2019 PGA Season
Calcutta 2019 at Northlands
The stage was set for a grand finale to the 2019 season in The Race For The Highly Coveted Green Jacket. With Boring Tip Top Borland and Madman Kim Madsen exactly tied going into the ultimate event. The victor for the year would be decided by the victor for the day. The Handicap Meister had obviously been very good this year - along with a small handicap ruling from the commissioner. The two top golfers had been exactly even in their face to face competitions and thus the final shootout would determine whose name would be added to the list of past Green Jacket winners. The only other competitor who remained remotely close in The Race was Fredrick the Great Walters and his only hope was an incapacitating injury to both Madman and Tip Top; and, although the thought crossed his mind, The Great One could not bring himself to whack Tip Top’s and Madman’s knees with his 9 iron before the round began. The two who set themselves apart from the rest of us mere average golfers, were set for a deciding day.
And after the round was completed, the results still remained even. Tip Top’s 76 net 67 was exactly the same as Madman’s 79 net 67. The two closely matched competitors remained closely matched. Both names will go onto the jacket for the 2019 season. What a season it was for those two. And Tommy Bahamas Sherk’s vision for the real best golfer as the Green Jacket winner has finally been borne out.
Yearend BBQ
As declared by the Commission’s Director of Operations, Janie, this could have been the best BBQ ever. At least in recent memory and there have been many good yearend celebrations. Shakey Player had his harem in full efficiency operation and himself in full time BBQing mode and the rest of us had to just show up. Now, how good is that! The food was outstanding, the weather was OK, the company was fantastic, the hospitality was simply fabulous, the entertainment was superb, the whisky selection was very good, the presentations were short and to the point and the energy in the house was terrific. Michael The Pianoman Sicoly had everyone up and dancing. What a grande finale! Might have to keep Player in the PGA for another year. So many to thank - in particular Doug, Maureen, Aileen and Hugh for their fabulous hospitality and generosity. And another big thanks to all of you and your wives for being a great group of people.
The Calcutta
With big money on the line, the stakes were very high for the yearend event. The tension on the first tee was palpable. Who would be the competitors to rise to the occasion and show their best golf when the stakes were so high. The teams were even identically matched with every one of the teams having the identical total 71 handicaps. Turned out that Captain Volpatti’s group were not as prepared for the pressure as the others as they wilted early and could only manage a paltry net -15. Sugar Cain’s group was the next to fall and despite a valiant effort and a respectable -19 tally, they, too, finished out of the money. Frederick The Great’s team was the first to finish in the money with a very solid -20 and a good solid round from everyone. The first big weiner was the youthful Trey Leigh’s team with a very strong -21 total. And this total despite Trey’s constant search for golf balls in places before unknown on the front nine. Alexander, Garries and Lyon must have held Trey in there until he could recapture his game on the back nine. The big weiners on the day were the surprisingly good team lead by Dr Who?. They distanced themselves from the pack by posting an excellent -23 and thus took home most of the money. They surely must have been lead by guests Michael Piano-man Sicoly and Peter El Cid Sidonio. Those two must have held up Dr Who? and Ron Dog Pound since one of these two was a tragic mess the week before and the other was on Injured Reserve. However, the reality was that Dr Who? and Dog Pound both had their best rounds of the year at the right time.
Chowder Cup
This is a newly conceived competition introduced for the first time this year. Points were awarded after each event to the members of the first, second and third place teams. Over the course of the season an individual stood out who could be deemed the Most Valuable as a Teammate. The first ever winner of the Chowder Cup is Alex Mr Bean Volpatti who amassed 51 team points over the season. Alex will be awarded his trophy as soon as the very generous TB Sherk gets it built. We will send you a picture, Alex.
Low Nets
What a day for low nets. Obviously, we are getting better as the year goes deep. Dr. Who? was the low net for the day with an almost impossible net 63. He was closely followed by The Indian Arm Sasquatch, Knuckles Garries with another amazing net 65. What a difference a round makes for these two who shot a little closer to their handicaps on The Tripper Cup which was woefully awful. All told, on the day half of the members had nets in the 60’s with 4 net 66’s, 3 net 67’s and a very pedestrian net 68 for the Commissioner. These boys can play when the pressure is applied. Trey Leigh and The Scoring Nazi, Vic, were dreadful on the day with net 79’s.
KP Winners
Leftover winners from Crowne Isle the week before
# 4 - Commissioner Burns
# 7 - Frederick The Great
# 12 - Madman Madsen
# 16 - Sugar Cain
This week’s winners:
# 3 - Madman Madsen
# 8 - Madman Madsen
# 14 - Commissioner Burns
# 16 - Piano-man Sicoly
Closest to the Pole
A new competition added this year was for the opening drive closest to the barber pole on hole number one. And who could believe it but there was a tie with both Mr Bean Volpatti and Frederick The Great Walters both exactly seven and a half paces from the 150 pole. The Prize Gurus Brown and Garries were stretched to their limits once again but they managed to come up with two bottle of gin for the winners.
In The Rough
From the Commissioner’s point of view another highly successful PGA season. I had fun and I looked forward to each week’s event and all the laughs that went along. I hope all of you did, as well. It’s a very good group of guys who are all very supportive and talented away from the golf course. There are a couple who are even fairly talented on the golf course but for most of us, it’s just a little competition and a lot of laughs. We will have to keep it going for another year.
So, many thanks to all of you but in particular Paul for his superb organizing and negotiating all without the benefit of even playing. Get better Paul and get back at it next year. Larry Brown and Bob Garries for getting our prizes together and doing such an excellent job of that. And for Larry for stepping in and really taking over the Tripper Cup organization and the BBQ presentations. To Dale Borland for an excellent job of organizing the groups and the games each week and doing a great job of communicating. Each year gets better and better. To Bruce Davidson for keeping our website up and running and thus giving us a sense of history for the group. Finally, to Vic Grundy for his understated talents on keeping all our statistics together and being the steady rock of reason when there are any “instances of confusion.” Let’s set a meeting in the near future while memory is current and start the planning for next year.
Finally, to all of you, while thoughts are fairly fresh in your minds, give us some feedback about what worked for you, what didn’t work for you, what you liked, what you didn’t like and any suggestions you might have for improvements. We would appreciate that. If any of you are planning to take a sabbatical from the group next year, let me know as soon as you can. In the meantime, Flogem non Scamus non Shankus.
The stage was set for a grand finale to the 2019 season in The Race For The Highly Coveted Green Jacket. With Boring Tip Top Borland and Madman Kim Madsen exactly tied going into the ultimate event. The victor for the year would be decided by the victor for the day. The Handicap Meister had obviously been very good this year - along with a small handicap ruling from the commissioner. The two top golfers had been exactly even in their face to face competitions and thus the final shootout would determine whose name would be added to the list of past Green Jacket winners. The only other competitor who remained remotely close in The Race was Fredrick the Great Walters and his only hope was an incapacitating injury to both Madman and Tip Top; and, although the thought crossed his mind, The Great One could not bring himself to whack Tip Top’s and Madman’s knees with his 9 iron before the round began. The two who set themselves apart from the rest of us mere average golfers, were set for a deciding day.
And after the round was completed, the results still remained even. Tip Top’s 76 net 67 was exactly the same as Madman’s 79 net 67. The two closely matched competitors remained closely matched. Both names will go onto the jacket for the 2019 season. What a season it was for those two. And Tommy Bahamas Sherk’s vision for the real best golfer as the Green Jacket winner has finally been borne out.
Yearend BBQ
As declared by the Commission’s Director of Operations, Janie, this could have been the best BBQ ever. At least in recent memory and there have been many good yearend celebrations. Shakey Player had his harem in full efficiency operation and himself in full time BBQing mode and the rest of us had to just show up. Now, how good is that! The food was outstanding, the weather was OK, the company was fantastic, the hospitality was simply fabulous, the entertainment was superb, the whisky selection was very good, the presentations were short and to the point and the energy in the house was terrific. Michael The Pianoman Sicoly had everyone up and dancing. What a grande finale! Might have to keep Player in the PGA for another year. So many to thank - in particular Doug, Maureen, Aileen and Hugh for their fabulous hospitality and generosity. And another big thanks to all of you and your wives for being a great group of people.
The Calcutta
With big money on the line, the stakes were very high for the yearend event. The tension on the first tee was palpable. Who would be the competitors to rise to the occasion and show their best golf when the stakes were so high. The teams were even identically matched with every one of the teams having the identical total 71 handicaps. Turned out that Captain Volpatti’s group were not as prepared for the pressure as the others as they wilted early and could only manage a paltry net -15. Sugar Cain’s group was the next to fall and despite a valiant effort and a respectable -19 tally, they, too, finished out of the money. Frederick The Great’s team was the first to finish in the money with a very solid -20 and a good solid round from everyone. The first big weiner was the youthful Trey Leigh’s team with a very strong -21 total. And this total despite Trey’s constant search for golf balls in places before unknown on the front nine. Alexander, Garries and Lyon must have held Trey in there until he could recapture his game on the back nine. The big weiners on the day were the surprisingly good team lead by Dr Who?. They distanced themselves from the pack by posting an excellent -23 and thus took home most of the money. They surely must have been lead by guests Michael Piano-man Sicoly and Peter El Cid Sidonio. Those two must have held up Dr Who? and Ron Dog Pound since one of these two was a tragic mess the week before and the other was on Injured Reserve. However, the reality was that Dr Who? and Dog Pound both had their best rounds of the year at the right time.
Chowder Cup
This is a newly conceived competition introduced for the first time this year. Points were awarded after each event to the members of the first, second and third place teams. Over the course of the season an individual stood out who could be deemed the Most Valuable as a Teammate. The first ever winner of the Chowder Cup is Alex Mr Bean Volpatti who amassed 51 team points over the season. Alex will be awarded his trophy as soon as the very generous TB Sherk gets it built. We will send you a picture, Alex.
Low Nets
What a day for low nets. Obviously, we are getting better as the year goes deep. Dr. Who? was the low net for the day with an almost impossible net 63. He was closely followed by The Indian Arm Sasquatch, Knuckles Garries with another amazing net 65. What a difference a round makes for these two who shot a little closer to their handicaps on The Tripper Cup which was woefully awful. All told, on the day half of the members had nets in the 60’s with 4 net 66’s, 3 net 67’s and a very pedestrian net 68 for the Commissioner. These boys can play when the pressure is applied. Trey Leigh and The Scoring Nazi, Vic, were dreadful on the day with net 79’s.
KP Winners
Leftover winners from Crowne Isle the week before
# 4 - Commissioner Burns
# 7 - Frederick The Great
# 12 - Madman Madsen
# 16 - Sugar Cain
This week’s winners:
# 3 - Madman Madsen
# 8 - Madman Madsen
# 14 - Commissioner Burns
# 16 - Piano-man Sicoly
Closest to the Pole
A new competition added this year was for the opening drive closest to the barber pole on hole number one. And who could believe it but there was a tie with both Mr Bean Volpatti and Frederick The Great Walters both exactly seven and a half paces from the 150 pole. The Prize Gurus Brown and Garries were stretched to their limits once again but they managed to come up with two bottle of gin for the winners.
In The Rough
From the Commissioner’s point of view another highly successful PGA season. I had fun and I looked forward to each week’s event and all the laughs that went along. I hope all of you did, as well. It’s a very good group of guys who are all very supportive and talented away from the golf course. There are a couple who are even fairly talented on the golf course but for most of us, it’s just a little competition and a lot of laughs. We will have to keep it going for another year.
So, many thanks to all of you but in particular Paul for his superb organizing and negotiating all without the benefit of even playing. Get better Paul and get back at it next year. Larry Brown and Bob Garries for getting our prizes together and doing such an excellent job of that. And for Larry for stepping in and really taking over the Tripper Cup organization and the BBQ presentations. To Dale Borland for an excellent job of organizing the groups and the games each week and doing a great job of communicating. Each year gets better and better. To Bruce Davidson for keeping our website up and running and thus giving us a sense of history for the group. Finally, to Vic Grundy for his understated talents on keeping all our statistics together and being the steady rock of reason when there are any “instances of confusion.” Let’s set a meeting in the near future while memory is current and start the planning for next year.
Finally, to all of you, while thoughts are fairly fresh in your minds, give us some feedback about what worked for you, what didn’t work for you, what you liked, what you didn’t like and any suggestions you might have for improvements. We would appreciate that. If any of you are planning to take a sabbatical from the group next year, let me know as soon as you can. In the meantime, Flogem non Scamus non Shankus.
Tripper Cup 2019 at Crowne Isle
The weekend started with a warmup round at Storey Creek under ideal conditions with a record number of participants. Storey Creek was at its best with sunny weather and beautiful surroundings and 14 members participating in the round. Definitely worth a revisit. An even larger number of members attended the draft dinner later that evening with only Boring Borland and Frederic The Great missing from the Friday evening event. That was, by far, the most members we have ever had in attendance the evening before the Tripper Cup. Well done, gentlemen!
Tripper Cup Results
In what may have been the closest contest ever for capturing bragging rights at the Tripper Cup event, Team Dumber edged out Team Dumb 23 points to 22 points. However, the final results were clouded in controversy.
After day one, Team Dumb was narrowly leading Team Dumber 8.5 to 6.5. Team Dumb was lead by the stellar play of Borland and Davidson who completely shit kicked the team of Burns and Garries. The Burns/Garries combo was last seen weaving their way up #18 bathed in a cloud of smoke trying desperately to alter their losing attitude.
Day 2 is when the controversy really arose. Dog Pound was unable to participate resulting from a chronic back injury that would not allow him to perform. Two days in a row of competitive golf turned out to be too much for the Dog Pound. Now, what to do when a player withdraws. Should that player forfeit his match and loose all three points? Or should the socialist, liberal, politically correct devise a way to make the competition more “fair?” I suppose the answer depends on the team you are on. However, Team Dumber’s 16.5 points on Day 2 to Team Dumb’s 13.5 points made the discussion moot. Captain Raz put together a stellar lineup on day 2 to overcome day 1’s deficit. But the final results were the closest ever recorded in this lowly esteemed group. The handicaps must be working! Dumbers can now lord it over Dumbs for an entire year and as tradition would have it, team Dumb can buy a beer for team Dumber at Northlands.
TRFTHCGJ
Once again, controversy surrounds The Race For The Highly Coveted Green Jacket with really only two members involved in the controversy. The surprisingly steady Frederic The Great Walters has third place wrapped up with his excellent play all season long. But Tip Top Boring Borland and Madman Madsen are dead even at the top going into the last round when playing head to head. Borland has played two fewer matches than Madsen and in those 7 matches head to head, they are dead even. The Madman, however, has played all his matches (two more than Borland) and he has not fared well in those two extra matches, one of which was the wind blown match at King’s Links and those two extra matches puts Madman well back of The Boring One. Now the question becomes what is “fair” for TRFTHCCGJ and this decision has been deferred to the Commissioner. Do we count all the scores and add in Borland’s 2 worst rounds, which would essentially concede The Race to Tip Top, or do we eliminate Madsen’s two worst rounds. A very similar decision as the Ron Pound forfeiture in The Tripper Cup. In that competition, the socialist, bleeding heart, politically correct whiners held sway and so shall they hold sway in the TRFTHCGJ. The winner of THCGJ will be decided at Northlands on the final day of play. In effect, Borland will be punished for failure to show at all his matches. But the Commissioner’s decision, with input from The Scoring Nazi, Vic, should create an excellent day of competition at Northlands! Let the winner take all!
As for everyone else, there is always next year.
Low Nets
Day 1 white tees produced several net rounds in the 60’s lead by Madman Madsen’s excellent net 65. Not far behind him was Captain Herd with an outstanding net 66. The stealth like Razman quietly has been ever so steady this year as long as we can keep him away from Northlands. In total, there were 7 members who netted in the 60’s. The other end of the scale, however, with a squalid net 86 was The Sasquatch from Beachview Drive, Knuckles Garries, who somehow went from three consecutive scores in the net 60’s to an abysmal net 86. The Commissioner’s Curse struck once again. All Garries could do was grumble about Harley Davidson’s immaculate round where he never missed a shot playing off his 18 handicap. Davidson played like a pro and Garries played like a sasquatch and Garries had to give Davidson strokes. You can imagine what the mood was like in that golf cart.
The Day 2 green tees added another level of complexity to the rounds and as a result the nets were somewhat higher. The second day produced only two rounds in the 60’s. Boring Borland lived up to his reputation and boringly hit fairway after fairway and green after green then proceeded to putt the lights out. The front nine produced only 2 bogies and the back nine had 3 bogies but also had 2 birdies and was only inches from 4 consecutive birdies. One of the back nine bogies was a missed 2 foot putt that he had not missed all day long. His opponent, Commissioner Burns, was declared officially shit free after having it kicked out of him for two days in a row. He was unable to pick up even half a point over the two days. Burns won only one hole the entire second round. Burns himself suffered from the Commissioner’s curse.
However, Boring Borland’s magnificent display was out shone by The Mountain Man who had an unbelievable net 64. I.M. Lyon showed up late to the course having lost his car keys the night before and continued his drunken haze on the links where he played out of his mind. It wasn’t until he started to sober up that some flaws in his game started to appear. This man has game!
Davidson continued his steady season with a net 68 and net 70, and Captain Herd continued to play steadily with net a 66 and a net 71.
In The Rough
Par of the weekend had to go to Digby Junior (formerly Senior) who on Saturday had his tee shot on #12 - a long par 3 - bounce off not one, but two houses back into the rough and from there he wedged on and one putted for a routine par.
Master of Ceremonies award went to Mountain Lyon, who in a blatant attempt to usurp Ace Brown’s job as emcee par excellence and prize meister, grabbed the podium and auctioned off several of the prizes that Ace had accumulated. IM Lyon’s efforts netted $215 for our donation fund next year. The recipient of those funds is to be determined. Lyon has won himself a new job.
There were co-recipients of the Pathetic Putter Award when on hole #16 with vital points on the line both The Pauser Maynard and Dr Overboard both had 18” putts for pars. Maynard stepped forward first and pushed his putt wide and then collapsed in despair. Overboard proceeded to confidently step forward and pulled his putt to the other side of the hole. Overboard did not cringe like the Pauser but he belted out a few choruses of the blues.
JMac also had a very steady weekend shooting two very solid rounds. Thanks for filling in, JMac.
Many thanks to Paul in his absence for his great job of getting all this organized and to Larry for stepping up in Paul’s absence and making sure all the weekend details were in order.
Most of us solved the issue of travel to Crowne Isle by reserving on the ferry. However, there were three supposedly highly intelligent individuals who seem to have to learn the hard way and were too late to get a reservation for the return ferry. I wonder if they are still in line and will be grousing about ever returning to Crowne Isle.
This weekend Ace Brown turned a corner and okayed a return visit to Crowne Isle but it took him 5 years and a ferry reservation to get around that corner.
There was talk of doing a midweek Tripper Cup next year with almost everyone available for the midweek if given enough notice. Might open up cheaper rates and more options. We need you to give feedback if this would be a problem.
The weekend started with a warmup round at Storey Creek under ideal conditions with a record number of participants. Storey Creek was at its best with sunny weather and beautiful surroundings and 14 members participating in the round. Definitely worth a revisit. An even larger number of members attended the draft dinner later that evening with only Boring Borland and Frederic The Great missing from the Friday evening event. That was, by far, the most members we have ever had in attendance the evening before the Tripper Cup. Well done, gentlemen!
Tripper Cup Results
In what may have been the closest contest ever for capturing bragging rights at the Tripper Cup event, Team Dumber edged out Team Dumb 23 points to 22 points. However, the final results were clouded in controversy.
After day one, Team Dumb was narrowly leading Team Dumber 8.5 to 6.5. Team Dumb was lead by the stellar play of Borland and Davidson who completely shit kicked the team of Burns and Garries. The Burns/Garries combo was last seen weaving their way up #18 bathed in a cloud of smoke trying desperately to alter their losing attitude.
Day 2 is when the controversy really arose. Dog Pound was unable to participate resulting from a chronic back injury that would not allow him to perform. Two days in a row of competitive golf turned out to be too much for the Dog Pound. Now, what to do when a player withdraws. Should that player forfeit his match and loose all three points? Or should the socialist, liberal, politically correct devise a way to make the competition more “fair?” I suppose the answer depends on the team you are on. However, Team Dumber’s 16.5 points on Day 2 to Team Dumb’s 13.5 points made the discussion moot. Captain Raz put together a stellar lineup on day 2 to overcome day 1’s deficit. But the final results were the closest ever recorded in this lowly esteemed group. The handicaps must be working! Dumbers can now lord it over Dumbs for an entire year and as tradition would have it, team Dumb can buy a beer for team Dumber at Northlands.
TRFTHCGJ
Once again, controversy surrounds The Race For The Highly Coveted Green Jacket with really only two members involved in the controversy. The surprisingly steady Frederic The Great Walters has third place wrapped up with his excellent play all season long. But Tip Top Boring Borland and Madman Madsen are dead even at the top going into the last round when playing head to head. Borland has played two fewer matches than Madsen and in those 7 matches head to head, they are dead even. The Madman, however, has played all his matches (two more than Borland) and he has not fared well in those two extra matches, one of which was the wind blown match at King’s Links and those two extra matches puts Madman well back of The Boring One. Now the question becomes what is “fair” for TRFTHCCGJ and this decision has been deferred to the Commissioner. Do we count all the scores and add in Borland’s 2 worst rounds, which would essentially concede The Race to Tip Top, or do we eliminate Madsen’s two worst rounds. A very similar decision as the Ron Pound forfeiture in The Tripper Cup. In that competition, the socialist, bleeding heart, politically correct whiners held sway and so shall they hold sway in the TRFTHCGJ. The winner of THCGJ will be decided at Northlands on the final day of play. In effect, Borland will be punished for failure to show at all his matches. But the Commissioner’s decision, with input from The Scoring Nazi, Vic, should create an excellent day of competition at Northlands! Let the winner take all!
As for everyone else, there is always next year.
Low Nets
Day 1 white tees produced several net rounds in the 60’s lead by Madman Madsen’s excellent net 65. Not far behind him was Captain Herd with an outstanding net 66. The stealth like Razman quietly has been ever so steady this year as long as we can keep him away from Northlands. In total, there were 7 members who netted in the 60’s. The other end of the scale, however, with a squalid net 86 was The Sasquatch from Beachview Drive, Knuckles Garries, who somehow went from three consecutive scores in the net 60’s to an abysmal net 86. The Commissioner’s Curse struck once again. All Garries could do was grumble about Harley Davidson’s immaculate round where he never missed a shot playing off his 18 handicap. Davidson played like a pro and Garries played like a sasquatch and Garries had to give Davidson strokes. You can imagine what the mood was like in that golf cart.
The Day 2 green tees added another level of complexity to the rounds and as a result the nets were somewhat higher. The second day produced only two rounds in the 60’s. Boring Borland lived up to his reputation and boringly hit fairway after fairway and green after green then proceeded to putt the lights out. The front nine produced only 2 bogies and the back nine had 3 bogies but also had 2 birdies and was only inches from 4 consecutive birdies. One of the back nine bogies was a missed 2 foot putt that he had not missed all day long. His opponent, Commissioner Burns, was declared officially shit free after having it kicked out of him for two days in a row. He was unable to pick up even half a point over the two days. Burns won only one hole the entire second round. Burns himself suffered from the Commissioner’s curse.
However, Boring Borland’s magnificent display was out shone by The Mountain Man who had an unbelievable net 64. I.M. Lyon showed up late to the course having lost his car keys the night before and continued his drunken haze on the links where he played out of his mind. It wasn’t until he started to sober up that some flaws in his game started to appear. This man has game!
Davidson continued his steady season with a net 68 and net 70, and Captain Herd continued to play steadily with net a 66 and a net 71.
In The Rough
Par of the weekend had to go to Digby Junior (formerly Senior) who on Saturday had his tee shot on #12 - a long par 3 - bounce off not one, but two houses back into the rough and from there he wedged on and one putted for a routine par.
Master of Ceremonies award went to Mountain Lyon, who in a blatant attempt to usurp Ace Brown’s job as emcee par excellence and prize meister, grabbed the podium and auctioned off several of the prizes that Ace had accumulated. IM Lyon’s efforts netted $215 for our donation fund next year. The recipient of those funds is to be determined. Lyon has won himself a new job.
There were co-recipients of the Pathetic Putter Award when on hole #16 with vital points on the line both The Pauser Maynard and Dr Overboard both had 18” putts for pars. Maynard stepped forward first and pushed his putt wide and then collapsed in despair. Overboard proceeded to confidently step forward and pulled his putt to the other side of the hole. Overboard did not cringe like the Pauser but he belted out a few choruses of the blues.
JMac also had a very steady weekend shooting two very solid rounds. Thanks for filling in, JMac.
Many thanks to Paul in his absence for his great job of getting all this organized and to Larry for stepping up in Paul’s absence and making sure all the weekend details were in order.
Most of us solved the issue of travel to Crowne Isle by reserving on the ferry. However, there were three supposedly highly intelligent individuals who seem to have to learn the hard way and were too late to get a reservation for the return ferry. I wonder if they are still in line and will be grousing about ever returning to Crowne Isle.
This weekend Ace Brown turned a corner and okayed a return visit to Crowne Isle but it took him 5 years and a ferry reservation to get around that corner.
There was talk of doing a midweek Tripper Cup next year with almost everyone available for the midweek if given enough notice. Might open up cheaper rates and more options. We need you to give feedback if this would be a problem.
Pagoda Ridge
Hero’s and Bums
The team’s must have been set pretty well on the day for this game. Either that or there are copious quantities of bums in our group as a whole. Two teams tied for the win on the afternoon which put huge pressure on the prize meister, Ace Brown. However, ever the prize wizard, Brown was able to come up with something for everyone in both groups. Leading the pack, ironically, were the first two teams out on the day. Perhaps they were the least exhausted from waiting out there. Group 1, captained by Maddog Madsen also had Slick Steve Stuart, Mr Bean Volpatti and IM Lyon. Mr Bean was the hero in that group and Maddog was the bum. The other first place team had captain, Stretch Grundy, late addition, John Lewis, Ace Brown and El Cid Sidonio. Lewis and El Cid lead the way as heroes in that group. However, Lewis left the arena without contributing his $5 prize fee so he was denied access to the prize barrel. Shame on him! Slick Stevie left early too but he paid his $5 fee so he may eventually end up with a prize but I doubt it. Tip Top’s team and Dr Who’s team were composed entirely of bums on the day so could only dream about one day reaching the prize table. But what do you expect when you are all bums but to dream of someday not being a bum. The other three members of Dr Who’s team must have been particularly bummish as Knuckles Garries, The Indian Arm Ape, continued his amazing run with an excellent net 67 on the day. Tragic could be the only way to describe the golfing talent of his other team members. Too bad you got stuck with those bums, Knuckles!
TRFTHCGJ
The Race For The Highly Coveted Green Jacket took a very interesting turn this past weekend. The Boring One, Tip Top Borland, was not so boring and not every one of his drives found the middle of the fairway. Perhaps the result of a nagging injury. With his sudden collapse on the 9th tee box and his forced withdrawal from the rest of the round, he was left with a gap on his season’s scorecard. That combined with an unusually poor round from Maddog Madsen and the race for the Coveted Green Jacket has suddenly heated up. With Tip Top’s replacement score and Maddog’s poor day, Flintstone Walters is now hovering ever so closely behind. In fact, a three shot swing from Borland and Madsen at Northlands next week would put Happy Feet in the lead. Also, only a couple of more shots back is the stealthy Sugar Cain who quietly goes about his business every week and he hovers just behind Flintstone. A really good round from The Sugarman would put him right in the hunt. The tension is building!
KP’s
In the game of true golfing acumen or horseshoe luck, the question still persists. This week’s big weiners were Mr Bean Volpatti with an amazing shot on #8 that ended within 18” of the cup which was tucked right over a bunker; another amazing shot on the 161 yard #12 that ended a mere 8” directly in front of the pin from the Commissioner himself; and an average middle of the green shot about 20’ from the pin on #15, also from the Commissioner which obviously demonstrates the mediocrity of the group on the day’s round. No luck involved in any of those shots, only true golfing acumen! Those might be the only two KP’s the Commissioner has ever won and they came in the same round.
Low Nets
Once again, the prize meister had to be creative as three member tied for best low net of the day with excellent net 67’s. Tax season must be over as the real golfer, Mr Bean, has finally shown up to play, shooting his net 67 and winning a KP prize. The Deep Cove Rice Coolie, Knuckles Garries, obviously loves the warm weather as he can finally grip the cub and he continued his outstanding play by being low net two weeks in a row with his net 67. Finally, Sugar Cain quietly is sneaking up on the pack with another very fine round of net 67. Watch out for the Sugarman in TRFTHCGJ.
Chowder Cup
It appears as though it is a two man race for the initial Chowder Cup although there are still 40 more potential points up for grabs. Maddog Madsen leads the way with 44 CC points and he is closely followed by The Incredible Mr Bean who has 41 CC points. The next closest are Harley Davidson with 32 and IM Lyon with 31 CC points respectively. All the rest of us are mired in Chowder Cup mediocrity. * This is based on awarding all the members of the two winning teams this past Saturday with 8 CC points.
In the Rough
The Commissioner’s Curse is alive and well. Playing with the Commissioner will surely make bad things happen to your golf game. The curse this week was so effective Tip Top could not even finish his round and was relegated to being a passenger in the cart and keeping score. He collapsed on the 9th tee in pain and could barley finish the hole before deciding he did not want to risk further injury and put his clubs in the car to become only a scorekeeper for the group. You don’t want to play with the commissioner!
Speaking of curses, Beerhead Player is yet to be on a team that has finished in the top 3 on any week. His Chowder Cup points remain at zero. The only other member remotely close to that kind of team detriment is Raz Herd who has only 3 CC points having been on a third place team once.
Commissioner Burns edged out The Mountain on the very last hole in their weekly individual match. The Mountain Man was heard to say, “I can play the game, I just don’t.”
Flintstone was severely reprimanded for complaining about the slow play of the group in front of him only to find out that the group in front of him had two groups waiting on the 18th tee box. When Flintstone’s group arrived at the 18th tee box, there was no other group on that tee box. Now, I ask you, who is the slow group and does this complaint deserve a sanction?
The Razman probably had the shot of the day on the 16th. He pulled his second shot into the rough on the side of the fairway only to have the marshal arrive and say, “That wasn’t a very good shot.” The Razman had no retort for that since it wasn’t a very good shot. He them proceeded to pull his next not very good shot directly into the tree in front of him which then rebounded right back and struck him - el reverso!. The Raz accepted his penalty stroke and proceeded to chip the ball out sideways onto the fairway at which point the marshal said, “You should have done that in the first place.” Duuuh!
Dr Who seems to be pulling the age old trick of dropping the dishes when he is washing them in hopes that he will not be asked to wash them again. Somehow Dr Who was appointed captain of his group. However, the “captain” was last seen standing beside the Scoring Nazi trying to calculate his group’s score for 15 minutes - a task that should have been ongoing during the round. Good try, Dr Who!
The Murray White Memorial Award given for golfing mediocrity was achieved this week by Digby Sr - soon to be know as Junior - after his not so fine net 81. He closely edged out Madman Madsen who had a net 80!
Congratulations to Digby Jr. who, on Friday, added another Digby to a long line of Digbys! The current edition is Digby IV. Mother and son are both healthy and doing well.
Apparently, Digby Sr’s father was Digby, as well. Which would make Digby Sr actually Digby Jr and JR actually Digby Trey and new baby would become “Quatro.” A very confusing set of circumstances having to rename everyone.
The Most Improved Player this week was shared by Dr Who and Mr Bean. Dr Who must have ended his walkabout and tax season has obviously worn off. Both were 14 strokes better than the week before.
Knuckles will need to get his issues with MyScorecard straightened out or The Scoring Nazi has threatened to impose a handicap that the Simian One will not like.
Hero’s and Bums
The team’s must have been set pretty well on the day for this game. Either that or there are copious quantities of bums in our group as a whole. Two teams tied for the win on the afternoon which put huge pressure on the prize meister, Ace Brown. However, ever the prize wizard, Brown was able to come up with something for everyone in both groups. Leading the pack, ironically, were the first two teams out on the day. Perhaps they were the least exhausted from waiting out there. Group 1, captained by Maddog Madsen also had Slick Steve Stuart, Mr Bean Volpatti and IM Lyon. Mr Bean was the hero in that group and Maddog was the bum. The other first place team had captain, Stretch Grundy, late addition, John Lewis, Ace Brown and El Cid Sidonio. Lewis and El Cid lead the way as heroes in that group. However, Lewis left the arena without contributing his $5 prize fee so he was denied access to the prize barrel. Shame on him! Slick Stevie left early too but he paid his $5 fee so he may eventually end up with a prize but I doubt it. Tip Top’s team and Dr Who’s team were composed entirely of bums on the day so could only dream about one day reaching the prize table. But what do you expect when you are all bums but to dream of someday not being a bum. The other three members of Dr Who’s team must have been particularly bummish as Knuckles Garries, The Indian Arm Ape, continued his amazing run with an excellent net 67 on the day. Tragic could be the only way to describe the golfing talent of his other team members. Too bad you got stuck with those bums, Knuckles!
TRFTHCGJ
The Race For The Highly Coveted Green Jacket took a very interesting turn this past weekend. The Boring One, Tip Top Borland, was not so boring and not every one of his drives found the middle of the fairway. Perhaps the result of a nagging injury. With his sudden collapse on the 9th tee box and his forced withdrawal from the rest of the round, he was left with a gap on his season’s scorecard. That combined with an unusually poor round from Maddog Madsen and the race for the Coveted Green Jacket has suddenly heated up. With Tip Top’s replacement score and Maddog’s poor day, Flintstone Walters is now hovering ever so closely behind. In fact, a three shot swing from Borland and Madsen at Northlands next week would put Happy Feet in the lead. Also, only a couple of more shots back is the stealthy Sugar Cain who quietly goes about his business every week and he hovers just behind Flintstone. A really good round from The Sugarman would put him right in the hunt. The tension is building!
KP’s
In the game of true golfing acumen or horseshoe luck, the question still persists. This week’s big weiners were Mr Bean Volpatti with an amazing shot on #8 that ended within 18” of the cup which was tucked right over a bunker; another amazing shot on the 161 yard #12 that ended a mere 8” directly in front of the pin from the Commissioner himself; and an average middle of the green shot about 20’ from the pin on #15, also from the Commissioner which obviously demonstrates the mediocrity of the group on the day’s round. No luck involved in any of those shots, only true golfing acumen! Those might be the only two KP’s the Commissioner has ever won and they came in the same round.
Low Nets
Once again, the prize meister had to be creative as three member tied for best low net of the day with excellent net 67’s. Tax season must be over as the real golfer, Mr Bean, has finally shown up to play, shooting his net 67 and winning a KP prize. The Deep Cove Rice Coolie, Knuckles Garries, obviously loves the warm weather as he can finally grip the cub and he continued his outstanding play by being low net two weeks in a row with his net 67. Finally, Sugar Cain quietly is sneaking up on the pack with another very fine round of net 67. Watch out for the Sugarman in TRFTHCGJ.
Chowder Cup
It appears as though it is a two man race for the initial Chowder Cup although there are still 40 more potential points up for grabs. Maddog Madsen leads the way with 44 CC points and he is closely followed by The Incredible Mr Bean who has 41 CC points. The next closest are Harley Davidson with 32 and IM Lyon with 31 CC points respectively. All the rest of us are mired in Chowder Cup mediocrity. * This is based on awarding all the members of the two winning teams this past Saturday with 8 CC points.
In the Rough
The Commissioner’s Curse is alive and well. Playing with the Commissioner will surely make bad things happen to your golf game. The curse this week was so effective Tip Top could not even finish his round and was relegated to being a passenger in the cart and keeping score. He collapsed on the 9th tee in pain and could barley finish the hole before deciding he did not want to risk further injury and put his clubs in the car to become only a scorekeeper for the group. You don’t want to play with the commissioner!
Speaking of curses, Beerhead Player is yet to be on a team that has finished in the top 3 on any week. His Chowder Cup points remain at zero. The only other member remotely close to that kind of team detriment is Raz Herd who has only 3 CC points having been on a third place team once.
Commissioner Burns edged out The Mountain on the very last hole in their weekly individual match. The Mountain Man was heard to say, “I can play the game, I just don’t.”
Flintstone was severely reprimanded for complaining about the slow play of the group in front of him only to find out that the group in front of him had two groups waiting on the 18th tee box. When Flintstone’s group arrived at the 18th tee box, there was no other group on that tee box. Now, I ask you, who is the slow group and does this complaint deserve a sanction?
The Razman probably had the shot of the day on the 16th. He pulled his second shot into the rough on the side of the fairway only to have the marshal arrive and say, “That wasn’t a very good shot.” The Razman had no retort for that since it wasn’t a very good shot. He them proceeded to pull his next not very good shot directly into the tree in front of him which then rebounded right back and struck him - el reverso!. The Raz accepted his penalty stroke and proceeded to chip the ball out sideways onto the fairway at which point the marshal said, “You should have done that in the first place.” Duuuh!
Dr Who seems to be pulling the age old trick of dropping the dishes when he is washing them in hopes that he will not be asked to wash them again. Somehow Dr Who was appointed captain of his group. However, the “captain” was last seen standing beside the Scoring Nazi trying to calculate his group’s score for 15 minutes - a task that should have been ongoing during the round. Good try, Dr Who!
The Murray White Memorial Award given for golfing mediocrity was achieved this week by Digby Sr - soon to be know as Junior - after his not so fine net 81. He closely edged out Madman Madsen who had a net 80!
Congratulations to Digby Jr. who, on Friday, added another Digby to a long line of Digbys! The current edition is Digby IV. Mother and son are both healthy and doing well.
Apparently, Digby Sr’s father was Digby, as well. Which would make Digby Sr actually Digby Jr and JR actually Digby Trey and new baby would become “Quatro.” A very confusing set of circumstances having to rename everyone.
The Most Improved Player this week was shared by Dr Who and Mr Bean. Dr Who must have ended his walkabout and tax season has obviously worn off. Both were 14 strokes better than the week before.
Knuckles will need to get his issues with MyScorecard straightened out or The Scoring Nazi has threatened to impose a handicap that the Simian One will not like.
Squamish
Squamish Was Squishy
On a day that started out looking like it was better for ducks than duffers, some very fine golf was played by some unsung members. The front nine was played in a steady rain which made us was wet but thankfully not cold. During the back nine, the rain started to lift and by the time our beverages were quaffed at the end of the round, the sun was shining on everyone. The sun certainly seemed to come out sooner for The Pauser than it did for most of the rest of us. His outstanding net 66 lead the pack for the day. However, the surprisingly steady Razman quietly continues to put in one good round after another every week as long as he doesn’t play with The Commissioner who seems to have the knack of bringing others down to his level. The Raz and Digby DJ Junior were right behind The Pauser posting almost equally excellent net 67’s. As a matter of fact, DJ must be a true mudder as he shot a 33 on the front before his head came out of the clouds and he settled into a much more mundane 45 on the back. That boy must love the rain!
Three Little Pigs
This new event which called for the best two scores on every hole with three random holes discarded at the end of the round was won by none other than The Coveted Green Jacket holder, Tip Top Borland’s team. Unusually, the Boring One was not the most excellent golfer in his group on the day as New To Be Daddy Leigh even topped Tip Top. Harley Davidson and IM Lyon even threw in the occasional counting score to help the team get to the prize table. Runners-up were Madog’s Men, TB Sherk, The Pauser and Leigh The Elder. Finally, the other team to pick up points in the Chowder Cup Race was The Commissioner’s team with Ace Brown, Happy Feet Walters and Doctor Who, who were able to overcome The Commissioner’s sad leadership and guide the limping team into a third place finish.
KP’s
In the weekly competition of true golfing acumen or horseshoe luck the winners were
New To Be Daddy Leigh with a very fine shot on # 5 - he made the birdie putt; Al Low Net Maynard with a very fine shot on the difficult # 8 - he didn’t make the putt: and Larry Ace Brown who beat out Raz’s excellent shot on #16 which normally would have been a winner - Brown didn’t need to putt.
TRFTHCGJ
The Race really heated up this past weekend despite the wet conditions. However, the heat is really only at the top with Tip Top leading Maddog Madsen by a mere 0.2 stroke average at the halfway point. The boring, down the middle Borland’s net average is 71.0 while the Maddog’s is 71.2. But Maddog has one more match to his credit than the Boring One. Neither can afford a slip at this point. The race for third place is equally hot but who cares about these also-rans except for their mothers. Fred Happy Feet Walters leads the second wave with 73.2. Followed by To Be Daddy Digby at 73.5, The Pauser Maynard at 73.8, and the Commish at 74.4. I fear that even these scores are too far gone to be be in contention for the Green Jacket unless someone has several scores in a row like The Pauser had on the weekend or the Great Simian One had the week before. It will take a colossal collapse by the top two for either of them to not don the Highly Coveted Jacket at the yearend banquet. But as they say “it ain’t over til the fat lady sings.”
Chowder Cup
Leaders are starting to emerge from the pack as we have reached the halfway point on the tour. This new competition to uncover the most valuable teammate in the race to the prize table is beginning to see some separation but the race at the top is tight. Leading the way with 36 CC points is Maddog Madsen but he is closely followed by Mr Bean with 33 CC points and Harley Davidson with 32 CC points. This is the first time The Beanman has been shut out for the week. We are halfway but the race is still anyone’s Cup to win.
In The Rough
Shakey Player and Paul Killeen are the only members who have no CC points so far and Killeen has not played. Drawing Shakey on your team is a bad sign.
Dr Who was last seen wandering aimlessly along the forest-side looking for his wayward golf ball. He seemed totally detached from his team who were regularly seen waiting patiently greenside for the wayward one to finally tag along.
Ace Brown almost became Double Ace Brown as his KP shot on 16 ended a mere 6” directly behind the cup.
Flintstone Walters may have earned a new nickname as Steady Freddie. His low net score was used on every hole but two during the round. On the other hand, his playing partner Dr Who’s score was used on only two holes.
It’s a good thing Harley Davidson and Dr Who were not paired on the same team. With The Doctor’s aimless wandering and Harley’s driving around on the wrong cart wondering where his clubs went, the two of them might still be wandering somewhere around Squamish wondering why they were there. Those boys need to stay away from drugs!
Speaking of drugs, we all wonder if The Spaceman has finally learned his lesson. After last week when he was warned about late arrival for his carpool, he showed up late again this week and watched the carpool pull away without him. No, I know, we shouldn’t even wonder. He’s hopeless.
Squamish Was Squishy
On a day that started out looking like it was better for ducks than duffers, some very fine golf was played by some unsung members. The front nine was played in a steady rain which made us was wet but thankfully not cold. During the back nine, the rain started to lift and by the time our beverages were quaffed at the end of the round, the sun was shining on everyone. The sun certainly seemed to come out sooner for The Pauser than it did for most of the rest of us. His outstanding net 66 lead the pack for the day. However, the surprisingly steady Razman quietly continues to put in one good round after another every week as long as he doesn’t play with The Commissioner who seems to have the knack of bringing others down to his level. The Raz and Digby DJ Junior were right behind The Pauser posting almost equally excellent net 67’s. As a matter of fact, DJ must be a true mudder as he shot a 33 on the front before his head came out of the clouds and he settled into a much more mundane 45 on the back. That boy must love the rain!
Three Little Pigs
This new event which called for the best two scores on every hole with three random holes discarded at the end of the round was won by none other than The Coveted Green Jacket holder, Tip Top Borland’s team. Unusually, the Boring One was not the most excellent golfer in his group on the day as New To Be Daddy Leigh even topped Tip Top. Harley Davidson and IM Lyon even threw in the occasional counting score to help the team get to the prize table. Runners-up were Madog’s Men, TB Sherk, The Pauser and Leigh The Elder. Finally, the other team to pick up points in the Chowder Cup Race was The Commissioner’s team with Ace Brown, Happy Feet Walters and Doctor Who, who were able to overcome The Commissioner’s sad leadership and guide the limping team into a third place finish.
KP’s
In the weekly competition of true golfing acumen or horseshoe luck the winners were
New To Be Daddy Leigh with a very fine shot on # 5 - he made the birdie putt; Al Low Net Maynard with a very fine shot on the difficult # 8 - he didn’t make the putt: and Larry Ace Brown who beat out Raz’s excellent shot on #16 which normally would have been a winner - Brown didn’t need to putt.
TRFTHCGJ
The Race really heated up this past weekend despite the wet conditions. However, the heat is really only at the top with Tip Top leading Maddog Madsen by a mere 0.2 stroke average at the halfway point. The boring, down the middle Borland’s net average is 71.0 while the Maddog’s is 71.2. But Maddog has one more match to his credit than the Boring One. Neither can afford a slip at this point. The race for third place is equally hot but who cares about these also-rans except for their mothers. Fred Happy Feet Walters leads the second wave with 73.2. Followed by To Be Daddy Digby at 73.5, The Pauser Maynard at 73.8, and the Commish at 74.4. I fear that even these scores are too far gone to be be in contention for the Green Jacket unless someone has several scores in a row like The Pauser had on the weekend or the Great Simian One had the week before. It will take a colossal collapse by the top two for either of them to not don the Highly Coveted Jacket at the yearend banquet. But as they say “it ain’t over til the fat lady sings.”
Chowder Cup
Leaders are starting to emerge from the pack as we have reached the halfway point on the tour. This new competition to uncover the most valuable teammate in the race to the prize table is beginning to see some separation but the race at the top is tight. Leading the way with 36 CC points is Maddog Madsen but he is closely followed by Mr Bean with 33 CC points and Harley Davidson with 32 CC points. This is the first time The Beanman has been shut out for the week. We are halfway but the race is still anyone’s Cup to win.
In The Rough
Shakey Player and Paul Killeen are the only members who have no CC points so far and Killeen has not played. Drawing Shakey on your team is a bad sign.
Dr Who was last seen wandering aimlessly along the forest-side looking for his wayward golf ball. He seemed totally detached from his team who were regularly seen waiting patiently greenside for the wayward one to finally tag along.
Ace Brown almost became Double Ace Brown as his KP shot on 16 ended a mere 6” directly behind the cup.
Flintstone Walters may have earned a new nickname as Steady Freddie. His low net score was used on every hole but two during the round. On the other hand, his playing partner Dr Who’s score was used on only two holes.
It’s a good thing Harley Davidson and Dr Who were not paired on the same team. With The Doctor’s aimless wandering and Harley’s driving around on the wrong cart wondering where his clubs went, the two of them might still be wandering somewhere around Squamish wondering why they were there. Those boys need to stay away from drugs!
Speaking of drugs, we all wonder if The Spaceman has finally learned his lesson. After last week when he was warned about late arrival for his carpool, he showed up late again this week and watched the carpool pull away without him. No, I know, we shouldn’t even wonder. He’s hopeless.
Northview Ridge
The weather was perfect for golfing and the course was in prime shape. In short, scores were there to be had but, unfortunately, too many of our golfers were had by the course. However, Knuckles Garries, who appeared as though he was fresh in from the rice paddies, must surely have had something special for breakfast because he had a day to remember on the links. The Primate from Deep Cove improved his net score from the previous event by an astonishing 26 strokes to post a very tidy net 64 - a full three strokes better than his nearest competitor on the day. Some might say that this kind of massive improvement is impossible to achieve, and surely this is Guiness Book of Records material, but The Hairy One showed us all that anything is possible. Tip Top Borland’s second place, pedestrian net 67, although his customary very fine round, paled in comparison to Knuckles herculean achievement. Garries rushed away from the post match debrief before he could be tested for dietary supplements but he did hang around long enough to pick up his prizes, and to gloat broadly.
Scrotum
The aptly named (by Paul Killeen) team game of the day, Scrotum, was also very much a runaway no doubt largely due to Garries’ single day prowess. But, everyone in that group enjoyed a very solid day on the links which became very obvious with their regular trips to the prize table leaving the cupboard bare for any of the rest of us. Lead by Knuckles net 64 and captained by the ever steady Maddog Madsen and his trusty side kicks, Dog Pound and the ever improving JR Leigh, this group’s net -7 was a full six strokes better than the second place team of Ace Brown, Harley Davidson, The Pauser Maynard and Slick Steve Stuart. Third place was a tie for the teams headed by Tip Top Borland and Commissioner Burns both posting net +1’s.
KP’s
In the contest that truly demonstrates golfing acumen or is just horseshoe luck, the path to the prize table continued to get worn thin by the same group of lucky winners from Maddog’s group. The Madman himself picked up two of the prizes on holes 5 and 16 while his playing partner JR Leigh picked up the other prize on hole #11. Now, golfing acumen or horseshoe luck?
TRFTHCGJ
The Race is turning out to be not much of a race whatsoever. Really, it is more of a stroll in the park for our two leading individuals Tip Top Borland and Madman Madsen. They were not winners in the daily net score prize but they were good enough to be second and third on the day with Tip Top’s net 67 besting Madman’s net 71. Both were well off the torrid pace set by Knuckles but the Simian One’s excellent net 64 on the day was a merely a positive blip which off-set his huge disappointment from the week before on what is, otherwise like the rest of us, an entirely pedestrian net scoring history. The current standings see Tip Top on top with a 71.0 net average and Madman closely behind at 71.25. The rest of us need to put in the rounds of our lives over several weeks to even think about being considered. The full list will be posted on the website.
A reminder here are the qualifications for winning the Highly Coveted Green Jacket:
• To win the Green Jacket you must play in the Calcutta
• You must have 9 scoring rounds for your Green Jacket calculation (one of which will be the aforementioned Calcutta)
• Your Green Jacket score will be the average of all of your rounds played – including the match play rounds for the Tripper Cup
• If you have played >5 but < 8 non-Calcutta rounds you will be tallied up to 9 games by using your worst non-Calcutta score (i.e. you can miss up to 3 non-Calcutta games but you will get your worst score counting for two missed games). What this means in a 10 game season is if you miss one game your calculation is unaffected. If you miss two games you get one worst score added to your calculation, if you miss three games then you get two worst scores added to your calculation and if you miss more than three games then you are DQ for Green Jacket purposes.
• In the unlikely event of a tie the player having played the most rounds will be awarded the win. If there is still a tie after that then the player with the best gross individual round will be the winner.
Chowder Cup
Mr Bean continues to lead the Chowder Cup Race as the most valuable team member. He has the distinction of being on a team that has collected points every week so far. Things look very good for you if Alex is on your team. He leads the way with 33 CC points so far. He is closely followed by the prize table hog, Madman Madsen, with 30 CC points. The rest of us need to pick better team mates!
In the Rough
Commissioner Burns has booked 4 tee times at Storey Creek on June 21, the Friday of the Tripper Cup. Times begin at 1pm and the rate is $200 for a foursome and $70 for an individual tee time not a foursome. So we need to get 4 full foursomes or three full foursomes to get the good rate. Please confirm your attendance with the Commissioner.
Thanks to Peter El Cid Sidonio, Mike Stonehands Mason and Slick Steve Stuart for filling in for the day. Slick seems to be more of a regular than some regulars!
Rumour has it that Shyster Leigh has been spotted and will attend the next event at Squamish but the rumour has yet to be confirmed.
Apparently, all the shitty golf swings that were expunged from Knuckle Garries’ body were found located inside Spaceman Alexander. The Spaceman’s nasty net 90 was his worst showing this year and his two 7’s on par threes when he held the scrotum ball effectively killed his team’s chances for the prize basket. I wonder what Garries had to pay the The Spaceman to take over his shittyness from the week before. Perhaps it is the Commissioner’s influence that brings out the worst.
Burns edged out The Cowardly Lyon by one stroke with a birdie on the final hole in their weekly individual match.
Apparently, Ace Brown’s sand wedge was a disappointment to him on hole #8. Brown forgot the fundamental principle of always throwing your club in the direction you are going after he helicoptered his wedge across the green. He then proceeded to the next hole leaving his wedge lost in the rough. I suppose he was trying to teach it a further lesson.
I am starting to become concerned for Flintstone Walters. For a man who so desperately attempts to avoid sanctions as a result of a history of sanctions in the past, why would Fred forget to post his scores in a timely manner and fail to respond to emails? Obviously there is a lot going on in Flintstone’s life. Sanctions are coming, Freddy!
Well done, Gentlemen! Larry has collected $1010 from us for a donation to the Cancer Foundation. Many thanks to Larry for co-ordinating all of this and to all of you for your generosity. We will be organizing a draw for the tax receipt.
Finally, huge congratulations to JR Leigh and his beautiful partner. JR is about to become a dad in 3 more weeks. Well done JR but there goes your golf game! Meanwhile, the rest of us only get screwed on the golf course.
Northview Canal
The golfing gods were only partially kind to us for this event. We started in the bright sunshine but the temperature was cold and the wind was howling. Wind was certainly a factor on the day as was lightning and a cold rain for 20 minutes at the end of the round. However, we all did survive but many a golf scores suffered and several bruised and battered egos appeared in the clubhouse at the end of the round.
Pink Ball
There was a much better showing of pink ball support with an increased number of members wearing some pink attire. The pink theme was headed by “His Pinkness” Bob Knuckles Garries who was outlandishly adorned almost entirely in pink. It must be said, Bob looked far more attractive in pink than when donning his usual Saturday attire. And that is a very sad statement. His attempts to be distracting to his golfing opponents, however, failed miserably as his garb proved to be much more distracting to himself or at least seemed to be a deterrent to any ball he attempted to putt towards the hole. Almost all of those attempted putts failed horribly and his arms were exhausted from his 42 putts in total. His appearance, though, did provide a point of reference for all the other golfers on the course who could instantly see where he was and thus could recalculate their own bearings. Scoring Nazi Vic, was most pleased to see that he was not the only player adorned in pink as has been the case many times in the past.
The last team of the day headed by Stretch Grundy and also manned by Mountain Drew Lyon, Mr Bean Volpatti and Bruno Harley Davidson managed to keep their pink ball in play until hole #16 and, thus, captured first prize in the team event for the day. Second place went to Tip Top Borland, David Overboard, The Pauser Maynard and Ron Dog Pound who managed to hang on to the little pink orb until hole #14. Third place was very hotly contended as two teams lost their ball on Hole #11. The team of Commissioner Burns, Knuckles Garries, Steve The Stud Stuart and The Razman Herd edged out Ace Brown, Hurry Cain, Junior and Flintstone who lost their ball on the tee shot on #11. Burns’ team lost theirs on the second shot on #11. If only Team 3 had known.
KP’s
In the one true game of golfing acumen, or perhaps, horseshoe luck, the KP contest, the big winners for the day were Kim Maddog Madsen on hole # 6, David Overcast Overgaard on hole # 14 and Bruce Harley Davidson on hole # 17 as he was the only player in the field to hit that green. All immediately took their prized bottle of wine home and gifted it to their wives for kindly allowing them to golf on a Saturday afternoon. Burns is still whining about hole #3, a very challenging, long par 3 where he finally managed to hit a green and there was no KP sign!
Now I ask you, golfing acumen or horseshoe luck?
Low Nets
On a day that was truly difficult to score as evidenced by the higher than normal net scores, three members stood above the rest of the mediocrity. Madman Madsen, who seems determined to return his name to the Highly Coveted Green Jacket, lead the pack with a net score of 72. He was very closely followed by the pair of Mountain Lyon and Flintstone Walters who posted very fine net 73’s. Excellent results on a very challenging day. Must have been challenging - Tip Top couldn’t get into the top three!
TRFTHCGJ
The Race is heating up for some and a distant fantasy for others but the cream is separating from the cottage cheese in TRFTHCGJ. Kim Maddog Madsen looks very determined to snatch the Highly Coveted Green Jacket away from the current donner of the teal prize. Based on the best two out of three scores, The Madman has a healthy 5 shot lead over his closest rival, the steady Freddy Walters. Flintstone in turn holds a narrow two shot margin over the surprising Raz Herd who is closely followed by the current recipient of the THCGJ, Tip Top Borland. But Borland is a full 8 shots in the dust of the Mighty Madman. The Race is still early but the talent is beginning to separate. No room for error from the masses behind Mr Madsen; however, Tip Top still has his throw away score in reserve so watch out, Madman!
In The Rough
The low net winner for the day was either very sensitive to the feelings of his teammates or very self serving when it came to the pink ball game. He either thought that he would take all pressure off his teammates by not having them worry about losing the pink ball or he thought “screw the pink ball and my team I’m going after individual glory” when he managed to deposit his very second shot of the day on hole #1 into the pond - out of the Pink Ball competition early. Whether he shared his low net prize with his teammates should tell us more about Maddog’s true motives.
In other pink ball news, Dog Pound, before the opening hole, announced to his teammates that he would be the one on his team to lose the pink ball. After which, he completed his self fulfilling prophecy but he did so on the 14th hole and the team managed to capture second place despite The Dog’s determination to lose his ball. I wonder what would have happened if The Pound had declared he would not lose the ball.
And Raz Herd and Knuckles Garries demonstrated the ultimate in taking one for the team when on the very first pink ball hole for the Razman, the long par three #3, he bunted the pink ball toward the hole finally managing to get on the green in 4 before 2 putting for his 6 - but the pink ball was safe. And His Pinkness, on the long par 5 #8, managed to circumnavigate the water one whack at a time before safely dropping his ball into the cup after a very long journey then handing the pink ball to the next in line. That pink ball lasted until #11 when the Razman could no longer shoulder the burden and waylaid his pink ball somewhere along his trek to the hole. Two tales of taking one for the team as that team captured third place. Now back to Maddog’s motivation.
And in never before experienced circumstances, The Spaceman arrived early for his round. Now that truly is news from the far beyond.
In the newly formed Chowder Cup Race for the individual most valuable as a teammate, Mr Bean has a commanding lead having been on the winning team in each of the first 3 events amassing 30 Chowder Cup points as well as numerous trips to the prize barrel. He is closely followed by Dr Overboard who has 22 CC points, then, you guessed it, Maddog Madsen has 20 points.
Many thanks to John Lewis on his maiden appearance filling in for Tommy Bahamas who apparently is in Portugal visiting his mistress. And to Steve Stuart who filled in once again for the mystery member Senior Leigh. Rumour has it that the elder Leigh will make a guest appearance in a month’s time. But this rumour is yet to be confirmed.
If you haven’t made ferry reservations for the Crowne Isle trip, I suggest you get on it right away. Garries and I are booked for the 6:30 ferry on Friday morning and the 5:45 return ferry on Sunday night.
Finally, the most important news of the day was provided by Beerhead Player. The long hinted BBQ location was confirmed to be at Shakey’s domicile this July so the pressure is off everyone else for another year. Shakey does put on a first class event and we are all very grateful for his and his harem’s generosity. Thank you, Shakey! Mark it in your calendar.
The golfing gods were only partially kind to us for this event. We started in the bright sunshine but the temperature was cold and the wind was howling. Wind was certainly a factor on the day as was lightning and a cold rain for 20 minutes at the end of the round. However, we all did survive but many a golf scores suffered and several bruised and battered egos appeared in the clubhouse at the end of the round.
Pink Ball
There was a much better showing of pink ball support with an increased number of members wearing some pink attire. The pink theme was headed by “His Pinkness” Bob Knuckles Garries who was outlandishly adorned almost entirely in pink. It must be said, Bob looked far more attractive in pink than when donning his usual Saturday attire. And that is a very sad statement. His attempts to be distracting to his golfing opponents, however, failed miserably as his garb proved to be much more distracting to himself or at least seemed to be a deterrent to any ball he attempted to putt towards the hole. Almost all of those attempted putts failed horribly and his arms were exhausted from his 42 putts in total. His appearance, though, did provide a point of reference for all the other golfers on the course who could instantly see where he was and thus could recalculate their own bearings. Scoring Nazi Vic, was most pleased to see that he was not the only player adorned in pink as has been the case many times in the past.
The last team of the day headed by Stretch Grundy and also manned by Mountain Drew Lyon, Mr Bean Volpatti and Bruno Harley Davidson managed to keep their pink ball in play until hole #16 and, thus, captured first prize in the team event for the day. Second place went to Tip Top Borland, David Overboard, The Pauser Maynard and Ron Dog Pound who managed to hang on to the little pink orb until hole #14. Third place was very hotly contended as two teams lost their ball on Hole #11. The team of Commissioner Burns, Knuckles Garries, Steve The Stud Stuart and The Razman Herd edged out Ace Brown, Hurry Cain, Junior and Flintstone who lost their ball on the tee shot on #11. Burns’ team lost theirs on the second shot on #11. If only Team 3 had known.
KP’s
In the one true game of golfing acumen, or perhaps, horseshoe luck, the KP contest, the big winners for the day were Kim Maddog Madsen on hole # 6, David Overcast Overgaard on hole # 14 and Bruce Harley Davidson on hole # 17 as he was the only player in the field to hit that green. All immediately took their prized bottle of wine home and gifted it to their wives for kindly allowing them to golf on a Saturday afternoon. Burns is still whining about hole #3, a very challenging, long par 3 where he finally managed to hit a green and there was no KP sign!
Now I ask you, golfing acumen or horseshoe luck?
Low Nets
On a day that was truly difficult to score as evidenced by the higher than normal net scores, three members stood above the rest of the mediocrity. Madman Madsen, who seems determined to return his name to the Highly Coveted Green Jacket, lead the pack with a net score of 72. He was very closely followed by the pair of Mountain Lyon and Flintstone Walters who posted very fine net 73’s. Excellent results on a very challenging day. Must have been challenging - Tip Top couldn’t get into the top three!
TRFTHCGJ
The Race is heating up for some and a distant fantasy for others but the cream is separating from the cottage cheese in TRFTHCGJ. Kim Maddog Madsen looks very determined to snatch the Highly Coveted Green Jacket away from the current donner of the teal prize. Based on the best two out of three scores, The Madman has a healthy 5 shot lead over his closest rival, the steady Freddy Walters. Flintstone in turn holds a narrow two shot margin over the surprising Raz Herd who is closely followed by the current recipient of the THCGJ, Tip Top Borland. But Borland is a full 8 shots in the dust of the Mighty Madman. The Race is still early but the talent is beginning to separate. No room for error from the masses behind Mr Madsen; however, Tip Top still has his throw away score in reserve so watch out, Madman!
In The Rough
The low net winner for the day was either very sensitive to the feelings of his teammates or very self serving when it came to the pink ball game. He either thought that he would take all pressure off his teammates by not having them worry about losing the pink ball or he thought “screw the pink ball and my team I’m going after individual glory” when he managed to deposit his very second shot of the day on hole #1 into the pond - out of the Pink Ball competition early. Whether he shared his low net prize with his teammates should tell us more about Maddog’s true motives.
In other pink ball news, Dog Pound, before the opening hole, announced to his teammates that he would be the one on his team to lose the pink ball. After which, he completed his self fulfilling prophecy but he did so on the 14th hole and the team managed to capture second place despite The Dog’s determination to lose his ball. I wonder what would have happened if The Pound had declared he would not lose the ball.
And Raz Herd and Knuckles Garries demonstrated the ultimate in taking one for the team when on the very first pink ball hole for the Razman, the long par three #3, he bunted the pink ball toward the hole finally managing to get on the green in 4 before 2 putting for his 6 - but the pink ball was safe. And His Pinkness, on the long par 5 #8, managed to circumnavigate the water one whack at a time before safely dropping his ball into the cup after a very long journey then handing the pink ball to the next in line. That pink ball lasted until #11 when the Razman could no longer shoulder the burden and waylaid his pink ball somewhere along his trek to the hole. Two tales of taking one for the team as that team captured third place. Now back to Maddog’s motivation.
And in never before experienced circumstances, The Spaceman arrived early for his round. Now that truly is news from the far beyond.
In the newly formed Chowder Cup Race for the individual most valuable as a teammate, Mr Bean has a commanding lead having been on the winning team in each of the first 3 events amassing 30 Chowder Cup points as well as numerous trips to the prize barrel. He is closely followed by Dr Overboard who has 22 CC points, then, you guessed it, Maddog Madsen has 20 points.
Many thanks to John Lewis on his maiden appearance filling in for Tommy Bahamas who apparently is in Portugal visiting his mistress. And to Steve Stuart who filled in once again for the mystery member Senior Leigh. Rumour has it that the elder Leigh will make a guest appearance in a month’s time. But this rumour is yet to be confirmed.
If you haven’t made ferry reservations for the Crowne Isle trip, I suggest you get on it right away. Garries and I are booked for the 6:30 ferry on Friday morning and the 5:45 return ferry on Sunday night.
Finally, the most important news of the day was provided by Beerhead Player. The long hinted BBQ location was confirmed to be at Shakey’s domicile this July so the pressure is off everyone else for another year. Shakey does put on a first class event and we are all very grateful for his and his harem’s generosity. Thank you, Shakey! Mark it in your calendar.
Kings Links
Those who didn’t show up for the second event on the PGA Tour were at a distinct advantage in The Race For The Highly Coveted Green Jacket. However, while those members of the Tour who did show up were prepared for the predicted heavy rain and strong winds, they were treated to a mostly dry day, albeit it with very strong winds. The rains did set in at the end of the round and the first group out escaped dry but the last group had to endure 3 holes of strong winds and heavy rain. Needless to say, the scores were much higher than normal at this venue. As a result, the first three teams were the ones who visited the prize table. Luck of the draw, so to speak; but the real luck of the draw went to the two Leighs, JR and SR, and Tip Top Borland who failed to show at the event. Could be a heavy consequence imposed on this trio.
Viennese Waltz with a Little Rock and Roll
Champions on the day were the stellar team of Maddog Madsen, Mr Bean Volpatti, Hurry Cain and Bass Overgaard - although the group behind them wonders how they could have won after watching them regularly searching for balls that were not anywhere near the fairway. Must have been the magic round from Hurry Cain and a massive improvement from Mr Bean that lead them to victory. Bass Overgaard was observed racing to the parking lot immediately after his round which is never a good sign. Their team score of -9 was significantly better than runners up Commissioner Burns, Harley Davidson, Dog Pound and Tommy Bahama Sherk at -7. Close behind them was the team of Stretch Grundy, Flintstone Walters, The Pauser Maynard and Spaceman Alexander at -6. Once again, these were the first three teams out on the course and the first three to minimize the impact of the rain.
The Green Jacket
For those members who have been in attendance for both the first two events TRFTHCGJ, has some very interesting results. However skewed the results may be since the no shows for day two escaped very challenging conditions as demonstrated by the unusually high scores for many on the day. After round two Madman Madsen has emerged as the early front runner which is not that unusual. His net 142 is three shots better than Raz Man Herd. The Raz’s name in association with the Green Jacket is a bit of a surprise, however. History has not seen the Raz be this consistent. The Man must be serious about the competition this year.
Another 3 shots behind the Raz’s 145 are the trio of Ace Brown, The Pauser Maynard and Freddie Flintstone Walters at 148. Flintstone’s score, however, will be audited as, once again, he has failed to post his scores in a timely fashion. Perhaps this failure to post scores is simply a sign of Flintstone’s generosity in wanting to buy beer for his fellow competitors. Stay tuned for developments.
The rest of the field in TRFTHCGJ have lagged well off the pace and will need to up their games for the remainder of the season to have any hope of having their names embroidered on that Coveted Green Jacket. Pray that it only rains and is windy on Madman and Tip Top
KP’s
In the one game of true golfing acumen or horseshoe luck, the KP contest, the daily winners were Mr Bean Volpatti on #6, Knuckles Garries on #13, and Flintstone Walters on #15. There was not supposed to be a KP on #6; it was supposed to be on #4 but no one even hit the green on #4 so that worked out well for Mr Bean. #13 was 85 yards downwind, over water to a pin on the right centre and Knuckles used his 7 iron to 6 feet and Flintstone hit a 5 iron directly into a howling gale on a 125 yard pin to 6 feet on #15. Now I ask you - golfing acumen or horseshoe luck?
Low Nets
Despite the conditions, there were a few members who displayed their grit, determination and serious focus. Hurry Cain was magnificent with a fabulous net 70 followed very closely by Raz Man Herd and Flintstone Walters with outstanding net 71’s. These excellent rounds not only led the threesome to the prize table but they were the reason the Commissioner is very hesitant to throw out the scores on the day due to the dire golfing conditions. If these fine gentlemen can survive and prosper, what does that say about the rest of us? However, there is another theory to the fine scores - perhaps the strong winds were a counterbalance to the swing flaws that these gentlemen possess?
Chowder Cup
This season’s newly minted competition, The Chowder Cup, which will be awarded to the member who consistently raises the playing level of his teammates in the team competitions has shown a couple of early leaders. Points are awarded to each member of the winning team and the runner up teams every week. Although the current standings are completely unofficial, the commissioner has Maddog Madsen and Mr Bean as co-leaders having been on the winning team in each of the first two events. These two gentlemen are followed closely by Bass Overgaard who was on the winning team this week and was a runner up last week.
In The Rough
Commissioner Burns could well be taken off the Captain’s list after a week of tragic scorekeeping. He had no idea what he was doing out there and The Scoring Nazi had to completely redo his scorecard but the redo moved Burns’ team into 2nd place on the day. At least the Commissioner’s numbers were semi legible.
Ace Brown’s team took the olive on the last hole. Going into hole #18 they were in contention to win with a -9. But coming out of that hole, they finished with a -5 which took them right out of the race - a monumental collapse! Commissioner Burns’ team, on the other hand, went from -5 to -7 on the last hole when Tommy Bahama parred the hole and with his two strokes netted 2 and Commissioner Burns birdied the hole to also net a 2.
Tommy Bahama is a pressure player. The Lost in the Seventies Man got two strokes on each of the last 3 holes so his captain put pressure on him to perform - winning or losing would be on him. And perform he did, parring both the 16th and the 18th holes. He net parred the 17th to have the team low score there. The man can perform when his gel gets washed away!
Welcome back to the tour, Shakey Player! Nice to see him back after a year’s sabbatical. And that non-athletic body still has some swing in it.
Many thanks to our spares who filled in for the day, especially when the weather forecast was so foreboding. Thank you, Peter El Cid Sidonio, Allan Mumbles Goulding and Fast Eddie Giovanelli. Once again, these gentlemen had the good grace to not visit the prize table. So chances for a return invitation are greatly enhanced.
Mumbles Goulding, in fact, did visit the prize table by default. He was awarded the Murray White Memorial prize for futility in golf with a net 89 off a 19 handicap. Not good for him even on a difficult day. Mumbles is making a move to the Sunshine Coast so this will probably be his only appearance of the year and we wish him and his lovely wife, Ada, all the best in their move. I’m sure if any of you visit the area this summer, you can pick up a game with Al - goodness knows, he can use the practice.
Practice - highly overrated! Tommy Bahama’s warmup routine consisted solely of his walking to his cart on the first tee. He proceeded to scorch a worm burner down the first fairway into the bunker where he took two more to get out.
The Commissioner and Mountain Lyon had a side bet on the match. After the round, the Commissioner had his money out to pay his debt after a tragic round. However, The Mountain out tragicked the Commissioner. It was that kind of day.
Riverway
The PGA could not have asked for better day to start off the 2019 season. Sunny skies and warm temperatures prevailed and even the odd case of relatively good golf ensued. Riverway was in terrific shape for this early in the season and there probably will not be faster greens all season long. With a central location, an easily walkable course and a very good layout, Riverway should remain as a permanent stop on the tour in the future.
The Race For The Highly Coveted Green Jacket
The 2019 Race is officially on and some of the usual names are at the top of the board but because we are so early in The Race, everyone is still in the hunt. Kim Maddog Madson really asserted himself on the day to let everyone know that Tip Top Borland will be in for a big challenge if he expects to repeat as a Green Jacket champion. Madson’s magnificent net 66 was clearly better than the rest of the field. Even Tip Top’s fine net 70 was a somewhat distant second. The next closest was Larry Ace Brown with a net 73 and then a bevy of otherwise mediocre scores. Mr Bean was so tragic he has used up his throw away score on the very first round.
Olympic
The game of the day was Olympic which was very appropriate given the speed of the greens on the day. Everyone had to concentrate on every putt. Madman Madsen’s hot putter was no doubt what lead him to such an excellent opening round. His 19 Olympic putting points lead all the other individuals and he was fortunate enough to draw another big putting point man in Alex Mr Bean Volpatti in the blind draw to not only win the low net prize but also the team putting prize, as well. Madman may have reached his prize limit in the very first round of the year. The other half of this prize draw was excellent on the green but not so excellent elsewhere. We knew the Beanman was in for a good putting round when he sank a 30 footer on the very first hole for 4 points right out of the gate. However, the rest of Alex’s game was a source of massive frustration from time to time. At one point in his round, it was all Mr Bean could do to refrain from having his club follow his ball directly into the water. But The Beanman, being the fine gentleman he is, just let the heat simmer inside and didn’t let his frustration affect those around him. A fine example for us all, Mr Bean! We finally got a smile out of him after a beer and a prize at the end of the day. Next time will be better but practice your short game!
Runners up in Olympic were the lucky duo of Bob Knuckles Garries and David Dr O Overgaard who both had a good day on the green and were lucky enough to be drawn together at the beer table.
KP’s
In the true test of true golfing acumen, or perhaps horseshoe luck, the Closest to the Pin prizes were distributed nicely among the groups with the rare occurrence on Hole # 11 where a member of each group got progressively closer to the pin as the the groups went through. The ultimate winner at #11 was Dave Spaceman Alexander’s excellent shot in the last group. The other winners were at hole # 8, super sub Steve Stuart, and at hole # 15, Digby JR Leigh. Well done, gentlemen!
The New as yet to be Named Competition for MVT (Most Valuable Teamie)
This newly minted competition for the person who throughout the course of the season adds the most value to his team by being a member of the winning group the most times will be awarded a season ending trophy. The Award has yet to be named, and the Commissioner is open to suggestion, but he is leaning toward The Chowder Cup. Points will be awarded each week to the members of the winning team on the basis of 10 each on the winning team, 6 each on the 2nd place team and 3 each on the 3rd place team. So setting the first week pace is Maddog Madsen and Mr Bean Volpatti with 10 points each and Knuckle Garries and Dro Overgaard with 6 point each. There was no 3rd place finisher in the first event.
In The Rough
Welcome back to two members who were on sabbatical last year, Ron Dog Pound and Doug Beerhead Player. These two return to action after sabbaticals were taken this year by members John Mackenzie and Peter Sidonio. Dog Pound returns after hip replacement replacement surgery and he looks as mediocre as ever. Player is still south practicing so he can attain the level of mediocrity before he returns to action.
Many thanks to Spares The Don Taylor and Steve Mr Smooth Stuart for filling in for absent members this week. We look forward to your company in the future. Both of these spares had the good grace not to visit the prize table although Mr Smooth had to leave before accepting a prize in order to qualify for this acknowledgement.
Sadly, Mike Stonehands Mason has had to take a last minute sabbatical from the group due to a bad hip. Apparently, he received the hip that Dog Pound had replaced last year and it doesn’t work for Stonehands either. We wish Mike all the best and a quick turn and fast recovery after the operating table. We will miss Mike out there!
Happily, we have a new full time member to replace Stonehands and we thank David Dro Overgaard for stepping in at the last moment. Dro has been a longtime spare with this group and now that full time retirement has set in, Dro can become a full time member of this highly esteemed group. Thank you, Dro and welcome!
JR continues to impress with his length off the tee. He can hit his 3 iron (what club is that, you say?) 250 yards off the tee but put a driver in his hands and golf becomes much more of an adventure. He reminds me of the young bull who wants to race up the hill and screw one of the cows where the old bull wants to slowly amble up the hill and screw all the cows. JR just needs to slow down a tad and we will all get screwed. His iron play on the day was magnificent.
After his magnificent display of putting, there was a call to ban Maddog Madsen’s brand new putter from any further competition. The commissioner thinks he should just donate the $400 cost of the new putter into the prize pot.
The Spaceman, Dave Alexander, continues to live up to his nickname by showing up to the event mere minutes before his actual tee time. He is incorrigible!
All us us want to let Vic know that we are all feeling for him as he is about to adjust his life after his wife Leslie suffered a severe stroke. Vic we are all behind you on the next stage of life’s journey. We are all hoping for a speedy and quick recovery for Leslie and we hope that our group can offer you a little escape during some very trying times.
The PGA could not have asked for better day to start off the 2019 season. Sunny skies and warm temperatures prevailed and even the odd case of relatively good golf ensued. Riverway was in terrific shape for this early in the season and there probably will not be faster greens all season long. With a central location, an easily walkable course and a very good layout, Riverway should remain as a permanent stop on the tour in the future.
The Race For The Highly Coveted Green Jacket
The 2019 Race is officially on and some of the usual names are at the top of the board but because we are so early in The Race, everyone is still in the hunt. Kim Maddog Madson really asserted himself on the day to let everyone know that Tip Top Borland will be in for a big challenge if he expects to repeat as a Green Jacket champion. Madson’s magnificent net 66 was clearly better than the rest of the field. Even Tip Top’s fine net 70 was a somewhat distant second. The next closest was Larry Ace Brown with a net 73 and then a bevy of otherwise mediocre scores. Mr Bean was so tragic he has used up his throw away score on the very first round.
Olympic
The game of the day was Olympic which was very appropriate given the speed of the greens on the day. Everyone had to concentrate on every putt. Madman Madsen’s hot putter was no doubt what lead him to such an excellent opening round. His 19 Olympic putting points lead all the other individuals and he was fortunate enough to draw another big putting point man in Alex Mr Bean Volpatti in the blind draw to not only win the low net prize but also the team putting prize, as well. Madman may have reached his prize limit in the very first round of the year. The other half of this prize draw was excellent on the green but not so excellent elsewhere. We knew the Beanman was in for a good putting round when he sank a 30 footer on the very first hole for 4 points right out of the gate. However, the rest of Alex’s game was a source of massive frustration from time to time. At one point in his round, it was all Mr Bean could do to refrain from having his club follow his ball directly into the water. But The Beanman, being the fine gentleman he is, just let the heat simmer inside and didn’t let his frustration affect those around him. A fine example for us all, Mr Bean! We finally got a smile out of him after a beer and a prize at the end of the day. Next time will be better but practice your short game!
Runners up in Olympic were the lucky duo of Bob Knuckles Garries and David Dr O Overgaard who both had a good day on the green and were lucky enough to be drawn together at the beer table.
KP’s
In the true test of true golfing acumen, or perhaps horseshoe luck, the Closest to the Pin prizes were distributed nicely among the groups with the rare occurrence on Hole # 11 where a member of each group got progressively closer to the pin as the the groups went through. The ultimate winner at #11 was Dave Spaceman Alexander’s excellent shot in the last group. The other winners were at hole # 8, super sub Steve Stuart, and at hole # 15, Digby JR Leigh. Well done, gentlemen!
The New as yet to be Named Competition for MVT (Most Valuable Teamie)
This newly minted competition for the person who throughout the course of the season adds the most value to his team by being a member of the winning group the most times will be awarded a season ending trophy. The Award has yet to be named, and the Commissioner is open to suggestion, but he is leaning toward The Chowder Cup. Points will be awarded each week to the members of the winning team on the basis of 10 each on the winning team, 6 each on the 2nd place team and 3 each on the 3rd place team. So setting the first week pace is Maddog Madsen and Mr Bean Volpatti with 10 points each and Knuckle Garries and Dro Overgaard with 6 point each. There was no 3rd place finisher in the first event.
In The Rough
Welcome back to two members who were on sabbatical last year, Ron Dog Pound and Doug Beerhead Player. These two return to action after sabbaticals were taken this year by members John Mackenzie and Peter Sidonio. Dog Pound returns after hip replacement replacement surgery and he looks as mediocre as ever. Player is still south practicing so he can attain the level of mediocrity before he returns to action.
Many thanks to Spares The Don Taylor and Steve Mr Smooth Stuart for filling in for absent members this week. We look forward to your company in the future. Both of these spares had the good grace not to visit the prize table although Mr Smooth had to leave before accepting a prize in order to qualify for this acknowledgement.
Sadly, Mike Stonehands Mason has had to take a last minute sabbatical from the group due to a bad hip. Apparently, he received the hip that Dog Pound had replaced last year and it doesn’t work for Stonehands either. We wish Mike all the best and a quick turn and fast recovery after the operating table. We will miss Mike out there!
Happily, we have a new full time member to replace Stonehands and we thank David Dro Overgaard for stepping in at the last moment. Dro has been a longtime spare with this group and now that full time retirement has set in, Dro can become a full time member of this highly esteemed group. Thank you, Dro and welcome!
JR continues to impress with his length off the tee. He can hit his 3 iron (what club is that, you say?) 250 yards off the tee but put a driver in his hands and golf becomes much more of an adventure. He reminds me of the young bull who wants to race up the hill and screw one of the cows where the old bull wants to slowly amble up the hill and screw all the cows. JR just needs to slow down a tad and we will all get screwed. His iron play on the day was magnificent.
After his magnificent display of putting, there was a call to ban Maddog Madsen’s brand new putter from any further competition. The commissioner thinks he should just donate the $400 cost of the new putter into the prize pot.
The Spaceman, Dave Alexander, continues to live up to his nickname by showing up to the event mere minutes before his actual tee time. He is incorrigible!
All us us want to let Vic know that we are all feeling for him as he is about to adjust his life after his wife Leslie suffered a severe stroke. Vic we are all behind you on the next stage of life’s journey. We are all hoping for a speedy and quick recovery for Leslie and we hope that our group can offer you a little escape during some very trying times.