. Roberts, Washington. Please remember that to cross the border you will need your passport or driver's license and birth certificate. Our first tee time is 11:30 am. As usual Blair Murdoch, our Gaming Chairman, will put together foursomes and the games we will start the season with. Both the games and foursomes will be posted next week.
2005 Schedule Confirmed
Aside from our opening day event at Point Roberts here is the rest of the 2005 schedule:
April 16 - 8:15 am - Swan-e-set Bay
April 30 - 10:20 am - Redwoods Golf Club
May 14 - 10:40 am - The Links @ Boundary Bay
May 28 & 29 - times TBA - The annual Tripper Cup Matches - Whistler Golf Club
June 11 - 10:50 am - Sandpiper Golf Club
June 25 - times TBA - Westwood Plateau - (8th annual PGA Calcutta)
Spares for 2005
Our policy concerning spares remains the same. Each regular must arrange for their own spare if they can not make any event and negotiate the green fee with the spare. The fee will be collected by the Commissioner if desired. We have an ample spares list. Please click on "roster" and go to spares for contact information.
Thank-yous
Kudos to Tuna Phipps and Ace Brown for arranging our tee times at Whistler and Westwood Plateau. Once again we will get the full meal deal at Westwood including carts, practice balls and a tasty lunch.
2005 Awards Dinner
We are looking for a volunteer to host the annual awards dinner on June 25th after the Calcutta at Westwood. If you would like to host the event please let Commissioner Tom Carter know. Past dinners have been hosted by Paul Killeen (twice at least), Dick Burns, and Dave Rice.
Per chance did you or anyone in your group happen to find a ping green dot 7
iron beside the 18th green at Westwood Plateau. I checked with the pro shop
but nothing was turned in.
Thanks
Bob Molinski
ProPlumbers Pilfer Calcutta
On a mostly overcast day on a Westwood Plateau track playing soft and difficult it was the Plumber portion of the ProPlumbers who managed to fix the leak and bail out their low 'cap team mates. Bob Garries and Vic Grundy withstood the challenge of having to carry the low 'cap firm of Burns & Jenkison by contributing with solid and timely golf when their low cap partner's game went south. The ProPlumbers score of 16 under just edged out CStM who managed 15 under. Candy Samples finished third at 11 under followed by the Rehabaholics at 8 under. Coyote Ugly was just that ugly, very ugly and finished last.
Brown Zeroes In
The skills portion of the Calcutta, Larry "Ace" Brown managed to win two KP's at #6 and #12. Hugh "Dawgpecker" Taylor hit it to 4 feet on # 16 to take that KP and "Docme" Dick Burns unleashed a 280 yard drive on # 18 to take the long drive.
Tuna Smells Good in Green
The year long quest for the coveted PGA green jacket award which symbolizes the tour's most prolific player was won by Charlie "Tuna" Phipps who shot the best round at Westwood (gross 77) to secure his second jacket. Dick Burns was the runner-up and popular rookie Hamburgler Maynard finished third. Please see "scores" for details.
The winner of other awards included Jon "Echo" Lloyd and Vic Grundy tying for the rookie honour and Bob Garries took most inspirational player and along with his wife Marsha, BEST hosts.
2006 Plans
With 20 solid regulars the PGA tour is hoping to expand to 24 players for next season. If anyone has someone they think will fit in and not call the police about tour indiscretions please contact the Commissioner. Next year we hope to play a couple of new courses and the Tripper Cup Matches will be voted on by the membership. We will start a week later than usual and will play 3 weeks in a row in June in a intense race for the 06 Green Jacket. Here is the TENTATIVE SCHEDULE:
April 15/06 - Point Roberts
April 29/06 - Morgan Creek
May 13/06 - UBC
May 27 & 28 - Tripper Cup Matches**
June 10/06 - Swan-e-set
June 17/06 - Lake Padden, Bellingham
June 24/06 - 9th annual Calcutta @ Westwood Plateau
For those of you pre-planning the dates are solid. We hope to secure all the above venues but substitutions may become necessary.
** Tripper Cup Location Vote
For the 2006 & 9th annual Tripper Cup Matches each regular member has one vote. Please vote via e-mail to the Commissioner ([email protected] or [email protected]) by July 10, 2005. The two locations are:
A - Osoyoos/Oliver - courses: Fairview Mountain & Osoyoos Golf Club
B. Kamloops - courses: The Dunes & Eaglepoint
Hip Hip HooRays....to Marsha Garries for an absolute terrific dinner and for allowing the PGA to use her home as our clubhouse after the Calcutta...to Dave Backie for once again doing a wonderful jobs with the stats etc - happy 39th wedding anniversary....to Bob Garries for his generosity, good humour and horse races...to Dawgdick Taylor for a great job with the web-site...Larry Brown for efforting with Westwood Plateau....Tuna Phipps likewise for his work with Whistler.....to Blair Murdoch for once again coming up with interesting weekly games...Dick "Shoe" Wardroper for having his son work at Swan-e-set and getting us an extremely good deal there.....finally to French Fry for putting up with Hamburgler.....
Parting Shots It's Mr. Dawgballs!!!
Hugh
And for all you %$#*$ers...................
Although I missed the last two outings and the presence of the 'wives' I
missed..................
........Duke Mokinkski peeing in the bushes,
........Dave Backie peeing in the bushes,
........Dick Burns................peeing on Molinski,
........Larry Bown........... peeing/
I missed Jake wishing he could pee on Larry, The Hamburlgar peeing on Dave
Alexander.........frankly I just missed seeing someone peeing on someone.
I'm jsut pissed off.
Tom, if you can get last year's 20 maginificent bastards to show up again
for 2006 I will be truly amazed! If you can find another 4 people who can
pass muster and qualify to play with this 'august' group I will be truly
stupefied. I will promise to design some stellar side games for this group
and I will do whateve I can to make sure that you don't have to play with
the same 'idiots' twice during the season. If you wind up playing with same
people - well, shit happens.
If you play with different people - shit happens.
Whatever.......................
I enjoyed most of the season and I will schedule myself to play with the
people I enjoyed. The rest of you will wind up playing with yourselves
again. But this is waaaay better than Phil Langley who just played with the
people he liked and to hell with eveybody else.
If amybody wishes to be considered to be a candidate for inclusion in the
Canmore Invitational for 2005 let me know. It will happen when I decide it
should happen and is looking at August 2005 as a real possibility. If it
doesn't happen then it will happen later maybe.
Thanks to Tom and Hugh and Dave and anybody else who did anything to make
our lives just a little bit better ove the last three months. You are all a
bunch of pecker heads and I look forward to next year when I can tell you
that in person!
Blair "The Gamemeister" Murdoch who would just like you to
know............................
Blair
Calcutta Set For WestWood Saturday's PGA finale, the 8th annual Calcutta, is set to go at the Michael Hurdzan designed masterpiece on Eagle Mtn in Coquitlam on Saturday June 25th. The weather forecast is for mostly cloudy skies with a high of 22, ideal conditions for a low scoring shootout. A shootout is expected with each team using the 2 best low net scores per hole with a provisal that each player's score be used at least six times. Last year's winning score was 20 under par and with the course in terrific condition the low team score is expected to be even lower.
$kills Competitions
Extra money will be up for grabs on Saturday. 50.00 will be rewarded to each of the winners for KP's on #6, #12 & #16. The Long Drive will be contested on #18 with the winner also receiving 50.00.
Tiki Takes Exception
Joe "Tiki" Tibble took exception to the NGC's rankings posted earlier this week on the web-site. "It's a f--king joke. Those Nevada assholes had Micheal Campbell at 250-1 to win the U$ Open so what the hell do they know??" ranted the Kiwi native. One thing is clear. Candy Samples and the Professional Plumbers do look to have an edge come Saturday. Ms. Samples led by Molinski & Phipps are cunning, experienced and lucky. Molinski has a storied past when it comes the winning the Calcutta.
Year End Awards Dinner
Thank you once again to Bob & Marsha Garries who will be hosting our annual PGA Awards dinner. Bob will have directions to distribute to all who need them on Saturday morning. Our hostess, Marsha is taking care of the food but please remember it is BYOB. Festivities will begin at 7 pm.
Chipping in........all competitors must pay their 60.00 (50 +10 for skills) to Dave Backie prior to the first tee time.....Hugh "Dawgnuts" Taylor shot his lowest ever PGA round last year.. an 81at Westwood but can he duplicate for Coyote Ugly?......kudo's to Doug Player for e-mailing the hilarious "BeerKid" video....rumour has it that the Commissioner will explain the "hoover" rule to all the wives at the awards dinner.....extra thanks again to Larry "Ace" Brown for setting everything up for us at Westwood...Mike "Jake" Jenkinson won his flight at the McLeery Men's championships shooting 83 the last day to hang on to win by one shot.....
Calcutta Rankings
The Nevada Gaming Commission (NGC) has sanctioned the upcoming PGA Calcutta at Westwood Plateau and to assist in wagering have ranked each of the five teams. Their rankings in no way includes odds on winning and should be used solely as a guide to any would be wagerer.
#1 - Candy Samples - A veteran, cagey and tourney tough crew and with the addition of DB "Doc" Cooper to address any physical ailments this squad looks tough to beat. Estimated score: 22 under
#2 - Professional Plumbers - A jing and jang team, 2 lower 'caps with 2 higher 'caps. However, Dick "Docme" Burns is the consumate golf teacher and gets the most out of his team mates. Estimated score: 20 under
#3 - Coyote Ugly - A collection of higher handicappers who must "ham & egg" their way to success. Al "Hamburgler" Maynard could be the key if his game returns. Estimated score: 15 under
#4 - Rehabaholics - A decent enough team on paper both Paul "Killer" Killeen and Ken Sherk are recovering from sickness. Healthy teammates must take up the slack. Estimated score: 14 under.
#5 - CStM - Low to middle capper all except for Jon "2 first names" Lloyd. The recent US Open win of Kiwi Micheal Campbell could spur Joe "Tiki" Tibble to great things. Estimated score: 12 under.
DB Cooper In for Calcutta
As expected our newest rookie, DB Cooper (aka: Doc) with be the 20th man at the Westwood Calcutta and play on the Candy Samples Team. As any PGA regular would do he immediately challenged his 16 handicap and demanded a 20. The ruling by the Director of Statistics, Dave Backie, was not available at posting time. DB joins a stacked team including Tuna Phipps, Ace Brown and Duke Molinski. They are expected to vie for the big Calcutta money.
Murdoch Still Injured - Slade In
The tour's Director of Games, Blair Murdoch, who was an 11th hour withdrawal from the Sandpiper event is still having problems with his elbow and will also miss the Westwood Calcutta finale. He will be sorely missed by his teammates and the entire tour. He did another excellent job this year with the game(s) and we wish him a speedy recovery. His place will be taken by Len "Fonz" Slade who will join the CStM squad and play to a 13 handicap. Slade, the one time Commissioner and seasoned PGA veteran, did not demand a higher handicap.
On the dance floor......DB Cooper will be available for free prostrate exams during the awards dinner bbq.....watch for Calcutta team rankings next week but it appears that Candy Samples and the Professional Plumbers are the two to beat......
8th Annual Calcutta - Westwood Plateau
The 8th and final event of the PGA season, our annual Calcutta, will be held Saturday June 25th at the world renown Westwood Plateau Golf Club on Coquiltam mountain. Play will be from the Plateau tees measuring 6,355 yards with a rating of 69.9 and 129 slope. We will be using summer rules except for the "PGA" rule for balls lost in any hazard (1 stroke penalty and drop at the point of entry within 2 club lengths) Our first tee time is 9:30 am however breakfast and practice balls are available starting a 8 am. Please arrive no later than 9 am. ONCE AGAIN WE WILL BE HAVING A BBQ LUNCH AFTER OUR ROUND - LUNCH SHOULD START AROUND 3PM. - breakfast, practice balls & lunch are all included.
Calcutta Teams & Times
Team Coyote (Ugly) - 9:30 am
Taylor (18) - Maynard (17) - Player (18) - Alexander (30)
The Professional Plumbers - 9:40 am
Jenkinson (13) - Burns (7) - Garries (25) - Grundy (30)
ReHabaholics - 9:50 am
Wardroper (24) - Sherk (22) - Backie (14) - Killeen (20)
Candy Samples (old stacked stripper) - 10 am
Molinksi (17) - Phipps (6) - Brown (15) - DB Cooper (16)
CStM - (cocksuckthemoose) 10:10 am
Carter (12) - Len Slade(13) - Tibble (15) - Lloyd (20)
Calcutta $$$$ Cash
This year each team will purchase itself for 200.00 (50.00 per man). The Calcutta payout is as follows:
First - 600.00
Second - 250.00
Third - 150.00
Each player will pay an additional 10.00 for the following extra skill competitions - each winner will receive 50.00.
# 6 - 175 yard - KP
#12 - 145 yard - KP
#16 - 154 yard - KP
# 18 - 407 yard - Long Drive
Annual Awards Dinner
Bob Garries, the man, the myth, the legend, will have maps at Westwood to distribute to everyone to his home in Deep Cove for the annual PGA awards dinner. Festivities will commence at 7 pm. Bob's wife Marsha, hostess extrodinaire, will be catering the affair and the tour thanks the Garries for the generosity.
Chipping in........many thanks to Larry "Ace" Brown for once again negotiating a great deal @ Westwood for us.......our own Mike "Jake" Jenkinson was leading his flight at the McLeery Mens tournament by 8 strokes with one round to play........more kudos to Bob & Marsha Garries for hosting the annual awards bbq.....bets will be taken by Bob "Duke" Molinski, stay tuned.....all fees (60.00 per man) will be paid to Mr. David Backie prior to the first tee time......keep checking the web-site for more information over the next few days.......we are hoping the Doc - DB Copper will be our 20th at the Calcutta.....
PGA Awards Dinner
Our annual PGA awards dinner this year is being hosted by Bob & Marsha Garries at their home in Deep Cove on June 25 (after the Westwood Plateau Calcutta). The function will start at 7 pm. BYOB and 20.00 per couple for the appy's & food. Please bring your 20.00 on Saturday.
Chip-ins.......a invitation to the awards dinner will be extended to all the spares who have played this year.....the newly refurbished front nine at Seymour features about 200 more yards and 9 new greens, but the 71.00 green fee is steep.....we are hoping Paul "Killer" Killeen will be back on tour at Sandpiper after missing the Whistler weekend.....one time PGA tour regular Dave Rice will make his '05 PGA debut at Sandpiper......the Calcutta teams will be announced at the 19th hole at Sandpiper.....
Wardroper Wails at Sandpiper Dick "Shoe" Wardroper shot a solid net 66 to win the 2nd last PGA event of the season under mostly cloudy skies at Sandpiper Golf Club in Harrison Mills. The warm, almost muggy day, brought out the best in Wardroper and his team (The Finers - Backie, Carter, Alexander & Wardroper) who won the team competition by five shots at 19 under.
Green Jacket Race - 2 man Race!
Charlie "Tuna" Phipps finished 2nd at Sandpiper with a net 67 and his gross 73 was the 2nd lowest score of the season putting him in the catbird's seat along with Dick Burns for the coveted green jacket. The best five scores for the season are used so there are a few others that could upset the dynamic duo such as Ken Sherk, Al "Hamburgler" Maynard and Mike "Jake" Jenkinson.
PGA TOUR EVENT #7
SANDPIPER GOLF CLUB – JUNE 11, 2005
VIENNA
Foursomes for Sandpiper Golf Club – June 11, 2005
10:50 BURNS, Player, Jenkinson, Tibble
10:58 BACKIE, Grundy, Killeen, Phipps
11:06 MOLINSKI, Lloyd, Taylor, Rice
11:14 T. CARTER, Alexander, Sherk, Wardroper
11:22 MURDOCH, Brown, Garries, Maynard
"VIENNA
A side betting game for Gentlemen of the Golf Links
Saturday, June 11, 2005
Sandpiper Golf Club
Vienna is a simple enough side game. It makes a round of golf as easy as a waltz in the park. 1-2-3, 1-2-3 and so it goes.
First hole count the best one score of the foursome and circle it for Backie’s ultimate benefit.
Second hole count the best two scores and circle them.
Third hole count the best three scores and circle them.
Repeat as necessary until the entire 18 hole dance is completed.
As always, record gross scores only (you can figure out what the nets are but don’t record them).
Winning foursome gets $60, second group gets $24 and third group gets $16.
Aaaaaand 1-2-3, 1-2-3
Green Jacket Race Heats Up!
With the Tripper Cup Matches in the rear mirror all PGA eyes are now firmly focused on the annual Green Jacket race. The coveted Green Jacket is awarded to the season's finest golfer based on their best 5 rounds. The current leaders are Dick Burns and Tuna Phipps both with a best of 5 current total of 342. Ken Sherk has only played 4 rounds but is very close to the two low handicappers. Also within hailing distance are Al "Hamburgler" Maynard, Blair Murdoch, Bob "Duke" Molinski and the stats man, Dave Backie. With two rounds left virtually anyone, if they put together two good rounds, has a shot at the title. Please see "scores" for details.
Sandpiper
Our tee times at Sandpiper start at 10:50 am. Please give yourself enough time to arrive by no later than 10:30. The game(s) and foursomes will be posted later this week.
WorldStars Capture Tripper Cup
WORLDSTARS FUCK YEAH !!!!!! NORTHVANCLAN SUCK MOOSE....
Behind the nervy play of Hugh "Dawgballs" Taylor who halfed his singles match with NorthVanClan captain Dick Burns, the WorldStars won their 2nd consecutive Tripper Cup by one point over the NorthVanClan on a simply perfect weekend at the Whistler Golf Club. Taylor's up & down for par from the greenside bunker at 18 was the winning difference. Taylor was awarded this year's MVP award for his heroics. The one point margin was the slimmest victory in the brief history of the Tripper Cup matches which the WorldStars lead 2 to 1.
Burns - Phipps - Jenkinson - Go Low
Some of the weekend high-lights were Burns and Tuna Phipps shooting 75's. Burns achieved his feat on Saturday and Phipps followed on Sunday. Perhaps the most hard fought match was between Mike "Jake" Jenkinson and Dave Backie. Jake won the match shooting a 79 with a 39 back nine but lost the back nine point when Backie fashioned a sterling 38. Other noteable feats were Jim Pomeroy's 36 front nine on Saturday consisting of nine straight 4's and Blair Murdoch eagling the 16th on Sunday.
Next UP - Sandpiper
The next PGA event will be held at the Russ Olson designed Sandpiper in Harrison Mills (near Mission). The course is constructed on part of the old Pretty estate and features an excellent combination holes combined with easy walking. Our first tee time is 10:50 am. The team game will be posted on the web-site next week.
Chipping In!.....the tour welcomes Dr. DB Cooper who will join the PGA as a full timer next spring.....Al "Hamburgler" Maynard continued his recent hot play over the weekend including a 3 - 0 win over the Tuna who lost despite shooting 75.....Joe "Tiki" Tibble performed the "Haka", the traditional Mauri war dance prior to the day one matches and the dance seemed to work given the WorldStars 9 - 6 lead after the team matches....
Hybrid Tees for Tripper Cup
The PGA rules committee has announced that the PGA will play the white tees (3,063 yds) on the front 9 and the blue tees (3,270 yds) on the back 9 for the Tripper Cup matches. The hybrid course measures 6,333 yards with an approximate slope of 126 and a rating of 70.3.
The PGA lateral hazard (red stakes) rule will be in effect. Any time a ball goes into trouble please search for two minutes only. Once the ball is determined lost please drop within two club lengths of the point of entry and play away - one shot penalty. Other than that exception we will play summer rules unless course management dictate otherwise.
Jake Defends Tripper Singles
Mike "Jake" Jenkinson whose final round 65 defeated his soon to be father in law Larry Brown last year, defends his Tripper Cup net singles crown at Whistler. Jake's two day net total last year was 133 and is the current Tripper Cup net singles standard. Both rounds count toward the coveted green jacket, emblematic of the year's finest linkster.
Burns Grabs (a) Player
Due to other commitments both Doug Player (missing Saturday) and Vic Grundy (missing Sunday) are unable to play both days. NorthVanClan team captain approached the commissioner with a request to have both the veteran Player and rookie Grundy play one day each for the Clansmen. His request was granted. Hugh Walker of Whistler has been added to the WorldStars.
Cup notes........Al Maynard aka: the Hamburgler & Dick Burns both have had their 'caps drop by three strokes...Gamesmeister Murdoch had his 'cap reduced by 2.....hmmm......Jake went up 2 shots.....perhaps statsman Backie has been "taken care off" by the WorldStars?.....kudos to the Tuna for organizing Whistler and dinner on Saturday......
Dateline: Whistler, BC
Tripper Cup Matches set for Saturday
The much anticipated Tripper Cup Matches begin Saturday at the Arnold Palmer designed Whistler course with the WorldStars defending their championship against the NorthVanClan. The controversy started for this year's matches with the handicaps adjustments of the two sides. The NorthVanClan received repeated blows with downward adjustments to at least three of their members while the defending WorldStars had no such bad news. In fact last year's singles net winner, Mike "Jake" Jenkinson of the WorldStars, saw his 'cap raised by two shots. Every thing seems to be going the WorldStars' way. It appears the lobbying (read: bitching) of the WorldStars has paid off but it remains to be seen how the matches will play out on the course. Our intrepid reporter has solicited the opinion of many of the game's elite on their Tripper Cup thoughts:
Tiger Woods - My money is on the WorldStars....Tiki rules!
Mike Weir - I like Al "Hamburgler" Maynard's game...also Burns hits it a ton and is a born leader. Losing Killeen hurts but they shall overcome.
Pam Anderson (.) (.) - I'm pulling for the WorldStars...those guys have big slongs!!!
Arnold Palmer - I designed the Whistler course specifically for match play. Looking at the two teams it will be close but I think the addition of Doug "BeerHead" Player to the NorthVanClan team will make the difference come Sunday's singles matches.
Boy George =) NorthVanClan all the way....those guys have huge slongs!!!
Saturday dinner at Whistler: Please pay Charlie the tuna $55.00 before the round on Saturday.
This includes Buffet dinner with steak or chicken, tax, tip, and prizes. (some beer, no hookers)
Director of Statistics Dave Backie sets handicaps for the Tripper Cup
See Handicap page
Tripper Cup Captains Face Off
With the upcoming Tripper Cup matches in Whistler on the collective minds of the PGA our roving reporter cornered both Captains after a recent practice round and asked each the same questions. Here are the results.
Q. Shooting 71 at the Links last week, what's up with that?
Burns - Well first off, rather that go for the super hoover I elected to go with the "pick a hole" option but seriously I feel blessed and thank god for allowing me such a special day.
Carter - Burns sucks...and I think he might be a homer. I have to admit to being more than a little jealous. It (Burns' score) does put Bakes (statsman & team mate) in a tough position with calibrating the new 'caps for the Tripper Cup matches given he is also leading the green jacket race.
Q. How would you rate your team's chances at the Tripper Cup this year?
Burns- We lost badly last year but the squad has changed and I'm sure everyone will do their best and we'll come out on top.
Carter - Did he say come out on top?? I told you he was a homer. The WorldStars rules....NorthVanClan drools.
Q. Finally, do either of you enjoy Broadway musicals??
Burns - Yes, most definately.
Carter - NO!
Team North Vancouver members seen warming up for the Tripper Cup
Try this golf quiz. The web master was 12 under.
http://www.cincinnati.com/golf/golfquiz/html/brand.htm
Copy and paste in your browser if link doesn't work.
Burns Blasts The Links
Dick Burns, inspired by a brief kibitzing session prior to the round with Ray Stewart the former Canada/World Cup winner and PGA touring pro, blasted the Links @ Boundary Shores to blow away the rest of the field with a one under par 71. His net 61 is the BEST EVER net score recorded on the PGA tour. The NorthVanClan captain for the upcoming Tripper Cup matches played a superb round that included a super Hoover (5 tweeters) and only 4 bogies. Burns, the current runaway leader for the coveted green jacket, awaits the fate of his PGA handicap for the Tripper Cup matches and the rest of the season.
Al Maynard, another NorthVanClan member recorded his second straight net 65 to finish 2nd. Spare and Boundary Shores host Graham "Hammer" Smith shot 67 to finish 3rd.
Bob Molinski's group, Bob and the Hackers, won the Gayboy team game for not losing their pinkie until the 12th hole.
Please see "scores" for details.
3rd Annual Tripper Cup - Day One Matches Set
Captains Dick Burns and Tom Carter assigned teams and drew the team matches for day one of the Tripper Cup. Here are the day one team matches:
WorldStars vs NorthVanClan
2:15 Jenkinson/Phipps vs Brown/Pomeroy
2:25 Garries/Wardroper vs Grundy/Alexander
2:35 Tibble/Killeen vs Backie/Molinski
2:45 Lloyd /Player vs Maynard/Cooper
2:55 Carter/Taylor vs Burns/Murdoch
There are 45 points to be won during the Tripper Cup matches. The winning side will amass at least 23 points to be declared the Tripper Cup Champion. Each match is decided into 3 parts (front 9, back 9 and overall) with one point being awarded for each portion winner.
The singles matches will be drawn at dinner after the day one team matches are complete. Last year the WorldStars won the 2nd annual Tripper Cup matches in convincing fashion highlighted by Jake's big win over Larry "Ace" Brown that sealed the deal.
Tap ins..........gamesmeister Blair Murdoch posted his second straight 68 along with spare Bob Carter......gayboys (those losing the pinkie) were Ken Sherk, Vic Grundy, Smith, Mike Jenkison & Dave Alexander.....Ken Sherk will miss the Tripper Cup matches and will be replaced by another of the Tuna's brothers in law, Don "D.B." Cooper.......Doug Player of the WorldStars will miss the day one team matches but a plan to have his team match played on Friday afternoon is under way........
Murdoch Hopes for Dresses
This week's game of GAYBOY has the gamesmeister Blair Murdoch questioning if this might be the event that someone decides to play in a DRESS and reveals their true sexuality. According to rule 69.69-69 "any member wearing a woman's dress may play from the red or women's tees without malice or penalty". No names were mentioned but he did indicate his man/woman probables by disclosing the following initials - BM, KS, DB, DW, and BG.
PGA TOUR EVENT #4
BOUNDARY SHORES, MAY 14, 2005
GAY BOY
Foursomes for Boundary Shores, May 14, 2005
10:00 MURDOCH, Taylor, Killeen, Grundy
10:10 CARTER T., Carter B., Sherk, Brown
10:20 BURNS, Alexander, Maynard, Lloyd
11:30 MOLINSKI, Phipps, Jenkinson, Pow
Capitalized players are responsible for collecting the $10.00 from everyone. Give it to Murdoch with your scorecard when you have finished. Total prize monies anticipated on April 30, 2005 are $160 - $80 for regular pot, $80 for Gay Boy
GAY BOY
Gay Boy, is a game that should be understood by most of us. It uses a pink ball.
Each foursome has a gaily coloured, unique, bright PINK ball that is traded throughout the players. The first player uses it on the first hole, second player on the second and so forth.
The twist? The foursome is disqualified if they lose the PINK ball. This could be harsh, but after all so is life. Please keep track of when you lose it! Whichever golfer loses it will bear the distinction, GAY BOY, for the duration of the day and will be required to purchase a pitcher of beer for the rest of the foursome. Each GAY BOY will be required to drink some appropriate libation – pink lemonade, spritzer or coolers come to mind.
Here’s another not so damaging twist. Keep the overall net score for the PINK ball separately as that is what we are scoring here.
If there is a tie? Not a chance in hell! But if there is, we will count backwards from 18 to determine the winner! If you turn in a pink ball that isn’t your own (Dick Burns please note)? Severe sanctions for that.
Prize money? As there are only 4 foursomes; $48 to the winners, $20 to second place and $12 to third place.
Murdoch Gets His Due
The PGA apologizes to Blair Murdoch for our error in posting the Redwoods results. Gamesmeister Blair won the Wolf game with 26 points edging out Joe Tibble's 24. Blair had an engagement soon after the round and strangely no one can remember what happened to his prize money. Blair's 68 also gave him a share of third place and that prize also has not been located. An inquiry has been launched.
Tripper Cup Teams
The two Tripper Cup teams will be announced at the 19th hole after the round. The Captains will then form their two man teams and the day one team matches will be drawn. The day two singles matches will be drawn at dinner in Whistler on Saturday evening.
The Links - Directions
There are two ways to get to the Links @ Boundary Shores. The course is located just south of the Boundary Bay Airport on 72nd Street in Delta.
Option A
- through Deas Tunnel 0n HWY 99 - take 60th St/Hwy 17 exit - follow 60th/Hwy 17 and turn LEFT on LADNER TRUNK - follow LADNER TRUNK turn RIGHT on 72nd - go past airport - course is on the left at the end of the street
Option B
- take the Alex Fraser bridge to Hwy 91 - take 64th st exit (you will see the Sunshine Hills golf course) - stay right on 64th which veers left and becomes 104 st - stay on 104 - turn right on LADNER TRUNK(HWY 10) - continue west on LADNER TRUNK (over hwy 99) and turn left on to 72nd street.
Maynard & Tibble Rock Redwoods
Rookie Alan Maynard and long time tour spare Joe Tibble both shot excellent 65's to share the title at the PGA's 3rd event of the season at the tight and challenging Redwoods golf club. Tibble also won the "Wolf" side game with 26 points. Hugh Taylor was two shots back shooting 67 while Dick Burns managed 68.
Tiki Signs as Regular
Joe "Tiki" Tibble has signed on as our 19th PGA regular. He made the decision after sharing the medallist honors with Al Maynard at Redwoods. We look forward to having Joe compete at all the rest of our 2005 fixtures.
Next UP - The Links @ Boundary Shores
The 4th event of the season will be held May 14th at the Links @ Boundary Shores, the controversial Bob Ahoy links course next the Boundary Bay airport. Due to systemic problems with the municipal government the finished course lay mostly unused for three years until a business license was finally secured. The result is a real links course that is much more mature than most people realize. Our first tee time is 10:10 am. The foursomes and side games will be posted on the web-site next week.
Tripper Cup News
Tuna Phipps has confirmed our booking with the Whistler Golf Club for the Tripper Cup matches on May 28 & 29. Once again Team World will face Team North Van with Tom Carter captaining Team World and Dick Burns heading up Team North Van. Teams and team matches will be drawn at the 19th hole at The Links on the 14th. Last year Team World took the Cup in convincing fashion. The all-time series stands at 1 - 1. Our Saturday tee time at Whistler will be 2 pm and Sunday's start will be 10 am. FOR THOSE GOING UP EARLY......IF YOU WISH TO PLAY AT THE PEMBERTON GOLF CLUB PLEASE LET TUNA KNOW ASAP.
Dinner @ Whistler
Thanks again to Tuna for arranging a fab dinner right at the club after Saturday's team matches. After dinner the captains will draw for Sunday's singles matches. If you are not having dinner once again please let Tuna know so he can let the club know our numbers.
On The Dancefloor..........Team North Van captain Dick Burns is busy trying to find suitable dresses for his squad so they can play from the red tees at the Tripper Cup......superspare and ex-commish Len Slade has sold his palatial home in North Van and will be moving to a new townhome soon so he will miss the Tripper Cup weekend.....Duke Molinski has asked captain Burns that the team dresses not be too short as to make it embarrassing when reprieving a holed putt.......things that make you say hmmm? - Backie, Garries, Wardroper and Player will all miss the Links events......
PGA Event #3 @ The Redwoods
The third PGA event is set for this Saturday, April 30th at The Redwoods in Langley. Our first time is 10:20 am. Please check the foursomes and games. Please arrive at the course no later than 10 am. The weather forecast is for sunny with cloudy periods and a high of 17.
Brown AWOL
Tour veteran Larry "Ace" Brown will miss the Redwoods event to attend a combination hockey/golf trip with his oldgoats hockey team. Since the commissioner did not receive Mr. Brown's written application to play on another circuit a fine will be forthcoming.
Regulars??
We still have room for 2 more regulars. If anyone knows someone interested in joining please contact the commissioner.
PGA TOUR EVENT #3
REDWOODS - APRIL 30, 2005
WOLF
Foursomes for Redwoods – April 30, 2005
10:20 BACKIE, Murdoch, Pomeroy, Alexander
10:28 BURNS, Maddison, Molinski, Maynard
10:36 PHIPPS, Sherk, Garries, Taylor
10:44 CARTER, Grundy, Lloyd, Jenkinson
10:52 KILLEEN, Wardroper, Player, Tiki
Capitalized players are responsible for collecting the $10.00 from everyone. Give it to Backie with your scorecard when you have finished. Total prize monies anticipated on April 30, 2005 are $200 - $100 for regular pot, $100 for Wolf
WOLF
As it is played in the PGA
Wolf is a game where an individual in a foursome has the ability to team up with someone or ‘go it alone’. Possible scenarios are as follows;
- First three golfers hit their tee shots. Fourth golfer is the ‘captain’ for this hole and has the ability to choose one of those three tee shots and the golfer that made it to be his partner on the hole, gambling that either he or his new partner will individually beat the other two players on a net basis. If this happens both the captain and his partner score 2 points each, OR
- First three golfers hit their tee shots. Fourth golfer is the ‘captain’ for this hole and decides that none of those shots are any good and he thinks he can, before he tees off, beat the other three members of the foursome. He calls out "Wolf" and demonstrably howls like a wolf signifying that he single-handedly will beat the other three, again on a net basis. If he does beat them he scores 4 points and the other golfers score 0. If he doesn’t beat them the other three golfers score 1 point each.
- The captaincy is rotated, according to the order written in the scorecard, for the first 16 holes allowing everyone to be a captain 4 times. After 16 holes the golfer who has the least wolf points at that time assumes the captaincy for hole number 17 and the person who had the second least wolf points after 16 holes assumes the captaincy for hole number 18.
It remains to be seen if anyone is capable of deciphering these rules. As usual, foursomes who screw up will be sanctioned the usual amount of beer at the conclusion of the day’s festivities.
Prizing will be $50 to the golfer with the most wolf points, $30 to the second most points and $20 to the third most points. Prize winners won’t have to answer a skill testing question but will be required to demonstrate their howling capabilities in the clubhouse prior to receiving their money.
It should be noted in the side game, Wolf, that if there is not a foursome and it is only a threesome then the rules vary somewhat such that if someone calls Wolf and succeeds he gets 3 points whereas if he doesn't succeed the other two golfers get 1 point each. If he chooses a partner and succeed they each get 1 point. If they don't succeed and the other player beats them that player gets 2 points.
I hope people can figure this out. It is actually really simple but we'll have to wait to see what happens.
See you all Saturday.
This Just in.
An anonymous source has revealed a very well known PGA member, ex-commissioner and current spare was so hot on the front nine at Northlands the other day he had to take a swim in the pond in front of the tenth green. Up to his armpits. Again.
Guess who!!!!!!
WEEK # 2
Swan-e-set
1st LOW NET Molinski 69 5TH LOW NET Wardroper 73
2ND LOW NET Backie 71 6TH LOW NET Maynard 73
3RD LOW NET Slade 71 7TH LOW NET Sherk 73
4TH LOW NET Phipps 71
Olympic Point Winners
First: (60)Brown/Phipps 27
Second: (25)Killeen/Player 20
Third: (15)Jenkinson/Slade 20
Last Saturday's washout at Swan-e-set has been RESCHEDULED for next Saturday, April 23 AT SWANNY. OUR FIRST TEE TIME IS 10:39 AM. Practice balls are included so if you wish to beat balls prior to teeing off come early. The Olympic putting game will remain as per last Saturday. The cost for spares remains at 40.00. The weather forecast for next Saturday? Mostly sunny with a high of 17.
Player to Debut - Commissioner on Vacation
Doug Player will make his '05 debut on Saturday and the Commissioner will miss his very first PGA event leaving April 19 for Savannah Georgia to play in the Senior PGA tour's Liberty Mutual Legends of Golf event. Here are the revamped foursomes cobbled together quickly. If your name appears and you can not play please contact Hugh Taylor at [email protected] who will then attempt to get other spares.
10:39 - Backie - Brown - Grundy - Player
10:49 - Slade (Carter) - Killeen - Molinski - Lloyd
10:59 - Phipps -Jay Merilees (Garries) - Pomeroy - Andre
11:09 - Taylor - Maynard - Alexander - Wardroper
11:19 - Burns - Jenkinson - Sherk - Leigh (Murdoch)
Killeen Set to FINE
Paul Killeen, the associate Commissioner, will be in charge on Saturday and have full powers including fining members for any discrepancy. Dick Wardroper will be the money man and take care of the green fees and collect $$ from spares. Killeen has fined the Commissioner 1 pitcher of beer for lying about playing in the Legends of Golf event on the Senior (other) PGA tour in Savannah already.
April 30th @ Redwoods
Our third event of the season will be Saturday April 30th at Redwoods in Langley. Our first time is 10:20 am so please arrive at the course by 10 am at the latest. Foursomes and games will be posted on the web-site the week of April 25th.
Pomeroy Back
Jim Pomeroy will be making his first appearance on the PGA tour since 2003 at Swan-e-set. The big man and former green jacket winner has recently retired and is looking forward to playing and seeing all the old regulars. Stats man Dave Backie will assign Jim a handicap prior to the round.
Swanny Rules
Here are the rules for Swanny (aside from Olympic) given the condition of the course.
- winter rules, 6 inch improvement everywhere but on the green
- play will be from the WHITE tees (6,350 yards)
- PGA bush rule - should you hit your ball in the woods etc. and can't find it (to speed up play look for only 2 minutes) please take a drop 2 club lengths from the point of entry (no closer the hole) - one stroke penalty applied
PGA TOUR EVENT #2
SWAN-E-SET BAY - APRIL 16, 2005
OLYMPIC
Foursomes for Swan-E-Set Bay – April 16, 2005
8:04 BACKIE, Brown, Grundy, Slade
8:12 CARTER, Killeen, Molinski, Lloyd
8:20 PHIPPS, Garries, Overgaard, Pomeroy
8:28 TAYLOR, Maynard, Alexander, Wardroper
8:36 BURNS, Jenkinson, Sherk, Leigh
Capitalized players are responsible for collecting the $10.00 from everyone. Give it to Backie with your scorecard when you have finished. Total prize monies anticipated on April 16, 2005 are $200 - $100 for regular pot, $100 for Olympic
OLYMPIC
PGA TOUR EVENT #2
SWAN-E-SET BAY
APRIL 16, 2005
"OLYMPIC"
Overview: This is a putting "game". It rewards golfers who can hole their shots in one putt once getting on the green, i.e., one putts are good, two or more putts aren’t. This game allows us to work on our concentration and, for some of us, our swearing.
Rules: 1. Once all members of the foursome are on the green the putts are
measured and the one that is the furthest from the hole (i.e., the person who would ordinarily putt first) scores four (4) points if sunk in one putt. If that person misses sinking on the first putt then they are out of the competition for this hole. The second furthest putt then has an opportunity to score three (3) points if sunk in one putt. Similarly, the second closest (third furthest) would score two (2) points and the shortest putt could score one (1) point again, if sunk in one attempt.
- No points are awarded to a player if that player needs more than one putt on the hole.
- It is possible for more than one player to score points on a hole. The rule is points are awarded for sinking in one putt and all players who do that will score points.
- If a player sinks a ball from off the green and requires no putts then that player would score five (5) points on the hole. This would mean there would be no 4 point putt (i.e., max possible is 5,3,2,1) If two players hole out from off the green then there would be no 4 or 3 point putts (i.e., max possible is 5,5,2,1), etc.
- Individual scores are kept of the Olympic competition and at the end of the day, the $100 is divided up;
b) Second place $25
c) Third place $15
It is suggested that a separate scorecard be utilized to maintain the Olympic scoring. Please turn in Olympic cards to Dave Backie when finished your round.
Sherk Perks at the Point
Ken Sherk only two months removed from heart surgery toured a well tuned Pt. Roberts course with a nifty 65 to win the PGA's season opener under sunny skies. Sherk's heroics did not translate into team success as the team of Slade, Carter, Garries and Alexander shot a 5 under 139 to win the rookie 2 ball. "Rookie" Len Slade and Bob Garries played superbly to lead their squad.
Runners up in the individual were Tuna Phipps and Dick Burns both managing 68's. Bob Garries 69 took third place money. For all scores & stats please click "scores".
Need 2 More Regulars
The PGA is currently operating with only 18 regulars. If anyone knows anyone who wants to play regularly please have them contact the Commissioner.
Event # 2 - Swan-e-set
The second event of the season is next Saturday April 16th at Swan-e-set Bay. Our first tee time is 8 am. Our deal includes practice balls for those so inclined. Please make sure to arrive at the golf course no later than 7:45 am regardless. The team game and foursomes will be posted on the web-site later this week.
PGA = Augusta National
What does the PGA tour Augusta National have in common? Aside from great golf and incredible drama each week, Martha Burke. Ms. Burke contacted the Commissioner on Sunday while he was enjoying the Masters telecast to complain that, like Augusta National, no woman has ever played on tour. She threatened to personally call our sponsors and to bring all "my power" to bear to disrupt the remaining PGA tour events. When learning that once again, like Augusta, that the PGA operates with no sponsors Ms. Burke then threatened to attend the Swan-e-set event herself in a bikini to protest our reluctance to allow at least one woman to play. Despite the threat and the likely consequences of some tour members going blind and the sight of Ms. Burke in a bikini the Commissioner did not acquiesce to the demands releasing this statement: " Our new tour policy is not to comment on tour operations".
On the dancefloor.........Dick Burns received the first fine of the new season for "sloppy dress unbecoming a tour regular".......Tuna Phipps' net 68 came after driving up from Oregon prior to teeing off........stats guru Dave Backie will be spending the next few days in Mesquite working on his game prior to Swan-e-set.......kudos to Jay Merilees and Joe Tibble for subbing at Pt. Roberts......the 3 rookies, Maynard, Grundy and Lloyd, felt the pressure on their first tour experience but seemed to enjoy the proceedings......
Mr. Backie sets Caps for Point Bob
See Handicaps page
PGA TOUR EVENT #1
POINT ROBERTS - APRIL 9, 2005
ROOKIE TWO BALL
Foursomes for Point Roberts Golf & Country Club – April 9, 2005
11:30 grundy, MURDOCH, Sherk, Molinski
11:40 merilees, BROWN, Wardroper, Tibble
11:50 maynard, PHIPPS, Killeen, Jenkinson
Noon lloyd, BACKIE, Burns, Taylor
12:10 slade, CARTER, Alexander, Garries
* Rookies are in bold and, as befits their status, in lower case. Capitalized players are responsible for collecting the $10.00 from everyone. Give it to Backie with your scorecard when you have finished. Total prize monies anticipated on April 9, 2005 are $200 - $100 for regular pot, $100 for Rookie Two Ball.
"ROOKIE TWO-BALL"
Overview: This is a variation of the never popular game "St. Alice". It is a two ball "team" game where two balls count. Every foursome is saddled with one "rookie". For our purposes this year, the rookies are Maynard, Grundy, Lloyd, Slade and Maddison – why Slade and Maddison? Well, Maddison was absent without leave last year and Slade? Why not Slade? Of all the people we could piss off calling them a rookie, Slade’s name continues to come to the top – so this year he’s a rookie. The rookie’s ball must be counted on every hole. You will be required, as always, to post gross scores on your scorecards. Backie will sort the net scores out later.
Rules: 1. The "rook" (as they shall now be called) will establish a playing order from his foursome and write it down.
2. On hole #1, the "the rook" will assess all the tee shots, and prior to a second shot by anyone, he will choose one member as his partner on the hole. The "rook" writes the identity of his partner down on the scorecard by circling the square. The foursome is now stuck with the scores of that chosen member plus the "the rook" for this hole.
- On hole #2, the "rook" again chooses one member of the foursome as his partner for this hole and records the identity on the scorecard. Again, the foursome score is based on the performance of the"rook" and the chosen golfer. Remember, the "rook" chooses the golfer after the drives but before any other shots are taken.
- All holes are played in a similar fashion to this.
- Sounds simple, doesn’t it? It is actually an IQ test for the "rook"!!! The trick here is the "rook" must use everybody’s score six times and six times only.
- In the likely event that a "rook" will screw up this relatively simple little game he will be sanctioned two pitchers of beer – one for his now screwed foursome and one for the rest of us who will be inevitably disadvantaged by the turn of events.
Backie Pays EXTRA $$ - Season Opener Just Days Away!!
With our April 9th opening day just days away the PGA office finally received payment from our Director of Statistics, Dave Backie. The Statsman knowing of his 2 pitcher of beer fine for late payment included an extra 25.00 on his cheque. That leaves only Paul "Killer" Killeen as the only regular member who has not paid his dues. As per the previous ruling if Mr. Killeen's fees are not paid prior to the opening day his fine jumps from 2 to 4 pitchers of beer.
Opening Day - April 9th - Point Roberts
Again this year the 2005 PGA season will start at the well draining, most excellent Point Roberts Golf Club in Pt. Roberts, Washington. Please remember that to cross the border you will need your passport or driver's license and birth certificate. Our first tee time is 11:30 am. As usual Blair Murdoch, our Gaming Chairman, will put together foursomes and the games we will start the season with. Both the games and foursomes will be posted next week.
2005 Schedule Confirmed
Aside from our opening day event at Point Roberts here is the rest of the 2005 schedule:
April 16 - 8:15 am - Swan-e-set Bay
April 30 - 10:20 am - Redwoods Golf Club
May 14 - 10:40 am - The Links @ Boundary Bay
May 28 & 29 - times TBA - The annual Tripper Cup Matches - Whistler Golf Club
June 11 - 10:50 am - Sandpiper Golf Club
June 25 - times TBA - Westwood Plateau - (8th annual PGA Calcutta)
Spares for 2005
Our policy concerning spares remains the same. Each regular must arrange for their own spare if they can not make any event and negotiate the green fee with the spare. The fee will be collected by the Commissioner if desired. We have an ample spares list. Please click on "roster" and go to spares for contact information.
Thank-yous
Kudos to Tuna Phipps and Ace Brown for arranging our tee times at Whistler and Westwood Plateau. Once again we will get the full meal deal at Westwood including carts, practice balls and a tasty lunch.
2005 Awards Dinner
We are looking for a volunteer to host the annual awards dinner on June 25th after the Calcutta at Westwood. If you would like to host the event please let Commissioner Tom Carter know. Past dinners have been hosted by Paul Killeen (twice at least), Dick Burns, and Dave Rice.