YEAR 2007
CHI CHI’s & PRAIRIE CHICKEN BIG WEINERS
Calcutta
The week started with Fonz Slade, the captain of the Chi Chi’s taking issue with some handicap adjustments, and ended with the Fonz doling out big $$$ to his teammates - Vic "Shorty" Grundy - Fred "Flintstone" Walters - Vern "3 Points" Porter. Their amazing team total of minus 30 clearly outdistanced the field. The runner-ups were the Bazooka’s (Tuna - Shoe - NoBalls - Dro) who fired a minus 21 and in third was the Cajunga’s (Jake - Ace - Tiki - WartHog) who managed a minus 17.
Green Jacket Fits The Prairie Chicken (almost....well, not really)
Rookie Jeff "Prairie Chicken" Schwartz held off Fred "Flintstone" Walters despite playing poorly (as predicted by the commissioner) at Northlands. His net 84 was not a "counter" so he hung on to prevail over Walters whose net 72 wasn’t enough to win the green jacket. The PC played very well over most of the season and can now look forward to a jaw dropping ‘cap adjustment. Paul "Killer" Killeen made the biggest charge on the final day by firing a net 64 (82) during difficult conditions to climb to third spot in the green jacket race. For all stats please click on "scores".
2008 Season
The 2008 season will begin on Saturday April 5th at the wonderful and very dry Point Roberts Golf Club just across the border from Tswwassen. We will play every second Saturday except the last two events (the race for the green) will be played June 14 with the Calcutta being played June 21. We look forward to playing some different local courses with Belmont, Golden Eagle, Peace Portal, Hazelmere and UBC all being considered. The Tripper Cup will likely be played either in Kamloops or on the Sunshine Coast the weekend of May 31 & June 1. Sandpiper will fall off the rotation and be replaced by an event at the Whistler Golf Club (thank you Tuna).
Thank-you
The season was a great success. Many thanks to the few spares especially Len Slade, Joe Tibble and Doc Craig Bergstrom who helped us out during the season. Also congratulations and thanks to the lively band of rookies this year. Aside from Schwartz winning the green jacket each rookie made his mark in some fashion and all of them fit on tour perfectly. NoBalls, Flintstone, Homer, Warthog and the PrairieChicken are all excellent additions.
Thanks to Dave & Lanny Backie for stepping in on short notice to host the annual awards bbq after Bob "Knuckles" Garries’ unfortunate accident. Thanks to Dave for his usual splendid stats work. Thanks to Hugh "Dawgballs" Taylor our webmaster and Director of Communications. Without his expertise and skill the tour would not be nearly as much fun. Thanks to Asst. Commissioner Killer Killeen who always takes care of the 19th hole tab.
Thanks to Bob Garries for continuing to lead the way in spirit if not on the course. Rest assured Knuckles will rehab that left paw and be back on tour next spring. Thanks to Charlie "Tuna" Phipps for returning from his fight with cancer and show us there truly is a Santa Claus.
Thanks to each and every regular tour member. Without all of us the tour wouldn’t work.
See everyone next year or on the Links this summer!
Important Note From Mr. Bakie
A treasured wooden salad fork has disappeared -probably taken home inadvertently-and that my ass is grass and Lanny is the lawn mower. Would love to get it back.
PS Lots of pics to follow
Alumni Speaks Out
Bake
I must take offence at the idea of sticking his "dick" up the prairie chicken’s ass. A little more respect is needed.!!!!!!
Cheers and good luck at he final at Northlands.
Gigantic Dick
Note from Mr. Bakie Extraordinaire
Folks are welcome right after the round. they don't have to wait until 7'ish
Hole-in-One Contest and a Chance to Win a Trip to the 2008 British Open Clarified
Paul Killeen, through Investors Group, has added a little extra to the Calcutta at Northlands. Anyone scoring a hole in one on par 3 hole #16 will receive a Callaway FTi driver.
Further, each player will be given a ballot to complete as an entry in the British Open contest. The contest draw will be made from similar ballots deposited throughout the summer in BC and Alberta. The prize includes air fare to Liverpool, accommodation, passes to the British Open at Royal Berkshire, golf at Royal Berkshire (for those who can meet the handicap requirement – those who can not will play another nearby course), and a rental car. Ballots must be submitted at the time the hole is played.
Bob Garries will be on hand to supervise the contest and witness any hole in one. All members of the foursome must also sign at witnesses.
The Hole-in-One contest requires that the par 3 hole must be at least 150 yards, so Hole #16 must be played from the BLUE tee. All other holes will be played from the white tees.
Entering the ballot makes you eligible for the British Open contest and, as you would image, creates a contact list for Investors Group. All ballots will be given to Paul Killeen and he has promised not to call. (he believes few cheques written by PGA tour members would ever clear the bank anyway).
OVERGAARD & PORTER TO SPARE
Long time former PGA regulars Dave Overgaard and Vern Porter have stepped up as spares to play the Calcutta to ensure a full field of six teams.
CALCUTTA RULES
Clarification of the Calcutta rules: a) each team counts 2 net scores per hole. b) each player must have their score counted at least 6 times. c) summer rules. d) play will be from the White tees
Tomorrow: Who’s the breast??
HOLE IN ONE ON #16 - IG, KILLER & KNUCKLES TEAM UP
Killer Killeen has arranged through the Investors Group an excellent hole in one prize for the 16th hole at the Calcutta. If anyone makes a hole in one they will receive a Callaway FTi driver. The shot must be witnessed by everyone in his group plus.....Knuckles Garries. Yes the one handed maniac is back. Many thanks to Killer & IG for arranging a possible prize of a lifetime (see British Open details below)
Here are the details of the IG Hole in One Contest:
1. The course guide for Northlands shows hole #16 is 150 yards from the blue tees. So, to qualify we need to play from the blue tees and not the black.
2. First shot only
3. Must be witnessed by Bob Garries and the 3 other players in the
foursome. If there is a hole in one all four must sign as witnesses
4. Prize is a Callaway FT i driver
5. To be eligible each player must complete a ballot for the British
Open contest.
7. The prize is for a trip for 2 to the 2008 British Open at Royal Berkshire in Lancashire England. Included are:
WHO’S The BREAST?
This year’s Calcutta should be won by one of three teams. Who’s the breast?
1. Hooters - good all around squad but can they keep super rookie Prairie Chicken from imploding at Nasty Northlands?
2. Chi Chi’s - veterans plus rookie Flintstone = in the money but will handicap controversy cause bad karma?
3. Ta Ta’s - cagey & devious! can they "manage" Murray? veteran crew knows track and stats man Bakes coming off his best round.
4 to 6 - The remaining teams, Bazooka’s - Cajunga’s - Bigg’uns: "Welcome to Northlands"
USGA President Weighs In On ‘Cap Debate
Walter W. Driver the current President of the United States Golf Association upon learning of the PGA handicap debate took time from his busy schedule and duties at the US Open to send an e-mail to Commissioner Carter with his observations:
"We must always consider tradition when planning and implementing any golf event. From our conversation it is clear that for the first 9 years of your Calcutta that Mr. Backie’s statistical acumen concerning handicaps were not questioned. I see no reason for that to change and advise you to stay the course".
The Commissioner will heed Mr. Driver’s advise. The ‘caps remain as posted.
Pretenders respond quickly to the "RANT"
As the captain of team Hooter's, I think the commissioner should make a ruling on team Chi Chi's complaint about the caps, sanctioning them all a pitcher of beer for complaining about said caps prior to the Calcutta. Furthermore their captain should have to wear a bra during the Calcutta for representing this complaint for his team. I would very much like to hear from any other captains on there thoughts about this issue.
Captain Prairie chicken
GO TEAM HOOTERS
I read the "Fonz Rants" and I’m now worried about being a Chi Chi. Will the Fonz never learn that stats man Mr. Backie is a God, and you never question God’s wisdom? Will the Wrath of God cause the Fonz to become the PGA’s first ever-scratch handicap for the Calcutta?
By the way, I shot a 91 (net 66) at Sandpiper and my handicap moved up two strokes to a 27? God is great, if not a little random on the handicapping!
VG
A RESPONSE TO THE RANT
I have just read the article on the Web site from part time player and captain of the
Chi Chi’s (should that read She She’s???) Len the Fonz Slade.
It is obvious that someone missed the pre tour lecture on Handicapping, Stroke Equity and Man Up and Quit Bitching.
I thank Mr. Slade for referring to me as "Stats Man Extraordinaire" but take exception to his reference to an alleged error having occurred in the assignment of the latest handicaps. I assure you, based on 9 years of handicapping the PGA no error has occurred. As everyone knows handicaps are reached through a mathematical process. To review- you calculate your differential (course rating subtracted from gross score using equitable stroke control) multiply it by 116 and divide by the course slope for each round. You then take the total of your best ten scores from your last twenty games and calculate 90% of that. The resulting number is your handicap index, which translates to your handicap at any given course from any give tees. Simple! Not so for the PGA. Due to lying, cheating and sandbagging (in spite of the Tour motto) I have devised my own system of handicapping – which has often been questioned I might ad, but it works.
Fonz and the She She’s have based their protest on one round. Ridiculous!!! Mr. Walters did indeed shoot a great score, as did I, at Sandpiper. History says that that is outside the norm. I am sure even Mr. Slade has had a great round at some point, in fact everyone has (except Murray.) Golfers are expected to shoot their handicap once in four rounds. I hope the She She’s can do that Saturday at Northlands
Mr. Commissioner I request that you file this protest right where you would like to put your dick – up the Prairie Chickens ass.
Respectfully Dave Backie Capologist
FOUR ALIVE! FOR GREEN JACKET
Upon closer look the assumption that Jeff "Prairie Chicken" Schwartz was about to win the coveted Green Jacket in his rookie season prove to be in some question as no less than 3 other PGA members will have a say in the race for golf’s ultimate blazer.
FLINTSTONE IS FINE!
Another tour rookie, Fred "Flintstone" Walters brings the biggest challenge. Having only played in four events he needs a net 66 or better to tie or beat the Prairie Chicken (provided that the Prairie Chicken does not improve his yearly total). In event of a tie the winner is the player who posts the lowest score at the Calcutta. Northlands presents it own unique challenges but its tight, heavily forested terrain favours the straight hitter. Definite edge to Flintstone as rumours have it that the Prairie Chicken has not played Northlands for a few years, since he had to quit on the 12th hole after losing all his ammo. Northlands "is in his kitchen" says renown Northlands architect Les Furber referring to the Prairie Chicken’s fear of the mountain side track.
Also in with a shout, but not quite as loud, are Hoss Alexander and Docme Dick Burns. The Hoss needs to shoot 62 or better and Docme needs to post 60 or lower to have a chance. Alexander is easily the most improved player on tour this season and his "what me worry" Alfred E. Newman style will definitely help at Northlands where patience is key. Veteran Burns, the only contender to have already won the green jacket (2003), needs a career round but is capable judging by the net 60 (1 under 71 gross) he fired at The Kings Links 2 seasons ago. He likes Northlands, is comfortable there and has shot in the mid 70’s (gross) on a number of occasions.
Digger Leigh also would have been in the mix but unfortunately he will miss the Calcutta.
It appears the Green Jacket is a two man race between Schwartz and Walters but don’t count out Alexander & Burns because at Northlands the Golf Gods always seem to have the last laugh.
Next: The Calcutta Teams - Are the Hooters the breast??
******Breaking news******
Fonz Rants
Please Note: From Captain of the Chi Chi’s...We are asking for a Commissioner ruling for the upcoming PGA Calcutta Event.
Fred Walter has been capped at a 16...he is an 18. He shot a 78 net 60 at Sandpiper....from a cap of 18. Mr. Backie.stats man extraordinaire....shot a season best 79 (net 66)...from a cap of 13....to go to a cap of 15 for the Calcutta....This math simply does not work out.
As the captain of the Chi Chi’s I feel it is my duty to point out this error....I am not questioning Mr. Backie’s handicapping of himself as I know he is ambidextrous...I believe it is just a mathematical error. However, It would be appreciated if the mathematical error in Mr. Walter’s handicap is corrected for the upcoming event.
If the mathematical error is not corrected my teammates have insisted that I
ask the commissioner for a formal inquiry to have Mr. Backie’s handicap lowered by the same amount as Mr. Walters....2 strokes....taking him from a Sandpiper (13) to a Calcutta (11).
I know the commissioner, in his great wisdom, either ...will immediately correct the mathematical error that has occurred or provide adequate justice and apply the same declining handicap rule applied to Mr. Walters to Mr. Backie.
Please note: The Chi Chi’s are not asking that Mr. Walter’s handicap be raised by two strokes (to a 20) for the Calcutta after, shooting an excellent round, to offset the increase to Mr. Backie’s increase after shooting an excellent round.,,,, although there could be lingering questions about this issue for years to come.
PGA RECORD TIED AT SANDPIPER
Fred "Flintstone" Walters tied Blair Murdochs net PGA record by posting a scintillating 60 (78 gross!) at the partially flooded by ultimately playable Sandpiper Golf Club to win the PGA’s second last event and put himself in the picture for the Green Jacket. Stats man Bakes Backie had his best round of the season carding a 66 (79) to finish second and Hoss Alexander continued his excellent season by shooting 69. In the Wolf game commissioner Chowder Carter earned 19 points to edge out Docme Dick Burns who had 18. Please see "scores" for all the details.
GREEN JACKET RACE
It appears barring a miracle that rookie Jeff "Prairie Sandbagger" Schwartz will win the coveted blazer. Flintstone Walters, Hoss Alexander and even Docme Dick Burns have an outside chance but the smart money is going with the Prairie Chicken who will captain the Hooters squad at the Calcutta.
NORTHLANDS CALCUTTA
The annual season ending Calcutta will be played this coming Saturday at Northlands. Each team will purchase itself for 200.00 (50.00 per player). The captains (in capitals) will collect the Calcutta money and give it to Bakes Backie at the awards bbq dinner. Here are the teams, times and handicaps ( ):
1:15 pm - TaTa’s - BACKIE (15) - Burns (8) - Killeen (18) - White (36)
1:25 pm - Hooters - SCHWARTZ (14) - Taylor (18) - Murdoch (17) - Sherk (26)
1:35 pm - Bazooka’s - WARDROPER (19) - Phipps (10) - Molinski (18) - spare
1:45 pm - Chi Chi’s - SLADE (14) - Walters (16) - Goulding (21) - Grundy (27)
1:55 pm - Bigg’uns - ALEXANDER (23) - Maynard (16) - Novotny (28) - Carter (10)
2:05 pm - Cajunga’s - JENKINSON (14) - Tibble (17) - Brown (19) - Odendall (30)
Play will be summer rules from the WHITE tees. Stay tuned for a possible 16th hole wrinkle. KP will be on #16 and long drive will be on #17. The prize money for both will be 20.00.
Calcutta Prize $$$
First - 600.00 - 2nd - 400.00 - 3rd - 200.00
ANNUAL BBQ DINNER
Many thanks to Bakes & Lanny Backie for hosting the annual awards BBQ. Their home is located at 4542 Hoskins Road in North Vancouver. We anticipate a 7:30/8 pm start. Although it is residents only parking in the area Bakes has parking passes that he will distribute at Northlands on Saturday. The tour will provide various bbq meats but please remember this is a BYOB function. To round out the dinner each team will be responsible for bringing a appy, sidedish or dessert. We expect about 45/50 for dinner:
TaTa’s - Salads
Hooters - Deserts
Bazooka’s - Baked Potatoes
Chi Chi’s - Appy’s
Bigg’uns - Appy’s
Cajunga’s - Salads
Captains: please communicate with your team and designate what and quantity they should bring.
PRIZE TABLE
The tour will supply a number of prizes awarded for good play throughout the year. The Green Jacket winner will have first choice and so forth. If anyone has any golf related prize they wish to donate please bring it with them to the dinner.
May 31
Tripper Cup - Final Results
NorthVanCl^n 24.5 - WorldSt*rs 20.5
Enough said.
Event # 6
Saturday June 2nd
Swan-e-set
Our sixth event of the season will be played this Saturday on the resort course at Swan-e-set. Our first time is 7:30 am so please arrive at 7 so we can organize. This events team game will be Gay Boy. See below for rules.
Spares needed
We are two short . If anyone has a friend that would like to spare please contact the commissioner.
GAY BOY
Gay Boy is a game that should be understood by most of us. It uses a pink ball.
Each foursome has a gaily colored, unique, bright PINK ball that is traded throughout the players. The first player uses it on the first hole, second player on the second and so forth.
The twist? The foursome is disqualified if they lose the PINK ball. This could be harsh, but after all so is life. Please keep track of when you lose it! Whichever golfer loses it will bear the distinction, GAY BOY, for the duration of the day and will be required to purchase a pitcher of beer for the rest of the foursome. Each GAY BOY will be required to drink some appropriate libation – pink lemonade, spritzer or coolers come to mind.
Here’s another not so damaging twist. Keep the overall net score for the PINK ball separately as that is what we are scoring here.
If there is a tie? Not a chance in hell! But if there is, we will count backwards from 18 to determine the winner! If you turn in a pink ball that isn’t your own (Dick Burns please note)? Severe sanctions for that.
Tee Times
7:30 am - Schwartz - Killeen - Wardroper - Walters
7:40 am - Backie - Jenkinson - Simpson - spare
7:50 am - Maynard - Tibble - Goulding - spare
8:00 am - Phipps - Leigh - Odendall - Murdoch
8:10 am - Burns - Sherk - Molinski - Alexander
8:20 am - Carter - Bergstrom - Novotny - Grundy
Event # 7 - Sandpiper - Saturday June 9th
Since the website will not be updated in time, here is the information for Sandpiper. We will have our first "Alumni" event and have 7 tee times beginning at 10 am. The groups and games will be communicated via email directly to all members, spares and Alumni involved next week.
19th hole.....several regulars will miss Swanny (Brown - White - Taylor - Garries)....under the "what a guy" section: Knuckles Garries who was suppose to play at Princeton on the way to Osoyoos called the club and set up a 50.00 beer tab for those playing....."What a guy!".....Jake Jenkinson will finally make his season debut at Swanny....with the Director of Communications on vacation the website will not be updated until after Sandpiper......quick calculations have Jeff "Prairie Chicken" Schwartz leading the green jacket race...."Docme" Dick Burns won the Tripper Cup net singles with a two day total of 136 edging out Schwartz by a single shot.....
Stats will be posted when missing scores are in or when ______ Balls returns from vacation.
May 24
Garries Report
Bob "Knuckles" Garries has been told by his drs. that his hand will be in a cast for 4 months before starting rehab. He is in excellent spirits and will return to the PGA tour for the ‘08 season and wishes the WorldSt*rs good luck during this weekend’s Tripper Cup matches. He did not mention the NorthVanCl^n squad.
Tiki to Help out WorldSt*rs
Joe "Tiki’ Tibble will spare for Knuckles Garries at the Tripper Cup matches. Interestingly the last time the WorldSt*rs won the annual battle was three years ago in Whistler when it is thought that Tiki’s strong play and Haka dance led the WorldSt*rs to victory. Tiki will team with Al "No Balls" Goulding to play the NorthVanCl^n’s Lefty Sherk & Hoss Alexander in what could be a pivotal day one match
Desert Gold - Day One
Our tee times on Saturday start at 11 am so please arrive at the course no later than 10:30 so we can get organized. Carts will be provided at both courses and we will play summer rules.
Thanks again to Killer Killeen or organizing Saturday night’s dinner at the Westridge!
May 22
Garries Injured - Out for the Season - Walters Out for Tripper Cup
Bob "Knuckles" Garries the 2006 Green Jacket winner injured his hand in an accident at his cabin a few days ago and will not play for the rest of the PGA season. His loss is a big blow to the World St*rs this weekend as they were counting on the ‘06 champ’s consistent play, leadership and humor to help humiliate the NorthVanCl^n. We all hope Bob heals quickly and he is back, "chasing the little white ball" as soon as possible.
Fred "Flintstone" Walters also had to withdraw from the Tripper Cup matches due to business travel but will return to the tour on June 2nd at Swan-e-set.
SPARES NEEDED!!
With the loss of Garries & Walters we are down to 18 for the trip. If any spare wishes to play please contact the commissioner via email or at 604-537-5686. The anticipated cost for the weekend (2 rounds - 1 night) is about 200.00.
Tripper Cup Dinner
The annual Saturday night Tripper Cup dinner will be held at the Westridge Inn’s Brew Pub at 7 pm. Kudos’ to Killer Kileen for making the arrangements as we will have our own area outside on the patio. After dinner the team captains (Brown & Carter) will conduct the draw for the crucial day two singles matches. Check out the Westridge at:
http://www.westridgeinn.com
More Tripper Cup news - later this week
May 15
Hamburgler & Prairie Chicken Big Winners @ Redwoods
Playing on a picture perfect spring day rookie Jeff "Prairie Chicken" Schwartz understood the rules, managed his veterans and led his team to victory at the annual Rookie Game. Schwartz fashioned a net 64, his second in a row, to lead his squad to victory at Redwoods where he lives close to the 5th green.
Meanwhile Al "Hamburgler" Maynard, a 16 handicapper, played like his wife French Fry had promised to put catsup & mustard on his hot dog. Al posted a net 63 (gross 79) to edge out Schwartz and Dave "Hoss" Alexander who both shot net 64. Please click on scores for all the details. Hugh "Dawgballs" Taylor cranked his drive 20 yds past Bob "Knuckles" Garries to win the long drive and spare Bob "Duke" Molinski playing with only 20% vision in one eye (retina surgeries) had enough vision to hit a 9 iron 10 feet away on #12 to win the KP.
Tripper Cup Handicaps
Dave "Bakes" Backie, our Director of Stats made his season debut and served notice quickly that new handicaps will be assigned for the Tripper Cup matches in Osoyoos. Those expected to receive a lower cap include the aforementioned Schwartz and anyone else close to the top of the green jacket race.
Tripper Cup Day One - Team Matches
The two captains announced the pairings for the day one team net 2 ball matches to be played on May 27th at the Desert Gold course at Osoyoos Golf Club:
NorthVanCL^N VS WorldST*RS
Match One: 11:04 am Backie/Grundy Simpson/Phipps Match Two: 11:12 Burns/Walter Taylor/Schwartz Match Three: 11:20 Odendall/Killeen Carter/Maynard Match Four: 11:28 Alexander/Sherk Garries/Goulding Match Five: 11:36 Brown/White Novotny/Wardroper In the woods.....nice to have Bakes back to take charge of the 19th hole proceedings.....a dinner on Saturday night will be arranged at which time the captains will determined the net singles matches apres dinner....great to see Duke Molinski at Redwoods and word is he will be joining us on June 2nd at Swan-e-set.....the NorthVanCl^n has won two straight Tripper Cups and are once again favored to threepeat...."Docme" Dick Burns is traveling to New York City with his school choir who will perform at Carnegie Hall and to check out inferior salsa and has passed his captaincy of the NorthVanCl^n along to Larry "Ace" Brown....rookie Louie Odendall made his PGA debut and earned the nickname "Wart Hog"....
Special Interest
For Sale: Set of Callaway Big Bertha’s - 1,3 & 5 woods - SW to 3 iron & putter (all graphite shafts) plus a travel bag, regular bag and shoe bag - Cost: 500.00 - contact Bob Garries if interested.
Some golfing definitions
An O.J. Simpson - somehow got away with it
An Adolf Hitler - taking two shots in a bunker A nipple licker - a shot that opens up the hole
A RockHudson-thought it was straight, but it wasn't
A Princess Grace - should have taken a driver
A Princess Di - shouldn't have taken a driver
A Condom - safe but didn't feel very good
An elephant's arsehole - it's high; and it stinks (aka Giraffes Ass)
A sister-in-law -I'm up there, but I know I shouldn't be
A Sally Gunnell - it's ugly but it's still running
A Kate Moss - thinned it
An IRA shot - hitting a provisional
A Diego Maradonna - nasty five footer
A Salman Rushdie - an impossible read
A Ladyboy - Looks like an easy hole but all may not be what it seems
Putting like a gynecologist's assistant - shaving the hole
A Paris Hilton - an expensive hole
A Cuban - needs one more revolution
An Elton John - a big bender that lips the rim
A Glen Miller - kept low and didn't make it over the water
A Marilyn Monroe - a fair crack up the middle (aka "A Blondie")
A Robin Cook - just died on the hill
A Michael Jackson - gradually fading
An Anna Kournikova - looks great, but unlikely to get a result
A Vinnie Jones - nasty kick when you're not expecting it
A Tony Blair - too much spin
A Bin Laden - driven out, never to be found again
Jamie Oliver - you really wantto smack it but you don't A Rodney King - over-clubbed
May 9
Redwood
May 12 2007
"ROOKIE TWO-BALL"
Overview: This is a variation of the never popular game "St. Alice". It is a two ball "team" game where two balls count. Every foursome is saddled with one "rookie". The rookie’s ball must be counted on every hole. You will be required, as always, to post gross scores on your scorecards. Backie will sort the net scores out later.
Rules: 1. The "rook" (as they shall now be called) will establish a playing order from his foursome and write it down.
2. On hole #1, the "rook" will assess all the tee shots, and prior to a second shot by anyone, he will choose one member as his partner on the hole. The "rook" writes the identity of his partner down on the scorecard by circling the square. The foursome is now stuck with the scores of that chosen member plus the "the rook" for this hole.
Redwoods - Teams & Tee Times - Please arrive at 9:30 am
(Handicap adjustments to follow)
10:04 - white - BACKIE - Molinski - Maynard
10:12 - schwartz - GARRIES - Grundy - Novotny
10:20 - odendall - KILLEEN - Alexander - Murdoch
10:28 - goulding - BURNS- Brown - Phipps
10:36 - simpson - TAYLOR - Wardroper - Carter
We will have the KP on #12 and the Long drive will be contested on #18.
Prize $$$
With an anticipated pot of 200.00 the prize money will be distributed thusly:
Rookie Team Game: 1st 50.00 - 2nd 30.00 - 3rd 10.00
Net Singles: 1st 40.00 - 2nd 25.00 - 3rd 15.00 - 4th 10.00
KP #12 - 10.00
LD #18 - 10.00
(maybe)
Rules/Conditions for REDWOODS
Due to soft conditions play will be from the 6,168 yard WHITE tees. We will play "winter rules" with the usual PGA lateral hazard rule in effect. The "whites" have a rating of 69.8 and slope of 122. The course has a par of 71. For more information & directions please go to:
http://www.redwoods-golf.com/
19th hole.....tour leader after 2 rounds, Paul "Killer" Killeen returns from an intense golf vacation in Palm Springs primed to further extend his lead atop the player rankings....Jake Jenkinson who has been awol all season will also miss the Tripper Cup so we have reduced our tee times both days from 6 to 5, Jake will return to the tour at Swan-e-set on June 2nd....check your PGA handicap prior to playing as we expect changes soon.....missing at Redwoods will be Lefty Sherk, Digger Leigh & rookie Fred Walters....
May 8
Sunny Skies for Redwoods
The local weatherman is predicting sunny skies and a high of 21 for our annual Rookie game which will be played this Saturday May 12th at Redwoods Golf Club in Langley. Our first tee time is 10:04 am so please arrive at 9:30 am so we can get organized.
Murray’s a Rookie?...again??
The rookie game is a net score team game where the rookie’s score counts on every hole. To add pressure he then partners with 1-2 or all three team mates in a rotating fashion. The full rules will be posted shortly. Murray White has been designated as the 5th rookie (Fred Walters will be missing) as a sanction for giving short notice for a spare at the Kings Links and then failing to acquire said spare. He joins our first year rookies Simpson - Schwartz - Odendall & Goulding who will attempt to lead their team of veterans to victory. Teams will be posted later in the week.
Bakes is Back!
As expected our Director of Stats, Dave "Bakes" Backie will make his season debut at Redwoods and it is hoped he will have recalibrated the handicaps. Rookie Jeff "Prairie Chicken" Schwartz whose sandbagging ways led to victory at the Kings Links should expect a big drop.
Duke Rides Again
Long time Tour veteran and one time green jacket winner Bob "Duke" Molinski will also be playing at Redwoods. We also expect Blair Murdoch’s return to the tour after a Costa Rican vacation where it was rumored that he played several holes naked at The Teeth of the Dog Golf club after a misunderstanding with his Spanish speaking caddy.
Tripper Cup Teams
The following are the Tripper Cup teams for our annual Tripper Cup Matches this year to be played in Osoyoos at Desert Gold (Osoyoos Golf Club) and Fairview Mountain on the weekend of May 26/27.
First the defending Champion: NorthVanClan -
Burns - Brown - Backie - Killeen - Walters - White - Alexander - Odendall - Sherk - Grundy
The Challengers, the World*’s -
Carter - Taylor - Garries - Wardroper - Novotny - Schwartz - Phipps - Goulding - Maynard - Simpson
The captains (Burns & Carter) will announce the pairings for the day one 2 man net team matches at the 19th hole at Redwoods.
May 1
Schwartz Scratches out Victory
Growing up in Regina rookie Jeff "Prairie Chicken" Schwartz dreamed of Taylor Field, the Roughriders and the day he could cornswaggle some dumb westcoasters in a golf tournament. His last dream came true Saturday at The Kings Links when he shot an outstanding net 67 to win the event by one shot when his handicap rocketed from 20 to 25 after a poor showing at the Squamish event. The Tour congratulates the Prairie Chicken for a temporarily successful attempt at Sandbagging but with Director of Stats, Dave Backie returning from his cruise one thing is certain, handicaps will be adjusted starting with Mr. Schwartz.
Green Jacket Race - Other Results
Defending champ Bob "Knuckles" Garries finished second with a net 68 serving notice that he may be back to his ‘06 form. Paul "Killer" Killeen and Joe "Tiki" Tibble both posted net 69’s to finish third. Please check "scores" for all the results.
The chipping and putting team event was won by the firm of Killeen (21) & Phipps (19) who combined for a staggering total of 40 easily outdistancing three teams who earned 23 each (Brown/Sherk - Wardroper/Tibble - Garries/Schwartz)
Event #3 - Redwoods May 12th
The third event of the season will be played Saturday May 12th at Redwoods in Langley. We have 5 times starting at 9:56 am. We will play the annual ROOKIE game as 4 of the 5 rookies will be playing. Louie Odendall will make his PGA debut but we will be missing Fred "Flintstone" Walters. Murray White, who missed last Saturday’s event will be sanctioned for his late withdrawal by being designated as the 5th rookie.
Tripper Cup News
The team captains for the annual Tripper Cup matches (May 26/27 in Osoyoos/Oliver) will determine the day one team matches at the 19th hole at Redwoods. The first day team matches will be played at the new Desert Gold course at Osoyoos Golf club and the singles matches will be contested the next day at Fairview Mountain. The teams (NorthVan Clan vs WorldStars) will be announced next week.
Please remember you are responsible for your own accommodation. Some members intend to stay at the Belair where we stayed four years ago. Here is their web link:
http://www.belaircedar.com/
Spies indicate rooms are going fast and all members going on the Tripper Cup should book their rooms ASAP!. Please book (with a buddy to cut down expenses) and do so quickly!!
Knee knockers....kudos to spare Graham "Hammer" Smith for helping make the arrangements at the Kings Links....it didn’t take long for rookie Allan Goulding who made his debut on Saturday to acquire his PGA nickname, "No Balls"....due to the withdrawals of Sherk, Leigh and Walters we will have only 5 groups playing at Redwoods....we will determine which tees to play based on the weather leading up the May 12 and the conditions at the course.....
A couple made a deal that whomever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife. After a long life together, the
husband was the first to die. True to his word he made contact, "Debbie...Debbie."
"Is that you, Joe?"
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
"That's wonderful! What's it like?"
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens) another romp around the
golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again."
"Oh, Joe you surely must be in Heaven!"
"Not exactly ... I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona."
April 25
Event #2 - The Kings Links
The field for the Kings Links is only 20 so we have 5 foursomes. Please welcome rookie Al Goulding who will be making his PGA debut on Saturday playing in the 10:10 group with Hugh Taylor, Dick Wardroper & Paul Killeen. Ken Sherk will also make his debut for this season and will team up with Larry Brown in the team game (check your partner below). Although Saturday’s weather is calling for sunshine, we anticipate rain/showers on Thursday & Friday; so event #2 will be played under "winter rules" from the Blue tees. Players over 65 may play from the white tees with a slight handicap adjustment. Please declare your intention to the Commissioner at the course. Birth certificates may be required.
NO LIQUOR LICENSE
The new ownership of the Kings Links has not yet acquired their liquor licence. Our usual 19th hole proceedings will go ahead as usual but in the parking lot with the management’s blessing. Please bring your own cooler with beer and a lawn chair for comfort’s sake. There may be beer for sale for those who forget or choose not to bring beer for the 19th hole.
FOURSOMES
Here are the foursomes with tee times.
Group 1 - 10:00 am CARTER - Maynard - Tibble - Schwartz
Group 2 - 10:10 am TAYLOR - Wardroper - Goulding - Killeen
Group 3 - 10:20 am BROWN - Garries - Simpson - Bergstrom
Group 4 - 10:30 am PHIPPS - Alexander - Spare - Novotny
Group 5 - 10:40 am SHERK - Grundy - Leigh - Walters
Blair Murdoch Game Teams
Carter/Walters - Maynard/Leigh - White/Bergstrom - Schwartz/Garries - Taylor/Novotny - Wardroper/Tibble - Goulding/Alexander - Killeen/Phipps - Grundy/Simpson - Brown/Sherk
Please arrive at the course no later than 9:30 am.
DIRECTIONS: THE COURSE IS LOCATED SOUTH OFF LADNER TRUNK ROAD AT THE FOOT OF 72 STREET IN DELTA JUST SOUTH OF THE BOUNDARY BAY AIRPORT.
The Captain for the Blair Murdoch Chipping & Putting game is in CAPITALS. He will be responsible for collecting $10.00 prize money from each player and all rulings for the Blair Murdoch game. The Blair Murdoch game will be won by the 2 man team with the most points. The team prize money will be split 50 - 30 - 10. Likewise for the single low net game. The long drive will be on the par 4 425 yard #18 and the KP on #12 a 130 yard par 3. The winners of the LD & KP will receive $10.00.
19th hole....Dick Burns has neither acknowledged or denied his appearance on the "L" Word this Saturday....stats man Dave Backie currently cruising in the Gulf of Mexico will return to the tour at Redwoods on May 12th to resume his playing and stats duties.....long time regular and first year spare Bob "Duke" Molinski will join us at Redwoods.....rookie Louie Odendall will make his PGA debut at Redwoods, in fact all 5 rookies will be on hand so the team competition will be the ROOKIE game....
April 24
Burns to Appear on The "L" Word
"Docme" Dick Burns will miss this Saturday’s event at The Kings Links despite the fact the he shot a career low 1 under 71 (gross) NET 62 at the south Delta track just two years ago. He will miss the event to appear on the Showcase TV series which features Lesbian relationships. He will be attending a Lesbian wedding being shot for the program on Saturday at a secret location in Deep Cove (pun intended). It will be the first ever PGA event that Burns has missed which will not save him from being sanctioned. The tour hopes to have new spare Dr. Craig Bergstrom on hand at Redwoods on May 12th to examine Burns to make sure he/she has not crossed the gender barrier.
The Game: Gordie Howe’s Pal: "Blair Murdoch" (Olympic)
The team game at The Kings Links will be a 2 man team contest, the ever popular chipping and putting game this
year named after Gordie Howe’s pal Blair Murdoch who will miss this week. Here are the Blair Murdoch rules:
April 28 2007
The King's links
"Blair Murdoch"
OLYMPIC
Overview: This is a putting "game". It rewards golfers who can hole their shots in one putt once getting on the green, i.e., one putts are good, two or more putts aren’t. This game allows you to work on your concentration and your swearing.
Rules: 1. Once all members of the foursome are on the green, the putts are
measured and the one that is the furthest from the hole (i.e., the person who would ordinarily putt first) scores four (4) points if sunk in one putt. If that person misses sinking on the first putt then they are out of the competition for this hole. The second furthest putt then has an opportunity to score three (3) points if sunk in one putt. Similarly, the second closest (third furthest) would score two (2) points and the shortest putt could score one (1) point again, if sunk in one attempt.
April 19
Kings Links - Brief History
The Kings Links began life as the Links @ Boundary Shores as named and developed by local construction mogul Bob Ahoy. The course was built by Ahoy despite a change in local government who officially put the course development on hold after coming into power. Ahoy got into trouble when he went ahead and built the course despite the stop order resulting in "sanctions" against the course.
The course was sold recently to the "King of Floors" who has started an aggressive ad campaign and is hoping to give the course a true "British Open" look and feel despite the fact that water comes into play on 5 holes. Highlight holes include the 500 yard par 5 second hole in which the tee shot must be played beside, around or over water and the 168 yard par 3 15th which also plays over water and usually into a stiff breeze.
Handicap Adjustments
Here are the handicap adjustments for the Kings Links. If your name doesn’t appear your ‘cap remains the same.
Phipps - 8
Schwartz - 25
Simpson - 25
Novotny - 25
Player Debuts
Rookie PGA regular Al Goulding (18) will make his PGA debut at The Kings Links along with rookie spare Craig Bergstrom (11). Other spares playing are Joe Tibble (20) and our host Graham Smith (18) who is a member at Kings Links. Ken "Lefty" Sherk (25) will also be making his season debut.
Game & Foursomes
The team game & foursomes will be posted next week.
April 16
Tuna Earns ‘Cap Reduction
Playing in conditions much better than expected the PGA season opened under mostly sunny skies at Squamish Golf Club with Tuna Phipps picking up where he left off in the ‘05 season by posting a net 67 and serving early notice that he wants the Green Jacket back. Incredibly he did not hit a single green in regulation but chipped and putted superbly to post a gross 80 and earn himself a 5 stroke handicap reduction. ‘06 champ Bob "Knuckles" Garries opened his defense with a even par 72. Tuna will play the Kings Links event on April 28 with an 8 ‘cap.
4 players finished tied for second with net 70’s including rookie Fred Walters. Killer Killeen, Hoss Alexander and Digger Leigh also posted 70’s on a Squamish course that wintered well and was very playable. Other rookie scores were "Homer" Richard Simpson 83 & Jeff "Prairie Chicken" Schwartz who managed an 84.
Team Results
The team of Phipps - Killeen - Lloyd - Garries won the Vienna team game with a score of 14 under. Two teams tied for the runner-up sport posting 10 under: Burns - Murdoch - R. Sherk - Walters & Leigh - Alexander - White - Grundy.
Please check "scores" for all the results.
The Kings Links - April 28th
The 2nd event of the season will be played at The Kings Links (formerly the Links @ Boundary Shores) which is located in south Delta very close to the Boundary Bay airport. Directions will be posted, along with all other pertinent information next week. The Kings Links is a links style course which borders the airport and the pacific ocean although the ocean does not come into play. Play will be from the 6,400 yard blue tees that are rated 71.2 with a slope of 127. The team game and groups will be posted next week.
19th hole.....Ron Sherk, Lefty Sherk’s Dad filled in ably for Ken at Squamish and helped his team to second place in the Vienna team game.....Murray White won the long drive contest and also opted for the "deal, no deal" fine of 2 pitchers of beer rather than face the wrath of his selected jury for his failure to sign his dues cheque.....Dawgballs Taylor won the years first KP at #16......only two birdies were recorded during the first event, they went to Gordie Howe’s best pal, Blair Murdoch and Killer Killeen whose net 70 was overlooked after the round and will be remedied here: Killer shot 70 to tie for 2nd place.....the Commish who committed the faux pas will be fined 1 pitcher of beer...rookie Al Gouding will make his PGA debut at The Kings Links....
Non Payment Photo
Please click on the link to witness the excellent work of the Tour’s collection agency headed by Tony Soprano. It is not known at this time if the same fate awaits Dave Alexander should he fail to bring a SIGNED cheque on Saturday.
Payment Evasion
First up Squamish Golf & Country Club
PGA Rules
Play will be from the 6,219 yard Blue tees with a slope of 124 and rating of 70.1 Winter rules will apply. Please note the "PGA" rule is in effect: if a ball is played either out of bounds or in any "evil" place and is either lost or unplayable, please drop at the point of entry within two club lengths to play your next shot - 1 stroke penalty. See below for Game and Tee times. Handicaps have also been updated.
Please Forward....we still may not have 100% correct email addresses....
Those who have introduced any rookies this season please bring their attention to the website so they know what is happening.
VIENNA
A side betting game for Gentlemen of the Golf Links
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Squamish Golf & Country Club
Vienna is a simple enough side game. It makes a round of golf as easy as a waltz in the park. 1-2-3, 1-2-3 and so it goes.
First hole count the best one score of the foursome and circle it for Garries’ ultimate benefit.
Second hole count the best two scores and circle them.
Third hole count the best three scores and circle them.
Repeat as necessary until the entire 18 hole dance is completed.
As always, record gross scores only (you can figure out what the nets are but don’t record them).
Winning foursome gets 50% of the pot, second group gets 30% and third group gets 20%.
Tom will tell you who your captain is. Captain’s responsibility to collect
$10 from each golfer and give to Garries
Aaaaaand 1-2-3, 1-2-3
Tee Times for Saturday April 14th at Squamish:
11:30 - Alexander - White - Leigh - Grundy
11:38 - Murdoch - Burns - Sherk - Walters
11:46 - Novotny - Simpson - Wardroper - Maynard
11:54 - Garries - Phipps - Lloyd - Killeen
12:02 - Brown - Schwartz - Taylor - Spare TBA
12:10 - T. Carter - B. Carter - Tibble - Spare TBA
The Captains are in bold
April 9
A foursome is waiting on the men's tee while another foursome of ladies is hitting from the ladies' tee. The ladies are taking their time. Finally the last one is ready to hit the ball. She hacks it about 10 feet, walks up and whiffs one swing at it and then hacks it maybe another 10 feet. She walks back to her bag, selects a different club, walks back to the ball and hacks it another 5 feet. She looks up at the men who are watching and says apologetically,
"I guess all those fucking lessons I took this winter didn't help." One of the men immediately replies,
"Well there you have it lady. You should have taken golf lessons instead."
April 5
Opener @ Squamish Nears
The 2007 PGA season opener will be played next Saturday April 14th at the Squamish Golf Club. Our tees times begin at 11:30 am. The season kicks off with defending champion, Bob "Knuckles" Garries defending his crown with a bum knee. "It hurts a little" whined the reigning champ. His complaints fell on deaf ears as it is likely a ruse to "contain" his handicap. 2 time champ Tuna Phipps returns to the tour looking to regain the form that used to win 2 jackets.
Arrive at 11 am
Please arrive at the course by 11 am so we can organize and please remember to check road conditions on Friday or Saturday morning before leaving. The later groups will have a bit of a wait but the restaurant is good and the range is open.
Peers to Determine White’s Fine
While it was thought that only Dave Backie (who has since paid) and Hoss Alexander (still tardy) had not paid their fees on time it was discovered that Murray White failed to sign his cheque. The Commissioner, rather than fine Mr. White on the spot will let him argue his case in front of a 3 man jury of his peers. Murray will even get to choose his jury as the Commissioner is convinced whoever makes up the jury will do justice.
Groups, Times & Handicaps
The above information will be posted on the website either Wednesday or Thursday.
Venue Change for April 28th
Our April 28th event scheduled for Fraserview has been change to the Kings Links (formerly The Links @ Boundary Shores). Our tee times begin at 10 am. Directions will be posted prior to April 28th. The change was made at the prompting of Dick Burns. Two years ago Burns shot a Tour record low score when the course was called The Links @ Boundary Shores carding a one under 71. It is not known what bribe, if any, Burns offered the Commissioner.
March 16
Having a FINE Time!!
Upon receipt of today’s mail at the lavish PGA offices only 2 PGA regulars will be fined for late payment of dues. They are the two Dave's. Mr. Backie & Mr. Alexander, both must be suffering from temporary Alzheimer. They will be fined 10.00 each per week until their dues are paid. Rookies Richard Simpson & Fred Walters have not paid their dues due to their emails bouncing back so they will be given a reprieve until their email addresses are sorted out. It would be appreciated if the members who know Richard and Fred could confirm their email addresses with our webmaster ([email protected])
Under the Wire
Several players made it in just under the wire including rookies Alan Goulding, Jeff Schwartz and Louie Odendall. Veteran members who beat the clock were Phipps - Brown - Jenkinson - Killeen - Sherk - Maynard - White.
In the woods.....the season opener at Squamish is just 4 short weeks away....any bets that rookie Richard Simpson's nickname will be "Homer"??.....members Carter, Garries, Burns and new spare George Omorean will spent next week in Tucson honing their games for the upcoming season.....
Practicing? Sounds like a fine!
March 13
Beware the Ides of March
With the March 15 Ides of March deadline for paying dues looming (this Thursday) the majority of PGA regulars face being fined for failure to pay their dues on time. Any regular member who has not paid his dues by March 15 will be fined 10.00 per week until his financial responsibility to the PGA is met.
Digger Devine
The latest batch of members who have paid their dues include Digger Leigh whose cheque made it to the PGA’s offices in spite being addressed:
PGA - Winston Street - Bby
Proof that our tour’s status has greatly improved in the eyes of Canada Post. Bob Garries and Dick Wardroper have also met their fiscal responsibility.
Welcome Aboard! - Next year for "Echo"
The tour welcomes aboard Alan Goulding, Richard Simpson, Jeff Schwartz, Louie Odendaal and Fred Walters who will start their PGA careers on April 14th at Squamish. We now have 23 regulars for the ‘07 season and are looking for just one more. Jon "Echo" Lloyd has business and travel plans and will play as a spare this year. We will miss Jon but he will play as a spare in the season opener at Squamish. (Director of Communications is looking for Richard Simpson's e-mail address. Anyone? Bob?)
19th hole.....Director of Stats, Dave Backie will miss the first two events this season while "cruising" the Caribbean...the commissioner has appointed Bob Garries to perform Dave’s duties for the first two events....JUST OVER 4 WEEKS TO OPENING DAY....
Click on this link-
Very funny and no even though it looks like it, this isn't video of last years season opener.
Thanks Blair
http://bubblare.se/golf_ar_fantastiskt_kul
Murdoch, Burns & Grundy Avoid Fine
Blair Murdoch, Dick Burns and Vic Grundy avoided embarrassing fines by paying their dues last week. They join Commissioner Tom Carter and Webmaster Hugh Taylor as the only members who have paid their 2007 dues thereby avoiding being fined.
Beware the Ides of March!!
Please pay your 600.00 dues (400.00 for NovoCop as he already paid 200) by the Ides of March, March 15th. For each week dues are not paid a fine of 10.00 will be levied. All fine money will be used for the year end annual bbq/awards after the Calcutta.
Please send dues to:
PGA - 8034 Winston Street, Burnaby BC V5A 2H5.
Still Need 2 More Regulars
We are still in need of 2 more regular members to fill out our membership at 24. If you know someone who might wish to join please have them email me at [email protected]
19th hole.....Blair Murdoch has withdrawn from the Tripper Cup matches in Osoyoos because he will be in Alberta on business that weekend......’06 Champ Bob Garries almost converted to the Catholic religion recently when he thought he heard Catholic neighbors talking about "Hash" Wednesday......season starts in 6 weeks.....
2007 PGA Season - 8 weeks to go!!
The opening round of the 2007 PGA season will be hosted by Squamish Golf Club on April 14th, 8 short weeks from now. The event will mark the return of former champ Tuna Phipps who missed last season "to kick cancer’s ass". The two time champ vows to knock off last year’s popular champ Bob "Knuckles" Garries who assures anyone listening that he won’t go down without a fight.
We also welcome 3 rookies into the fold. Jeff Schwartz, Louie Odendaal and Richard Simpson will be entering their first PGA season. We will be expanding the tour to 24 regulars this season. We are currently at 22 including the aforementioned rooks. If anyone wishes to nominate someone "of like mind and spirit" please email the commissioner at [email protected] with particulars.
The June 9th event hosted by Sandpiper will feature our first "Home Coming" at which time past PGA members will return to relive their glory days in an expanded PGA field. So far Big Dick Bourbonais, Len Slade and Paul Carson have accepted the invitation and will "return to the tour" on June 9th. Rod Matheson is hopeful his schedule will allow an appearance and we are hoping to see many more of the alumni.
Once again Blair Murdoch will look after our weekly games/foursomes, Dave Backie will look after handicapping and prize money distribution and Hugh "Dawgballs" Taylor is once again our WebMaster. Kudos to all.
Fees Please!
This years fees will be $600.00 which include 8 rounds of golf, the year end awards bbq & prizes. This years accommodation at the Tripper Cup matches will be the responsibility of each member. FEES ARE DUE BY MARCH 15TH - PLEASE MAIL YOUR CHEQUES TO:
PGA 8034 Winston Street, Burnaby BC V5A 2H5.
The usual fines and sanctions will be levied against all those who are tardy with their fees.
Missing in ‘07
Unfortunately both Duke Molinski and Doug Player can only manage spare status this year due to vacations and work respectively. We hope to see them at a few event as spares. We look forward to both returning in 2008.
Tripper Cup Matches
Our annual World Stars vs North Van Clan team matches will be played the weekend of May 26 & 27 in Osoyoos at the new Desert Gold course at Osoyoos Golf Club and the venerable Fairview Mountain course which once was ranked as high as #19 in Canada. More details will follow as we get closer to the matches.
Calcutta
The week started with Fonz Slade, the captain of the Chi Chi’s taking issue with some handicap adjustments, and ended with the Fonz doling out big $$$ to his teammates - Vic "Shorty" Grundy - Fred "Flintstone" Walters - Vern "3 Points" Porter. Their amazing team total of minus 30 clearly outdistanced the field. The runner-ups were the Bazooka’s (Tuna - Shoe - NoBalls - Dro) who fired a minus 21 and in third was the Cajunga’s (Jake - Ace - Tiki - WartHog) who managed a minus 17.
Green Jacket Fits The Prairie Chicken (almost....well, not really)
Rookie Jeff "Prairie Chicken" Schwartz held off Fred "Flintstone" Walters despite playing poorly (as predicted by the commissioner) at Northlands. His net 84 was not a "counter" so he hung on to prevail over Walters whose net 72 wasn’t enough to win the green jacket. The PC played very well over most of the season and can now look forward to a jaw dropping ‘cap adjustment. Paul "Killer" Killeen made the biggest charge on the final day by firing a net 64 (82) during difficult conditions to climb to third spot in the green jacket race. For all stats please click on "scores".
2008 Season
The 2008 season will begin on Saturday April 5th at the wonderful and very dry Point Roberts Golf Club just across the border from Tswwassen. We will play every second Saturday except the last two events (the race for the green) will be played June 14 with the Calcutta being played June 21. We look forward to playing some different local courses with Belmont, Golden Eagle, Peace Portal, Hazelmere and UBC all being considered. The Tripper Cup will likely be played either in Kamloops or on the Sunshine Coast the weekend of May 31 & June 1. Sandpiper will fall off the rotation and be replaced by an event at the Whistler Golf Club (thank you Tuna).
Thank-you
The season was a great success. Many thanks to the few spares especially Len Slade, Joe Tibble and Doc Craig Bergstrom who helped us out during the season. Also congratulations and thanks to the lively band of rookies this year. Aside from Schwartz winning the green jacket each rookie made his mark in some fashion and all of them fit on tour perfectly. NoBalls, Flintstone, Homer, Warthog and the PrairieChicken are all excellent additions.
Thanks to Dave & Lanny Backie for stepping in on short notice to host the annual awards bbq after Bob "Knuckles" Garries’ unfortunate accident. Thanks to Dave for his usual splendid stats work. Thanks to Hugh "Dawgballs" Taylor our webmaster and Director of Communications. Without his expertise and skill the tour would not be nearly as much fun. Thanks to Asst. Commissioner Killer Killeen who always takes care of the 19th hole tab.
Thanks to Bob Garries for continuing to lead the way in spirit if not on the course. Rest assured Knuckles will rehab that left paw and be back on tour next spring. Thanks to Charlie "Tuna" Phipps for returning from his fight with cancer and show us there truly is a Santa Claus.
Thanks to each and every regular tour member. Without all of us the tour wouldn’t work.
See everyone next year or on the Links this summer!
Important Note From Mr. Bakie
A treasured wooden salad fork has disappeared -probably taken home inadvertently-and that my ass is grass and Lanny is the lawn mower. Would love to get it back.
PS Lots of pics to follow
Alumni Speaks Out
Bake
I must take offence at the idea of sticking his "dick" up the prairie chicken’s ass. A little more respect is needed.!!!!!!
Cheers and good luck at he final at Northlands.
Gigantic Dick
Note from Mr. Bakie Extraordinaire
Folks are welcome right after the round. they don't have to wait until 7'ish
Hole-in-One Contest and a Chance to Win a Trip to the 2008 British Open Clarified
Paul Killeen, through Investors Group, has added a little extra to the Calcutta at Northlands. Anyone scoring a hole in one on par 3 hole #16 will receive a Callaway FTi driver.
Further, each player will be given a ballot to complete as an entry in the British Open contest. The contest draw will be made from similar ballots deposited throughout the summer in BC and Alberta. The prize includes air fare to Liverpool, accommodation, passes to the British Open at Royal Berkshire, golf at Royal Berkshire (for those who can meet the handicap requirement – those who can not will play another nearby course), and a rental car. Ballots must be submitted at the time the hole is played.
Bob Garries will be on hand to supervise the contest and witness any hole in one. All members of the foursome must also sign at witnesses.
The Hole-in-One contest requires that the par 3 hole must be at least 150 yards, so Hole #16 must be played from the BLUE tee. All other holes will be played from the white tees.
Entering the ballot makes you eligible for the British Open contest and, as you would image, creates a contact list for Investors Group. All ballots will be given to Paul Killeen and he has promised not to call. (he believes few cheques written by PGA tour members would ever clear the bank anyway).
OVERGAARD & PORTER TO SPARE
Long time former PGA regulars Dave Overgaard and Vern Porter have stepped up as spares to play the Calcutta to ensure a full field of six teams.
CALCUTTA RULES
Clarification of the Calcutta rules: a) each team counts 2 net scores per hole. b) each player must have their score counted at least 6 times. c) summer rules. d) play will be from the White tees
Tomorrow: Who’s the breast??
HOLE IN ONE ON #16 - IG, KILLER & KNUCKLES TEAM UP
Killer Killeen has arranged through the Investors Group an excellent hole in one prize for the 16th hole at the Calcutta. If anyone makes a hole in one they will receive a Callaway FTi driver. The shot must be witnessed by everyone in his group plus.....Knuckles Garries. Yes the one handed maniac is back. Many thanks to Killer & IG for arranging a possible prize of a lifetime (see British Open details below)
Here are the details of the IG Hole in One Contest:
1. The course guide for Northlands shows hole #16 is 150 yards from the blue tees. So, to qualify we need to play from the blue tees and not the black.
2. First shot only
3. Must be witnessed by Bob Garries and the 3 other players in the
foursome. If there is a hole in one all four must sign as witnesses
4. Prize is a Callaway FT i driver
5. To be eligible each player must complete a ballot for the British
Open contest.
- obviously, this is to create a mailing list
- all the ballots go to me
- so no one will call - as I only deal with people who I
- in other words fill out a ballot and no one will call
7. The prize is for a trip for 2 to the 2008 British Open at Royal Berkshire in Lancashire England. Included are:
- airfare
- golf (at Royal Berkshire or a surrounding course - players will need to demonstrate they can meet the handicap minimums in order to play at Royal Berkshire)
- Passes to the tournament
- car rental
WHO’S The BREAST?
This year’s Calcutta should be won by one of three teams. Who’s the breast?
1. Hooters - good all around squad but can they keep super rookie Prairie Chicken from imploding at Nasty Northlands?
2. Chi Chi’s - veterans plus rookie Flintstone = in the money but will handicap controversy cause bad karma?
3. Ta Ta’s - cagey & devious! can they "manage" Murray? veteran crew knows track and stats man Bakes coming off his best round.
4 to 6 - The remaining teams, Bazooka’s - Cajunga’s - Bigg’uns: "Welcome to Northlands"
USGA President Weighs In On ‘Cap Debate
Walter W. Driver the current President of the United States Golf Association upon learning of the PGA handicap debate took time from his busy schedule and duties at the US Open to send an e-mail to Commissioner Carter with his observations:
"We must always consider tradition when planning and implementing any golf event. From our conversation it is clear that for the first 9 years of your Calcutta that Mr. Backie’s statistical acumen concerning handicaps were not questioned. I see no reason for that to change and advise you to stay the course".
The Commissioner will heed Mr. Driver’s advise. The ‘caps remain as posted.
Pretenders respond quickly to the "RANT"
As the captain of team Hooter's, I think the commissioner should make a ruling on team Chi Chi's complaint about the caps, sanctioning them all a pitcher of beer for complaining about said caps prior to the Calcutta. Furthermore their captain should have to wear a bra during the Calcutta for representing this complaint for his team. I would very much like to hear from any other captains on there thoughts about this issue.
Captain Prairie chicken
GO TEAM HOOTERS
I read the "Fonz Rants" and I’m now worried about being a Chi Chi. Will the Fonz never learn that stats man Mr. Backie is a God, and you never question God’s wisdom? Will the Wrath of God cause the Fonz to become the PGA’s first ever-scratch handicap for the Calcutta?
By the way, I shot a 91 (net 66) at Sandpiper and my handicap moved up two strokes to a 27? God is great, if not a little random on the handicapping!
VG
A RESPONSE TO THE RANT
I have just read the article on the Web site from part time player and captain of the
Chi Chi’s (should that read She She’s???) Len the Fonz Slade.
It is obvious that someone missed the pre tour lecture on Handicapping, Stroke Equity and Man Up and Quit Bitching.
I thank Mr. Slade for referring to me as "Stats Man Extraordinaire" but take exception to his reference to an alleged error having occurred in the assignment of the latest handicaps. I assure you, based on 9 years of handicapping the PGA no error has occurred. As everyone knows handicaps are reached through a mathematical process. To review- you calculate your differential (course rating subtracted from gross score using equitable stroke control) multiply it by 116 and divide by the course slope for each round. You then take the total of your best ten scores from your last twenty games and calculate 90% of that. The resulting number is your handicap index, which translates to your handicap at any given course from any give tees. Simple! Not so for the PGA. Due to lying, cheating and sandbagging (in spite of the Tour motto) I have devised my own system of handicapping – which has often been questioned I might ad, but it works.
Fonz and the She She’s have based their protest on one round. Ridiculous!!! Mr. Walters did indeed shoot a great score, as did I, at Sandpiper. History says that that is outside the norm. I am sure even Mr. Slade has had a great round at some point, in fact everyone has (except Murray.) Golfers are expected to shoot their handicap once in four rounds. I hope the She She’s can do that Saturday at Northlands
Mr. Commissioner I request that you file this protest right where you would like to put your dick – up the Prairie Chickens ass.
Respectfully Dave Backie Capologist
FOUR ALIVE! FOR GREEN JACKET
Upon closer look the assumption that Jeff "Prairie Chicken" Schwartz was about to win the coveted Green Jacket in his rookie season prove to be in some question as no less than 3 other PGA members will have a say in the race for golf’s ultimate blazer.
FLINTSTONE IS FINE!
Another tour rookie, Fred "Flintstone" Walters brings the biggest challenge. Having only played in four events he needs a net 66 or better to tie or beat the Prairie Chicken (provided that the Prairie Chicken does not improve his yearly total). In event of a tie the winner is the player who posts the lowest score at the Calcutta. Northlands presents it own unique challenges but its tight, heavily forested terrain favours the straight hitter. Definite edge to Flintstone as rumours have it that the Prairie Chicken has not played Northlands for a few years, since he had to quit on the 12th hole after losing all his ammo. Northlands "is in his kitchen" says renown Northlands architect Les Furber referring to the Prairie Chicken’s fear of the mountain side track.
Also in with a shout, but not quite as loud, are Hoss Alexander and Docme Dick Burns. The Hoss needs to shoot 62 or better and Docme needs to post 60 or lower to have a chance. Alexander is easily the most improved player on tour this season and his "what me worry" Alfred E. Newman style will definitely help at Northlands where patience is key. Veteran Burns, the only contender to have already won the green jacket (2003), needs a career round but is capable judging by the net 60 (1 under 71 gross) he fired at The Kings Links 2 seasons ago. He likes Northlands, is comfortable there and has shot in the mid 70’s (gross) on a number of occasions.
Digger Leigh also would have been in the mix but unfortunately he will miss the Calcutta.
It appears the Green Jacket is a two man race between Schwartz and Walters but don’t count out Alexander & Burns because at Northlands the Golf Gods always seem to have the last laugh.
Next: The Calcutta Teams - Are the Hooters the breast??
******Breaking news******
Fonz Rants
Please Note: From Captain of the Chi Chi’s...We are asking for a Commissioner ruling for the upcoming PGA Calcutta Event.
Fred Walter has been capped at a 16...he is an 18. He shot a 78 net 60 at Sandpiper....from a cap of 18. Mr. Backie.stats man extraordinaire....shot a season best 79 (net 66)...from a cap of 13....to go to a cap of 15 for the Calcutta....This math simply does not work out.
As the captain of the Chi Chi’s I feel it is my duty to point out this error....I am not questioning Mr. Backie’s handicapping of himself as I know he is ambidextrous...I believe it is just a mathematical error. However, It would be appreciated if the mathematical error in Mr. Walter’s handicap is corrected for the upcoming event.
If the mathematical error is not corrected my teammates have insisted that I
ask the commissioner for a formal inquiry to have Mr. Backie’s handicap lowered by the same amount as Mr. Walters....2 strokes....taking him from a Sandpiper (13) to a Calcutta (11).
I know the commissioner, in his great wisdom, either ...will immediately correct the mathematical error that has occurred or provide adequate justice and apply the same declining handicap rule applied to Mr. Walters to Mr. Backie.
Please note: The Chi Chi’s are not asking that Mr. Walter’s handicap be raised by two strokes (to a 20) for the Calcutta after, shooting an excellent round, to offset the increase to Mr. Backie’s increase after shooting an excellent round.,,,, although there could be lingering questions about this issue for years to come.
PGA RECORD TIED AT SANDPIPER
Fred "Flintstone" Walters tied Blair Murdochs net PGA record by posting a scintillating 60 (78 gross!) at the partially flooded by ultimately playable Sandpiper Golf Club to win the PGA’s second last event and put himself in the picture for the Green Jacket. Stats man Bakes Backie had his best round of the season carding a 66 (79) to finish second and Hoss Alexander continued his excellent season by shooting 69. In the Wolf game commissioner Chowder Carter earned 19 points to edge out Docme Dick Burns who had 18. Please see "scores" for all the details.
GREEN JACKET RACE
It appears barring a miracle that rookie Jeff "Prairie Sandbagger" Schwartz will win the coveted blazer. Flintstone Walters, Hoss Alexander and even Docme Dick Burns have an outside chance but the smart money is going with the Prairie Chicken who will captain the Hooters squad at the Calcutta.
NORTHLANDS CALCUTTA
The annual season ending Calcutta will be played this coming Saturday at Northlands. Each team will purchase itself for 200.00 (50.00 per player). The captains (in capitals) will collect the Calcutta money and give it to Bakes Backie at the awards bbq dinner. Here are the teams, times and handicaps ( ):
1:15 pm - TaTa’s - BACKIE (15) - Burns (8) - Killeen (18) - White (36)
1:25 pm - Hooters - SCHWARTZ (14) - Taylor (18) - Murdoch (17) - Sherk (26)
1:35 pm - Bazooka’s - WARDROPER (19) - Phipps (10) - Molinski (18) - spare
1:45 pm - Chi Chi’s - SLADE (14) - Walters (16) - Goulding (21) - Grundy (27)
1:55 pm - Bigg’uns - ALEXANDER (23) - Maynard (16) - Novotny (28) - Carter (10)
2:05 pm - Cajunga’s - JENKINSON (14) - Tibble (17) - Brown (19) - Odendall (30)
Play will be summer rules from the WHITE tees. Stay tuned for a possible 16th hole wrinkle. KP will be on #16 and long drive will be on #17. The prize money for both will be 20.00.
Calcutta Prize $$$
First - 600.00 - 2nd - 400.00 - 3rd - 200.00
ANNUAL BBQ DINNER
Many thanks to Bakes & Lanny Backie for hosting the annual awards BBQ. Their home is located at 4542 Hoskins Road in North Vancouver. We anticipate a 7:30/8 pm start. Although it is residents only parking in the area Bakes has parking passes that he will distribute at Northlands on Saturday. The tour will provide various bbq meats but please remember this is a BYOB function. To round out the dinner each team will be responsible for bringing a appy, sidedish or dessert. We expect about 45/50 for dinner:
TaTa’s - Salads
Hooters - Deserts
Bazooka’s - Baked Potatoes
Chi Chi’s - Appy’s
Bigg’uns - Appy’s
Cajunga’s - Salads
Captains: please communicate with your team and designate what and quantity they should bring.
PRIZE TABLE
The tour will supply a number of prizes awarded for good play throughout the year. The Green Jacket winner will have first choice and so forth. If anyone has any golf related prize they wish to donate please bring it with them to the dinner.
May 31
Tripper Cup - Final Results
NorthVanCl^n 24.5 - WorldSt*rs 20.5
Enough said.
Event # 6
Saturday June 2nd
Swan-e-set
Our sixth event of the season will be played this Saturday on the resort course at Swan-e-set. Our first time is 7:30 am so please arrive at 7 so we can organize. This events team game will be Gay Boy. See below for rules.
Spares needed
We are two short . If anyone has a friend that would like to spare please contact the commissioner.
GAY BOY
Gay Boy is a game that should be understood by most of us. It uses a pink ball.
Each foursome has a gaily colored, unique, bright PINK ball that is traded throughout the players. The first player uses it on the first hole, second player on the second and so forth.
The twist? The foursome is disqualified if they lose the PINK ball. This could be harsh, but after all so is life. Please keep track of when you lose it! Whichever golfer loses it will bear the distinction, GAY BOY, for the duration of the day and will be required to purchase a pitcher of beer for the rest of the foursome. Each GAY BOY will be required to drink some appropriate libation – pink lemonade, spritzer or coolers come to mind.
Here’s another not so damaging twist. Keep the overall net score for the PINK ball separately as that is what we are scoring here.
If there is a tie? Not a chance in hell! But if there is, we will count backwards from 18 to determine the winner! If you turn in a pink ball that isn’t your own (Dick Burns please note)? Severe sanctions for that.
Tee Times
7:30 am - Schwartz - Killeen - Wardroper - Walters
7:40 am - Backie - Jenkinson - Simpson - spare
7:50 am - Maynard - Tibble - Goulding - spare
8:00 am - Phipps - Leigh - Odendall - Murdoch
8:10 am - Burns - Sherk - Molinski - Alexander
8:20 am - Carter - Bergstrom - Novotny - Grundy
Event # 7 - Sandpiper - Saturday June 9th
Since the website will not be updated in time, here is the information for Sandpiper. We will have our first "Alumni" event and have 7 tee times beginning at 10 am. The groups and games will be communicated via email directly to all members, spares and Alumni involved next week.
19th hole.....several regulars will miss Swanny (Brown - White - Taylor - Garries)....under the "what a guy" section: Knuckles Garries who was suppose to play at Princeton on the way to Osoyoos called the club and set up a 50.00 beer tab for those playing....."What a guy!".....Jake Jenkinson will finally make his season debut at Swanny....with the Director of Communications on vacation the website will not be updated until after Sandpiper......quick calculations have Jeff "Prairie Chicken" Schwartz leading the green jacket race...."Docme" Dick Burns won the Tripper Cup net singles with a two day total of 136 edging out Schwartz by a single shot.....
Stats will be posted when missing scores are in or when ______ Balls returns from vacation.
May 24
Garries Report
Bob "Knuckles" Garries has been told by his drs. that his hand will be in a cast for 4 months before starting rehab. He is in excellent spirits and will return to the PGA tour for the ‘08 season and wishes the WorldSt*rs good luck during this weekend’s Tripper Cup matches. He did not mention the NorthVanCl^n squad.
Tiki to Help out WorldSt*rs
Joe "Tiki’ Tibble will spare for Knuckles Garries at the Tripper Cup matches. Interestingly the last time the WorldSt*rs won the annual battle was three years ago in Whistler when it is thought that Tiki’s strong play and Haka dance led the WorldSt*rs to victory. Tiki will team with Al "No Balls" Goulding to play the NorthVanCl^n’s Lefty Sherk & Hoss Alexander in what could be a pivotal day one match
Desert Gold - Day One
Our tee times on Saturday start at 11 am so please arrive at the course no later than 10:30 so we can get organized. Carts will be provided at both courses and we will play summer rules.
Thanks again to Killer Killeen or organizing Saturday night’s dinner at the Westridge!
May 22
Garries Injured - Out for the Season - Walters Out for Tripper Cup
Bob "Knuckles" Garries the 2006 Green Jacket winner injured his hand in an accident at his cabin a few days ago and will not play for the rest of the PGA season. His loss is a big blow to the World St*rs this weekend as they were counting on the ‘06 champ’s consistent play, leadership and humor to help humiliate the NorthVanCl^n. We all hope Bob heals quickly and he is back, "chasing the little white ball" as soon as possible.
Fred "Flintstone" Walters also had to withdraw from the Tripper Cup matches due to business travel but will return to the tour on June 2nd at Swan-e-set.
SPARES NEEDED!!
With the loss of Garries & Walters we are down to 18 for the trip. If any spare wishes to play please contact the commissioner via email or at 604-537-5686. The anticipated cost for the weekend (2 rounds - 1 night) is about 200.00.
Tripper Cup Dinner
The annual Saturday night Tripper Cup dinner will be held at the Westridge Inn’s Brew Pub at 7 pm. Kudos’ to Killer Kileen for making the arrangements as we will have our own area outside on the patio. After dinner the team captains (Brown & Carter) will conduct the draw for the crucial day two singles matches. Check out the Westridge at:
http://www.westridgeinn.com
More Tripper Cup news - later this week
May 15
Hamburgler & Prairie Chicken Big Winners @ Redwoods
Playing on a picture perfect spring day rookie Jeff "Prairie Chicken" Schwartz understood the rules, managed his veterans and led his team to victory at the annual Rookie Game. Schwartz fashioned a net 64, his second in a row, to lead his squad to victory at Redwoods where he lives close to the 5th green.
Meanwhile Al "Hamburgler" Maynard, a 16 handicapper, played like his wife French Fry had promised to put catsup & mustard on his hot dog. Al posted a net 63 (gross 79) to edge out Schwartz and Dave "Hoss" Alexander who both shot net 64. Please click on scores for all the details. Hugh "Dawgballs" Taylor cranked his drive 20 yds past Bob "Knuckles" Garries to win the long drive and spare Bob "Duke" Molinski playing with only 20% vision in one eye (retina surgeries) had enough vision to hit a 9 iron 10 feet away on #12 to win the KP.
Tripper Cup Handicaps
Dave "Bakes" Backie, our Director of Stats made his season debut and served notice quickly that new handicaps will be assigned for the Tripper Cup matches in Osoyoos. Those expected to receive a lower cap include the aforementioned Schwartz and anyone else close to the top of the green jacket race.
Tripper Cup Day One - Team Matches
The two captains announced the pairings for the day one team net 2 ball matches to be played on May 27th at the Desert Gold course at Osoyoos Golf Club:
NorthVanCL^N VS WorldST*RS
Match One: 11:04 am Backie/Grundy Simpson/Phipps Match Two: 11:12 Burns/Walter Taylor/Schwartz Match Three: 11:20 Odendall/Killeen Carter/Maynard Match Four: 11:28 Alexander/Sherk Garries/Goulding Match Five: 11:36 Brown/White Novotny/Wardroper In the woods.....nice to have Bakes back to take charge of the 19th hole proceedings.....a dinner on Saturday night will be arranged at which time the captains will determined the net singles matches apres dinner....great to see Duke Molinski at Redwoods and word is he will be joining us on June 2nd at Swan-e-set.....the NorthVanCl^n has won two straight Tripper Cups and are once again favored to threepeat...."Docme" Dick Burns is traveling to New York City with his school choir who will perform at Carnegie Hall and to check out inferior salsa and has passed his captaincy of the NorthVanCl^n along to Larry "Ace" Brown....rookie Louie Odendall made his PGA debut and earned the nickname "Wart Hog"....
Special Interest
For Sale: Set of Callaway Big Bertha’s - 1,3 & 5 woods - SW to 3 iron & putter (all graphite shafts) plus a travel bag, regular bag and shoe bag - Cost: 500.00 - contact Bob Garries if interested.
Some golfing definitions
An O.J. Simpson - somehow got away with it
An Adolf Hitler - taking two shots in a bunker A nipple licker - a shot that opens up the hole
A RockHudson-thought it was straight, but it wasn't
A Princess Grace - should have taken a driver
A Princess Di - shouldn't have taken a driver
A Condom - safe but didn't feel very good
An elephant's arsehole - it's high; and it stinks (aka Giraffes Ass)
A sister-in-law -I'm up there, but I know I shouldn't be
A Sally Gunnell - it's ugly but it's still running
A Kate Moss - thinned it
An IRA shot - hitting a provisional
A Diego Maradonna - nasty five footer
A Salman Rushdie - an impossible read
A Ladyboy - Looks like an easy hole but all may not be what it seems
Putting like a gynecologist's assistant - shaving the hole
A Paris Hilton - an expensive hole
A Cuban - needs one more revolution
An Elton John - a big bender that lips the rim
A Glen Miller - kept low and didn't make it over the water
A Marilyn Monroe - a fair crack up the middle (aka "A Blondie")
A Robin Cook - just died on the hill
A Michael Jackson - gradually fading
An Anna Kournikova - looks great, but unlikely to get a result
A Vinnie Jones - nasty kick when you're not expecting it
A Tony Blair - too much spin
A Bin Laden - driven out, never to be found again
Jamie Oliver - you really wantto smack it but you don't A Rodney King - over-clubbed
May 9
Redwood
May 12 2007
"ROOKIE TWO-BALL"
Overview: This is a variation of the never popular game "St. Alice". It is a two ball "team" game where two balls count. Every foursome is saddled with one "rookie". The rookie’s ball must be counted on every hole. You will be required, as always, to post gross scores on your scorecards. Backie will sort the net scores out later.
Rules: 1. The "rook" (as they shall now be called) will establish a playing order from his foursome and write it down.
2. On hole #1, the "rook" will assess all the tee shots, and prior to a second shot by anyone, he will choose one member as his partner on the hole. The "rook" writes the identity of his partner down on the scorecard by circling the square. The foursome is now stuck with the scores of that chosen member plus the "the rook" for this hole.
- On hole #2, the "rook" again chooses one member of the foursome as his partner for this hole and records the identity on the scorecard. Again, the foursome score is based on the performance of the "rook" and the chosen golfer. Remember, the "rook" chooses the golfer after the drives but before any other shots are taken.
- All holes are played in a similar fashion to this.
- Sounds simple, doesn’t it? It is actually an IQ test for the "rook"!!! The trick here is the "rook" must use everybody’s score six times and six times only.
- In the likely event that a "rook" will screw up this relatively simple little game he will be sanctioned two pitchers of beer – one for his now screwed foursome and one for the rest of us who will be inevitably disadvantaged by the turn of events.
Redwoods - Teams & Tee Times - Please arrive at 9:30 am
(Handicap adjustments to follow)
10:04 - white - BACKIE - Molinski - Maynard
10:12 - schwartz - GARRIES - Grundy - Novotny
10:20 - odendall - KILLEEN - Alexander - Murdoch
10:28 - goulding - BURNS- Brown - Phipps
10:36 - simpson - TAYLOR - Wardroper - Carter
We will have the KP on #12 and the Long drive will be contested on #18.
Prize $$$
With an anticipated pot of 200.00 the prize money will be distributed thusly:
Rookie Team Game: 1st 50.00 - 2nd 30.00 - 3rd 10.00
Net Singles: 1st 40.00 - 2nd 25.00 - 3rd 15.00 - 4th 10.00
KP #12 - 10.00
LD #18 - 10.00
(maybe)
Rules/Conditions for REDWOODS
Due to soft conditions play will be from the 6,168 yard WHITE tees. We will play "winter rules" with the usual PGA lateral hazard rule in effect. The "whites" have a rating of 69.8 and slope of 122. The course has a par of 71. For more information & directions please go to:
http://www.redwoods-golf.com/
19th hole.....tour leader after 2 rounds, Paul "Killer" Killeen returns from an intense golf vacation in Palm Springs primed to further extend his lead atop the player rankings....Jake Jenkinson who has been awol all season will also miss the Tripper Cup so we have reduced our tee times both days from 6 to 5, Jake will return to the tour at Swan-e-set on June 2nd....check your PGA handicap prior to playing as we expect changes soon.....missing at Redwoods will be Lefty Sherk, Digger Leigh & rookie Fred Walters....
May 8
Sunny Skies for Redwoods
The local weatherman is predicting sunny skies and a high of 21 for our annual Rookie game which will be played this Saturday May 12th at Redwoods Golf Club in Langley. Our first tee time is 10:04 am so please arrive at 9:30 am so we can get organized.
Murray’s a Rookie?...again??
The rookie game is a net score team game where the rookie’s score counts on every hole. To add pressure he then partners with 1-2 or all three team mates in a rotating fashion. The full rules will be posted shortly. Murray White has been designated as the 5th rookie (Fred Walters will be missing) as a sanction for giving short notice for a spare at the Kings Links and then failing to acquire said spare. He joins our first year rookies Simpson - Schwartz - Odendall & Goulding who will attempt to lead their team of veterans to victory. Teams will be posted later in the week.
Bakes is Back!
As expected our Director of Stats, Dave "Bakes" Backie will make his season debut at Redwoods and it is hoped he will have recalibrated the handicaps. Rookie Jeff "Prairie Chicken" Schwartz whose sandbagging ways led to victory at the Kings Links should expect a big drop.
Duke Rides Again
Long time Tour veteran and one time green jacket winner Bob "Duke" Molinski will also be playing at Redwoods. We also expect Blair Murdoch’s return to the tour after a Costa Rican vacation where it was rumored that he played several holes naked at The Teeth of the Dog Golf club after a misunderstanding with his Spanish speaking caddy.
Tripper Cup Teams
The following are the Tripper Cup teams for our annual Tripper Cup Matches this year to be played in Osoyoos at Desert Gold (Osoyoos Golf Club) and Fairview Mountain on the weekend of May 26/27.
First the defending Champion: NorthVanClan -
Burns - Brown - Backie - Killeen - Walters - White - Alexander - Odendall - Sherk - Grundy
The Challengers, the World*’s -
Carter - Taylor - Garries - Wardroper - Novotny - Schwartz - Phipps - Goulding - Maynard - Simpson
The captains (Burns & Carter) will announce the pairings for the day one 2 man net team matches at the 19th hole at Redwoods.
May 1
Schwartz Scratches out Victory
Growing up in Regina rookie Jeff "Prairie Chicken" Schwartz dreamed of Taylor Field, the Roughriders and the day he could cornswaggle some dumb westcoasters in a golf tournament. His last dream came true Saturday at The Kings Links when he shot an outstanding net 67 to win the event by one shot when his handicap rocketed from 20 to 25 after a poor showing at the Squamish event. The Tour congratulates the Prairie Chicken for a temporarily successful attempt at Sandbagging but with Director of Stats, Dave Backie returning from his cruise one thing is certain, handicaps will be adjusted starting with Mr. Schwartz.
Green Jacket Race - Other Results
Defending champ Bob "Knuckles" Garries finished second with a net 68 serving notice that he may be back to his ‘06 form. Paul "Killer" Killeen and Joe "Tiki" Tibble both posted net 69’s to finish third. Please check "scores" for all the results.
The chipping and putting team event was won by the firm of Killeen (21) & Phipps (19) who combined for a staggering total of 40 easily outdistancing three teams who earned 23 each (Brown/Sherk - Wardroper/Tibble - Garries/Schwartz)
Event #3 - Redwoods May 12th
The third event of the season will be played Saturday May 12th at Redwoods in Langley. We have 5 times starting at 9:56 am. We will play the annual ROOKIE game as 4 of the 5 rookies will be playing. Louie Odendall will make his PGA debut but we will be missing Fred "Flintstone" Walters. Murray White, who missed last Saturday’s event will be sanctioned for his late withdrawal by being designated as the 5th rookie.
Tripper Cup News
The team captains for the annual Tripper Cup matches (May 26/27 in Osoyoos/Oliver) will determine the day one team matches at the 19th hole at Redwoods. The first day team matches will be played at the new Desert Gold course at Osoyoos Golf club and the singles matches will be contested the next day at Fairview Mountain. The teams (NorthVan Clan vs WorldStars) will be announced next week.
Please remember you are responsible for your own accommodation. Some members intend to stay at the Belair where we stayed four years ago. Here is their web link:
http://www.belaircedar.com/
Spies indicate rooms are going fast and all members going on the Tripper Cup should book their rooms ASAP!. Please book (with a buddy to cut down expenses) and do so quickly!!
Knee knockers....kudos to spare Graham "Hammer" Smith for helping make the arrangements at the Kings Links....it didn’t take long for rookie Allan Goulding who made his debut on Saturday to acquire his PGA nickname, "No Balls"....due to the withdrawals of Sherk, Leigh and Walters we will have only 5 groups playing at Redwoods....we will determine which tees to play based on the weather leading up the May 12 and the conditions at the course.....
A couple made a deal that whomever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife. After a long life together, the
husband was the first to die. True to his word he made contact, "Debbie...Debbie."
"Is that you, Joe?"
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
"That's wonderful! What's it like?"
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens) another romp around the
golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again."
"Oh, Joe you surely must be in Heaven!"
"Not exactly ... I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona."
April 25
Event #2 - The Kings Links
The field for the Kings Links is only 20 so we have 5 foursomes. Please welcome rookie Al Goulding who will be making his PGA debut on Saturday playing in the 10:10 group with Hugh Taylor, Dick Wardroper & Paul Killeen. Ken Sherk will also make his debut for this season and will team up with Larry Brown in the team game (check your partner below). Although Saturday’s weather is calling for sunshine, we anticipate rain/showers on Thursday & Friday; so event #2 will be played under "winter rules" from the Blue tees. Players over 65 may play from the white tees with a slight handicap adjustment. Please declare your intention to the Commissioner at the course. Birth certificates may be required.
NO LIQUOR LICENSE
The new ownership of the Kings Links has not yet acquired their liquor licence. Our usual 19th hole proceedings will go ahead as usual but in the parking lot with the management’s blessing. Please bring your own cooler with beer and a lawn chair for comfort’s sake. There may be beer for sale for those who forget or choose not to bring beer for the 19th hole.
FOURSOMES
Here are the foursomes with tee times.
Group 1 - 10:00 am CARTER - Maynard - Tibble - Schwartz
Group 2 - 10:10 am TAYLOR - Wardroper - Goulding - Killeen
Group 3 - 10:20 am BROWN - Garries - Simpson - Bergstrom
Group 4 - 10:30 am PHIPPS - Alexander - Spare - Novotny
Group 5 - 10:40 am SHERK - Grundy - Leigh - Walters
Blair Murdoch Game Teams
Carter/Walters - Maynard/Leigh - White/Bergstrom - Schwartz/Garries - Taylor/Novotny - Wardroper/Tibble - Goulding/Alexander - Killeen/Phipps - Grundy/Simpson - Brown/Sherk
Please arrive at the course no later than 9:30 am.
DIRECTIONS: THE COURSE IS LOCATED SOUTH OFF LADNER TRUNK ROAD AT THE FOOT OF 72 STREET IN DELTA JUST SOUTH OF THE BOUNDARY BAY AIRPORT.
The Captain for the Blair Murdoch Chipping & Putting game is in CAPITALS. He will be responsible for collecting $10.00 prize money from each player and all rulings for the Blair Murdoch game. The Blair Murdoch game will be won by the 2 man team with the most points. The team prize money will be split 50 - 30 - 10. Likewise for the single low net game. The long drive will be on the par 4 425 yard #18 and the KP on #12 a 130 yard par 3. The winners of the LD & KP will receive $10.00.
19th hole....Dick Burns has neither acknowledged or denied his appearance on the "L" Word this Saturday....stats man Dave Backie currently cruising in the Gulf of Mexico will return to the tour at Redwoods on May 12th to resume his playing and stats duties.....long time regular and first year spare Bob "Duke" Molinski will join us at Redwoods.....rookie Louie Odendall will make his PGA debut at Redwoods, in fact all 5 rookies will be on hand so the team competition will be the ROOKIE game....
April 24
Burns to Appear on The "L" Word
"Docme" Dick Burns will miss this Saturday’s event at The Kings Links despite the fact the he shot a career low 1 under 71 (gross) NET 62 at the south Delta track just two years ago. He will miss the event to appear on the Showcase TV series which features Lesbian relationships. He will be attending a Lesbian wedding being shot for the program on Saturday at a secret location in Deep Cove (pun intended). It will be the first ever PGA event that Burns has missed which will not save him from being sanctioned. The tour hopes to have new spare Dr. Craig Bergstrom on hand at Redwoods on May 12th to examine Burns to make sure he/she has not crossed the gender barrier.
The Game: Gordie Howe’s Pal: "Blair Murdoch" (Olympic)
The team game at The Kings Links will be a 2 man team contest, the ever popular chipping and putting game this
year named after Gordie Howe’s pal Blair Murdoch who will miss this week. Here are the Blair Murdoch rules:
April 28 2007
The King's links
"Blair Murdoch"
OLYMPIC
Overview: This is a putting "game". It rewards golfers who can hole their shots in one putt once getting on the green, i.e., one putts are good, two or more putts aren’t. This game allows you to work on your concentration and your swearing.
Rules: 1. Once all members of the foursome are on the green, the putts are
measured and the one that is the furthest from the hole (i.e., the person who would ordinarily putt first) scores four (4) points if sunk in one putt. If that person misses sinking on the first putt then they are out of the competition for this hole. The second furthest putt then has an opportunity to score three (3) points if sunk in one putt. Similarly, the second closest (third furthest) would score two (2) points and the shortest putt could score one (1) point again, if sunk in one attempt.
- No points are awarded to a player if that player needs more than one putt on the hole.
- It is possible for more than one player to score points on a hole. The rule is points are awarded for sinking in one putt and all players who do that will score points.
- If a player sinks a ball from off the green and requires no putts then that player would score five (5) points on the hole. This would mean there would be no 4 point putt (i.e., max possible is 5,3,2,1) If two players hole out from off the green then there would be no 4 or 3 point putts (i.e., max possible is 5,5,2,1), etc.
- Individual scores are kept of the Olympic competition and at the end of the day it is added to your partner’s score and the total counts.
April 19
Kings Links - Brief History
The Kings Links began life as the Links @ Boundary Shores as named and developed by local construction mogul Bob Ahoy. The course was built by Ahoy despite a change in local government who officially put the course development on hold after coming into power. Ahoy got into trouble when he went ahead and built the course despite the stop order resulting in "sanctions" against the course.
The course was sold recently to the "King of Floors" who has started an aggressive ad campaign and is hoping to give the course a true "British Open" look and feel despite the fact that water comes into play on 5 holes. Highlight holes include the 500 yard par 5 second hole in which the tee shot must be played beside, around or over water and the 168 yard par 3 15th which also plays over water and usually into a stiff breeze.
Handicap Adjustments
Here are the handicap adjustments for the Kings Links. If your name doesn’t appear your ‘cap remains the same.
Phipps - 8
Schwartz - 25
Simpson - 25
Novotny - 25
Player Debuts
Rookie PGA regular Al Goulding (18) will make his PGA debut at The Kings Links along with rookie spare Craig Bergstrom (11). Other spares playing are Joe Tibble (20) and our host Graham Smith (18) who is a member at Kings Links. Ken "Lefty" Sherk (25) will also be making his season debut.
Game & Foursomes
The team game & foursomes will be posted next week.
April 16
Tuna Earns ‘Cap Reduction
Playing in conditions much better than expected the PGA season opened under mostly sunny skies at Squamish Golf Club with Tuna Phipps picking up where he left off in the ‘05 season by posting a net 67 and serving early notice that he wants the Green Jacket back. Incredibly he did not hit a single green in regulation but chipped and putted superbly to post a gross 80 and earn himself a 5 stroke handicap reduction. ‘06 champ Bob "Knuckles" Garries opened his defense with a even par 72. Tuna will play the Kings Links event on April 28 with an 8 ‘cap.
4 players finished tied for second with net 70’s including rookie Fred Walters. Killer Killeen, Hoss Alexander and Digger Leigh also posted 70’s on a Squamish course that wintered well and was very playable. Other rookie scores were "Homer" Richard Simpson 83 & Jeff "Prairie Chicken" Schwartz who managed an 84.
Team Results
The team of Phipps - Killeen - Lloyd - Garries won the Vienna team game with a score of 14 under. Two teams tied for the runner-up sport posting 10 under: Burns - Murdoch - R. Sherk - Walters & Leigh - Alexander - White - Grundy.
Please check "scores" for all the results.
The Kings Links - April 28th
The 2nd event of the season will be played at The Kings Links (formerly the Links @ Boundary Shores) which is located in south Delta very close to the Boundary Bay airport. Directions will be posted, along with all other pertinent information next week. The Kings Links is a links style course which borders the airport and the pacific ocean although the ocean does not come into play. Play will be from the 6,400 yard blue tees that are rated 71.2 with a slope of 127. The team game and groups will be posted next week.
19th hole.....Ron Sherk, Lefty Sherk’s Dad filled in ably for Ken at Squamish and helped his team to second place in the Vienna team game.....Murray White won the long drive contest and also opted for the "deal, no deal" fine of 2 pitchers of beer rather than face the wrath of his selected jury for his failure to sign his dues cheque.....Dawgballs Taylor won the years first KP at #16......only two birdies were recorded during the first event, they went to Gordie Howe’s best pal, Blair Murdoch and Killer Killeen whose net 70 was overlooked after the round and will be remedied here: Killer shot 70 to tie for 2nd place.....the Commish who committed the faux pas will be fined 1 pitcher of beer...rookie Al Gouding will make his PGA debut at The Kings Links....
Non Payment Photo
Please click on the link to witness the excellent work of the Tour’s collection agency headed by Tony Soprano. It is not known at this time if the same fate awaits Dave Alexander should he fail to bring a SIGNED cheque on Saturday.
Payment Evasion
First up Squamish Golf & Country Club
PGA Rules
Play will be from the 6,219 yard Blue tees with a slope of 124 and rating of 70.1 Winter rules will apply. Please note the "PGA" rule is in effect: if a ball is played either out of bounds or in any "evil" place and is either lost or unplayable, please drop at the point of entry within two club lengths to play your next shot - 1 stroke penalty. See below for Game and Tee times. Handicaps have also been updated.
Please Forward....we still may not have 100% correct email addresses....
Those who have introduced any rookies this season please bring their attention to the website so they know what is happening.
VIENNA
A side betting game for Gentlemen of the Golf Links
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Squamish Golf & Country Club
Vienna is a simple enough side game. It makes a round of golf as easy as a waltz in the park. 1-2-3, 1-2-3 and so it goes.
First hole count the best one score of the foursome and circle it for Garries’ ultimate benefit.
Second hole count the best two scores and circle them.
Third hole count the best three scores and circle them.
Repeat as necessary until the entire 18 hole dance is completed.
As always, record gross scores only (you can figure out what the nets are but don’t record them).
Winning foursome gets 50% of the pot, second group gets 30% and third group gets 20%.
Tom will tell you who your captain is. Captain’s responsibility to collect
$10 from each golfer and give to Garries
Aaaaaand 1-2-3, 1-2-3
Tee Times for Saturday April 14th at Squamish:
11:30 - Alexander - White - Leigh - Grundy
11:38 - Murdoch - Burns - Sherk - Walters
11:46 - Novotny - Simpson - Wardroper - Maynard
11:54 - Garries - Phipps - Lloyd - Killeen
12:02 - Brown - Schwartz - Taylor - Spare TBA
12:10 - T. Carter - B. Carter - Tibble - Spare TBA
The Captains are in bold
April 9
A foursome is waiting on the men's tee while another foursome of ladies is hitting from the ladies' tee. The ladies are taking their time. Finally the last one is ready to hit the ball. She hacks it about 10 feet, walks up and whiffs one swing at it and then hacks it maybe another 10 feet. She walks back to her bag, selects a different club, walks back to the ball and hacks it another 5 feet. She looks up at the men who are watching and says apologetically,
"I guess all those fucking lessons I took this winter didn't help." One of the men immediately replies,
"Well there you have it lady. You should have taken golf lessons instead."
April 5
Opener @ Squamish Nears
The 2007 PGA season opener will be played next Saturday April 14th at the Squamish Golf Club. Our tees times begin at 11:30 am. The season kicks off with defending champion, Bob "Knuckles" Garries defending his crown with a bum knee. "It hurts a little" whined the reigning champ. His complaints fell on deaf ears as it is likely a ruse to "contain" his handicap. 2 time champ Tuna Phipps returns to the tour looking to regain the form that used to win 2 jackets.
Arrive at 11 am
Please arrive at the course by 11 am so we can organize and please remember to check road conditions on Friday or Saturday morning before leaving. The later groups will have a bit of a wait but the restaurant is good and the range is open.
Peers to Determine White’s Fine
While it was thought that only Dave Backie (who has since paid) and Hoss Alexander (still tardy) had not paid their fees on time it was discovered that Murray White failed to sign his cheque. The Commissioner, rather than fine Mr. White on the spot will let him argue his case in front of a 3 man jury of his peers. Murray will even get to choose his jury as the Commissioner is convinced whoever makes up the jury will do justice.
Groups, Times & Handicaps
The above information will be posted on the website either Wednesday or Thursday.
Venue Change for April 28th
Our April 28th event scheduled for Fraserview has been change to the Kings Links (formerly The Links @ Boundary Shores). Our tee times begin at 10 am. Directions will be posted prior to April 28th. The change was made at the prompting of Dick Burns. Two years ago Burns shot a Tour record low score when the course was called The Links @ Boundary Shores carding a one under 71. It is not known what bribe, if any, Burns offered the Commissioner.
March 16
Having a FINE Time!!
Upon receipt of today’s mail at the lavish PGA offices only 2 PGA regulars will be fined for late payment of dues. They are the two Dave's. Mr. Backie & Mr. Alexander, both must be suffering from temporary Alzheimer. They will be fined 10.00 each per week until their dues are paid. Rookies Richard Simpson & Fred Walters have not paid their dues due to their emails bouncing back so they will be given a reprieve until their email addresses are sorted out. It would be appreciated if the members who know Richard and Fred could confirm their email addresses with our webmaster ([email protected])
Under the Wire
Several players made it in just under the wire including rookies Alan Goulding, Jeff Schwartz and Louie Odendall. Veteran members who beat the clock were Phipps - Brown - Jenkinson - Killeen - Sherk - Maynard - White.
In the woods.....the season opener at Squamish is just 4 short weeks away....any bets that rookie Richard Simpson's nickname will be "Homer"??.....members Carter, Garries, Burns and new spare George Omorean will spent next week in Tucson honing their games for the upcoming season.....
Practicing? Sounds like a fine!
March 13
Beware the Ides of March
With the March 15 Ides of March deadline for paying dues looming (this Thursday) the majority of PGA regulars face being fined for failure to pay their dues on time. Any regular member who has not paid his dues by March 15 will be fined 10.00 per week until his financial responsibility to the PGA is met.
Digger Devine
The latest batch of members who have paid their dues include Digger Leigh whose cheque made it to the PGA’s offices in spite being addressed:
PGA - Winston Street - Bby
Proof that our tour’s status has greatly improved in the eyes of Canada Post. Bob Garries and Dick Wardroper have also met their fiscal responsibility.
Welcome Aboard! - Next year for "Echo"
The tour welcomes aboard Alan Goulding, Richard Simpson, Jeff Schwartz, Louie Odendaal and Fred Walters who will start their PGA careers on April 14th at Squamish. We now have 23 regulars for the ‘07 season and are looking for just one more. Jon "Echo" Lloyd has business and travel plans and will play as a spare this year. We will miss Jon but he will play as a spare in the season opener at Squamish. (Director of Communications is looking for Richard Simpson's e-mail address. Anyone? Bob?)
19th hole.....Director of Stats, Dave Backie will miss the first two events this season while "cruising" the Caribbean...the commissioner has appointed Bob Garries to perform Dave’s duties for the first two events....JUST OVER 4 WEEKS TO OPENING DAY....
Click on this link-
Very funny and no even though it looks like it, this isn't video of last years season opener.
Thanks Blair
http://bubblare.se/golf_ar_fantastiskt_kul
Murdoch, Burns & Grundy Avoid Fine
Blair Murdoch, Dick Burns and Vic Grundy avoided embarrassing fines by paying their dues last week. They join Commissioner Tom Carter and Webmaster Hugh Taylor as the only members who have paid their 2007 dues thereby avoiding being fined.
Beware the Ides of March!!
Please pay your 600.00 dues (400.00 for NovoCop as he already paid 200) by the Ides of March, March 15th. For each week dues are not paid a fine of 10.00 will be levied. All fine money will be used for the year end annual bbq/awards after the Calcutta.
Please send dues to:
PGA - 8034 Winston Street, Burnaby BC V5A 2H5.
Still Need 2 More Regulars
We are still in need of 2 more regular members to fill out our membership at 24. If you know someone who might wish to join please have them email me at [email protected]
19th hole.....Blair Murdoch has withdrawn from the Tripper Cup matches in Osoyoos because he will be in Alberta on business that weekend......’06 Champ Bob Garries almost converted to the Catholic religion recently when he thought he heard Catholic neighbors talking about "Hash" Wednesday......season starts in 6 weeks.....
2007 PGA Season - 8 weeks to go!!
The opening round of the 2007 PGA season will be hosted by Squamish Golf Club on April 14th, 8 short weeks from now. The event will mark the return of former champ Tuna Phipps who missed last season "to kick cancer’s ass". The two time champ vows to knock off last year’s popular champ Bob "Knuckles" Garries who assures anyone listening that he won’t go down without a fight.
We also welcome 3 rookies into the fold. Jeff Schwartz, Louie Odendaal and Richard Simpson will be entering their first PGA season. We will be expanding the tour to 24 regulars this season. We are currently at 22 including the aforementioned rooks. If anyone wishes to nominate someone "of like mind and spirit" please email the commissioner at [email protected] with particulars.
The June 9th event hosted by Sandpiper will feature our first "Home Coming" at which time past PGA members will return to relive their glory days in an expanded PGA field. So far Big Dick Bourbonais, Len Slade and Paul Carson have accepted the invitation and will "return to the tour" on June 9th. Rod Matheson is hopeful his schedule will allow an appearance and we are hoping to see many more of the alumni.
Once again Blair Murdoch will look after our weekly games/foursomes, Dave Backie will look after handicapping and prize money distribution and Hugh "Dawgballs" Taylor is once again our WebMaster. Kudos to all.
Fees Please!
This years fees will be $600.00 which include 8 rounds of golf, the year end awards bbq & prizes. This years accommodation at the Tripper Cup matches will be the responsibility of each member. FEES ARE DUE BY MARCH 15TH - PLEASE MAIL YOUR CHEQUES TO:
PGA 8034 Winston Street, Burnaby BC V5A 2H5.
The usual fines and sanctions will be levied against all those who are tardy with their fees.
Missing in ‘07
Unfortunately both Duke Molinski and Doug Player can only manage spare status this year due to vacations and work respectively. We hope to see them at a few event as spares. We look forward to both returning in 2008.
Tripper Cup Matches
Our annual World Stars vs North Van Clan team matches will be played the weekend of May 26 & 27 in Osoyoos at the new Desert Gold course at Osoyoos Golf Club and the venerable Fairview Mountain course which once was ranked as high as #19 in Canada. More details will follow as we get closer to the matches.