YEAR 2001
The Green Jacket Fits Both Pomeroy and Quinn
For the first time in the PGA Tour’s five-year history, two players had to be fitted for the coveted Green Jacket when Jim Pomeroy and Doug Quinn, both Tour originals, couldn’t be separated by a single putt after seven rounds — that’s 126 holes — of net scores. Both finished with 502 strokes, an average of 71.7 net strokes per round, three shots better than Phil Langley.
Pomeroy shot 86 in the final round at Furry Creek, and Quinn’s 85 moved him into a first-place tie. Dick Burns, the leader with one round to play, slipped to 92 and fell to fourth place. And for the fifth straight year, the winner(s) had never before worn the coveted Green Jacket. Pomeroy and Quinn succeed Dick Bourbonais, who didn’t play enough rounds to defend his title in 2001. Previous winners were Rod Matheson (1999), Bob Molinski (1998) and probably John Mills (1997), although there was no Green Jacket when Mills allegedly won — it was so long ago that nobody can remember for certain that the now-departed co-commissioner was in fact the winner.
For Calcutta and complete results from Furry Creek, see “Scores.” Following are the final net score standings:
1. Jim Pomeroy 502
1. Doug Quinn 502
3. Phil Langley 505
4. Dick Burns 506
5. Larry Brown 509
6. Len Slade 516
7. Dave Backie 517
7. Mike Smith 517
9. Tom Carter 518
9. Bob Molinski 518
9. Dave Pearce 518
12. Paul Killeen 522
13. Jim Lanyon 525
14. Blair Murdoch 532
15. Paul Carson/Noah Croom 536
16. Bob Dunn 542
17. Roger McBride 546
18. Ken Sherk 547
19. John Baxter 549
The following players did not complete seven rounds and were ranked separately:
20. Dick Bourbonnais (6) 440
21. Vern Porter (6) 443
22. Rod Matheson (5) 374
23. Mike Maddison (5) 376
24. Dave Rice (3) 225
Hooks & Slices
Outgoing Commissioner Phil Langley was given a ball monogrammer for his years of service…“I really appreciate it,” Langley said, among other things…His fellow Tour players decided at the last minute to throw in an extra, a Titleist golf bag…Langley passed the torch to new Commissioner Len Slade after passing out $15 rebates to all Tour players, declaring a dividend for the first time in history and winning back the unanimous support of all who had verbally abused him…The ceremony included handing over the prestigious Red File, which contains untold secrets about PGA Tour players…Slade immediately announced that fees would be increaseed in 2001 — by $15…Succeeding him as Associate Commissioner is Paul Killeen…Check the “Executive” page on the website for all new appointees…Jim Lanyon won the notorious Paul Carson Perseverance Trophy, even though the man whom the trophy is named after was a notable absentee, having heard of a better party on Vancouver Island…Watch the website for important news about retaining your status ($$$) for next season, as the new commissioner has already embarked on securing commitments from courses…Ken Sherk won the long drive contest at Furry Creek, for the second time in three weeks…When Bob Dunn won a KP on the signature hole — the 14th — his subsequent birdie was the highlight of his day, and his season. Of the 84 individual prizes awarded during the season, this was Dunn’s first and he is appealing for a 24 handicap for 2002.
Len Slade New Commissioner
PGA Tour players chose Len Slade to guide them into 2002, by acclamation. Two other nominees — Mike Smith and Bob Molinski — declined to stand for election. Once the residing Alternate Commissioner accepted his nomination, it became official. It’s expected the new commissioner will meet with all players following the Furry Creek match to outline plans for the "Slade Era" although official word has not been received from his media officer.
Slade succeeds Phil Langley, now of Kelowna, the PGA Tour Commissioner (or co-commissioner) for five years. The new man is insisting his term will not last five years but has so far declined to set an election date.
For complete list of nominations, see "History."
Furry Creek Tee Times
The teams and handicaps are as follows:
9:30 a.m. — Dick Burns (7), Larry Brown (14), Jim Lanyon (17), John Baxter (21)
9:40 a.m. — Doug Quinn (11), Dave Backie (12), Dave Rice (17), Paul Carson (20)
9:50 a.m. — Mike Smith (12), Vern Porter (15), Paul Killeen (16), Ken Sherk (19)
10:00 a.m. — Jim Pomeroy (10), Dave Pearce (15), Bob Molinski (16), Mike Maddison (19)
10:10 a.m. — Dick Bourbonais (12), Phil Langley (13), Blair Murdoch (15), Roger McBride (19)
10:20 a.m — Rod Matheson (15), Tom Carter (12), Len Slade (15), Bob Dunn (19)
The match is as follows:
• Count two low net scores on each hole
• Every player’s score must count at least six times
• The decision as to which two scores count must be made at the conclusion of EACH HOLE.
This decision was made by a pathetic vote of PGA players. Only nine cast ballots and eight voted for this format over a two-ball scramble.
Year-end Barbecue — Host No Longer Needed
Paul Killeen has offered to host the year-end barbecue on June 30th. If his offer is accepted, this will violate PGA Tour rule no. 75396-B, which states: “Nobody is expected to host the barbecue more than once every 10 years.”
Paul and his wife Judy hosted the 1999 barbecue. Other hosts have been: Phil Langley (1997), Rod Matheson (1998), and Dave Rice (2000).
The Commissioner Rules
In what will surely (did someone say hopefully?) be his last ruling, Commissioner Phil Langley has placed Saturday’s 9:30 group under timepiece surveillance. In a precedent-setting move, the commissioner is putting the foursome "on the clock" for "potential slow play". This marks the first time in PGA Tour history — indeed, golf history — that a group has been put on the clock before a round has started.
“As your commissioner,” Langley said in a statement, “it is my duty to protect the field against any encumbrances to excellence. As last year's winner of the Slow Play Award, Jim Lanyon has the potential to bring the entire field to his snail-like pace. I will hold team captain Dick Burns responsible for his group.”
Replied Lanyon: “All I can say to the latest mussings of our ‘old’ commissioner is it’s a “very good thing” that the PGA has named a successor who exhibits vision and leadership qualities that make it unnecessary to stoop to slanderous comments. I wish the ‘old’ commish well, but will be sending a letter to the ‘new membership committee’ of Gallagher's Canyon with my observations!”
Pari-Mutuel Betting
Following is a list of wagers made on teams 1 through 6 for Saturday’s Calcutta. The 49 bets made totalled $428. In the Pick Six pool, nine bets were made, totalling $13. The “Consensus Pick Six” was 4-5-2-1-6-3.
Team $$ to win Win bets $$ to place Place bets $$ to show Show bets Total money bet 1 20 1 22 2 22 2 $64 (5 bets) 2 29 4 32 4 25 2 $86 (10 bets) 3 0 0 0 0 2 1 $2 (1 bet) 4 86 7 30 5 14 3 $130 (15 bets) 5 29 4 36 5 29 4 $94 (13 bets) 6 30 2 10 1 12 2 $52 (5 bets)
- June 2001
Correction
There was a mistake in Rod Matheson’s handicap, in case you were among the bettors who wagered on Team Matheson in the Calcutta. Listed as a 14, he was supposed to be a 15. The correction has now been made in the foursomes listed in "Schedules."
Directions to The Barbecue
• Take Exit 22 from the Second Narrows Bridge and Upper Levels Highway.
• Follow signs to Mount Seymour and Deep Cove
• Stay on Mount Seymour Parkway to the 5th traffic light (Emerson)
• Turn left on Emerson Way (one block past Chevron Station on the left side of the Parkway
• Go three blocks and turn right on Trillium Place
• Address is 2816 Trillium Place; phone number is 929-4722 if you’re lost
- June 2001
Who's Bringing What To Dinner
Following is the list of food resp;onsbilities for the barbecue on Saturday night, from Dick Bourbonais. This may change slightly if somebody cancels. If anybody who is coming is not listed below, please notify Dick immediately...
BACKIE - DESSERT FOR 12
BAXTER - MIXED SALAD FOR 12/DRESSING
BOURBONAIS - NAPKINS, MIXED SALAD FOR 12/DRESSING, SOUR CREAM, BACON BITS, CHIVES AND BUTTER
BROWN - DESSERT FOR 12
BURNS - MIXED SALAD FOR 12/DRESSING
CARTER - 20 BAKED POTATOES
DUNN - APPETIZERS FOR 12
KILLEEN - (HOST) ICE, GARBAGE CANS, COOLER, MIXED SALAD FOR 12/DRESSING
LANGLEY - MIXED SALAD FOR 12/ DRESSING
LANYON - APPETIZERS FOR 12
MADDISON - SOFT DRINKS AND BEER/WINE CUPS, STEAK SAUCE , HP SAUCE
MATHESON - CRAB? PASTA SALAD FOR 12
McBRIDE - COFFEE- 1lb. REGULAR, 1lb. DECAF, TEA AND CREAM
MOLINSKI - BEER, WINE, VEGGIE DISH FOR 12
MURDOCH - PASTA SALAD FOR 12
PEARCE - 5 DOZEN ROLLS, 1lb. BUTTER
POMEROY - PRIZE TABLE
PORTER - APPETIZERS FOR 12
QUINN - POTATO SALAD FOR 12, MONEY FOR DICK
RICE - DESSERT FOR 12
SHERK - POTATO SALAD FOR 12
SLADE - PASTA SALAD FOR 12
SMITH - VEGGIE DISH FOR 12
It’s a ‘horse race’…
Going into the final round of the PGA Tour season, only four strokes separate the top four challengers for Player-of-the-Year honours, the title bestowed on the golfer who slips on the hallowed Green Jacket. The four are (alphabetically): Dick Burns, Phil Langley, Jim Pomeroy and Doug Quinn. Now if you want to know who’s ahead of whom…go to “Scores.”
That’s where you’ll also finding the complete list of players — ranked by total net scores from their six best rounds — with only the seventh remaining, June 30th event at Furry Creek.
On a course as unpredictable as Furry Creek, there could be some shuffling of the standings by the time PGA Tour players gather for the post-season barbecue later that evening.
Calcutta for Furry Creek
Rather than disturb the guests at the restaurant (Earl's) that served as the PGA Tour's 19th hole in Kamloops, it was more or less unanimously decided that each player would cough up $75 for the Calcutta, and each team would own itself, June 30th at Furry Creek.
Green Jacket Qualifications
The coveted Green Jacket will be awarded to the player with best average net score for seven of the eight rounds played in 2001. The commissioner apologizes for any confusion from his earlier statement that players could qualify with their best SIX rounds. Order of appearance at the prize table will also be determined by top six low nets for the season.
Nominations for Commissioner (6 to date)
Nominee: Len Slade
Nominator: Mike Smith
Rationale:
None given.
Nominee: Len Slade
Nominator: Dick Bourbonais
Rationale:
I NOMINATE LEN SLADE FOR THE POSITION OF COMMISSIONER OF THE PGA. I DO NOT KNOW IF HE CAN FILL THE SHOES OF THE CURRENT COMMISSIONER, BUT I AM WILLING TO GIVE HIM A CHANCE. IF GORDON CAMPBELL CAN CUT TAXES, MAYBE LEN CAN CUT THE COST OF THE PGA TOUR.
Nominee: Bob Molinski
Nominator: Jim Lanyon
Rationale:
1. Has known the present commissioner for too many years and therefore has the necessary character flaws to do an excellent job.
2. Has the time to devout to the job as in his present " position "he spends approx 3 hours each day on the internet tracking his stocks, which is time he could spend on PGA business.
3. As pointed out recently by our web-site he is ruthless enough [ will sandbag any member when there is real money on the line] to negotiate free range balls at each tour site.
4. Has the enduring respect of all the " educational " members of the tour, which should be enough to carry any vote since " they " make up a curiously large number of members.
Nominee: Len Slade
Nominator: Tom Carter
Rationale:
1. Has the experience of being the Alternate Commissioner.
2. He is a competitive & grinding golfer, a skill which will translate well when it comes time for negotiating with golf courses, etc.
3. Paul Killeen should be the new Alternate Commissioner. Irony: then Len will be Paul’s boss.
4. Len's retirement this winter will allow him plenty of time to go about the business of being PGA Commissioner.
Nominee: Mike Smith
Nominator: Phil Langley
Rationale:
“I’ve put a great deal of thought into this nomination. I have consulted with the Health Employers Association and the office of the Premier-elect. It is now quite certain that the nurses’ overtime ban will go for two more years, and then will be followed by a three-year strike. This will essentially relegate Mike to ‘part-time doctor’ status and allow him to devote the other 50% of his time to PGA matters. Mike is the second-smartest guy on The Tour and possesses all of the requisite personal qualities of a commissioner — he is thick-skinned, fearless, fair-minded, plays the game well and is not easily fooled. The fact that he is South African should not be held against him.”
Nominee: Len Slade
Nominator: Bob Dunn
Rationale:
1. Will never speak to his comrades again if, after being Acting and then Alternate Commissioner, he doesn’t get it.
2. Has only missed 22 holes of PGA competition in 5 years.
3. Is intuitive, intelligent and imaginative enough to keep coming up with weekly games
4. His friends say he has a lot of idle timeMandatory term limits from the PGA constitution, section 15, require that a new Commissioner be appointed. Please forward your "nomination for “Commissioner” to Bob Dunn by e-mail at the PGA website. Failure to vote by June 15 will result in severe sanctions. Along with your nomination, please add a comment (or rationale). Remember, the current commissioner cannot and will not accept a nomination.
— June 2001
Prize Responsibilities — 2001
Following are the prize teams for 2001, with the date each group is responsible for the prize table — the first player named (*) in each group designated as that group’s prize co-ordinator:
April 7 -- Madison*, Brown, Carter, Dunn
April 21 -- Carson*, Killeen, Pearce, Slade
May 12 -- Lanyon*, Matheson, Burns, McBride
May 26 -- Bourbonais*, Langley, Smith, Sherk
June 9 -- Molinski*, Baxter, Backie, Rice
June 16 -- Murdoch*, Pomeroy, Porter, Quinn (PGA will supply prizes, or not, on the 17th)
June 30 -- Calcutta Day
Note: Only 12 prizes per event, distributed as follows:
• Top six players (net score) go first, in order
• Two KP winners
• One Long Drive winner
• Three prizes awarded by draw involving PGA Tour regulars who have not already visited the table
Substitutes will compete for a bottle of wine and will not be eligible for the prize table. The year-end prize table will remain unchanged — 24 prizes valued at a minimum $75.
— June 2001
New Joke For Rice…But Dig Past The ‘Commissioner versus Whomever’ to Find It
It has been decided by the person in charge of the website that since the ongoing exchange of insults between Commissioner Phil Langley and PGA Tour players is growing to unreasonable proportions, no more space on the home page will be devoted to this. Instead it will be dumped onto the least-used page of the web, the appropriately named "Jokes" page, for any who want to continue to participate in or read the lingering diatribe. Contributions will be uploaded whenever it moves the webmaster to do so, since unlike some of his golfing colleagues he has a full-time job that is threatening his career as a touring pretender. Meanwhile, on to more important stuff...— June 2001
Hooks & Slices
A “website bird dog” (initials J.L.) files this report: “Playing with Bob Molinski and the "girls" Bob actually tried to tee it up from the women's tee! Now I know that colour blindness shouldn't be laught at, but it makes me wonder about Bob's low round at North Bellingham!…Cookie Gilchrist, who’s on a sabbatical from the PGA Tour, played Sun River in May and had few kind things to say about it: “The fairways sloped to trouble, they’re hard and the rough is awful.” PGA touring pros who play it the Friday before the Kamloops events are forewarned, or in position to slam the sabbaticaller if they find his assessment is inaccurate.
— June 2001
Another PGA Tour First: No Results
For the first time since the PGA Tour has had a website, results and commentary from an official Tour event have gone unreported. Director of Communications Bob Dunn, who is responsible for posting results on the website and who missed a PGA Tour event for the first time ever, believes his golf colleagues never played the event (Sandpiper) in order to keep Dunn’s iron man streak alive at 31. Director of Statistics Dave Backie, who was assigned the task of delivering the results to the webmaster (by phone, FAX or email), has gone AWOL. Commissioner Langley shrugged off the impropriety: “There was a technical glitch.” If the results ever materialize, and can be certified, they will eventually be posted on the website.
— May 2001
New Date For Satellite Golf Event
Saturday April 28th was announced as the date of the first-ever "Toad" Langley is Whipped!! 2 Man Team golf event. It has been changed to the following weekend — May 5th — “due to popular demand,” says event organizer Tom Carter. All other information and logistics will remain the same, as follows:
ENTRY DEADLINE: Please contact Tom via e-mail ([email protected]) by Tuesday, May 1st, if you wish to play. Confirmations have been trickling in so please respond quickly to avoid disappointment. In loose association with the Pretenders Golf Association, this prestigious event will be held at the Sechelt Golf Club on the Sunshine Coast. The limited field of 16 will comprise 8 - 2 man teams that will battle for the coveted "Toad" emblematic of being less nagged than "Toad".
EVENT HISTORY: As some of you may recall, Toad a PGA Tour spare, won a round of golf at Sechelt at a Tour event last year. Since that time he has made excuse after excuse as to why he can't pick a date. Toad and Mrs. Toad recently started a family so it is clear as to his current plight when it comes to golfing matters. So to celebrate that we are all too old to be in Toad's situation, the battle for the coveted "Toad" will be played out while Toad changes diapers at home.
Toad: But honey, this event even bears my name
Mrs. Toad: I bore your "name" for 9 months, now change the *#@& baby!
ENTER NOW/LOGISTICS: Since the field is limited to 16. Players will meet at 8 a.m. in front of the North Shore Winter Club and proceed to Horseshoe Bay to catch the 9:20 a.m. ferry to the Sunshine Coast. Depending upon numbers, either 3 or 4 large vehicles will be required to transport the players (volunteers needed). Tee times will start about 11 a.m. with the plan of catching the 4:30 p.m. ferry home. GREEN FEES ARE FREE but you will have to pay share of the ferry costs. A $5.00 entry fee will be charged with the winning team splitting the proceeds.
TEAM SELECTION/EVENT RULES: A lottery held during breakfast on the ferry will determine the teams. The net team score will determine the winner(s) based on BCGA or PGA handicaps. Conditions at the course will determine summer or winter rules. Play will be from the Blue Tees (6500 yds-Rating: 71.1 - Slope 122)
SHORT PUTTS: Dick Burns, who despite what happened at Swan-e-set will play at his current PGA handicap of 9, will be hosting an informal BBQ/Awards dinner at his home on Mountain Hwy afterward, serving his famous barbequed "Salmon on a plank". Everyone and their wives are invited but bring your own meat and booze, salads, etc., will be provided...BEER WILL BE SERVED ON THE JOURNEY HOME...It's hoped that "Toad" might be able to make the BBQ so he can hand out the awards...Burns' handicap for this event will not be 11...The BBQ will start at 7 p.m....Bring your trunks for the hot tub...The field will consist mostly of PGA Tour members but two Tour wannabes will be teeing it up...Winning team members could go home with up to $40 each in prize money…There’s talk that the tournament will be re-named the “Dave Rice is Whipped!! 2 Ball.”
— May 2001
Hooks & Slices — 2001
A “website bird dog” files this report: “Sandbagging Dick Burns, whose 74 at the opening event (Meadow Gardens) electrified his fellow PGA members, was at it again during the Easter weekend. Burns, an 11 handicap (PGA), was playing as a guest at the venerable Richmond Golf Club and struggled on the opening holes but found one of the much-ballyhooed Precept MC "lady" (aka, girlie) balls and put it in play to right himself for a 41 front before fashioning a spectacular one-under-par 35 on the back for a cool 76. On Easter Sunday, Burns again used his girlie Precept to shoot a solid 78 at the extremely difficult Links at Boundary Shores. Undisclosed sources close to Burns indicate that he will "tank" at Swan-e-set this week to avoid reduction to his handicap.”...Players wishing to squeeze in a practice round in Kamloops will have an opportunity to play Sun River, either on Friday, or on Saturday morning…Commissioner Langley did not sanction Mike Maddison, Ken Sherk and Larry Brown as planned at Meadow Gardens, leading to speculation the commissioner is getting mellow in his finals days in office…Nobody can remember what the sanctions were for anyway…If anybody has picked up (as in bought and paid for) some golf equipment that they now think is useless, you would be wise to consult with first-event absentee Dave Rice, who apparently has an infallible way of getting rid of unwanted clubs.
— April 2001
New Draw Master
His name is Len Slade and, despite also being overworked as Alternate Commissioner and Director of Ethics, he replaces Dave Rice. The lawyer remains legal counsel and buyer of useless golf equipment (see below).
— March 2001
PGA Roster Set
Five new regulars will tee it up in April. The field for the 2001 season was completed when Ken Sherk was added to the list, replacing Cookie Gilchrist, who is taking a one-year sabbatical from the pressures of the tour.
Sherk joins four players elevated from the list of spares: Tom Carter, Mike Madison, Larry Brown and John Baxter. They replace Neil Murray, the Mills Brothers, Noah Croom and Darryl Gjernes. Four of the five ex-regulars will be spares — Gilchrist, Murray, John Mills and Croom, who will drop out if as expected he moves to L.A . to work for a start-up sports marketing company. In March, Darryl heads for England for hip replacement surgery and is hoping to return for the 2002 season.
The starting 24 are listed, with ways to contact all, under “roster” — along with the ever-hungry list of 15 alternates!
All graduating spares are expected to be assigned PGA Tour duties by Commissioner Langley and the executive, following a tradition established with last year’s “Nike/Buy.Com” grad, Jim Lanyon. Stay tuned!
— March 2001
Over-Dues
Almost all PGA Tour players paid the $600 dues in full by the deadline, February 1st, 2001. Players who didn’t will be subject to sanctions by the commissioner and will be identified on the website, once the commissioner makes the name(s) public.
There is no increase in fees for the 2001 season. Once again, your $600 includes accommodation in Kamloops and $75 towards the prize table. For an additional $35, players can book a single room in Kamloops; otherwise, everybody has a roomie. Accommodation in Kamloops will be the Courtesy Inn, which for those who complained about last year’s motel, is a 3-star.
For the first time in the PGA Tour’s five-year history, two players had to be fitted for the coveted Green Jacket when Jim Pomeroy and Doug Quinn, both Tour originals, couldn’t be separated by a single putt after seven rounds — that’s 126 holes — of net scores. Both finished with 502 strokes, an average of 71.7 net strokes per round, three shots better than Phil Langley.
Pomeroy shot 86 in the final round at Furry Creek, and Quinn’s 85 moved him into a first-place tie. Dick Burns, the leader with one round to play, slipped to 92 and fell to fourth place. And for the fifth straight year, the winner(s) had never before worn the coveted Green Jacket. Pomeroy and Quinn succeed Dick Bourbonais, who didn’t play enough rounds to defend his title in 2001. Previous winners were Rod Matheson (1999), Bob Molinski (1998) and probably John Mills (1997), although there was no Green Jacket when Mills allegedly won — it was so long ago that nobody can remember for certain that the now-departed co-commissioner was in fact the winner.
For Calcutta and complete results from Furry Creek, see “Scores.” Following are the final net score standings:
1. Jim Pomeroy 502
1. Doug Quinn 502
3. Phil Langley 505
4. Dick Burns 506
5. Larry Brown 509
6. Len Slade 516
7. Dave Backie 517
7. Mike Smith 517
9. Tom Carter 518
9. Bob Molinski 518
9. Dave Pearce 518
12. Paul Killeen 522
13. Jim Lanyon 525
14. Blair Murdoch 532
15. Paul Carson/Noah Croom 536
16. Bob Dunn 542
17. Roger McBride 546
18. Ken Sherk 547
19. John Baxter 549
The following players did not complete seven rounds and were ranked separately:
20. Dick Bourbonnais (6) 440
21. Vern Porter (6) 443
22. Rod Matheson (5) 374
23. Mike Maddison (5) 376
24. Dave Rice (3) 225
Hooks & Slices
Outgoing Commissioner Phil Langley was given a ball monogrammer for his years of service…“I really appreciate it,” Langley said, among other things…His fellow Tour players decided at the last minute to throw in an extra, a Titleist golf bag…Langley passed the torch to new Commissioner Len Slade after passing out $15 rebates to all Tour players, declaring a dividend for the first time in history and winning back the unanimous support of all who had verbally abused him…The ceremony included handing over the prestigious Red File, which contains untold secrets about PGA Tour players…Slade immediately announced that fees would be increaseed in 2001 — by $15…Succeeding him as Associate Commissioner is Paul Killeen…Check the “Executive” page on the website for all new appointees…Jim Lanyon won the notorious Paul Carson Perseverance Trophy, even though the man whom the trophy is named after was a notable absentee, having heard of a better party on Vancouver Island…Watch the website for important news about retaining your status ($$$) for next season, as the new commissioner has already embarked on securing commitments from courses…Ken Sherk won the long drive contest at Furry Creek, for the second time in three weeks…When Bob Dunn won a KP on the signature hole — the 14th — his subsequent birdie was the highlight of his day, and his season. Of the 84 individual prizes awarded during the season, this was Dunn’s first and he is appealing for a 24 handicap for 2002.
Len Slade New Commissioner
PGA Tour players chose Len Slade to guide them into 2002, by acclamation. Two other nominees — Mike Smith and Bob Molinski — declined to stand for election. Once the residing Alternate Commissioner accepted his nomination, it became official. It’s expected the new commissioner will meet with all players following the Furry Creek match to outline plans for the "Slade Era" although official word has not been received from his media officer.
Slade succeeds Phil Langley, now of Kelowna, the PGA Tour Commissioner (or co-commissioner) for five years. The new man is insisting his term will not last five years but has so far declined to set an election date.
For complete list of nominations, see "History."
Furry Creek Tee Times
The teams and handicaps are as follows:
9:30 a.m. — Dick Burns (7), Larry Brown (14), Jim Lanyon (17), John Baxter (21)
9:40 a.m. — Doug Quinn (11), Dave Backie (12), Dave Rice (17), Paul Carson (20)
9:50 a.m. — Mike Smith (12), Vern Porter (15), Paul Killeen (16), Ken Sherk (19)
10:00 a.m. — Jim Pomeroy (10), Dave Pearce (15), Bob Molinski (16), Mike Maddison (19)
10:10 a.m. — Dick Bourbonais (12), Phil Langley (13), Blair Murdoch (15), Roger McBride (19)
10:20 a.m — Rod Matheson (15), Tom Carter (12), Len Slade (15), Bob Dunn (19)
The match is as follows:
• Count two low net scores on each hole
• Every player’s score must count at least six times
• The decision as to which two scores count must be made at the conclusion of EACH HOLE.
This decision was made by a pathetic vote of PGA players. Only nine cast ballots and eight voted for this format over a two-ball scramble.
Year-end Barbecue — Host No Longer Needed
Paul Killeen has offered to host the year-end barbecue on June 30th. If his offer is accepted, this will violate PGA Tour rule no. 75396-B, which states: “Nobody is expected to host the barbecue more than once every 10 years.”
Paul and his wife Judy hosted the 1999 barbecue. Other hosts have been: Phil Langley (1997), Rod Matheson (1998), and Dave Rice (2000).
The Commissioner Rules
In what will surely (did someone say hopefully?) be his last ruling, Commissioner Phil Langley has placed Saturday’s 9:30 group under timepiece surveillance. In a precedent-setting move, the commissioner is putting the foursome "on the clock" for "potential slow play". This marks the first time in PGA Tour history — indeed, golf history — that a group has been put on the clock before a round has started.
“As your commissioner,” Langley said in a statement, “it is my duty to protect the field against any encumbrances to excellence. As last year's winner of the Slow Play Award, Jim Lanyon has the potential to bring the entire field to his snail-like pace. I will hold team captain Dick Burns responsible for his group.”
Replied Lanyon: “All I can say to the latest mussings of our ‘old’ commissioner is it’s a “very good thing” that the PGA has named a successor who exhibits vision and leadership qualities that make it unnecessary to stoop to slanderous comments. I wish the ‘old’ commish well, but will be sending a letter to the ‘new membership committee’ of Gallagher's Canyon with my observations!”
Pari-Mutuel Betting
Following is a list of wagers made on teams 1 through 6 for Saturday’s Calcutta. The 49 bets made totalled $428. In the Pick Six pool, nine bets were made, totalling $13. The “Consensus Pick Six” was 4-5-2-1-6-3.
Team $$ to win Win bets $$ to place Place bets $$ to show Show bets Total money bet 1 20 1 22 2 22 2 $64 (5 bets) 2 29 4 32 4 25 2 $86 (10 bets) 3 0 0 0 0 2 1 $2 (1 bet) 4 86 7 30 5 14 3 $130 (15 bets) 5 29 4 36 5 29 4 $94 (13 bets) 6 30 2 10 1 12 2 $52 (5 bets)
- June 2001
Correction
There was a mistake in Rod Matheson’s handicap, in case you were among the bettors who wagered on Team Matheson in the Calcutta. Listed as a 14, he was supposed to be a 15. The correction has now been made in the foursomes listed in "Schedules."
Directions to The Barbecue
• Take Exit 22 from the Second Narrows Bridge and Upper Levels Highway.
• Follow signs to Mount Seymour and Deep Cove
• Stay on Mount Seymour Parkway to the 5th traffic light (Emerson)
• Turn left on Emerson Way (one block past Chevron Station on the left side of the Parkway
• Go three blocks and turn right on Trillium Place
• Address is 2816 Trillium Place; phone number is 929-4722 if you’re lost
- June 2001
Who's Bringing What To Dinner
Following is the list of food resp;onsbilities for the barbecue on Saturday night, from Dick Bourbonais. This may change slightly if somebody cancels. If anybody who is coming is not listed below, please notify Dick immediately...
BACKIE - DESSERT FOR 12
BAXTER - MIXED SALAD FOR 12/DRESSING
BOURBONAIS - NAPKINS, MIXED SALAD FOR 12/DRESSING, SOUR CREAM, BACON BITS, CHIVES AND BUTTER
BROWN - DESSERT FOR 12
BURNS - MIXED SALAD FOR 12/DRESSING
CARTER - 20 BAKED POTATOES
DUNN - APPETIZERS FOR 12
KILLEEN - (HOST) ICE, GARBAGE CANS, COOLER, MIXED SALAD FOR 12/DRESSING
LANGLEY - MIXED SALAD FOR 12/ DRESSING
LANYON - APPETIZERS FOR 12
MADDISON - SOFT DRINKS AND BEER/WINE CUPS, STEAK SAUCE , HP SAUCE
MATHESON - CRAB? PASTA SALAD FOR 12
McBRIDE - COFFEE- 1lb. REGULAR, 1lb. DECAF, TEA AND CREAM
MOLINSKI - BEER, WINE, VEGGIE DISH FOR 12
MURDOCH - PASTA SALAD FOR 12
PEARCE - 5 DOZEN ROLLS, 1lb. BUTTER
POMEROY - PRIZE TABLE
PORTER - APPETIZERS FOR 12
QUINN - POTATO SALAD FOR 12, MONEY FOR DICK
RICE - DESSERT FOR 12
SHERK - POTATO SALAD FOR 12
SLADE - PASTA SALAD FOR 12
SMITH - VEGGIE DISH FOR 12
It’s a ‘horse race’…
Going into the final round of the PGA Tour season, only four strokes separate the top four challengers for Player-of-the-Year honours, the title bestowed on the golfer who slips on the hallowed Green Jacket. The four are (alphabetically): Dick Burns, Phil Langley, Jim Pomeroy and Doug Quinn. Now if you want to know who’s ahead of whom…go to “Scores.”
That’s where you’ll also finding the complete list of players — ranked by total net scores from their six best rounds — with only the seventh remaining, June 30th event at Furry Creek.
On a course as unpredictable as Furry Creek, there could be some shuffling of the standings by the time PGA Tour players gather for the post-season barbecue later that evening.
Calcutta for Furry Creek
Rather than disturb the guests at the restaurant (Earl's) that served as the PGA Tour's 19th hole in Kamloops, it was more or less unanimously decided that each player would cough up $75 for the Calcutta, and each team would own itself, June 30th at Furry Creek.
Green Jacket Qualifications
The coveted Green Jacket will be awarded to the player with best average net score for seven of the eight rounds played in 2001. The commissioner apologizes for any confusion from his earlier statement that players could qualify with their best SIX rounds. Order of appearance at the prize table will also be determined by top six low nets for the season.
Nominations for Commissioner (6 to date)
Nominee: Len Slade
Nominator: Mike Smith
Rationale:
None given.
Nominee: Len Slade
Nominator: Dick Bourbonais
Rationale:
I NOMINATE LEN SLADE FOR THE POSITION OF COMMISSIONER OF THE PGA. I DO NOT KNOW IF HE CAN FILL THE SHOES OF THE CURRENT COMMISSIONER, BUT I AM WILLING TO GIVE HIM A CHANCE. IF GORDON CAMPBELL CAN CUT TAXES, MAYBE LEN CAN CUT THE COST OF THE PGA TOUR.
Nominee: Bob Molinski
Nominator: Jim Lanyon
Rationale:
1. Has known the present commissioner for too many years and therefore has the necessary character flaws to do an excellent job.
2. Has the time to devout to the job as in his present " position "he spends approx 3 hours each day on the internet tracking his stocks, which is time he could spend on PGA business.
3. As pointed out recently by our web-site he is ruthless enough [ will sandbag any member when there is real money on the line] to negotiate free range balls at each tour site.
4. Has the enduring respect of all the " educational " members of the tour, which should be enough to carry any vote since " they " make up a curiously large number of members.
Nominee: Len Slade
Nominator: Tom Carter
Rationale:
1. Has the experience of being the Alternate Commissioner.
2. He is a competitive & grinding golfer, a skill which will translate well when it comes time for negotiating with golf courses, etc.
3. Paul Killeen should be the new Alternate Commissioner. Irony: then Len will be Paul’s boss.
4. Len's retirement this winter will allow him plenty of time to go about the business of being PGA Commissioner.
Nominee: Mike Smith
Nominator: Phil Langley
Rationale:
“I’ve put a great deal of thought into this nomination. I have consulted with the Health Employers Association and the office of the Premier-elect. It is now quite certain that the nurses’ overtime ban will go for two more years, and then will be followed by a three-year strike. This will essentially relegate Mike to ‘part-time doctor’ status and allow him to devote the other 50% of his time to PGA matters. Mike is the second-smartest guy on The Tour and possesses all of the requisite personal qualities of a commissioner — he is thick-skinned, fearless, fair-minded, plays the game well and is not easily fooled. The fact that he is South African should not be held against him.”
Nominee: Len Slade
Nominator: Bob Dunn
Rationale:
1. Will never speak to his comrades again if, after being Acting and then Alternate Commissioner, he doesn’t get it.
2. Has only missed 22 holes of PGA competition in 5 years.
3. Is intuitive, intelligent and imaginative enough to keep coming up with weekly games
4. His friends say he has a lot of idle timeMandatory term limits from the PGA constitution, section 15, require that a new Commissioner be appointed. Please forward your "nomination for “Commissioner” to Bob Dunn by e-mail at the PGA website. Failure to vote by June 15 will result in severe sanctions. Along with your nomination, please add a comment (or rationale). Remember, the current commissioner cannot and will not accept a nomination.
— June 2001
Prize Responsibilities — 2001
Following are the prize teams for 2001, with the date each group is responsible for the prize table — the first player named (*) in each group designated as that group’s prize co-ordinator:
April 7 -- Madison*, Brown, Carter, Dunn
April 21 -- Carson*, Killeen, Pearce, Slade
May 12 -- Lanyon*, Matheson, Burns, McBride
May 26 -- Bourbonais*, Langley, Smith, Sherk
June 9 -- Molinski*, Baxter, Backie, Rice
June 16 -- Murdoch*, Pomeroy, Porter, Quinn (PGA will supply prizes, or not, on the 17th)
June 30 -- Calcutta Day
Note: Only 12 prizes per event, distributed as follows:
• Top six players (net score) go first, in order
• Two KP winners
• One Long Drive winner
• Three prizes awarded by draw involving PGA Tour regulars who have not already visited the table
Substitutes will compete for a bottle of wine and will not be eligible for the prize table. The year-end prize table will remain unchanged — 24 prizes valued at a minimum $75.
— June 2001
New Joke For Rice…But Dig Past The ‘Commissioner versus Whomever’ to Find It
It has been decided by the person in charge of the website that since the ongoing exchange of insults between Commissioner Phil Langley and PGA Tour players is growing to unreasonable proportions, no more space on the home page will be devoted to this. Instead it will be dumped onto the least-used page of the web, the appropriately named "Jokes" page, for any who want to continue to participate in or read the lingering diatribe. Contributions will be uploaded whenever it moves the webmaster to do so, since unlike some of his golfing colleagues he has a full-time job that is threatening his career as a touring pretender. Meanwhile, on to more important stuff...— June 2001
Hooks & Slices
A “website bird dog” (initials J.L.) files this report: “Playing with Bob Molinski and the "girls" Bob actually tried to tee it up from the women's tee! Now I know that colour blindness shouldn't be laught at, but it makes me wonder about Bob's low round at North Bellingham!…Cookie Gilchrist, who’s on a sabbatical from the PGA Tour, played Sun River in May and had few kind things to say about it: “The fairways sloped to trouble, they’re hard and the rough is awful.” PGA touring pros who play it the Friday before the Kamloops events are forewarned, or in position to slam the sabbaticaller if they find his assessment is inaccurate.
— June 2001
Another PGA Tour First: No Results
For the first time since the PGA Tour has had a website, results and commentary from an official Tour event have gone unreported. Director of Communications Bob Dunn, who is responsible for posting results on the website and who missed a PGA Tour event for the first time ever, believes his golf colleagues never played the event (Sandpiper) in order to keep Dunn’s iron man streak alive at 31. Director of Statistics Dave Backie, who was assigned the task of delivering the results to the webmaster (by phone, FAX or email), has gone AWOL. Commissioner Langley shrugged off the impropriety: “There was a technical glitch.” If the results ever materialize, and can be certified, they will eventually be posted on the website.
— May 2001
New Date For Satellite Golf Event
Saturday April 28th was announced as the date of the first-ever "Toad" Langley is Whipped!! 2 Man Team golf event. It has been changed to the following weekend — May 5th — “due to popular demand,” says event organizer Tom Carter. All other information and logistics will remain the same, as follows:
ENTRY DEADLINE: Please contact Tom via e-mail ([email protected]) by Tuesday, May 1st, if you wish to play. Confirmations have been trickling in so please respond quickly to avoid disappointment. In loose association with the Pretenders Golf Association, this prestigious event will be held at the Sechelt Golf Club on the Sunshine Coast. The limited field of 16 will comprise 8 - 2 man teams that will battle for the coveted "Toad" emblematic of being less nagged than "Toad".
EVENT HISTORY: As some of you may recall, Toad a PGA Tour spare, won a round of golf at Sechelt at a Tour event last year. Since that time he has made excuse after excuse as to why he can't pick a date. Toad and Mrs. Toad recently started a family so it is clear as to his current plight when it comes to golfing matters. So to celebrate that we are all too old to be in Toad's situation, the battle for the coveted "Toad" will be played out while Toad changes diapers at home.
Toad: But honey, this event even bears my name
Mrs. Toad: I bore your "name" for 9 months, now change the *#@& baby!
ENTER NOW/LOGISTICS: Since the field is limited to 16. Players will meet at 8 a.m. in front of the North Shore Winter Club and proceed to Horseshoe Bay to catch the 9:20 a.m. ferry to the Sunshine Coast. Depending upon numbers, either 3 or 4 large vehicles will be required to transport the players (volunteers needed). Tee times will start about 11 a.m. with the plan of catching the 4:30 p.m. ferry home. GREEN FEES ARE FREE but you will have to pay share of the ferry costs. A $5.00 entry fee will be charged with the winning team splitting the proceeds.
TEAM SELECTION/EVENT RULES: A lottery held during breakfast on the ferry will determine the teams. The net team score will determine the winner(s) based on BCGA or PGA handicaps. Conditions at the course will determine summer or winter rules. Play will be from the Blue Tees (6500 yds-Rating: 71.1 - Slope 122)
SHORT PUTTS: Dick Burns, who despite what happened at Swan-e-set will play at his current PGA handicap of 9, will be hosting an informal BBQ/Awards dinner at his home on Mountain Hwy afterward, serving his famous barbequed "Salmon on a plank". Everyone and their wives are invited but bring your own meat and booze, salads, etc., will be provided...BEER WILL BE SERVED ON THE JOURNEY HOME...It's hoped that "Toad" might be able to make the BBQ so he can hand out the awards...Burns' handicap for this event will not be 11...The BBQ will start at 7 p.m....Bring your trunks for the hot tub...The field will consist mostly of PGA Tour members but two Tour wannabes will be teeing it up...Winning team members could go home with up to $40 each in prize money…There’s talk that the tournament will be re-named the “Dave Rice is Whipped!! 2 Ball.”
— May 2001
Hooks & Slices — 2001
A “website bird dog” files this report: “Sandbagging Dick Burns, whose 74 at the opening event (Meadow Gardens) electrified his fellow PGA members, was at it again during the Easter weekend. Burns, an 11 handicap (PGA), was playing as a guest at the venerable Richmond Golf Club and struggled on the opening holes but found one of the much-ballyhooed Precept MC "lady" (aka, girlie) balls and put it in play to right himself for a 41 front before fashioning a spectacular one-under-par 35 on the back for a cool 76. On Easter Sunday, Burns again used his girlie Precept to shoot a solid 78 at the extremely difficult Links at Boundary Shores. Undisclosed sources close to Burns indicate that he will "tank" at Swan-e-set this week to avoid reduction to his handicap.”...Players wishing to squeeze in a practice round in Kamloops will have an opportunity to play Sun River, either on Friday, or on Saturday morning…Commissioner Langley did not sanction Mike Maddison, Ken Sherk and Larry Brown as planned at Meadow Gardens, leading to speculation the commissioner is getting mellow in his finals days in office…Nobody can remember what the sanctions were for anyway…If anybody has picked up (as in bought and paid for) some golf equipment that they now think is useless, you would be wise to consult with first-event absentee Dave Rice, who apparently has an infallible way of getting rid of unwanted clubs.
— April 2001
New Draw Master
His name is Len Slade and, despite also being overworked as Alternate Commissioner and Director of Ethics, he replaces Dave Rice. The lawyer remains legal counsel and buyer of useless golf equipment (see below).
— March 2001
PGA Roster Set
Five new regulars will tee it up in April. The field for the 2001 season was completed when Ken Sherk was added to the list, replacing Cookie Gilchrist, who is taking a one-year sabbatical from the pressures of the tour.
Sherk joins four players elevated from the list of spares: Tom Carter, Mike Madison, Larry Brown and John Baxter. They replace Neil Murray, the Mills Brothers, Noah Croom and Darryl Gjernes. Four of the five ex-regulars will be spares — Gilchrist, Murray, John Mills and Croom, who will drop out if as expected he moves to L.A . to work for a start-up sports marketing company. In March, Darryl heads for England for hip replacement surgery and is hoping to return for the 2002 season.
The starting 24 are listed, with ways to contact all, under “roster” — along with the ever-hungry list of 15 alternates!
All graduating spares are expected to be assigned PGA Tour duties by Commissioner Langley and the executive, following a tradition established with last year’s “Nike/Buy.Com” grad, Jim Lanyon. Stay tuned!
— March 2001
Over-Dues
Almost all PGA Tour players paid the $600 dues in full by the deadline, February 1st, 2001. Players who didn’t will be subject to sanctions by the commissioner and will be identified on the website, once the commissioner makes the name(s) public.
There is no increase in fees for the 2001 season. Once again, your $600 includes accommodation in Kamloops and $75 towards the prize table. For an additional $35, players can book a single room in Kamloops; otherwise, everybody has a roomie. Accommodation in Kamloops will be the Courtesy Inn, which for those who complained about last year’s motel, is a 3-star.