YEAR 2006
2006
Garries Goes Green
Knuckles Garries making the rest of the tour green with envy put an exclamation point on his 2006 PGA season by shooting a solid net 66 to vanquish all his pursuers to win the coveted Green Jacket emblematic of the year's best. Playing in excellent conditions on the warmest day of the season Knuckle's 66 featured a back 9 gross of 41 to clearly outdistance all challengers. (please see "scores" for all details) At the awards dinner Mr. Garries humbly accepted the handsome haberdashery with an inspiring & thoughtful speech. Clearly the 2006 season belonged to a man whose comeback wish for golf and life came shining through.
Dinks Dandy @ Calcutta
The Dinks, the team with the longest Vegas odds, rode hot rookie Digby "Nature Boy" Leigh in the early going and hung on with two net pars on #18 to edge out The Wangs to win the big money at the 9th annual Calcutta. As predicted last week on the web-site, Nature Boy set the pace while the Dink's captain Killer Killeen's experience along with steady play from Ace Brown and Shoe Wardroper was enough top win the big $$. The Dink's 27 under score was the lowest Calcutta total ever. The Wangs captained by Knuckles needed to pickup an extra shot on #18 but couldn't do it. Their collective 26 under score was 12 shots clear of the third place team, The Willies. The payouts were: Dinks - 760.00 - Wangs - 440.00 - Willies - 300.00
Tentative Schedule
We are hoping to play 8 different courses (from this season) next year. The tour will return to previous tracks such as Pt. Bob, Meadow Gardens and the much beloved Sandpiper as well as introduce Bowen Island, the new challenging 9 holer and Sudden Valley on the shores of Lake Whatcom just outside Bellingham. The Tripper Cup will most likely be played at the NorthWest's golf mecca of Bremerton in Washington State. Bremerton is about a four hour drive including the ferry from Kingston across Puget Sound. The Gold Mountain complex is very highly rated with the Olympic course hosting the USGA's annual Public Links Championship in mid July this summer with the winner earning a spot at The 2007 Masters in Augusta. The Olympic course has been consistently rated as one of Washington state's best mentioned in the same breath with Sahalee, Washington National and Desert Canyon. Other highly rated Bremerton courses include Trophy Lake Golf & Casting and Michael Jordan's favourite course, McCormick Woods for those going early and looking for a place to play. For more information on the Gold Mtn golf complex please go to:
http://www.goldmt.com
2007 Tentative Schedule
April 14th - Point Roberts
April 28th - Meadow Gardens
May 12th - Bowen Island
May 28/29 - Tripper Cup: Gold Mtn Olympic & Cascade, Bremerton
Washington
June 9 - Sandpiper
June 16 - Sudden Valley
June 23 - Calcutta @ Northlands
Once again we will end the season with a three week race for the coveted Green Jacket.
IN THE WOODS.......thank you once again to Killer & Rainbow for hosting a great awards bbq, the kabobs especially drew rave reviews.......a big shout out to Ace Brown for again putting together a great day at Westwood.....the Calcutta missing El Cid Murdoch who would have been a GJ contender on finding out that Knuckles won the GJ by such a convincing margin: "Holy F-ck! I will be putting a call into Bakes, that long arm man-monkey must be stopped next year!!".....speaking of winners Knuckles and the vivacious Marsha will generously host the '07 Awards bbq for the 2nd time at their Deep Cove home with the knock out views.....
MOST EXCELLENT SEASON - ALL THE BEST & SEE YOU MID April 2007
BBQ @ Killer's - 6 pm
Kudos again to Killer & Rainbow for hosting the awards bbq dinner. We are going with a light menu this year as selected by Killer which will feature salads, appy's and bbq kabobs. There is no need to bring anything except it is BYOB.
Chateau Killeen is located at 2816 Trillium, North Vancouver - V7H 1JH
- Tel # 604-929-4722. They are located north, just off Mt. Seymour
Parkway. Please use Mapquest if you need directions.
Note from Killer
Directions to my home:
2816 Trillium Place
North Vancouver
V7H 1J4 (for Map Quest users)
(604) 929-4722
Mount Seymour Parkway - Turn left on Emerson - 3 blocks and then Right on Trillium
The Hot Tub will be 100+ and the pool is 80+ so bring your bathing suit and towel (no nude swimming before 8pm)
Vegas Odds
The odds on the 9th annual PGA Calcutta have been set in Las Vegas, Monaco and other gambling centres. Odds - 3 to 1 - The Slongs (Molinski-Backie-Taylor-Player) With 2 cagey
vets that have been on tour since day one and have both won the Calcutta many times this squad is the consensus pick. Duke is always there or there abouts and don't forget it was only a year ago that Dawgballs shot a net 65 at Westwood. There will be no single malt on the course so Beerhead should play up to a higher standard.
Odds - 4 to 1 - The Wangs (Garries-Burns-Carter-Sherk) With Knuckles leading the Green Jacket race and having an excellent season this team could........go....all.......the.....way. Docme, the soon to be retired principal, is a teacher at heart and loves mentoring less experienced golfers and will get the best out of Lefty.
Odds - 5-1 - The Dinks (Killeen-Brown-Wardroper-Leigh) Captain Killer who is also fighting for his first Green Jacket will need to "manage" the fast swinging and long hitting Nature Boy on the tight Coquitlam Mtn track. If the Digger can keep 6 "bigguns" in play then the solid, sensible play of Ace & Shoe might just lead the Dinks to victory.
Odds - 6-1 - The Willies (Slade-Grundy-Lloyd-White) Super spare Fonz Slade will head up the Willies. With Stretch having a Green Jacket contending season the Fonz will have to nuture Knees to perform for at least 6 holes. The wild card on the Willies is Echo who has missed the last two events but rumour has him in training & scheming in Mickelsoneque fashion for the Calcutta.
Odds - 7-1 - The Peckers (Jenkinson-Maynard-Alexander-Novotny) The Peckers are led but another Green Jacket contender Jake. The Hamburgler is solid and both Hoss & Novocop are capable so in this format although given the longest odds this team is likely the best bet. " I like these guys, counting only six holes each I would be ready to put down a few G's on them" offered Vegas casino boss Steve Wynn when queried.
Calcutta Itinery
8:15 - Continental breakfast & practice range
8:30 - Captains remit 300.00 (75 per team member) Calcutta fee to Bakes
8:50 - Play begins
1:30 - 19th hole - beer & bbq
6 pm - Annual PGA awards dinner @ Chateau Killeen.
REMEMBER TO BRING YOUR PRIZE TO THE AWARDS DINNER - FAILURE WILL RESULT
IN LARGE SANCTIONS.
Shoe Shines @ Shuksan
(The write up this week is lengthy - please make sure you read everything so you are fully informed)
The Shoe hit fairway after fairway on his way to an impressive net 64 on an excellent day at Shuksan. While a host of good scores were posted, El Cid Murdoch & Dawgfart Taylor tied for second after posting 65's on a Shuksan course that proved hospitable for most New spare Ross (the Hippie) shot a gross 74 followed closely by Jake Jenkinson & Docme Dick Burns who each fired 75's (gross). Jake, Docme, Knuckles Garries and Commish Tom Carter all shot net 67's to tie for third. Please see "scores" for details.
Green Jacket Race
With the new rule proposed by the Commissioner and passed by the members of having the Calcutta round count along with one's four best scores, the Green Jacket picture becomes slightly clearer. In the driver's seat sits Knuckles Garries whose current 4 round total sits at 264 ahead of Killer Killeen (268) and Dawgslong Taylor (269). Bakes Backie, Jake Jenkinson, Docme Dick Burns and Duke Molinski continue to be in the mix.
The new rule ensures that since the Calcutta round counts for the Green Jacket that the pressure is squarely on the leaders to perform or perish. Knuckles, who is having a great year must now be able to stand the pressure of more seasoned veterans such as the Duke, Docme, Jake and Bake with dark horses like Ace Brown all set to make a run for a date with golf's most coveted piece of haberdashery. Can the ex rugby player with no knee caps (taken by the Mafia) withstand the emotional bombardment?? We'll find out Saturday.
***Final Event*** Calcutta @ Westwood Plateau
The season's final event will be the 9th annual Calcutta held at Westwood Plateau on Saturday June 24th. Continental breakfast and free range balls will be available from 8:20 am onward. Our first tee times 8:50 am. 1:30 players return from golf course for custom BBQ and 2 free beer coupons. Each captain (the first name mentioned in each group) is responsible for the team's entry (4X75=300) that must be paid to Mr. Backie prior to the first team teeing off. Here are the teams as drawn at Shuksan:
8:50 am - The Wangs Garries - Burns - Carter - Sherk
9:00 am - The Slongs Molinski - Bakes - Taylor - Player
9:10 am - The Willies Slade - Grundy - Lloyd - White
9:20 am - The Peckers Jenkinson - Maynard - Alexander - Novotny
9:30 am - The Dinks Killeen - Brown - Wardroper - Leigh
Calcutta Rules
- play from the Silver tees
- 2 (net) scores count on each hole - each player must count on six (6) holes - the decision on which players count on each hole must be made before anyone tees off on the next hole
- PGA rule: play all bush, water etc as a lateral hazard - drop at point of entry - one shot penalty
- KP's on #12 & #16
- Long Drive on #18
Carts are also included as well as a BBQ lunch at the 19th hole. Kudos to Ace Brown for making all the arrangements.
Awards Dinner
The awards dinner is being hosted this year by Killer & Rainbow Killeen starting at 6 pm after the Calcutta. This year's menu will consist of salads and lots of appy's provided by the PGA tour. Please BYOB. For those who have not experienced Chateau Killeen please ask Killer for directions. The tour heartily thanks Killer and Rainbow for once again hosting. This is the 4th awards dinner they have hosted - above and beyond the call of duty!!
Year End Prizes
ach PGA tour regular must bring a prize with him to the awards dinner to go along with a few PGA provided prizes. It can be anything golf or booze related and re-gifting is encouraged. The prize picking order will be determined by the Green Jacket order of finish.
Lip outs:El Cid Murdoch will miss the Calcutta due to other commitments but he wishes everyone good luck and leaves us with this nugget: " It's a basic. Game".....Fonz Slade will take El Cid's place and captain "The Willies".....a pool will circulate during the Calcutta to guess what colour hair Judy "Rainbow" Killeen will be at dinner.....none of the top 3 GJ contenders have won before.....The Slongs appear to be the early Calcutta favorites....
Garries "Knuckles" The Falls
Bob "Knuckles" Garries punched out a Falls course set up hard with tricky greens for a net 66 and clearly establish himself as one of the green jacket favorites. His +5 in the hurdle game also edged out spare Blob Carter (+4) and Ace Brown (+1) - please see "scores" for full details. For Garries it was his 3rd round this season in the 60's and certainly earned him a shiny new handicap.
Green Jacket Race
At this point it appears others challenging for the covet green jacket are Duke Molinski, Jake Jenkinson, Killer Killeen, El Cid Murdoch and Stretch Grundy. Dark horse candidates appear in the form of Bakes Backie, Docme Dick Burns and Dawggystyle Taylor.
Next Up - Shuksan - Saturday June 17 - FIRST TEE TIMES @ NOON
Our 7th event and second last of the season will be played next Saturday at Shuksan Golf Club just east of Bellingham Wash. Carts are included and play will be from the 6,276 yard White tees. Shuksan is an excellent course with some elevation changes and is sloped 125 and has a course rating of 70.1. It was developed by the original owner/developer of Loomis Trail in the mid 90's after they sold Loomis to the Semiahmoo group. For directions and other info please go to: http://www.shuksangolf.com
The site describes the directions going down the I5 but the best route is as follows:
Hwy 1 to exit 264 - follow to the border crossing - straight down Guide Meridian - watch for the Shuksan signs - turn left on Axton Rd - continue straight until you see the Shuksan sign and turn left into the parking lot.
Once you have crossed the border it takes about 20/25 minutes to get to the course. Please give yourselves enough time at the border and remember to bring proper ID (Passport or Drivers Lic. & birth certificate). For border information please go to:
http://www.borderlineups.com
In the rough........PGA medical staff reports that veteran Tiki Tibble is rehabbing quickly after his recent knee replacement and is hoping to return the Links ahead of schedule in early August.....good luck to Mike Weir and semi Canuck Stephen Ames at this week's US Open.....the annual Calcutta will go June 24th at Westwood Plateau and the teams will be
drawn at the 19th at Shuksan.....
FOURSOMES FOR SATURDAY JUNE 17, 2006 SHUKSAN
12:00 BACKIE, Carter, Leigh, Garries
12:08 BURNS, White, Novotny, Killeen
12:16 TAYLOR, Grundy, Wardroper, Lloyd
12:24 MOLINSKI, Jenkinson, Sherk, Maynard
12:32 MURDOCH, Player, Brown, Alexander
Captains, in CAPITALS, responsible for collecting $10 prize money from each golfer. Give, along with scorecards, to Backie at end of day.
And the side game is.....................
FOUR MAN WOLF
The Wolf is the last player to tee off on any hole. Choose a rotation on the first tee; the Wolf on hole #1 will also be the Wolf on #5, #9 and #13. Each player will be Wolf four times (holes 1-16) and the two highest handicappers in a foursome will be Wolf five times by choosing to go last on either #17 or #18.
The game:
Players tee off in order. The Wolf for this hole has an opportunity, once he assesses a tee shot, to choose that person as his partner for the hole. He must make this choice before someone else tees off. If he doesn’t like any of the 3 shots he may declare he is going “LONE WOLF” by howling! Yes, that’s right he howls! He then plays the hole against the other three players.
The scoring:
If you choose a player and yours and that players total scores beat the other two’s total (NET – so be mindful of the handicaps) you get one point each. If you don’t beat the other two players they get one point each. So add the two net scores together to see who beats whom.
If you howl and become “Lone Wolf” and beat the other three players you get six points by yourself. You must beat all of the others (net) to score. If you don’t win then the other three players score one point each.
If there is a tie, and there will be lots, there will be a carry-over to the next hole and the next hole, etc. until the tie is broken. Remember, the Wolf changes on every hole! If the carry-over is for, say, three holes, you will play for three times the“normal” points (two man teams play for six points between them and if there is a LONE WOLF he plays for eighteen points or three each for his opponents if he is unsuccessful.
Payoff? Winning Wolf player in each foursome gets $10. Winning Wolf player overall gets $35, second Wolf player overall gets $15.
Questions? I hope not.
The Falls
Our first time is 10:20 am at The Falls. Please give yourselves enough
time for the drive (approx: 75 minutes). Please click the attached for
directions:
http://www.thefalls.com/contact-location.html
We offer the directions because El Cid Murdoch always gets lost driving
to The Falls and that is likely why he doesn't like the course. Should
he get lost again or is late severe sanctions will apply.
Commissioners Note
PGA Rule
The Falls, designed by Ted Locke, is built into the side of a hill and can be very tight and difficult in spots. In order to speed up play we will institute the "PGA rule" for this event. If you ball goes somewhere bad (and there are a few bad places) please take a drop at the point the ball entered the bad crap, continue to play and add one stroke. This way we will ensure that everyone is home in time to drive to Shuksan next week.
19th hole......Echo Lloyd and Jake Jenkinson will miss this week with
their spots taken by Fonz Slade & Blob Carter.....the current green
jacket race is tight with Jake, Duke Molinski, Killer Killeen, and
Stretch Grundy leading the way.....
FOURSOMES
THE FALLS
JUNE 10, 2006
Time 1 TOM CARTER, Leigh, Bob Carter, Novotny
Time2 BACKIE, Grundy, Player, Maynard
Time 3 TAYLOR, Alexander, Garries, Slade
Time 4 MURDOCH, Molinski, White, Killeen
Time 5 BURNS, Sherk, Brown, Wardroper
And the side game……………..
PGA TOUR EVENT #6
THE FALLS JUNE 10, 2006
"LEGION"
Overview: Legion is a creative handicapping method. Players receive a negative quota of points, called a "hurdle", based on their handicaps. The game is based on scratch players receiving a hurdle of 36 points, 1 handicaps receive a hurdle of 35 points, etc. All players start at 0 points for the day.
Then, based on their performances, players receive points as follows:
Quad = -2 points
Triple = -1 point
Double = 0 points
Bogeys = 1 point
Pars = 2 points
Birdies = 3 points
Eagles = 4 points
The player who clears his hurdle by the most points in his foursome wins $10. Additionally, the player who clears his hurdle by the most points in our entire 20 man field wins an additional $20. The second player in the 20 man field wins an additional $10.
Player Name Handicap Hurdle Quota
Alexander 25 11
Backie 13 23
Brown 15 21
Burns 8 28
Carter, Tom 13 23
Carter, Bob 16 20
Garries 21 15
Grundy 24 12
Killeen 18 18
Leigh 26 10
Maynard 15 21
Molinski 16 20
Murdoch 18 18
Novotny 28 8
Player 16 20
Slade 12 24
Sherk 23 13
Taylor 15 21
Wardroper 19 17
White 28 8
NorthVanClan Clobbers WorldStars
The NorthVanClan lead by a record setting net 60 (gross 78) posted in the singles matches by El Cid Murdoch handily vanquished the WorldStars in the 4th annual Tripper Cup matches played last weekend in Kelowna at Sunset Ranch and Kelowna Springs.
Earlier in the day, WorldStar Knuckles Garries had broken the net score record of 63 established at Swan-e-set by Jake Jenkinson by shooting a net 61. Garries record lasted about 20 minutes before Murdoch, playing severely hungover,managed his near God like total. " I'm glad some overfaired, longhaired leaping gnome like El Cid did not break the 60 barrier to join me, Duval and others " quipped Al Geiburger when contacted at home. David Duval couldn't be reached for comment as he was lost in the woods searching for his last tee shot. NorthVan, ably captained once again by Docme Dick Burns took control of the matches from the outset leading 9 to 3 after the day one team matches at Sunset Ranch. They went on to soundly trounce the WorldStars 26 ½ to 9 ½, the largest margin of victory in Tripper Cup history to avenge their first & only loss last year at the Whislter matches. Although the WorldStars played with music in their heads ( "NorthVan, their a bunch of big FAGS, NorthVan - we nailed all of their Nags......) they could do very little to stop the NorthVan juggernaut who now lead the Tripper Cup series 3 to 1.
Locales being considered for next years matches are back to Kelowna, Salmon Arm, Bremerton Washington, Bellingham Washington, the Sunshine Coast and Oliver/Osoyoos.
Green Jacket Race Heats Up @ The Falls
We now look forward to the race for the coveted Green Jacket (please check "scores") by playing three weeks in a row starting June 10th at The Falls in Chilliwack. The Green Jacket race is becoming clearer and many tour members have a chance to distance themselves from the pack with a good showing. The mountain side track features tough greens and IS not a favorite of El Cid which is why we are playing there. Our first time is 10:24 am so please make arrangements to arrive at the course no later than 10 am.
The tour then will play consecutive Saturdays - June 17 at Shuksan in Bellingham (noon tee times) and we will finish the season June 24 with our annual Calcutta at Westwood Plateau (9 am tee times) followed by our awards BBQ this year hosted for the 37th time by Killer & Rainbow Killeen.
On the dance floor..... Fonz Slade returns to the tour subbing for Jake after his recent return from Palm Springs.....Echo Lloyd will miss at The Falls so Duke Molinski is recruiting a spare thought to be either Jim "Buford" Pomeroy or Dave "Doc" Rice may make his season debut.....also returning will be Stretch Grundy, Lefty Sherk, Nature Boy Leigh and Hoss Alexander......the foursomes and games will be posted next week.....kudos to Killer & Rainbow for again hosting theBBQ....Hamburgler Maynard, who beat the Tuna in the Whistler matches
of 2005, continued his giant killing Tripper Cup ways when he took out Docme Dick Burns in the singles.....
Please note the Schedule page had an error. The Falls and Shuksan were ass backwards.
Sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused.
The correct dates are below.
June 10 - The Falls (includes cart)
June 17 - Shuksan (Bellingham - includes cart)
FLASH
Hoss Gets Thrown From Tripper Cup Matches
Hoss Alexander having suffered countless hooves to the head over the years completely forgot about his son's graduation this weekend and will miss the Kelowna trip. WE NEED A SPARE. Previous pleas to our spares list have been unsuccessful so if ANYONE HAS SOMEONE THEY THINK MIGHT PLAY PLEASE ASK THEM AND REPORT ANY SUCCESS TO THE COMMISSIONER VIA EMAIL.
Team Matches @ Tripper Cup
The day one team matches feature several interesting matchups and some potential blowouts, at least on paper. Sunset Ranch, a difficult course was selected by last year's losing captain Dick Burns of the NorthVanClan specifically to intimidate WorldStars' rookies NovoCop Novotny and Knees White. "They (the rookies) won't be able to handle Sunset's tighter holes very well and I think that gives us a decided advantage" stated Burns who is still smoldering about Dawgballs Taylor's match clinching 18th sandy at Whistler. Here are the matches:
Match NorthVanClan Wordlstars
One Player/Killeen Garries/Wardroper
Two Brown/Alexander Lloyd/Novotny
Three Backie/Molinski Maynard/White
Four Burns/Murdoch Carter/Taylor
The veteran laden NorthVanClan again must be the decided favourite going in to the matches. They have won 2 of the 3 annual matches losing only last year at Whistler. Match three looks like the firm of Backie & Molinski both 8 year PGA vets should have little trouble with the Maynard & White duo but the other three matches all look to be hard fought, tight matches.
Dinner @ Sunset
We have reserved four tables on the patio at Sunset for dinner afterward. The singles draw will take place during dinner.
PICS page has been updated. As there was no Beer girl at Morgan Creek the one from The Falls has stepped up to take her place. (Thank goodness because the Swany PICS were a little gay.)
Tripper Cup Downsized
With 4 regulars unable to play in the Tripper Cup matches the tour has decided to go with a 16 man field for the annual 2 day matches pitting the defending WorldStars against the NorthVanClan. All the arrangements will remain the same. Our tee times at Sunset Ranch start at 1pm Saturday and Sunday's times begin at 9:50 am at Kelowna Springs. Each of the four missing regulars will receive 140.00 back from their dues.
Sat. Dinner
Since we will be finishing around 6 pm we have arranged for reservations on the outside patio (weather permitting) at Sunset Ranch. They feature a typical golf club menu. The draw for the singles matches will be held during dinner.
Roomies
Please remember that the tour provides and pays for your room on Saturday night along with the two rounds of golf as part of your dues. If you are going to Kelowna early to play a practice round and need a room for Friday night please call the Accent Inn to reserve for Friday. They can be reached at 250-862-8888.
Here is a list of room mates for Saturday night:
Murdoch/Player Burns/Brown Killeen/White Carter/Taylor Wardroper/Garries
Maynard/Novotny Backie/Molinksi Lloyd/Alexander
More match information will be posted next week.
Jake Gets New Handicap
Playing in ideal conditions on an ideal spring day at the Resort course at Swan-e-set Jake Jenkinson shot a PGA record setting net 63 to easily outdistance the field at the 3rd event of the season. Jake's gross 77 included a 9 on the par 5 14th hole when he hit his tee shot OB and then followed poor advise from Docme Dick Burns. His net 63 plants him firmly in the race for the coveted green jacket and will certainly earn him a brand new handicap for the stretch run. Please see "scores" for details.
Howard's End Wins Pinkie
The team known as "Howard's End" captained by Bakes Backie with Hoss Alexander, Killer Killeen and spare Mark Darling won the "Faggot" pink ball game shooting an even par net 72. Killeen and Alexander were so worked up that they retired to Hoss' vehicle immediately after the round never to be seen again. Backie and Darling kept decorum and managed no outward shows of affection.
Following right up behind was the team of Leave it, its Beaver comprised of El Cid Murdoch, the Commissioner, Knuckles Garries and Novocop Novotny who shot a net 76 on the pinkie. All other teams were too homophobic to keep their pink ball throughout the 18 holes.
Tripper Cup Up Next
The 4th annual Tripper Cup matches will be our next event played May 27 & 28 at Sunset Ranch and Kelowna Springs in Kelowna BC. Most tour members are leaving early but for those who are leaving on Saturday (Al Novotny is one) please let the commissioner know so we can arrange a Saturday car pool.
The day one 2 man team match ups will be posted later in the week.
In the rough.....Lefty Sherk, Nature Boy Leigh, Stretch Grundy and Jake Jenkinson all have commitments and will not be playing in Kelowna, the Tour is currently contemplating gathering together 4 spares or going with a 16 man field if we can reduce our commitments.....Killer Killeen turns 62 just prior to the Tripper Cup matches.....some good news - it was reported that Tuna Phipps is back doing some marshaling at Whistler....
Blasts from the Past @ Swanny
With Lefty Sherk and Shoe Wardroper on vacation their spots will filled by two past green jacket winners. Ex-PGA veterans Jim "Buford" Pomeroy and the Mark Darling will be added to the field at the Lee Trevino designed resort course at Swan-e-set Bay to help there teams in this week's rumored "pink" ball game - aka: faggot. Doug Player will make his season debut at Swanny and predicts he will be on the winning side. "I've been traveling a lot but my game is in first rate shape" stated the man known on tour as "BeerHead".
Our first time is promptly at 10 am. Please arrive on or before 9:30 so we can be organized. Although nothing official was offered we usually get free range balls at Swanny.
Handicap Adjustments
Director of Statistics Dave Backie has made his quarterly handicap adjustments. To see if your 'cap is unchanged, increased to decreased please see "handicaps".
Tripper Cup Draw
The two teams for the Tripper Cup Matches to be played in Kelowna May 27 & 28 at Sunset Ranch & Kelowna Springs have been announced. The matches were extremely close last year with the WorldStars finally scoring the winning point in the last group. With that competitive nature in mind the teams have remained very much the same. Captains Burns (NorthVanClan) and Carter (WorldStars) will forward their 2 man teams for the 1st day's draw at the 19th hole at Swanny.
NorthVanClan - Burns - Grundy - Leigh - Murdoch - Backie - Brown - Killeen - Sherk - Alexander - Molinski
WorldStars - Carter - Player - Garries - Wardroper - Maynard - Taylor - White - Jenkinson - Lloyd - Novotny
The commissioner and Worldstars captain has named Bob "Knuckles" Garries and Jon "Echo" Lloyd as his assistants. NorthVanClan captain Burns is expected to announce his assistants after golf at Swan-e-set.
19th hole.....spare Joe "Tiki" Tibble goes for knee replacement surgery next week but is hoping to be back on the links in mid August.....Lefty Sherk is on a Mexican vacation while Shoe Wardroper has gone to Greece.....after the Tripper Cup matches the tour finishes with three events in a row in a run for the coveted Green Jacket, June 10th @ Shuksan - June 17th @ The Falls and June 24th, the annual Calcutta at Westwood Plateau.....the Green Jacket winner is based on your best 5 scores of the season, the early leaders are Duke Molinski and our Director of Communications, Hugh "Dawgschitt" Taylor.....
PGA TOUR EVENT # 3
Swan-E-Set, MAY 13, 2006
GAY BOY
Foursomes for Swan-E-Set, May 13, 2006
10:00 BACKIE, Killeeen, Alexander, Darling
10:08 MURDOCH, Carter, Garries, Novotny
10:16 MOLINSKI, Pomeroy, Maynard, Lloyd
10:24 TAYLOR, Brown, Player, White
10:32 BURNS, Jenkinson, Leigh, Grundy
Capitalized players are responsible for collecting the $10.00 from everyone. Give it to Backie with your scorecard when you have finished. Total prize monies anticipated on May 13, 2006 are $200 - $100 for regular pot, $100 for Gay Boy
GAY BOY
Gay Boy, is a game that should be understood by most of us. It uses a pink ball.
Each foursome has a gaily coloured, unique, bright PINK ball that is traded throughout the players. The first player uses it on the first hole, second player on the second and so forth.
The twist? The foursome is disqualified if they lose the PINK ball. This could be harsh, but after all so is life. Please keep track of when you lose it! Whichever golfer loses it will bear the distinction, GAY BOY, for the duration of the day and will be required to purchase a pitcher of beer for the rest of the foursome. Each GAY BOY will be required to drink some appropriate libation – pink lemonade, spritzer or coolers come to mind.
Here’s another not so damaging twist. Keep the overall net score for the PINK ball separately as that is what we are scoring here.
If there is a tie? Not a chance in hell! But if there is, we will count backwards from 18 to determine the winner! If you turn in a pink ball that isn’t your own (Dick Burns please note)? Severe sanctions for that.
Prize money? As there are 5 foursomes; $60 to the winners, $24 to second place and $16 to third place.
Royalty Wins at Morgan Creek
The man they call The Duke, Bob Molinski, shot a scintillating 65 to edge out Hugh "Dawgbelly" Taylor (66) by one shot at a soggy Morgan Creek track to win the 2nd PGA event of the season. Duke's round featured a gross 39 on the back nine. Bob "Knuckles" Garries making his season debut shot a 70 to claim 3rd place. Spare Len Slade also played exceptionally well carding a 79/66.
Please see "scores" for all the details.
In the Olympic putting game rookie Al "Novo" Novotny (12 points) teamed with ailing Commissioner Tom Carter (8 points) to win the putting event with a team total of 20 to edge both the Alexander/Burns and Taylor/Wardroper teams. Both teams accumulated 17 points.
Event #3 - Swan-e-set - May 13th - First time: 10 am
The season's third event and last before the Kelowna Tripper Cup matches, will be played at Swan-e-set's Lee Trevino designed resort course in Pitt Meadows. Our first time is 10 am. Please arrive by 9:30 am so we can organize. The team game, foursomes and new handicaps will be posted on the website next week.
In the woods......kudos to Jon "Echo" Lloyd once again for organizing our Morgan adventure.....thanks also to Paul "Killer" Killeen who stepped in with his credit card when the Commissioner forgot his wallet......Ken "Lefty" Sherk's 5 putting points represents a 150% increase from a year ago.....the only member with enough manhood to wear shorts at Morgan was Digby "NatureBoy" Leigh who earned one free sanction from the Commissioner for a future indiscretion.....the Tripper Cup teams will be chosen at the 19th hole at Swanny....
Our first tee time is just after 1 pm so please arrive at the course no later than 12:30 so we can organize
FOURSOMES
Time 1 CARTER, Sherk, Alexander, White
Time 2 BACKIE, Murdoch, Jenkinson, Wardroper
Time 3 MOLINSKI, Brown, Grundy, Garries
Time 4 KILLEEN, Slade (for Player), Leigh, Lloyd
Time 5 TAYLOR, Burns, Novotny, Maynard
MORGAN CREEK
APRIL 29, 2006
"OLYMPIC"
Overview: This is a putting "game". It rewards golfers who can hole their shots in one putt once getting on the green, i.e., one putts are good, two or more putts aren’t. This game allows you to work on your concentration and your swearing.
Rules: 1. Once all members of the foursome are on the green, the putts are
measured and the one that is the furthest from the hole (i.e., the person who would ordinarily putt first) scores four (4) points if sunk in one putt. If that person misses sinking on the first putt then they are out of the competition for this hole. The second furthest putt then has an opportunity to score three (3) points if sunk in one putt. Similarly, the second closest (third furthest) would score two (2) points and the shortest putt could score one (1) point again, if sunk in one attempt.
APRIL 29, 2006
TWO MAN TEAMS
OLYMPIC
BURNS ALEXANDER 35
CARTER NOVOTNY 41
BACKIE WHITE 40
SLADE GRUNDY 40
BROWN LEIGH 38
JENKINSON GARRIES 37
MAYNARD SHERK 40
TAYLOR WARDROPER 39
LLOYD MOLINSKI 35
KILLEEN MURDOCH 36
The number on the right is the total handicap of the two man team.
Lloyd & Wardroper Shine at Redwoods
Playing on the first truly warm day of the spring Jon Lloyd and Dick Wardroper both fired net 66's to stake an early claim on the coveted green jacket. Several players had good rounds including 68's turned in by Dave Backie, Paul Killeen, and Mike Jenkinson. Please see "scores" for all the details. The balmy weather estimated at 18c had the boys swinging well as evidenced by the Jake team shooting a 5 under team score to take the rookie two ball honours. Helping out Jake were soon to be grand dad Larry Brown and spares Len Slade and Joe Tibble.
Marvelous Morgan
We get right back at it this Saturday (April 29th) at Morgan Creek in south Surrey. It is our first visit back to the south Surrey gem and home to the BCGA for 7 years. We were banned from the course when a Marshall found a rough manuscript of "BrokeBack Mtn" in Blair Murdoch's golf bag. That Marshall has since been fired as "insensitive" to alternate lifestyle golfers.
Our first tee time is just after 1 pm so please arrive at the course no later than 12:30 so we can organize. Statsman Dave Backie has revised the handicaps after the first round and Gamesmeister Murdoch will post the team game later in the week.
Uphill putts......members Garries and Alexander should be back to make their '06 debuts at Morgan Creek.....the status of the commissioner who missed at Redwoods with a wonky back is still unknown.....thank yous to Len Slade and Joe Tibble for subbing, they made the most of it by being on the winning rookie 2 ball team......as a group the rookies struggled with the pressure of the PGA tour but should settle down for next week.....Duke Molinski won the KP at the 12th hole with a shot about 3 feet away.....
Thoughts from the "Capologist"
Once again thanks to the Commissioner who, with the perfect combination of Alcohol and Drugs, was able to be with us on Saturday in body as well as spirits. What a guy.
Here is an analysis of the 18 net scores from our first outing:
2 players were five under par with their net scores (66)
7 players were within 3 strokes of par (3@68, 1@69, 1@70, 1@73 and 1@74)
5 players had a net score of par 71
That leaves four, our three newcomers and that golfing enigma, Ken Sherk. In fairness to the real rookies their handicaps will be adjusted for the upcoming event at Morgan Creek.... And Sherk's will be adjusted because he gave me a bottle of Scotch.
Ken Sherk to 23 from 20, Digby Leigh to 24 from 18, Murray White to 27 from 18 and Al Novotny to 28 from 18
Cheers .....Bake
Weather Forecast Favourable for Redwoods
The PGA weather office is predicting mostly sunny skies with a high of 17c for the '06 season opener at the Redwoods in Langley this Saturday. Our first tee time is 11:30 so please arrive at the course no later than 11am.
Spares Highlight the Jenkinson Group
With Bob "Knuckles" Garries and Dave Alexander needing spares this week the group captained by expecting father, Jake Jenkinson, will be joined by former PGA vets Len Slade and Joe Tibble. Len will play to a 13 and Joe to an 18 'cap. Ace Brown (14) rounds out the Jake (14) group. All other PGA regulars will be playing including rookies Digby Leigh, Murray White and Al Novotny.
Rookie 2-Ball Predictions - by A. Hooker
1. LEIGH - Sherk - Murdoch - Grundy - team 'cap = 83 - Capt. "Digger" Leigh will lead this motley crew of bball players (plus Murder) to a slam dunk
2. WHITE - Killeen - Wardroper - Taylor - team 'cap = 75 - Rookie White has spent considerable time in Palm Springs training for his first year on tour
3. JENKINSON - Brown - Slade - Tibble - team 'cap = 56 - low team handicap, 2 members recently back from the Masters - has the horsepower to pass on the back nine
4. NOVOTNY - Molinski - Lloyd - Carter - team 'cap = 66 - vet "Duke" Molinski usually around the $$ but rookie Novotny must overcome nerves to be in the cash
5. PLAYER - Burns - Backie - Maynard - team 'cap = 54 - lowest team 'cap - Capt. Player must perform for this group to get close but supporting cast could make the difference
Out of Bounds.....with all the rain we've had play at Redwoods will be from the 6,152 yard WHITE tees....the good news: "Tuna" Phipps was feeling well enough to drive himself to Whistler...the bad news: it was to do his TAXES.....the commissioner will start sanctioning SOME of the late dues payers at Saturday's 19th hole - Killeen, Sherk & Garries are still delinquent (Novotny gets a pass because of the lateness of his entry on tour) KP will be on the par 3 135 yard 12th hole.....
Novotny in for the Doc
DB "Doc" Cooper's schedule will not allow him the luxury of playing fulltime so his place has been taken by Alan Novotny. We are looking forward to having Al on tour this season.
Redwoods Saturday April 22
The season opener is set for Sat. April 22 at The Redwoods in Langley. Our first tee time is 11:30 am. Please arrive no later than 11am so we can organize etc. Dave Backie will publish the handicaps next week .
Tripper Cup Change
Due to problems with the course at Sun Peaks and other issues the Tripper Cup matches have been relocated to sunny Kelowna. We are staying at the Accent Inn (downtown on Harvey Street) and will be playing:
Saturday - 1pm - Sunset Ranch
Sunday - 9:50am - Kelowna Springs
Last year the World Stars edged out Team NorthVan when Hugh "Dawgballs" Taylor made an unlikely sand save for par on # 18 to saw off Dick Burns, the team North Van captain, to secure to victory for the 'Stars.
On the green.....Joe "Tiki" Tibble is having knee replacement surgery soon and won't be playing for a few months, lets hope everything goes well and Joe is back on the links soon.....Tuna Phipps continues his fight so please keep up the prayers.....should be plenty of free beer at the 19th hole with all the sanctions coming down.....
PGA TOUR EVENT #1
REDWOODS - APRIL 22, 2006
ROOKIE TWO BALL
Foursomes for Redwoods Golf & Country Club – April 22, 2006
11:30 white, KILLEEN, Wardroper, Taylor
11:38 novotny, CARTER, Lloyd, Molinski
11:46 leigh, MURDOCH, Sherk, Grundy
11:54 player, BACKIE, Maynard, Burns
12:02 jenkinson, BROWN, Alexander, Garries
* Rookies are in bold and, as befits their status, in lower case. Capitalized players are responsible for collecting the $10.00 from everyone. Give it to Backie with your scorecard when you have finished. Total prize monies anticipated on April 22, 2006 are $200 - $100 for regular pot, $100 for Rookie Two Ball
"ROOKIE TWO-BALL
Overview: This is a variation of the never popular game "St. Alice". It is a two ball "team" game where two balls count. Every foursome is saddled with one "rookie". For our purposes this year, the rookies are White, Novotny Leigh, Player, Jenkinson – why Player and Jenkinson? Well, Player has dicked us around for years with his on again off again approach and Jenkinson? No real reason other than Brownie gets a chance to give him some flak - so this year he’s a rookie. Who do we have to thank for this year’s crop of rookies? White came to us courtesy of Killeen, Alan Novotny courtesy of Dick Wardroper, Leigh from Sherk, Jenkinson from Larry Brown and nobody is quite sure who to blame for Player. The rookie’s ball must be counted on every hole. You will be required, as always, to post gross scores on your scorecards. Backie will sort the net scores out later.
Rules: 1. The "rook" (as they shall now be called) will establish a playing order from his foursome and write it down.
2. On hole #1, the "rook" will assess all the tee shots, and prior to a second shot by anyone, he will choose one member as his partner on the hole. The "rook" writes the identity of his partner down on the scorecard by circling the square. The foursome is now stuck with the scores of that chosen member plus the "the rook" for this hole.
PGA Season Opener Looms - April 22 @ The Redwoods
There is just a couple of weeks before the Pretenders Golf Association kicks off its 8th season with our opening event to be played Saturday April 22nd at The Redwoods in Langley. Our tee times begin at 11:30 am. Please arrive at the course no later than 11 am. Gamesmeister Blair "El Cid" Murdoch will be posting the team game etc. the week prior to the event. Director of Stats, Dave "Bakes" Backie will publish the handicaps for the season's first two events shortly.
Sanctions for Late Fees
Once again we had a number of members who failed to pay their 650.00 dues on time (March 15). Each player will be sanctioned 1 pitcher of beer IF the PGA office receives their dues by April 15th. If the offending player(s) do not remit their fees by April 15, more severe sanctions will be applied. The Commissioner will choose at random when, where and who is sanctioned. The culprits are:
Killeen - Brown - Lloyd - Cooper - Garries - Player - Sherk - Leigh
Tripper Cup News
The PGA office has learned that Sun Peaks, one of the courses scheduled for the Tripper Cup, will only be playing nine holes thereby necessitating a change. The dates remain the same (May 27/28) but we may change venues with Kelowna coming into play. If Kelowna is chosen we would play Sunset Ranch and Kelowna Springs while staying at the Accent Inn. More details to follow.
Slow breakers....Ace Brown, Killer Killeen and Jake Jenkinson are currently warming up for the PGA season in Georgia and will be attending The Masters. Look for Ace & Killer on TV on Saturday at the par 3 16th hole made famous during Jack Nicklaus' unlikely win in '86 and Tiger Woods' improbable chip-in last year....Tuna Phipps continues to fight against the big "C" and appears to be winning....the afore mention Mr. Jenkinson & wife Chris are expecting the couple's first child in August with Ace will become a Grandpa.....once again the annual PGA awards dinner celebrating the season after the Calcutta will be hosted by Paul & Judy Killeen - many kudos to the Killeen's who will be hosting for the 4th time.....
Golf in a nutshell supplied by Blair Murdoch
Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the
occasional miracle, followed by a good bottle of beer
Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the winner buys the drinks.
"Golf is harder than baseball. In golf, you have to play your foul balls."
If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here's a valuable tip: your life is in trouble.
Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot rarely make a perfect shot.
The term "mulligan" is really a contraction of the phrase "maul it again."
A "gimme" can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers ... neither of whom can putt very well.
An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play; it is
always possible to get worse.
Golf's a hard game to figure. One day you'll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and for no reason at all you really stink.
I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.
If your best shots are the practice swing and the "gimme putt", you might wish to reconsider this game.
Golf is the only sport where the most feared opponent is you.
Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously it won't work .. and
both are expensive.
The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil.
To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly.
In golf, some people tend to get confused with all the numbers... they shoot a six, yell fore and write five.
Swing easy. Hit hard
If you find yourself pleased that yo u locate more balls in the rough than you actually have lost, your focus is totally wrong and your personality might not be right for golf ... it is also just a matter of time before the IRS
investigates your business.
Why is it twice as difficult to hit a ball over water than sand?
"The greatest sound in golf is the Woosh, Woosh, Woosh, of your opponent's club as he hurls it across the fairway"
Wishing you all a great 2006 Golf Season
Tuna Taking Visitors
Charlie "Tuna" Phipps has been transferred to Lions Gate Hospital. He
is in room #628 on the 6th floor EAST. He is getting stronger and
visitors are allowed for short (5 to 10 minute) visits. Charlie has
requested and received a one year exception from the PGA tour and he
expects to return and win back the coveted green jacket in the '07
season.
Tripper Cup News
Charlie "Tuna" Phipps will serve as the Match Referee during this
year's Tripper Cup Matches played in Kamloops at The Dunes and Sun Peaks
during the weekend of May 27/28. The seasoned veteran has a wealth of
golf knowledge and is well suited for his responsibilities as Match
Referee and his decision will be final during the matches on any and all
rulings.
Beware the Ides of March (15th) - Dues Due!!
To date the Commissioner, Blair "El Cid" Murdoch, Vic Grundy and Hugh
"Dawgballs" Taylor have paid their 650.00 dues. Please remember your
season's dues are expected by Wed. March 15th.
Murray White Debuts ([email protected])
As next on the wait list it is expected Murray White will join the tour
this season replacing the Tuna. He will join Digger Leigh and DB "Doc"
Cooper as a tour rookie this season. We will again play the season with
20 regulars only.
Spare Policy
If a spare is needed please contact one of the following. Green fees
are negotiated between the tour regular and spare. Each of the spare's
e-mail address will be posted under "roster".
2006 Spares - Joe Tibble - Len Slade - Ron Stinson - Mark Darling - Jay
Merilees - Jim Pomeroy - Doug Quinn - Dave Rice - Alan Novotny - Dave
Overgaard - Gary Munro - Bob Carter
Redwoods Opener
Just seven weeks left to our April 22 season opener at The Redwoods in
Langley. We have times booked starting at 11:30 am. We follow up the
next weekend on April 27th at the home of the BCGA, Morgan Creek. Tee
times at Morgan start at 1pm. Thanks to Jon "Echo" Lloyd for making the
arrangements.
PAY YOUR DUES BY MARCH 15.
Suggested new logo for PGA click on Pic
Ailing Tuna
PGA veteran and two time green jacket winner Charlie "Tuna" Phipps had cancer discovered in his colon recently during gall blatter surgery. Part of the colon was removed and Charlie has been transferred from the Squamish hospital to Vancouver. More information, such as his room number etc. will be posted as available. Please say a prayer for a quick recovery.
Tibble OUT - Leigh IN (Feb 10)
Veteran PGA member Joe "Tiki" Tibble will play this year as a spare due to upcoming knee replacement surgery. It may not happen until after the season but Tiki, not wanting to screw up the group, will play this year if available as a spare. His spot on the regular roster will be taken by Digby "Digger" Leigh who most of you will remember as a terrific athlete from ancient times.
Murray White the recently retired North Shore administrator is now next in line for regular status. We will expand the tour to 24 players if 3 more spares wish to "upgrade" to regular status. The tour will consider expanding to 24 player until March 15.
Fees Due March 15
The yearly fees of 650.00 will be due on the Ides of March, March 15, 2006. This year the fees will include 8 rounds of golf, one night stay (double occupancy) at Sun Peaks in Kamloops, the annual bbq awards dinner and a prize pot of about 500.00. Please mail your 650.00 cheque to:
T. Carter/PGA
8034 Winston Street
Burnaby, BC
V5A 2H5
Sanctions will be levied to anyone whose cheque is not received on or before March 15th.
Revised Schedule - Opening Day April 22nd
Thank-you to the gamesmeister Blair "Murder" Murdoch for delicately pointly out to the commissioner that our original opening date of April 15th was during Easter weekend. The tour has long tried to leave long weekends free for families etc. Here is our new schedule which features the Tripper Cup matches in Kamloops and our annual Calcutta once again at Westwood Plateau:
April 22 - The Redwoods
April 29 - Morgan Creek
May 13 - Swan-e-set Bay Resort
May 27 - The Dunes (Kamloops)
May 28 - Sun Peaks (Kamloops)
June 10 - Shuksan (Bellingham - includes cart)
June 17 - The Falls (includes cart)
June 24 - Westwood Plateau (includes cart and bbq burger lunch)
BBQ Host
Thanks once more to Bob & Marsha Garries for hosting last season's awards bbq. If anyone wishes to host this year's awards bbq dinner at the Calcutta on June 24th please let the commissioner know.
Tight Lies... Digger Leigh will join DB "Doc" Cooper as PGA rookies this year....thanks to Larry "Ace" Brown (Westwood) and Jon "Echo" Lloyd (Morgan Creek) for assisting in venue acquisition....PGA members Brown, Paul "Killer" Killeen and Mike "Jake" Jenkinson are all attending this years Masters.....the red tee rule will once again be in effect this year "any member playing the full round in a dress may play from the red tees"....North Van Tripper Cup captain "Docme" Dick Burns was seen shopping in Zellers for a variety of frocks, mumu's and off the shoulder numbers.....statsman Dave "Bakes" Backie will publish tour handicaps in mid April....REMEMBER MAIL YOUR DUES IN BEFORE MARCH 15
Involuntary Muscular Contractions
A Professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular
Contractions" to his first year medical students.
Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor
decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know
what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"
She replied, "He's probably golfing with his friends."
Golf score
The Head Pro of the golf course was called to the fifth green where he found three men fighting and another dead in the bunker.
After quietening them down he got an explanation.
"That's my partner there in the bunker" said one man.
"He had a stroke and these two bastards want to add it to his score".
Annual Dues
The annual dues for the 2006 season will be 650.00 and will include 8 rounds of golf and 1 night's stay (May 27) at the Sun Peaks resort in Kamloops. A cash call with mailing directions for dues will be send out in February. For financial planning purposes dues will be payable by Mar. 15, 2006.
2006 PGA (regular) Membership
The following indicated at the end of last season their wish to return as regulars for the '06 season. Currently we have 20 regulars.
Alexander - Backie - Brown - Burns - Carter - Cooper - Garries - Grundy - LLoyd - Maynard - Molinski - Killeen - Phipps - Taylor - Wardroper - Sherk - Murdoch - Jenkinson - Tibble - Player
If your name appears and you do not wish to play as a regular this season please e-mail the commissioner at [email protected].
Next in Line
Next in line to become regulars if one of the veteran players drops out are:
1. Digby Leigh
2. Murray White
We can add regulars - one foursome at a time. Spares who wish to put their name forward on the regular wait list should contact the commissioner.
PGA News Flash
Attached are photos of PGA Members Blair Murdoch and Paul Killeen during their recent scouting trip. They were exploring venues for future PGA events. These photos demonstrate the great personal sacrifices made by these two strong PGA supporters during the dismal days of late December. They will provide a full report at the 2006 inaugural PGA event.
Notes:
Scouting - PGA stalwarts enduring the sacrifices of exploring new PGA playing venues
Confident - PGA member Blair Murdoch walks confidently off the Tee after hitting a fine shot.
Croc - PGA member enters a Croc infested river to play a difficult shot. Fortunately, he was using rental clubs and the staff did not notice the large dent in the blade of the 6 iron when the clubs were returned. The large rock in the photo did come into play on the downswing!
Review - deep in contemplation, members Murdoch and Killeen compare notes and prepare a "suitability rating" for El Tigre
And now for the real story
Members come out of Closet in Mexico
PGA members Paul Killeen & Blair Murdoch recently tied the knot and spent their honeymoon in Mexico sunning themselves and playing golf at the El Tigre resort in Nuevo Vallarta. "Ooh, I lub dat mang" replied Mrs. Murdoch when asked how his relationship with Mr. Killeen was going. "We're not sure about little ones, but you never know!" stated Killeen.
No mention was made of the course or scores.
Garries Goes Green
Knuckles Garries making the rest of the tour green with envy put an exclamation point on his 2006 PGA season by shooting a solid net 66 to vanquish all his pursuers to win the coveted Green Jacket emblematic of the year's best. Playing in excellent conditions on the warmest day of the season Knuckle's 66 featured a back 9 gross of 41 to clearly outdistance all challengers. (please see "scores" for all details) At the awards dinner Mr. Garries humbly accepted the handsome haberdashery with an inspiring & thoughtful speech. Clearly the 2006 season belonged to a man whose comeback wish for golf and life came shining through.
Dinks Dandy @ Calcutta
The Dinks, the team with the longest Vegas odds, rode hot rookie Digby "Nature Boy" Leigh in the early going and hung on with two net pars on #18 to edge out The Wangs to win the big money at the 9th annual Calcutta. As predicted last week on the web-site, Nature Boy set the pace while the Dink's captain Killer Killeen's experience along with steady play from Ace Brown and Shoe Wardroper was enough top win the big $$. The Dink's 27 under score was the lowest Calcutta total ever. The Wangs captained by Knuckles needed to pickup an extra shot on #18 but couldn't do it. Their collective 26 under score was 12 shots clear of the third place team, The Willies. The payouts were: Dinks - 760.00 - Wangs - 440.00 - Willies - 300.00
Tentative Schedule
We are hoping to play 8 different courses (from this season) next year. The tour will return to previous tracks such as Pt. Bob, Meadow Gardens and the much beloved Sandpiper as well as introduce Bowen Island, the new challenging 9 holer and Sudden Valley on the shores of Lake Whatcom just outside Bellingham. The Tripper Cup will most likely be played at the NorthWest's golf mecca of Bremerton in Washington State. Bremerton is about a four hour drive including the ferry from Kingston across Puget Sound. The Gold Mountain complex is very highly rated with the Olympic course hosting the USGA's annual Public Links Championship in mid July this summer with the winner earning a spot at The 2007 Masters in Augusta. The Olympic course has been consistently rated as one of Washington state's best mentioned in the same breath with Sahalee, Washington National and Desert Canyon. Other highly rated Bremerton courses include Trophy Lake Golf & Casting and Michael Jordan's favourite course, McCormick Woods for those going early and looking for a place to play. For more information on the Gold Mtn golf complex please go to:
http://www.goldmt.com
2007 Tentative Schedule
April 14th - Point Roberts
April 28th - Meadow Gardens
May 12th - Bowen Island
May 28/29 - Tripper Cup: Gold Mtn Olympic & Cascade, Bremerton
Washington
June 9 - Sandpiper
June 16 - Sudden Valley
June 23 - Calcutta @ Northlands
Once again we will end the season with a three week race for the coveted Green Jacket.
IN THE WOODS.......thank you once again to Killer & Rainbow for hosting a great awards bbq, the kabobs especially drew rave reviews.......a big shout out to Ace Brown for again putting together a great day at Westwood.....the Calcutta missing El Cid Murdoch who would have been a GJ contender on finding out that Knuckles won the GJ by such a convincing margin: "Holy F-ck! I will be putting a call into Bakes, that long arm man-monkey must be stopped next year!!".....speaking of winners Knuckles and the vivacious Marsha will generously host the '07 Awards bbq for the 2nd time at their Deep Cove home with the knock out views.....
MOST EXCELLENT SEASON - ALL THE BEST & SEE YOU MID April 2007
BBQ @ Killer's - 6 pm
Kudos again to Killer & Rainbow for hosting the awards bbq dinner. We are going with a light menu this year as selected by Killer which will feature salads, appy's and bbq kabobs. There is no need to bring anything except it is BYOB.
Chateau Killeen is located at 2816 Trillium, North Vancouver - V7H 1JH
- Tel # 604-929-4722. They are located north, just off Mt. Seymour
Parkway. Please use Mapquest if you need directions.
Note from Killer
Directions to my home:
2816 Trillium Place
North Vancouver
V7H 1J4 (for Map Quest users)
(604) 929-4722
Mount Seymour Parkway - Turn left on Emerson - 3 blocks and then Right on Trillium
The Hot Tub will be 100+ and the pool is 80+ so bring your bathing suit and towel (no nude swimming before 8pm)
Vegas Odds
The odds on the 9th annual PGA Calcutta have been set in Las Vegas, Monaco and other gambling centres. Odds - 3 to 1 - The Slongs (Molinski-Backie-Taylor-Player) With 2 cagey
vets that have been on tour since day one and have both won the Calcutta many times this squad is the consensus pick. Duke is always there or there abouts and don't forget it was only a year ago that Dawgballs shot a net 65 at Westwood. There will be no single malt on the course so Beerhead should play up to a higher standard.
Odds - 4 to 1 - The Wangs (Garries-Burns-Carter-Sherk) With Knuckles leading the Green Jacket race and having an excellent season this team could........go....all.......the.....way. Docme, the soon to be retired principal, is a teacher at heart and loves mentoring less experienced golfers and will get the best out of Lefty.
Odds - 5-1 - The Dinks (Killeen-Brown-Wardroper-Leigh) Captain Killer who is also fighting for his first Green Jacket will need to "manage" the fast swinging and long hitting Nature Boy on the tight Coquitlam Mtn track. If the Digger can keep 6 "bigguns" in play then the solid, sensible play of Ace & Shoe might just lead the Dinks to victory.
Odds - 6-1 - The Willies (Slade-Grundy-Lloyd-White) Super spare Fonz Slade will head up the Willies. With Stretch having a Green Jacket contending season the Fonz will have to nuture Knees to perform for at least 6 holes. The wild card on the Willies is Echo who has missed the last two events but rumour has him in training & scheming in Mickelsoneque fashion for the Calcutta.
Odds - 7-1 - The Peckers (Jenkinson-Maynard-Alexander-Novotny) The Peckers are led but another Green Jacket contender Jake. The Hamburgler is solid and both Hoss & Novocop are capable so in this format although given the longest odds this team is likely the best bet. " I like these guys, counting only six holes each I would be ready to put down a few G's on them" offered Vegas casino boss Steve Wynn when queried.
Calcutta Itinery
8:15 - Continental breakfast & practice range
8:30 - Captains remit 300.00 (75 per team member) Calcutta fee to Bakes
8:50 - Play begins
1:30 - 19th hole - beer & bbq
6 pm - Annual PGA awards dinner @ Chateau Killeen.
REMEMBER TO BRING YOUR PRIZE TO THE AWARDS DINNER - FAILURE WILL RESULT
IN LARGE SANCTIONS.
Shoe Shines @ Shuksan
(The write up this week is lengthy - please make sure you read everything so you are fully informed)
The Shoe hit fairway after fairway on his way to an impressive net 64 on an excellent day at Shuksan. While a host of good scores were posted, El Cid Murdoch & Dawgfart Taylor tied for second after posting 65's on a Shuksan course that proved hospitable for most New spare Ross (the Hippie) shot a gross 74 followed closely by Jake Jenkinson & Docme Dick Burns who each fired 75's (gross). Jake, Docme, Knuckles Garries and Commish Tom Carter all shot net 67's to tie for third. Please see "scores" for details.
Green Jacket Race
With the new rule proposed by the Commissioner and passed by the members of having the Calcutta round count along with one's four best scores, the Green Jacket picture becomes slightly clearer. In the driver's seat sits Knuckles Garries whose current 4 round total sits at 264 ahead of Killer Killeen (268) and Dawgslong Taylor (269). Bakes Backie, Jake Jenkinson, Docme Dick Burns and Duke Molinski continue to be in the mix.
The new rule ensures that since the Calcutta round counts for the Green Jacket that the pressure is squarely on the leaders to perform or perish. Knuckles, who is having a great year must now be able to stand the pressure of more seasoned veterans such as the Duke, Docme, Jake and Bake with dark horses like Ace Brown all set to make a run for a date with golf's most coveted piece of haberdashery. Can the ex rugby player with no knee caps (taken by the Mafia) withstand the emotional bombardment?? We'll find out Saturday.
***Final Event*** Calcutta @ Westwood Plateau
The season's final event will be the 9th annual Calcutta held at Westwood Plateau on Saturday June 24th. Continental breakfast and free range balls will be available from 8:20 am onward. Our first tee times 8:50 am. 1:30 players return from golf course for custom BBQ and 2 free beer coupons. Each captain (the first name mentioned in each group) is responsible for the team's entry (4X75=300) that must be paid to Mr. Backie prior to the first team teeing off. Here are the teams as drawn at Shuksan:
8:50 am - The Wangs Garries - Burns - Carter - Sherk
9:00 am - The Slongs Molinski - Bakes - Taylor - Player
9:10 am - The Willies Slade - Grundy - Lloyd - White
9:20 am - The Peckers Jenkinson - Maynard - Alexander - Novotny
9:30 am - The Dinks Killeen - Brown - Wardroper - Leigh
Calcutta Rules
- play from the Silver tees
- 2 (net) scores count on each hole - each player must count on six (6) holes - the decision on which players count on each hole must be made before anyone tees off on the next hole
- PGA rule: play all bush, water etc as a lateral hazard - drop at point of entry - one shot penalty
- KP's on #12 & #16
- Long Drive on #18
Carts are also included as well as a BBQ lunch at the 19th hole. Kudos to Ace Brown for making all the arrangements.
Awards Dinner
The awards dinner is being hosted this year by Killer & Rainbow Killeen starting at 6 pm after the Calcutta. This year's menu will consist of salads and lots of appy's provided by the PGA tour. Please BYOB. For those who have not experienced Chateau Killeen please ask Killer for directions. The tour heartily thanks Killer and Rainbow for once again hosting. This is the 4th awards dinner they have hosted - above and beyond the call of duty!!
Year End Prizes
ach PGA tour regular must bring a prize with him to the awards dinner to go along with a few PGA provided prizes. It can be anything golf or booze related and re-gifting is encouraged. The prize picking order will be determined by the Green Jacket order of finish.
Lip outs:El Cid Murdoch will miss the Calcutta due to other commitments but he wishes everyone good luck and leaves us with this nugget: " It's a basic. Game".....Fonz Slade will take El Cid's place and captain "The Willies".....a pool will circulate during the Calcutta to guess what colour hair Judy "Rainbow" Killeen will be at dinner.....none of the top 3 GJ contenders have won before.....The Slongs appear to be the early Calcutta favorites....
Garries "Knuckles" The Falls
Bob "Knuckles" Garries punched out a Falls course set up hard with tricky greens for a net 66 and clearly establish himself as one of the green jacket favorites. His +5 in the hurdle game also edged out spare Blob Carter (+4) and Ace Brown (+1) - please see "scores" for full details. For Garries it was his 3rd round this season in the 60's and certainly earned him a shiny new handicap.
Green Jacket Race
At this point it appears others challenging for the covet green jacket are Duke Molinski, Jake Jenkinson, Killer Killeen, El Cid Murdoch and Stretch Grundy. Dark horse candidates appear in the form of Bakes Backie, Docme Dick Burns and Dawggystyle Taylor.
Next Up - Shuksan - Saturday June 17 - FIRST TEE TIMES @ NOON
Our 7th event and second last of the season will be played next Saturday at Shuksan Golf Club just east of Bellingham Wash. Carts are included and play will be from the 6,276 yard White tees. Shuksan is an excellent course with some elevation changes and is sloped 125 and has a course rating of 70.1. It was developed by the original owner/developer of Loomis Trail in the mid 90's after they sold Loomis to the Semiahmoo group. For directions and other info please go to: http://www.shuksangolf.com
The site describes the directions going down the I5 but the best route is as follows:
Hwy 1 to exit 264 - follow to the border crossing - straight down Guide Meridian - watch for the Shuksan signs - turn left on Axton Rd - continue straight until you see the Shuksan sign and turn left into the parking lot.
Once you have crossed the border it takes about 20/25 minutes to get to the course. Please give yourselves enough time at the border and remember to bring proper ID (Passport or Drivers Lic. & birth certificate). For border information please go to:
http://www.borderlineups.com
In the rough........PGA medical staff reports that veteran Tiki Tibble is rehabbing quickly after his recent knee replacement and is hoping to return the Links ahead of schedule in early August.....good luck to Mike Weir and semi Canuck Stephen Ames at this week's US Open.....the annual Calcutta will go June 24th at Westwood Plateau and the teams will be
drawn at the 19th at Shuksan.....
FOURSOMES FOR SATURDAY JUNE 17, 2006 SHUKSAN
12:00 BACKIE, Carter, Leigh, Garries
12:08 BURNS, White, Novotny, Killeen
12:16 TAYLOR, Grundy, Wardroper, Lloyd
12:24 MOLINSKI, Jenkinson, Sherk, Maynard
12:32 MURDOCH, Player, Brown, Alexander
Captains, in CAPITALS, responsible for collecting $10 prize money from each golfer. Give, along with scorecards, to Backie at end of day.
And the side game is.....................
FOUR MAN WOLF
The Wolf is the last player to tee off on any hole. Choose a rotation on the first tee; the Wolf on hole #1 will also be the Wolf on #5, #9 and #13. Each player will be Wolf four times (holes 1-16) and the two highest handicappers in a foursome will be Wolf five times by choosing to go last on either #17 or #18.
The game:
Players tee off in order. The Wolf for this hole has an opportunity, once he assesses a tee shot, to choose that person as his partner for the hole. He must make this choice before someone else tees off. If he doesn’t like any of the 3 shots he may declare he is going “LONE WOLF” by howling! Yes, that’s right he howls! He then plays the hole against the other three players.
The scoring:
If you choose a player and yours and that players total scores beat the other two’s total (NET – so be mindful of the handicaps) you get one point each. If you don’t beat the other two players they get one point each. So add the two net scores together to see who beats whom.
If you howl and become “Lone Wolf” and beat the other three players you get six points by yourself. You must beat all of the others (net) to score. If you don’t win then the other three players score one point each.
If there is a tie, and there will be lots, there will be a carry-over to the next hole and the next hole, etc. until the tie is broken. Remember, the Wolf changes on every hole! If the carry-over is for, say, three holes, you will play for three times the“normal” points (two man teams play for six points between them and if there is a LONE WOLF he plays for eighteen points or three each for his opponents if he is unsuccessful.
Payoff? Winning Wolf player in each foursome gets $10. Winning Wolf player overall gets $35, second Wolf player overall gets $15.
Questions? I hope not.
The Falls
Our first time is 10:20 am at The Falls. Please give yourselves enough
time for the drive (approx: 75 minutes). Please click the attached for
directions:
http://www.thefalls.com/contact-location.html
We offer the directions because El Cid Murdoch always gets lost driving
to The Falls and that is likely why he doesn't like the course. Should
he get lost again or is late severe sanctions will apply.
Commissioners Note
PGA Rule
The Falls, designed by Ted Locke, is built into the side of a hill and can be very tight and difficult in spots. In order to speed up play we will institute the "PGA rule" for this event. If you ball goes somewhere bad (and there are a few bad places) please take a drop at the point the ball entered the bad crap, continue to play and add one stroke. This way we will ensure that everyone is home in time to drive to Shuksan next week.
19th hole......Echo Lloyd and Jake Jenkinson will miss this week with
their spots taken by Fonz Slade & Blob Carter.....the current green
jacket race is tight with Jake, Duke Molinski, Killer Killeen, and
Stretch Grundy leading the way.....
FOURSOMES
THE FALLS
JUNE 10, 2006
Time 1 TOM CARTER, Leigh, Bob Carter, Novotny
Time2 BACKIE, Grundy, Player, Maynard
Time 3 TAYLOR, Alexander, Garries, Slade
Time 4 MURDOCH, Molinski, White, Killeen
Time 5 BURNS, Sherk, Brown, Wardroper
And the side game……………..
PGA TOUR EVENT #6
THE FALLS JUNE 10, 2006
"LEGION"
Overview: Legion is a creative handicapping method. Players receive a negative quota of points, called a "hurdle", based on their handicaps. The game is based on scratch players receiving a hurdle of 36 points, 1 handicaps receive a hurdle of 35 points, etc. All players start at 0 points for the day.
Then, based on their performances, players receive points as follows:
Quad = -2 points
Triple = -1 point
Double = 0 points
Bogeys = 1 point
Pars = 2 points
Birdies = 3 points
Eagles = 4 points
The player who clears his hurdle by the most points in his foursome wins $10. Additionally, the player who clears his hurdle by the most points in our entire 20 man field wins an additional $20. The second player in the 20 man field wins an additional $10.
Player Name Handicap Hurdle Quota
Alexander 25 11
Backie 13 23
Brown 15 21
Burns 8 28
Carter, Tom 13 23
Carter, Bob 16 20
Garries 21 15
Grundy 24 12
Killeen 18 18
Leigh 26 10
Maynard 15 21
Molinski 16 20
Murdoch 18 18
Novotny 28 8
Player 16 20
Slade 12 24
Sherk 23 13
Taylor 15 21
Wardroper 19 17
White 28 8
NorthVanClan Clobbers WorldStars
The NorthVanClan lead by a record setting net 60 (gross 78) posted in the singles matches by El Cid Murdoch handily vanquished the WorldStars in the 4th annual Tripper Cup matches played last weekend in Kelowna at Sunset Ranch and Kelowna Springs.
Earlier in the day, WorldStar Knuckles Garries had broken the net score record of 63 established at Swan-e-set by Jake Jenkinson by shooting a net 61. Garries record lasted about 20 minutes before Murdoch, playing severely hungover,managed his near God like total. " I'm glad some overfaired, longhaired leaping gnome like El Cid did not break the 60 barrier to join me, Duval and others " quipped Al Geiburger when contacted at home. David Duval couldn't be reached for comment as he was lost in the woods searching for his last tee shot. NorthVan, ably captained once again by Docme Dick Burns took control of the matches from the outset leading 9 to 3 after the day one team matches at Sunset Ranch. They went on to soundly trounce the WorldStars 26 ½ to 9 ½, the largest margin of victory in Tripper Cup history to avenge their first & only loss last year at the Whislter matches. Although the WorldStars played with music in their heads ( "NorthVan, their a bunch of big FAGS, NorthVan - we nailed all of their Nags......) they could do very little to stop the NorthVan juggernaut who now lead the Tripper Cup series 3 to 1.
Locales being considered for next years matches are back to Kelowna, Salmon Arm, Bremerton Washington, Bellingham Washington, the Sunshine Coast and Oliver/Osoyoos.
Green Jacket Race Heats Up @ The Falls
We now look forward to the race for the coveted Green Jacket (please check "scores") by playing three weeks in a row starting June 10th at The Falls in Chilliwack. The Green Jacket race is becoming clearer and many tour members have a chance to distance themselves from the pack with a good showing. The mountain side track features tough greens and IS not a favorite of El Cid which is why we are playing there. Our first time is 10:24 am so please make arrangements to arrive at the course no later than 10 am.
The tour then will play consecutive Saturdays - June 17 at Shuksan in Bellingham (noon tee times) and we will finish the season June 24 with our annual Calcutta at Westwood Plateau (9 am tee times) followed by our awards BBQ this year hosted for the 37th time by Killer & Rainbow Killeen.
On the dance floor..... Fonz Slade returns to the tour subbing for Jake after his recent return from Palm Springs.....Echo Lloyd will miss at The Falls so Duke Molinski is recruiting a spare thought to be either Jim "Buford" Pomeroy or Dave "Doc" Rice may make his season debut.....also returning will be Stretch Grundy, Lefty Sherk, Nature Boy Leigh and Hoss Alexander......the foursomes and games will be posted next week.....kudos to Killer & Rainbow for again hosting theBBQ....Hamburgler Maynard, who beat the Tuna in the Whistler matches
of 2005, continued his giant killing Tripper Cup ways when he took out Docme Dick Burns in the singles.....
Please note the Schedule page had an error. The Falls and Shuksan were ass backwards.
Sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused.
The correct dates are below.
June 10 - The Falls (includes cart)
June 17 - Shuksan (Bellingham - includes cart)
FLASH
Hoss Gets Thrown From Tripper Cup Matches
Hoss Alexander having suffered countless hooves to the head over the years completely forgot about his son's graduation this weekend and will miss the Kelowna trip. WE NEED A SPARE. Previous pleas to our spares list have been unsuccessful so if ANYONE HAS SOMEONE THEY THINK MIGHT PLAY PLEASE ASK THEM AND REPORT ANY SUCCESS TO THE COMMISSIONER VIA EMAIL.
Team Matches @ Tripper Cup
The day one team matches feature several interesting matchups and some potential blowouts, at least on paper. Sunset Ranch, a difficult course was selected by last year's losing captain Dick Burns of the NorthVanClan specifically to intimidate WorldStars' rookies NovoCop Novotny and Knees White. "They (the rookies) won't be able to handle Sunset's tighter holes very well and I think that gives us a decided advantage" stated Burns who is still smoldering about Dawgballs Taylor's match clinching 18th sandy at Whistler. Here are the matches:
Match NorthVanClan Wordlstars
One Player/Killeen Garries/Wardroper
Two Brown/Alexander Lloyd/Novotny
Three Backie/Molinski Maynard/White
Four Burns/Murdoch Carter/Taylor
The veteran laden NorthVanClan again must be the decided favourite going in to the matches. They have won 2 of the 3 annual matches losing only last year at Whistler. Match three looks like the firm of Backie & Molinski both 8 year PGA vets should have little trouble with the Maynard & White duo but the other three matches all look to be hard fought, tight matches.
Dinner @ Sunset
We have reserved four tables on the patio at Sunset for dinner afterward. The singles draw will take place during dinner.
PICS page has been updated. As there was no Beer girl at Morgan Creek the one from The Falls has stepped up to take her place. (Thank goodness because the Swany PICS were a little gay.)
Tripper Cup Downsized
With 4 regulars unable to play in the Tripper Cup matches the tour has decided to go with a 16 man field for the annual 2 day matches pitting the defending WorldStars against the NorthVanClan. All the arrangements will remain the same. Our tee times at Sunset Ranch start at 1pm Saturday and Sunday's times begin at 9:50 am at Kelowna Springs. Each of the four missing regulars will receive 140.00 back from their dues.
Sat. Dinner
Since we will be finishing around 6 pm we have arranged for reservations on the outside patio (weather permitting) at Sunset Ranch. They feature a typical golf club menu. The draw for the singles matches will be held during dinner.
Roomies
Please remember that the tour provides and pays for your room on Saturday night along with the two rounds of golf as part of your dues. If you are going to Kelowna early to play a practice round and need a room for Friday night please call the Accent Inn to reserve for Friday. They can be reached at 250-862-8888.
Here is a list of room mates for Saturday night:
Murdoch/Player Burns/Brown Killeen/White Carter/Taylor Wardroper/Garries
Maynard/Novotny Backie/Molinksi Lloyd/Alexander
More match information will be posted next week.
Jake Gets New Handicap
Playing in ideal conditions on an ideal spring day at the Resort course at Swan-e-set Jake Jenkinson shot a PGA record setting net 63 to easily outdistance the field at the 3rd event of the season. Jake's gross 77 included a 9 on the par 5 14th hole when he hit his tee shot OB and then followed poor advise from Docme Dick Burns. His net 63 plants him firmly in the race for the coveted green jacket and will certainly earn him a brand new handicap for the stretch run. Please see "scores" for details.
Howard's End Wins Pinkie
The team known as "Howard's End" captained by Bakes Backie with Hoss Alexander, Killer Killeen and spare Mark Darling won the "Faggot" pink ball game shooting an even par net 72. Killeen and Alexander were so worked up that they retired to Hoss' vehicle immediately after the round never to be seen again. Backie and Darling kept decorum and managed no outward shows of affection.
Following right up behind was the team of Leave it, its Beaver comprised of El Cid Murdoch, the Commissioner, Knuckles Garries and Novocop Novotny who shot a net 76 on the pinkie. All other teams were too homophobic to keep their pink ball throughout the 18 holes.
Tripper Cup Up Next
The 4th annual Tripper Cup matches will be our next event played May 27 & 28 at Sunset Ranch and Kelowna Springs in Kelowna BC. Most tour members are leaving early but for those who are leaving on Saturday (Al Novotny is one) please let the commissioner know so we can arrange a Saturday car pool.
The day one 2 man team match ups will be posted later in the week.
In the rough.....Lefty Sherk, Nature Boy Leigh, Stretch Grundy and Jake Jenkinson all have commitments and will not be playing in Kelowna, the Tour is currently contemplating gathering together 4 spares or going with a 16 man field if we can reduce our commitments.....Killer Killeen turns 62 just prior to the Tripper Cup matches.....some good news - it was reported that Tuna Phipps is back doing some marshaling at Whistler....
Blasts from the Past @ Swanny
With Lefty Sherk and Shoe Wardroper on vacation their spots will filled by two past green jacket winners. Ex-PGA veterans Jim "Buford" Pomeroy and the Mark Darling will be added to the field at the Lee Trevino designed resort course at Swan-e-set Bay to help there teams in this week's rumored "pink" ball game - aka: faggot. Doug Player will make his season debut at Swanny and predicts he will be on the winning side. "I've been traveling a lot but my game is in first rate shape" stated the man known on tour as "BeerHead".
Our first time is promptly at 10 am. Please arrive on or before 9:30 so we can be organized. Although nothing official was offered we usually get free range balls at Swanny.
Handicap Adjustments
Director of Statistics Dave Backie has made his quarterly handicap adjustments. To see if your 'cap is unchanged, increased to decreased please see "handicaps".
Tripper Cup Draw
The two teams for the Tripper Cup Matches to be played in Kelowna May 27 & 28 at Sunset Ranch & Kelowna Springs have been announced. The matches were extremely close last year with the WorldStars finally scoring the winning point in the last group. With that competitive nature in mind the teams have remained very much the same. Captains Burns (NorthVanClan) and Carter (WorldStars) will forward their 2 man teams for the 1st day's draw at the 19th hole at Swanny.
NorthVanClan - Burns - Grundy - Leigh - Murdoch - Backie - Brown - Killeen - Sherk - Alexander - Molinski
WorldStars - Carter - Player - Garries - Wardroper - Maynard - Taylor - White - Jenkinson - Lloyd - Novotny
The commissioner and Worldstars captain has named Bob "Knuckles" Garries and Jon "Echo" Lloyd as his assistants. NorthVanClan captain Burns is expected to announce his assistants after golf at Swan-e-set.
19th hole.....spare Joe "Tiki" Tibble goes for knee replacement surgery next week but is hoping to be back on the links in mid August.....Lefty Sherk is on a Mexican vacation while Shoe Wardroper has gone to Greece.....after the Tripper Cup matches the tour finishes with three events in a row in a run for the coveted Green Jacket, June 10th @ Shuksan - June 17th @ The Falls and June 24th, the annual Calcutta at Westwood Plateau.....the Green Jacket winner is based on your best 5 scores of the season, the early leaders are Duke Molinski and our Director of Communications, Hugh "Dawgschitt" Taylor.....
PGA TOUR EVENT # 3
Swan-E-Set, MAY 13, 2006
GAY BOY
Foursomes for Swan-E-Set, May 13, 2006
10:00 BACKIE, Killeeen, Alexander, Darling
10:08 MURDOCH, Carter, Garries, Novotny
10:16 MOLINSKI, Pomeroy, Maynard, Lloyd
10:24 TAYLOR, Brown, Player, White
10:32 BURNS, Jenkinson, Leigh, Grundy
Capitalized players are responsible for collecting the $10.00 from everyone. Give it to Backie with your scorecard when you have finished. Total prize monies anticipated on May 13, 2006 are $200 - $100 for regular pot, $100 for Gay Boy
GAY BOY
Gay Boy, is a game that should be understood by most of us. It uses a pink ball.
Each foursome has a gaily coloured, unique, bright PINK ball that is traded throughout the players. The first player uses it on the first hole, second player on the second and so forth.
The twist? The foursome is disqualified if they lose the PINK ball. This could be harsh, but after all so is life. Please keep track of when you lose it! Whichever golfer loses it will bear the distinction, GAY BOY, for the duration of the day and will be required to purchase a pitcher of beer for the rest of the foursome. Each GAY BOY will be required to drink some appropriate libation – pink lemonade, spritzer or coolers come to mind.
Here’s another not so damaging twist. Keep the overall net score for the PINK ball separately as that is what we are scoring here.
If there is a tie? Not a chance in hell! But if there is, we will count backwards from 18 to determine the winner! If you turn in a pink ball that isn’t your own (Dick Burns please note)? Severe sanctions for that.
Prize money? As there are 5 foursomes; $60 to the winners, $24 to second place and $16 to third place.
Royalty Wins at Morgan Creek
The man they call The Duke, Bob Molinski, shot a scintillating 65 to edge out Hugh "Dawgbelly" Taylor (66) by one shot at a soggy Morgan Creek track to win the 2nd PGA event of the season. Duke's round featured a gross 39 on the back nine. Bob "Knuckles" Garries making his season debut shot a 70 to claim 3rd place. Spare Len Slade also played exceptionally well carding a 79/66.
Please see "scores" for all the details.
In the Olympic putting game rookie Al "Novo" Novotny (12 points) teamed with ailing Commissioner Tom Carter (8 points) to win the putting event with a team total of 20 to edge both the Alexander/Burns and Taylor/Wardroper teams. Both teams accumulated 17 points.
Event #3 - Swan-e-set - May 13th - First time: 10 am
The season's third event and last before the Kelowna Tripper Cup matches, will be played at Swan-e-set's Lee Trevino designed resort course in Pitt Meadows. Our first time is 10 am. Please arrive by 9:30 am so we can organize. The team game, foursomes and new handicaps will be posted on the website next week.
In the woods......kudos to Jon "Echo" Lloyd once again for organizing our Morgan adventure.....thanks also to Paul "Killer" Killeen who stepped in with his credit card when the Commissioner forgot his wallet......Ken "Lefty" Sherk's 5 putting points represents a 150% increase from a year ago.....the only member with enough manhood to wear shorts at Morgan was Digby "NatureBoy" Leigh who earned one free sanction from the Commissioner for a future indiscretion.....the Tripper Cup teams will be chosen at the 19th hole at Swanny....
Our first tee time is just after 1 pm so please arrive at the course no later than 12:30 so we can organize
FOURSOMES
Time 1 CARTER, Sherk, Alexander, White
Time 2 BACKIE, Murdoch, Jenkinson, Wardroper
Time 3 MOLINSKI, Brown, Grundy, Garries
Time 4 KILLEEN, Slade (for Player), Leigh, Lloyd
Time 5 TAYLOR, Burns, Novotny, Maynard
MORGAN CREEK
APRIL 29, 2006
"OLYMPIC"
Overview: This is a putting "game". It rewards golfers who can hole their shots in one putt once getting on the green, i.e., one putts are good, two or more putts aren’t. This game allows you to work on your concentration and your swearing.
Rules: 1. Once all members of the foursome are on the green, the putts are
measured and the one that is the furthest from the hole (i.e., the person who would ordinarily putt first) scores four (4) points if sunk in one putt. If that person misses sinking on the first putt then they are out of the competition for this hole. The second furthest putt then has an opportunity to score three (3) points if sunk in one putt. Similarly, the second closest (third furthest) would score two (2) points and the shortest putt could score one (1) point again, if sunk in one attempt.
- No points are awarded to a player if that player needs more than one putt on the hole.
- It is possible for more than one player to score points on a hole. The rule is points are awarded for sinking in one putt and all players who do that will score points.
- If a player sinks a ball from off the green and requires no putts then that player would score five (5) points on the hole. This would mean there would be no 4 point putt (i.e., max possible is 5,3,2,1) If two players hole out from off the green then there would be no 4 or 3 point putts (i.e., max possible is 5,5,2,1), etc.
- Individual scores are kept of the Olympic competition and at the end of the day it is added to your partner’s score and the total counts.
APRIL 29, 2006
TWO MAN TEAMS
OLYMPIC
BURNS ALEXANDER 35
CARTER NOVOTNY 41
BACKIE WHITE 40
SLADE GRUNDY 40
BROWN LEIGH 38
JENKINSON GARRIES 37
MAYNARD SHERK 40
TAYLOR WARDROPER 39
LLOYD MOLINSKI 35
KILLEEN MURDOCH 36
The number on the right is the total handicap of the two man team.
Lloyd & Wardroper Shine at Redwoods
Playing on the first truly warm day of the spring Jon Lloyd and Dick Wardroper both fired net 66's to stake an early claim on the coveted green jacket. Several players had good rounds including 68's turned in by Dave Backie, Paul Killeen, and Mike Jenkinson. Please see "scores" for all the details. The balmy weather estimated at 18c had the boys swinging well as evidenced by the Jake team shooting a 5 under team score to take the rookie two ball honours. Helping out Jake were soon to be grand dad Larry Brown and spares Len Slade and Joe Tibble.
Marvelous Morgan
We get right back at it this Saturday (April 29th) at Morgan Creek in south Surrey. It is our first visit back to the south Surrey gem and home to the BCGA for 7 years. We were banned from the course when a Marshall found a rough manuscript of "BrokeBack Mtn" in Blair Murdoch's golf bag. That Marshall has since been fired as "insensitive" to alternate lifestyle golfers.
Our first tee time is just after 1 pm so please arrive at the course no later than 12:30 so we can organize. Statsman Dave Backie has revised the handicaps after the first round and Gamesmeister Murdoch will post the team game later in the week.
Uphill putts......members Garries and Alexander should be back to make their '06 debuts at Morgan Creek.....the status of the commissioner who missed at Redwoods with a wonky back is still unknown.....thank yous to Len Slade and Joe Tibble for subbing, they made the most of it by being on the winning rookie 2 ball team......as a group the rookies struggled with the pressure of the PGA tour but should settle down for next week.....Duke Molinski won the KP at the 12th hole with a shot about 3 feet away.....
Thoughts from the "Capologist"
Once again thanks to the Commissioner who, with the perfect combination of Alcohol and Drugs, was able to be with us on Saturday in body as well as spirits. What a guy.
Here is an analysis of the 18 net scores from our first outing:
2 players were five under par with their net scores (66)
7 players were within 3 strokes of par (3@68, 1@69, 1@70, 1@73 and 1@74)
5 players had a net score of par 71
That leaves four, our three newcomers and that golfing enigma, Ken Sherk. In fairness to the real rookies their handicaps will be adjusted for the upcoming event at Morgan Creek.... And Sherk's will be adjusted because he gave me a bottle of Scotch.
Ken Sherk to 23 from 20, Digby Leigh to 24 from 18, Murray White to 27 from 18 and Al Novotny to 28 from 18
Cheers .....Bake
Weather Forecast Favourable for Redwoods
The PGA weather office is predicting mostly sunny skies with a high of 17c for the '06 season opener at the Redwoods in Langley this Saturday. Our first tee time is 11:30 so please arrive at the course no later than 11am.
Spares Highlight the Jenkinson Group
With Bob "Knuckles" Garries and Dave Alexander needing spares this week the group captained by expecting father, Jake Jenkinson, will be joined by former PGA vets Len Slade and Joe Tibble. Len will play to a 13 and Joe to an 18 'cap. Ace Brown (14) rounds out the Jake (14) group. All other PGA regulars will be playing including rookies Digby Leigh, Murray White and Al Novotny.
Rookie 2-Ball Predictions - by A. Hooker
1. LEIGH - Sherk - Murdoch - Grundy - team 'cap = 83 - Capt. "Digger" Leigh will lead this motley crew of bball players (plus Murder) to a slam dunk
2. WHITE - Killeen - Wardroper - Taylor - team 'cap = 75 - Rookie White has spent considerable time in Palm Springs training for his first year on tour
3. JENKINSON - Brown - Slade - Tibble - team 'cap = 56 - low team handicap, 2 members recently back from the Masters - has the horsepower to pass on the back nine
4. NOVOTNY - Molinski - Lloyd - Carter - team 'cap = 66 - vet "Duke" Molinski usually around the $$ but rookie Novotny must overcome nerves to be in the cash
5. PLAYER - Burns - Backie - Maynard - team 'cap = 54 - lowest team 'cap - Capt. Player must perform for this group to get close but supporting cast could make the difference
Out of Bounds.....with all the rain we've had play at Redwoods will be from the 6,152 yard WHITE tees....the good news: "Tuna" Phipps was feeling well enough to drive himself to Whistler...the bad news: it was to do his TAXES.....the commissioner will start sanctioning SOME of the late dues payers at Saturday's 19th hole - Killeen, Sherk & Garries are still delinquent (Novotny gets a pass because of the lateness of his entry on tour) KP will be on the par 3 135 yard 12th hole.....
Novotny in for the Doc
DB "Doc" Cooper's schedule will not allow him the luxury of playing fulltime so his place has been taken by Alan Novotny. We are looking forward to having Al on tour this season.
Redwoods Saturday April 22
The season opener is set for Sat. April 22 at The Redwoods in Langley. Our first tee time is 11:30 am. Please arrive no later than 11am so we can organize etc. Dave Backie will publish the handicaps next week .
Tripper Cup Change
Due to problems with the course at Sun Peaks and other issues the Tripper Cup matches have been relocated to sunny Kelowna. We are staying at the Accent Inn (downtown on Harvey Street) and will be playing:
Saturday - 1pm - Sunset Ranch
Sunday - 9:50am - Kelowna Springs
Last year the World Stars edged out Team NorthVan when Hugh "Dawgballs" Taylor made an unlikely sand save for par on # 18 to saw off Dick Burns, the team North Van captain, to secure to victory for the 'Stars.
On the green.....Joe "Tiki" Tibble is having knee replacement surgery soon and won't be playing for a few months, lets hope everything goes well and Joe is back on the links soon.....Tuna Phipps continues his fight so please keep up the prayers.....should be plenty of free beer at the 19th hole with all the sanctions coming down.....
PGA TOUR EVENT #1
REDWOODS - APRIL 22, 2006
ROOKIE TWO BALL
Foursomes for Redwoods Golf & Country Club – April 22, 2006
11:30 white, KILLEEN, Wardroper, Taylor
11:38 novotny, CARTER, Lloyd, Molinski
11:46 leigh, MURDOCH, Sherk, Grundy
11:54 player, BACKIE, Maynard, Burns
12:02 jenkinson, BROWN, Alexander, Garries
* Rookies are in bold and, as befits their status, in lower case. Capitalized players are responsible for collecting the $10.00 from everyone. Give it to Backie with your scorecard when you have finished. Total prize monies anticipated on April 22, 2006 are $200 - $100 for regular pot, $100 for Rookie Two Ball
"ROOKIE TWO-BALL
Overview: This is a variation of the never popular game "St. Alice". It is a two ball "team" game where two balls count. Every foursome is saddled with one "rookie". For our purposes this year, the rookies are White, Novotny Leigh, Player, Jenkinson – why Player and Jenkinson? Well, Player has dicked us around for years with his on again off again approach and Jenkinson? No real reason other than Brownie gets a chance to give him some flak - so this year he’s a rookie. Who do we have to thank for this year’s crop of rookies? White came to us courtesy of Killeen, Alan Novotny courtesy of Dick Wardroper, Leigh from Sherk, Jenkinson from Larry Brown and nobody is quite sure who to blame for Player. The rookie’s ball must be counted on every hole. You will be required, as always, to post gross scores on your scorecards. Backie will sort the net scores out later.
Rules: 1. The "rook" (as they shall now be called) will establish a playing order from his foursome and write it down.
2. On hole #1, the "rook" will assess all the tee shots, and prior to a second shot by anyone, he will choose one member as his partner on the hole. The "rook" writes the identity of his partner down on the scorecard by circling the square. The foursome is now stuck with the scores of that chosen member plus the "the rook" for this hole.
- On hole #2, the "rook" again chooses one member of the foursome as his partner for this hole and records the identity on the scorecard. Again, the foursome score is based on the performance of the "rook" and the chosen golfer. Remember, the "rook" chooses the golfer after the drives but before any other shots are taken.
- All holes are played in a similar fashion to this.
- Sounds simple, doesn’t it? It is actually an IQ test for the "rook"!!! The trick here is the "rook" must use everybody’s score six times and six times only.
- In the likely event that a "rook" will screw up this relatively simple little game he will be sanctioned two pitchers of beer – one for his now screwed foursome and one for the rest of us who will be inevitably disadvantaged by the turn of events.
PGA Season Opener Looms - April 22 @ The Redwoods
There is just a couple of weeks before the Pretenders Golf Association kicks off its 8th season with our opening event to be played Saturday April 22nd at The Redwoods in Langley. Our tee times begin at 11:30 am. Please arrive at the course no later than 11 am. Gamesmeister Blair "El Cid" Murdoch will be posting the team game etc. the week prior to the event. Director of Stats, Dave "Bakes" Backie will publish the handicaps for the season's first two events shortly.
Sanctions for Late Fees
Once again we had a number of members who failed to pay their 650.00 dues on time (March 15). Each player will be sanctioned 1 pitcher of beer IF the PGA office receives their dues by April 15th. If the offending player(s) do not remit their fees by April 15, more severe sanctions will be applied. The Commissioner will choose at random when, where and who is sanctioned. The culprits are:
Killeen - Brown - Lloyd - Cooper - Garries - Player - Sherk - Leigh
Tripper Cup News
The PGA office has learned that Sun Peaks, one of the courses scheduled for the Tripper Cup, will only be playing nine holes thereby necessitating a change. The dates remain the same (May 27/28) but we may change venues with Kelowna coming into play. If Kelowna is chosen we would play Sunset Ranch and Kelowna Springs while staying at the Accent Inn. More details to follow.
Slow breakers....Ace Brown, Killer Killeen and Jake Jenkinson are currently warming up for the PGA season in Georgia and will be attending The Masters. Look for Ace & Killer on TV on Saturday at the par 3 16th hole made famous during Jack Nicklaus' unlikely win in '86 and Tiger Woods' improbable chip-in last year....Tuna Phipps continues to fight against the big "C" and appears to be winning....the afore mention Mr. Jenkinson & wife Chris are expecting the couple's first child in August with Ace will become a Grandpa.....once again the annual PGA awards dinner celebrating the season after the Calcutta will be hosted by Paul & Judy Killeen - many kudos to the Killeen's who will be hosting for the 4th time.....
Golf in a nutshell supplied by Blair Murdoch
Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the
occasional miracle, followed by a good bottle of beer
Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the winner buys the drinks.
"Golf is harder than baseball. In golf, you have to play your foul balls."
If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here's a valuable tip: your life is in trouble.
Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot rarely make a perfect shot.
The term "mulligan" is really a contraction of the phrase "maul it again."
A "gimme" can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers ... neither of whom can putt very well.
An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play; it is
always possible to get worse.
Golf's a hard game to figure. One day you'll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and for no reason at all you really stink.
I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.
If your best shots are the practice swing and the "gimme putt", you might wish to reconsider this game.
Golf is the only sport where the most feared opponent is you.
Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously it won't work .. and
both are expensive.
The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil.
To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly.
In golf, some people tend to get confused with all the numbers... they shoot a six, yell fore and write five.
Swing easy. Hit hard
If you find yourself pleased that yo u locate more balls in the rough than you actually have lost, your focus is totally wrong and your personality might not be right for golf ... it is also just a matter of time before the IRS
investigates your business.
Why is it twice as difficult to hit a ball over water than sand?
"The greatest sound in golf is the Woosh, Woosh, Woosh, of your opponent's club as he hurls it across the fairway"
Wishing you all a great 2006 Golf Season
Tuna Taking Visitors
Charlie "Tuna" Phipps has been transferred to Lions Gate Hospital. He
is in room #628 on the 6th floor EAST. He is getting stronger and
visitors are allowed for short (5 to 10 minute) visits. Charlie has
requested and received a one year exception from the PGA tour and he
expects to return and win back the coveted green jacket in the '07
season.
Tripper Cup News
Charlie "Tuna" Phipps will serve as the Match Referee during this
year's Tripper Cup Matches played in Kamloops at The Dunes and Sun Peaks
during the weekend of May 27/28. The seasoned veteran has a wealth of
golf knowledge and is well suited for his responsibilities as Match
Referee and his decision will be final during the matches on any and all
rulings.
Beware the Ides of March (15th) - Dues Due!!
To date the Commissioner, Blair "El Cid" Murdoch, Vic Grundy and Hugh
"Dawgballs" Taylor have paid their 650.00 dues. Please remember your
season's dues are expected by Wed. March 15th.
Murray White Debuts ([email protected])
As next on the wait list it is expected Murray White will join the tour
this season replacing the Tuna. He will join Digger Leigh and DB "Doc"
Cooper as a tour rookie this season. We will again play the season with
20 regulars only.
Spare Policy
If a spare is needed please contact one of the following. Green fees
are negotiated between the tour regular and spare. Each of the spare's
e-mail address will be posted under "roster".
2006 Spares - Joe Tibble - Len Slade - Ron Stinson - Mark Darling - Jay
Merilees - Jim Pomeroy - Doug Quinn - Dave Rice - Alan Novotny - Dave
Overgaard - Gary Munro - Bob Carter
Redwoods Opener
Just seven weeks left to our April 22 season opener at The Redwoods in
Langley. We have times booked starting at 11:30 am. We follow up the
next weekend on April 27th at the home of the BCGA, Morgan Creek. Tee
times at Morgan start at 1pm. Thanks to Jon "Echo" Lloyd for making the
arrangements.
PAY YOUR DUES BY MARCH 15.
Suggested new logo for PGA click on Pic
Ailing Tuna
PGA veteran and two time green jacket winner Charlie "Tuna" Phipps had cancer discovered in his colon recently during gall blatter surgery. Part of the colon was removed and Charlie has been transferred from the Squamish hospital to Vancouver. More information, such as his room number etc. will be posted as available. Please say a prayer for a quick recovery.
Tibble OUT - Leigh IN (Feb 10)
Veteran PGA member Joe "Tiki" Tibble will play this year as a spare due to upcoming knee replacement surgery. It may not happen until after the season but Tiki, not wanting to screw up the group, will play this year if available as a spare. His spot on the regular roster will be taken by Digby "Digger" Leigh who most of you will remember as a terrific athlete from ancient times.
Murray White the recently retired North Shore administrator is now next in line for regular status. We will expand the tour to 24 players if 3 more spares wish to "upgrade" to regular status. The tour will consider expanding to 24 player until March 15.
Fees Due March 15
The yearly fees of 650.00 will be due on the Ides of March, March 15, 2006. This year the fees will include 8 rounds of golf, one night stay (double occupancy) at Sun Peaks in Kamloops, the annual bbq awards dinner and a prize pot of about 500.00. Please mail your 650.00 cheque to:
T. Carter/PGA
8034 Winston Street
Burnaby, BC
V5A 2H5
Sanctions will be levied to anyone whose cheque is not received on or before March 15th.
Revised Schedule - Opening Day April 22nd
Thank-you to the gamesmeister Blair "Murder" Murdoch for delicately pointly out to the commissioner that our original opening date of April 15th was during Easter weekend. The tour has long tried to leave long weekends free for families etc. Here is our new schedule which features the Tripper Cup matches in Kamloops and our annual Calcutta once again at Westwood Plateau:
April 22 - The Redwoods
April 29 - Morgan Creek
May 13 - Swan-e-set Bay Resort
May 27 - The Dunes (Kamloops)
May 28 - Sun Peaks (Kamloops)
June 10 - Shuksan (Bellingham - includes cart)
June 17 - The Falls (includes cart)
June 24 - Westwood Plateau (includes cart and bbq burger lunch)
BBQ Host
Thanks once more to Bob & Marsha Garries for hosting last season's awards bbq. If anyone wishes to host this year's awards bbq dinner at the Calcutta on June 24th please let the commissioner know.
Tight Lies... Digger Leigh will join DB "Doc" Cooper as PGA rookies this year....thanks to Larry "Ace" Brown (Westwood) and Jon "Echo" Lloyd (Morgan Creek) for assisting in venue acquisition....PGA members Brown, Paul "Killer" Killeen and Mike "Jake" Jenkinson are all attending this years Masters.....the red tee rule will once again be in effect this year "any member playing the full round in a dress may play from the red tees"....North Van Tripper Cup captain "Docme" Dick Burns was seen shopping in Zellers for a variety of frocks, mumu's and off the shoulder numbers.....statsman Dave "Bakes" Backie will publish tour handicaps in mid April....REMEMBER MAIL YOUR DUES IN BEFORE MARCH 15
Involuntary Muscular Contractions
A Professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular
Contractions" to his first year medical students.
Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor
decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know
what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"
She replied, "He's probably golfing with his friends."
Golf score
The Head Pro of the golf course was called to the fifth green where he found three men fighting and another dead in the bunker.
After quietening them down he got an explanation.
"That's my partner there in the bunker" said one man.
"He had a stroke and these two bastards want to add it to his score".
Annual Dues
The annual dues for the 2006 season will be 650.00 and will include 8 rounds of golf and 1 night's stay (May 27) at the Sun Peaks resort in Kamloops. A cash call with mailing directions for dues will be send out in February. For financial planning purposes dues will be payable by Mar. 15, 2006.
2006 PGA (regular) Membership
The following indicated at the end of last season their wish to return as regulars for the '06 season. Currently we have 20 regulars.
Alexander - Backie - Brown - Burns - Carter - Cooper - Garries - Grundy - LLoyd - Maynard - Molinski - Killeen - Phipps - Taylor - Wardroper - Sherk - Murdoch - Jenkinson - Tibble - Player
If your name appears and you do not wish to play as a regular this season please e-mail the commissioner at [email protected].
Next in Line
Next in line to become regulars if one of the veteran players drops out are:
1. Digby Leigh
2. Murray White
We can add regulars - one foursome at a time. Spares who wish to put their name forward on the regular wait list should contact the commissioner.
PGA News Flash
Attached are photos of PGA Members Blair Murdoch and Paul Killeen during their recent scouting trip. They were exploring venues for future PGA events. These photos demonstrate the great personal sacrifices made by these two strong PGA supporters during the dismal days of late December. They will provide a full report at the 2006 inaugural PGA event.
Notes:
Scouting - PGA stalwarts enduring the sacrifices of exploring new PGA playing venues
Confident - PGA member Blair Murdoch walks confidently off the Tee after hitting a fine shot.
Croc - PGA member enters a Croc infested river to play a difficult shot. Fortunately, he was using rental clubs and the staff did not notice the large dent in the blade of the 6 iron when the clubs were returned. The large rock in the photo did come into play on the downswing!
Review - deep in contemplation, members Murdoch and Killeen compare notes and prepare a "suitability rating" for El Tigre
And now for the real story
Members come out of Closet in Mexico
PGA members Paul Killeen & Blair Murdoch recently tied the knot and spent their honeymoon in Mexico sunning themselves and playing golf at the El Tigre resort in Nuevo Vallarta. "Ooh, I lub dat mang" replied Mrs. Murdoch when asked how his relationship with Mr. Killeen was going. "We're not sure about little ones, but you never know!" stated Killeen.
No mention was made of the course or scores.